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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Never get house to myself and throughly fed up, anyone else

162 replies

velvet24 · 19/01/2022 10:09

Since the pandemic now work at home for the foreseeable future , I like it most of the time but my husband is also here too and its driving me crazy, the kids come and go with work and college but he is here all the time, and I just want to scream I WANT THE HOUSE TO MYSELF!!! Sometimes he goes out and I am so happy to enjoy my home with just me in it, but that rarely happens. He had to go out today and I thought great , pop some music on and clean but nopehe's back already after half an hour.

Our marriage is good but this constant being here together 24 7 is starting to grate on me, anyone else.....?????

OP posts:
Rainallnight · 19/01/2022 10:09

Oh God yes

HairyFanjoBanjo · 19/01/2022 10:12

If you have a garden and can afford to build a separate home office / outbuilding type thing, I highly, highly recommend it.

BackInBlackAgain · 19/01/2022 10:13

yes, i sometimes feel i cant breathe, he does go out in the evening but then i am with DD so i still dont get the house to myself.

Shannaratiger · 19/01/2022 10:14

Yes, DH has been off sick since 2018. Just occasionally I would like quiet time, last night he went to bed early so I had 1 hour to turn the TV off and read my book in peace, was heaven!

IsThisNameTaken · 19/01/2022 10:17

Absolutely! I had the house to myself yesterday afternoon for a whole hour and half ... was bliss, just me and the cats!

Now this morning DH is WFH, water company are digging up the pavement out the front and neighbour has his power tools out in the back garden - even the cats have abandoned me Smile

Original poster
velvet24 · 19/01/2022 10:17

Thank god its not just me i am going MAD

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 19/01/2022 10:19

Do you have anywhere in the house that is your 'own space' ?

Thewolvesarerunningagain · 19/01/2022 10:20

No, not just you. It’s making me rethink retirement plans :-)

SleepingStandingUp · 19/01/2022 10:21

Perhaps your DH agrees with you and wishes you'd go out more.

TimmyNook · 19/01/2022 10:22

Why don't you just tell him what you need? Maybe DH and I are weird. We both 'get' the need for being alone and needing space from each other. So we make sure we give it to each other. Even if it's just a couple of hours one afternoon a week.

DressingPafe · 19/01/2022 10:23

There is nothing that made me more glad to be single than lockdown! I need time to myself and lots of it. Any relationship I might have been in wouldn’t have survived, so I can imagine how you feel. On threads like this people will often suggest the OP gets a job out of the home, but that doesn’t solve the issue of wanting the actual house to yourself! Can you get him to take up a hobby that would involve being out each week?

CatherinedeBourgh · 19/01/2022 10:24

@TimmyNook

Why don't you just tell him what you need? Maybe DH and I are weird. We both 'get' the need for being alone and needing space from each other. So we make sure we give it to each other. Even if it's just a couple of hours one afternoon a week.
Same here. Every so often dh and the dc are invited to go for a long walk without me. Very healthy.
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/01/2022 10:25

Yes me too re being single dressingpafe

I think this is why women traditionally hated it when their husbands retired!

Flaunch · 19/01/2022 10:26

The last couple of years of being together all the time has really damaged my marriage. But was really struggling with not getting any time to myself so took up a hobby which got me out of the house but DH moans about that because I’m not here as I think he likes the whole living in each other’s pockets thing. I don’t. I can’t win.

There is nothing better than being in the house on your own.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/01/2022 10:26

I think a man is a very big presence in a house, and affects the way a woman feels more so that the other way around.

kavalkada · 19/01/2022 10:30

Well, if your husband feels the same, talk with him. You go away for a few hours so he can have house all for himself, and he goes so you can have a house for you.

Just talk.

Im2022 · 19/01/2022 10:34

Yeah. Me too. I’m WFH now and DH was home Monday and Tuesday. I was so looking forward to today being on my own and working quietly, but ds has had a temperature since yesterday evening, so he’s home now, and I had to take him for a PCR test too.
It’s shit.

senoritachiquita · 19/01/2022 10:38

I am so with you. I love him but I need my space. I used to have 1 day off per week which was my day at home by myself. I spoke to him about how it makes me feel and he now works upstairs that day so that I can have a bit more sense of space... but it's still not the same. It is a real strain and I say that as someone who feels their marriage is good and strong. I go out a fair bit myself (working in cafes etc) but it is my dream to just have the house to myself for a week or so!!

Flingingmelon · 19/01/2022 10:39

Can you send him out to buy something urgent but obscure.

Like a very specific sized part that your important item needs to function. That can be bought somewhere a forty minute drive away.

That you need before Amazon can deliver.

JustUseTheDoorSanta · 19/01/2022 10:40

I'd just been telling DH to go away, he's in my downstairs space and I need him to at least go upstairs to give me a bit of peace. I struggle to focus on work when he's dotting about underfoot.

Original poster
velvet24 · 19/01/2022 10:40

He cant really go out for a few hours as his work is now all at home, so I'm lucky if he gets to go to the shops for half an hour.
Feel quite down about it tbh.

OP posts:
onedayoranother · 19/01/2022 10:41

I used to go to the kitchen Sunday mornings with the excuse I was listening to The Archers omnibus - my husband had long working hours outside the home but I didn't marry till I was 40 and was used to my own space - and he came with two teenage boys who lived with us so I needed to escape the testosterone regularly. Then I had a boy...
I found I had a four hour limit with my kids before I needed to escape for a cup of tea and quiet for an hour.

KohlaParasaurus · 19/01/2022 10:43

My DH didn't get it at all when I was out working, he was a SAHP, and between school runs he had the house to himself but I never had any home-alone time, I was coming home to a houseful of people and even if I had a weekday off work he was sitting in the house. He just couldn't see why it might be a problem, and if I suggested he should go out when we were at home, he'd say, "If you want. Where shall we go?"

It's better now that the children have grown up, DH has a job, and we sometimes work different shifts. I love him to bits, but I'd hate to be without those few hours a week of total solitude.

I'm cultivating his outdoor hobbies in preparation for retirement.

Purplewithred · 19/01/2022 10:43

Dh had this problem with me - he goes out to work but I now wfh and it drove him nuts, especially as we share an office.

Dd moved out and we've been able to move my office to her room. It has transformed my work rate too.

Lolly49 · 19/01/2022 10:44

Thank god it not just me.
DH working at top floor of the house not too bad,DS 21 working in his room yesterday nearly drove me mad constant whistling and moving around.
It’s been constant for 2 years I just want my house back at least Dd bought her own in March last year otherwise I think I would had a total meltdown.