Never get house to myself and throughly fed up, anyone else

[velvet24]

Since the pandemic now work at home for the foreseeable future , I like it most of the time but my husband is also here too and its driving me crazy, the kids come and go with work and college but he is here all the time, and I just want to scream I WANT THE HOUSE TO MYSELF!!! Sometimes he goes out and I am so happy to enjoy my home with just me in it, but that rarely happens. He had to go out today and I thought great , pop some music on and clean but nopehe's back already after half an hour.

Our marriage is good but this constant being here together 24 7 is starting to grate on me, anyone else.....?????

We went through this when moved from the SE to the SW 15 years ago. Both Dh and I had very busy life but when we first moved it took time to get into different hobbies. It got so bad I used to go out for long walks to get away from him - he even wanted to food shopping with me.

We now manage to have time together and also time apart as he has an office upstairs and I have the living room. I do love him but do need time apart.

@campion I can only think you haven't been living with the same person for decades and had at least a couple of offspring inhabiting your headspace and physical space at the same time.

DH and I have been living together for 9 years and have a 1yo DC if it makes any difference. If he always insisted on doing something together when he was home then that would drive me mad! But we mostly relax alone in the evening, or at least around 4 evenings a week. If he's doing his own thing on his pc and I'm doing my own thing on mine, why would he being home bother me?

But we are all different! OP's view is obviously a common one, for all I don't personally relate to it, and that's fine

I could have written this post myself. Nearly two years of DH being home on loud calls all day and no office open for the foreseeable. I was used to being at home alone working quietly in my office at least three days a week while the kids were at school and now I get zero time at home to myself, he's constantly underfoot and popping in for a chat (and I often end up making lunch for both of us rather than just grazing from the fridge) and it is driving me nuts. I can go out to work meetings once or twice a week when not in lockdown, but that's not the same. He, on the other hand, LOVES being at home, no commute, and me being around. He does take the children out at the weekends sometimes for a couple of hours but I'm inevitably doing domestic stuff in that time. It's been a real test of our marriage. I used to look forward to him coming home and catching up on our days; I just don't think it's healthy to be together all the time.

I find this very difficult, and it’s interesting that there seems to have been a shift in thought on here. At one point, threads like this quickly became very hostile, with posters insisting that ‘it’s HIS house too’ and that the exasperated OP should be the one to leave the home.

The schools closed in March 2020 and I did not have to go in at all due to being pregnant. I therefore had DH home all the time. It wasn’t too bad at first but I did start to find it very difficult once DS was born, in December 2020. I was really conscious of him crying, felt as if I was being lazy if I sat down with him and tried to watch some daytime TV (and that proved pretty difficult anyway because DH was constantly coming in and wanting to know what I was watching.) He also went through a stage of asking what I was doing every day and while looking back I don’t think any harm was meant, it started to really get on my nerves because I felt like it was being strongly hinted that I should get out and leave him with the house to himself. In fact, as much as lockdown allowed DS and I did go out a lot, but it started to feel oppressive, as if the more we went out the more we were expected to go out.

In short, it really did start to put a strain on our relationship. I also think it (has) made my DH very lazy. He rarely leaves the house now which I do worry about.

However, I’ve become a lot firmer with boundaries and I did tell him once that I felt I was being pushed out of my own home and he was horrified he’d made me feel like that. Since then, things are better.

But it is still difficult. Right now, I am isolating (had a positive LFT on sunday) and DH is working in the dining room. I cleaned the kitchen this morning but can’t have the radio on while I do so. Over Christmas, I couldn’t make mince pies whilst listening to Christmas songs. Parcels being delivered is another annoyance.

We are actually moving this year to a house with a separate annexe but I don’t know whether dh will stay in it or not. I hope so, because DS is at an age where he understands Daddy is here and wants to get to him, but not old enough to understand Daddy is working.

YANBU. I bloody love the house to myself!!

Oh god I get it!!

Dh has barely been into the office for the last 2 years - 10 days maybe? I was a SAHM, and then started part time consultancy work so have done low level WFH for 10 years since the DCs were older. I have one at uni now. I have always done all the 'kid' stuff so DH often has time on his own if I'm taking them places etc. I also have friends and hobbies. DH rarely leaves the house - occasional supermarket trip, or to visit his mum - that's it. No friends, no hobbies, never out in the evening.

Agreed.

DH doesn’t mind how much I’m about and has no need for ‘alone’ time in the house but I’ve gone from home working alone before the pandemic, to the other extent of us both being here then on top of that periods of the kids here too - holidays, home schooling and separate stints of 10 days of Covid more than once.

As someone else said his presence is just bigger. He makes noise whereas I am such a quiet person. Constant brewing tea, teaspoons clanging on the side, dishwasher door slamming, doors slamming, whistling, asking for stuff and querying stuff. And his clonky boots. And listening to music on his phone which then phases in and out of my head as he moves round. Sometimes I just need quiet in my head, or to tidy something up and it stays that way for a while.

And above all else I feel like there is NO conversation left when we do get a meal out or whatever as we’re together 24/7 so there is no novelty of talking about each other’s ‘stuff’.

I had COVID just before Christmas and it was absolute bliss. I tested positive on Sunday night so had 5 days at home by myself whilst the kids were at nursery. They are normally at home on a Wednesday and Friday and I paid for them to have extra days at nursery as I was enjoying myself so much. I had 5 days where I watched TV, read my books, slept and had an absolute blast. I sadly missed a Christmas day out on the Saturday but the fact that I had another 6 hours by myself made up for it. Honestly, I couldnt recommend COVID to mums fast enough if you need time at home alone (you will also need a DH who does 50% care/cleaning)

Reading this thread it seems a lot depends on the DH/DP’s behaviour

Those of us whose DH just keeps to their office or gets on with their own thing quietly have no issues

Those of us whose DH likes to potter around the house, pop in for a chat, play music, pester with questions have more of a need to be alone

Not surprising really!!

Today we had a delivery from a local place and I sent it back as dh was meant to be collecting, its awful but it gave me a reason to ask him to pop out to get it, meaning I had another 45 mins alone in the house, not long enough but nice all the same.

My dh also rarely leaves the house and doesn't go out on his own or with anyone, I'm slowly losing it

I like being able to clean alone without someone urgently needing to use the toilet I've just put the anti limescale stuff down or walk on the floor I've just washed. If it's just me I can plan appropriately.

We're currently all isolating with Covid and it's driving me insane not getting any space!

I also need to put anti clog stuff down the upstairs basin and it's impossible with DH and the kids around because they always need the loo at the same time and he takes forever! Frustrated children needing exercise - they tested positive first - and frustrated me used to solo walks and runs - not a good combination!

Oh god, this. I used to have a room to record music in, be crafty and work. Dh is home and uses that room as an office now. If he works elsewhere to give me that space, I have to tiptoe round my home when I want to blast music and sing into the mop as I clean. I'm so sick of it, I love him dearly but I would like him to go back to the fucking office.

There's nothing nicer than house to yourself , music on and a good clean, I used to love those days when I did that.....

Try being a nanny op.

Does he ever get any time in the house to himself?

Not really but I dont think he is bothered.

I have the house to myself; DH and DS have gone to PIL for the day. I feel horribly guilty because DFIL asked so sweetly if I was sure I didn't want to come, and DMIL messaged that she is sorry not to see me. Aaaaargh. They're so lovely, just not as lovely as the quiet...

Is it wrong to feel so disappointed - DH was supposed to be going into the office tomorrow and staying overnight due to a very early meeting on Wednesday and crap Southern trains. Now one of the main participants has gone down with covid so it's all going to be online and DH is WFH again. Would have been my first day alone since early November. He's hardly been in the office at all for the last two years.

It only bothers me because there’s a noticeable difference between what my husband expects- hours of uninterrupted alone time to play on his computer- and his expectation that I will cheerfully pause whatever I’m doing every time he wants something. He also spends a lot more time and effort encouraging me to go out than he does thinking of reasons to go out himself.

In response I have a new attitude towards seeing his family. I don’t do it, because when he goes to visit them I get some precious house-to-myself time. And I don’t invite them round here either. He hasn’t joined the dots yet, I suspect it will be a while.

I have covid and dh is currently out ferrying the dcs to their activities (I'm the last one to have it still so sure they're not infectious) - it's bliss!

My DH has worked from home since well before the pandemic. I WOH 30 hours a week in a job where I am talking and listening constantly, so although DH is lovely I do crave solitude on occasion. I'm off work tomorrow, DH is out all day for a face to face client meeting (first one in over a year) and the DC will be at school and nursery so I will have the house to myself for 6 whole hours!

I would be excited I am convinced that one of the DC will come down with covid symptoms or the school will close or DH's meeting will be cancelled at the last minute...something is sure to come along and ruin this for me, it's the parenting law of sod!!

@velvet24

Today we had a delivery from a local place and I sent it back as dh was meant to be collecting, its awful but it gave me a reason to ask him to pop out to get it, meaning I had another 45 mins alone in the house, not long enough but nice all the same.

My dh also rarely leaves the house and doesn't go out on his own or with anyone, I'm slowly losing it

You refused a parcel today so that your DH with mobility issues has to go out and get it?! I don’t actually think that’s very nice.

I would be really fed up if my partner was trying to get me to leave the house (especially to take the kids with me, as some posters have suggested) so they could have alone time.

Yep, this is me. Never home on my own, haven't been since covid started. Husband is going to Cheltenham races in March, I will have a whole day on my own 😁

Fuck yes, totally with you. I have a two year old and DH works from home. I crave a whole day and night in the house by myself!

Totally feel your pain. Can you encourage him to find a hobby? Or to take up walking?! Invent a challenge!

They really do not ‘get’ that we need alone time. We have the majority to do with the kids and a little peace and quiet is not a lot to ask but seems so hard to find. My husband has retired young yet we have two small kids so I’m living like a retired person with young kids 😂