For not wanting to work full time?

[Wazza89]

DH and I are both shockingly bad at money management.

We both work and receive UC. I work 2 hours a week cleaning and DH works full time. I get around £700 a month (UC and child benefit is paid into my bank account) and DH earns just over £1400. He pays rent (£595), BT, and TV license. I (somehow) pay water rates, food, council tax, gas & electricity - on top of personal bills.

Between the both of us, we are in so much debt! I inherited a car a few months ago and DH has a finance car on hire purchase (costs £118 a month) but he never wanted to put me on the insurance. He’s now able to return his car so I told him I would make him a registered keeper on my car and the main insurer as it would be cheaper for both of us. He agreed then changed his mind because he said he’s worked too hard for his car. He also has Adobe Photoshop on subscription, a PC on finance, and buys food at work every day. (I tried making him sandwiches but then he wanted to give up bread so I told him to sort himself out as I’m not buying gluten free bread for someone who isn’t a diagnosed celiac.) Our family had to step in and lend him cash for his MOT a few months ago. And he’s completely in his 2k overdraft.

Saying that, I’m not much better nowadays. I don’t have many friends with kids DS’s age so I take him to soft play sometimes twice a week. Obviously there’s an entry fee and I normally end up buying myself a coffee on top of that. Although I drive to my mum’s and to the supermarket, I get ridiculously anxious about driving new places (or places that are really busy) so I pay for public transport even though I have fuel in my car. I also give DH fuel money on weekends as he’s a crap passenger.

I tell myself I’m going to be more organised and bring snacks for DS when we go places, but I’m scatty and end up buying food out half the time. Our TV broke and instead of keeping a smaller screen until we were in a better financial situation, I replaced it. I also bought an air fryer with the last of my savings (which, in hindsight, I didn’t need). I dye my hair regularly and if I see an item of clothing I like, I buy it then regret it later as my wardrobe desperately needs sorting.

DH thinks I should work more hours on evenings and weekends (neither of us can afford childcare), but the thought really stresses me out (and I know that sounds pathetic). The last time I worked weekends (16 hours a week), I wasn’t significantly better off as all my debt repayments increased and I was STILL doing everything around the house. A messy house really stresses me out as I have OCD (and potentially ADHD which is why I find organisation difficult). I don’t want to work full time until DS is in reception. Also, DS is displaying ASD traits and is socially a bit delayed. I want to give him my full attention.

AIBU for not wanting to return to work?

...and I say that as a renter who is currently paying someone else's mortgage!

I couldn't imagine what I'd do if I had 6 hours a day child free!

I can't speak for dressed, but I am married to a man who earns enough that I can be a SAHM.

I read books (multiple chapters at a time), go for a bike ride at the park, I ice-skate, go the gym, do DIY, clean the house, do the gardening, there is a fuck-tonne of stuff in the house I'm currently trying to sort and get rid, I look after the dog, do yoga, swim, play games on the Xbox, bake, cook, do the shopping, laundry, admin, I study things just for the sake of it (I enjoy videos and texts about sociology, philosophy, and psychology the most, although I recently enjoyed learning about audiology!), or binge-watch TV shows, watch a film, I started learning French.

There is just so much to do to fill 6 hours in a day that I struggle to believe that people honestly wouldn't know what to do without work. There is so much you could do.

I'm not saying people can (because finances), but the idea that if you were financially able to not work, you wouldn't know what to do baffles me. There is so much I enjoy and I want to do that isn't work.

I'm sorry, I can't get passed the fact that you work 2 hours a week and get £700 per month. I should have had children and claimed benefits!

I think I will ring my manager tomorrow and say I don't feel emotionally able to work my shift.......will let you know how it goes.

@Marmarind

I couldn't imagine what I'd do if I had 6 hours a day child free!

I can't speak for dressed, but I am married to a man who earns enough that I can be a SAHM.

I read books (multiple chapters at a time), go for a bike ride at the park, I ice-skate, go the gym, do DIY, clean the house, do the gardening, there is a fuck-tonne of stuff in the house I'm currently trying to sort and get rid, I look after the dog, do yoga, swim, play games on the Xbox, bake, cook, do the shopping, laundry, admin, I study things just for the sake of it (I enjoy videos and texts about sociology, philosophy, and psychology the most, although I recently enjoyed learning about audiology!), or binge-watch TV shows, watch a film, I started learning French.

There is just so much to do to fill 6 hours in a day that I struggle to believe that people honestly wouldn't know what to do without work. There is so much you could do.

I'm not saying people can (because finances), but the idea that if you were financially able to not work, you wouldn't know what to do baffles me. There is so much I enjoy and I want to do that isn't work.

But the poster who said that initially was describing herself as “struggling” to get everything done which didn’t imply anything remotely like what you’ve described.

I struggle to see how I would fill 6 hours a day with cleaning and house admin. Or how anyone could, to be honest. Obviously I could fill 6 hours a day with hobbies, relaxing, exercise, studying and fun stuff.

Me and dh work back to back and have done for years it can be done.

@AuntyBumBum

If you are stressed by work, then I wouldn't do it. Life is too short.

Basically you're managing ok, everyone has some debt, you're not living some crazy extravagant life, and sounds like you're trying to change things where possible

Good grief. Do you think that the rest of us are just doing jobs and gibing ourselves stress for fun? What is the alternative? I’m genuinely baffled by this.

@Grenlei

I thought this post was a joke at first.

Why on earth are the OP and her equally slack partner being funded to do the bare minimum? (£1400 must be minimum wage or close to it, and the OP working 2 hours a week, I've done more hours than that by 10am every day!) I understand that UC was meant to raise living standards but instead you've got this outcome - 2 adults coasting along, with enough disposable cash they can run 2 cars and afford plenty of luxuries yet still complain they're broke. And can't be bothered to get off their backsides and actually do anything about it, I guess because the extra money makes life a bit too easy.

I'd be embarrassed to have posted if I was the OP.

Earning minimum wage doesn't make someone slack I work 40hrs a week for about the same amount (sometimes less or more depending on my bonus), my basic pay is about 18.5 a year and I work bloody hard!

Yes, you carry on working 2 hours a week whikst the rest of us work to fund it.

Ffs.

Possibly the op doesn't want to increase her working hours because her universal credit will be cut. It's the over reliance on benefits that's adding to the problem. The op doesn't understand that it's better for her to contribute to national insurance and pension. She seems to this that uc should make up her income shortfall and not additional hours and salary.

This is a prevelant attitude amongst some people in society that the world owes them a living. It doesn't and it shouldn't, it's there to help you if you need it but not give you money because you can't be arsed earning it. I'm saying this as a child of an immigrant whose parents worked their arses off working 3 jobs.

Your posts indicate that your DH is unsupportive and possibly financially abusive in that he won't contribute fairly towards joint costs like childcare and won't do his fair share of domestic work.

There's also the issue that you're both spending a lot of money on food and drink out of the house, which can add up significantly and contribute to being in debt.

You both need to radically change your ways as well as you working more hours as otherwise you will just struggle with money for evermore.

His overdraft is very concerning as the interest rate is usually massive, 40% so a £2000 overdraft could be costing £800 in interest a year. That's a huge amount of money down the drain.

Earning minimum wage doesn't make someone slack. I work 40hrs a week for about the same amount (sometimes less or more depending on my bonus), my basic pay is about 18.5 a year and I work bloody hard!

It's similar to my DH's pay who is on slightly above minimum wage but works very hard in a manual job all hours of the night. He is certainly not coasting along and we can't all up-skill.

It's the OP and her partners reliance on the top up from benefits which is frustrating. I know childcare is very expensive but with the OPs qualifications and free nursery hours I don't think this is the issue.

My DH and I met young and always knew we would probably never be on a high salary but we have always worked as many hours as we can to make up for that and even managed to get a mortgage on a cheap flat at 22.

We aren't stingy but try to only buy what we need and only buy stuff when things need replacing. We do have a very nice car now but had old cars for years and worked our way up to better cars.

I had always thought that things at home would fall apart if I tried to work while having young children as I have dyspraxia but have surprised myself in being able to work 32 hours and still have a day off with DD.

Something we did which saved us a lot of money is get an annual pass to our local soft play place. We go at least once a week so definitely worth it.

@YukoandHiro

Agree with *@PattyPan* - we have no debt and try really hard to keep it that way

So you rent and own your mobiles out right?

What’s so surprising about owning mobiles outright? I have an iPhone 6 on a sim that costs a tenner a month. It is perfectly fine - no one needs the latest phone.

[quote Norgie]@Autienotnaughty By her own admission, she works two hours per week, claims benefits and gets 15 hours per week childcare. She could be working for those 15 hours per week instead of using that time to spend money on shit, then moaning about it.
No sitting on high horses here.
Other mother's manage to work 20 plus and full time hours weekly while raising a family.[/quote]
And that's fantastic but the system is in place so parents receive some support if low earners to 'top' their wage up. If child is under five parents can work less hours because there's a belief that being at home with your child can be a positive thing plus it's expensive for child care and unrealistic for a lot of low earners. Base on the benefit system in place (and it's one of the worst in western countries) she is entitled to benefits therefore she claims them. She feels it's important to be home for her child. She does need to manage better but if she can afford to live and it's what's best for her, her child and her family then why shouldn't she.

For all you working martyrs NEWSFLASH if your on a low income you can apply for UC to 'top' your earnings up. This makes your low wage a more liveable one. If you have children under five you can work part time and STILL be entitled to UC as it is recognised the importance of caregivers being able to raise their own children plus as most people on low earnings know it's extremely hard to pay for childcare on a low wage. So if you are happy to live on 2k or less a month and can manage your bills/lifestyle then go do it and stop moaning at someone who is. If you don't want to do that stop judging someone who is.

@Ovenaffray of course

So if you are happy to live on 2k or less a month and can manage your bills/lifestyle then go do it and stop moaning at someone who is. If you don't want to do that stop judging someone who is.

OP can't though. She can't manage her bills or lifestyle and admits this.

No one is moaning about her claiming benefits. More a case of her moaning about her lack of money while on benefits while refusing to consider the working options.
If you refuse to help yourself then how can you expect others to help.
Do you really think that most mum's would rather work than be a sahp? Of course they'd rather be with their kids, but life dictates otherwise.
A lot of people do claim benefit top ups on their wages and there's absolutely no shame in that if they're trying their best on what they have rather than moaning about how they can't afford to live after spending their income on shit.

@autienotnaughty the op
Is working 2 hours a week. A week and has loads of threads complaining about money debt.

@autienotnaughty

For all you working martyrs NEWSFLASH if your on a low income you can apply for UC to 'top' your earnings up. This makes your low wage a more liveable one. If you have children under five you can work part time and STILL be entitled to UC as it is recognised the importance of caregivers being able to raise their own children plus as most people on low earnings know it's extremely hard to pay for childcare on a low wage. So if you are happy to live on 2k or less a month and can manage your bills/lifestyle then go do it and stop moaning at someone who is. If you don't want to do that stop judging someone who is.

NEWSFLASH this whole thread is about OP being unable to afford to work only 2 hours a week.

You and your husband are both unreasonable for not living within your means! Working just 2 hours a week and saying you can’t get yourself organised is shocking, I think you’re just lazy. There is no reason why you can’t keep on top of the house and sort out lunches and snacks to reduce your outgoings. There are plenty of groups you can join so you don’t have to isolate yourself at a soft play centre (and buy needless coffees and lunches) but again you come across like you can’t be bothered to seek an alternative.

@autienotnaughty

For all you working martyrs NEWSFLASH if your on a low income you can apply for UC to 'top' your earnings up. This makes your low wage a more liveable one. If you have children under five you can work part time and STILL be entitled to UC as it is recognised the importance of caregivers being able to raise their own children plus as most people on low earnings know it's extremely hard to pay for childcare on a low wage. So if you are happy to live on 2k or less a month and can manage your bills/lifestyle then go do it and stop moaning at someone who is. If you don't want to do that stop judging someone who is.

But OP can't manage her bills and lifestyle. She said it herself. I earn less than OP's partner and get less benefits (I'm a single parent) and I have no debts.

@autienotnaughty plenty of ppl own their phones outright!! I own everything outright...no debt whatsoever. Granted I know most ppl don't own their homes outright but it's not impossible to own a car and phones outright!!!

at owning a phone outright being a strange concept.

I think it's weird to pay £1k+ for something that does the same thing as something a fifth of the price and then replace it while it still works and it's only a couple of years old.