Never get house to myself and throughly fed up, anyone else

[velvet24]

Since the pandemic now work at home for the foreseeable future , I like it most of the time but my husband is also here too and its driving me crazy, the kids come and go with work and college but he is here all the time, and I just want to scream I WANT THE HOUSE TO MYSELF!!! Sometimes he goes out and I am so happy to enjoy my home with just me in it, but that rarely happens. He had to go out today and I thought great , pop some music on and clean but nopehe's back already after half an hour.

Our marriage is good but this constant being here together 24 7 is starting to grate on me, anyone else.....?????

I'm still working in the office, DH is at home. I often drive 3/4 of the way home (it takes that long to warm the car up) then I just park up and sit there for half an hour. Sometimes I read MN or the news, sometimes I watch the rooks in the trees by the river, and sometimes I just sit there in silence in the dark.
It's bliss.

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to be on your own in the comfort of your house.

DH and I have hobbies which does get us out from under each others feet, but even so I still get frustrated.

Last night he should have been out but couldn't be bothered to go as he was tired. Fine, no issue there. But I finished a LONG day at work and just wanted to veg out but he kept talking AT me all evening, then insisted we watched a movie, which he talked through. Hes really sweet, and kept asking me if I wanted something to eat or drink, or he wanted to snuggle up with me.

But I just wanted silence, space and my book. I'd spent all day on the phone with angry people (job hazard), in meetings, and dealing with school issues with my son. I didnt want company, as nice as DH is. I wanted solitude.

I could have gone upstairs but then DH is concerned that there is something wrong with me, or sad that I dont want to spend an impromptu evening with him.

Yes, me. I love my DP very much, but it is starting to get old now. The end of last year was great (between summer and Christmas) because both of us were back in work for bits of time. Now we are both full time at home and it feels very March 2020. Usually he goes to football a couple of times a week but that has been cancelled until now - last night was the first match of the year and it was so nice to have the house to myself!

We are very lucky to have a reasonable amount of space, and a garden, I know.

I'm with you. DH has retired and I still work but he's always at home when I'm there. Would love to just enjoy my home on my own.

5 years ago the idea of being home all day with a Partner would have been a HARD NO. I could have thought of nothing worse, I've always like my own space.

Now both DP and I work from home fulltime and have done for a couple of years. So far I've not got to your point, although in our old house were there was only one office, I very much did more often.

Things that help:

We both have offices, and we use them. DP is often in his, door closed on calls for 70% of the working day, so we only see each other in passing until we're both finished for the day.

I'm an introverted home bod, DP is not, but has a hobby that often takes him out of the house at weekends for a day or sometimes both.

When he's not away doing his hobby we still have our own things we enjoy doing, or projects to work on which mean we aren't sitting on top of each other all day. Weekends at home are often much like a week day in that we don't settle down together properly until the evening.

Do you give him time in the house alone? What is it you're doing then that he can't do?

Do you have room for a shed or something you can send him to? A lot of men like their own space where they can do man stuff like drink and watch football or play videogames. Alternatively you could make your own space in one.

This is why I will never live with my DP!

Even after a holiday together I tell him to go straight home.

I love my space.

I often see threads like this and I just don't get it. There's nothing I can't do with my husband at home that I could do without him, so why would I want him gone? He doesn't really get in the way.

What is it you want the house to yourself for?

I imagine it's mutual. Why don't you have a chat about it and strike a deal where you each take the kids out for the day leaving the other behind. We do this occasionally and it's great. 😊 They have a fab day out together (doesn't have to be expensive, trip to the park / grandparents or whatever suits would do) you get a day to yourself. Then swap. Highly recommend.

My dream holiday is one where everyone else just goes without me. Everyone home all the time is driving me mad, thank goodness I work outside the home.

No I get it. Even through all of the lock-downs my DH still had to work, he's a farmer so I still had my space. I like to listen to my audio book and float around cleaning up. Every so often he will be here for near enough a full day and I'm not 100% sure what to do with myself.

Also with my first "real" boyfriend we lived together. When he wanted to go out alone with friends, I was always like off you go and would sit down to watch what ever I wanted for the whole evening it was great.

@CoalCraft

I often see threads like this and I just don't get it. There's nothing I can't do with my husband at home that I could do without him, so why would I want him gone? He doesn't really get in the way.

What is it you want the house to yourself for?

It's just not about what you can do or not. It's just that feeling you have when you know no one will interrupt your thoughts or need your attention, however briefly. Surely you have enjoyed solitary time and know what that feels like?

Can't you ask him to please go out? Small kids here so kind of impossible but pre kids I was known to suggest to DH that perhaps he should go see a movie! . Now, occasionally, one or the other of us will make an effort to take the kids out for a few hours on the weekend to give the other one some space.

Totally get it. My husband was here, there and everywhere with work before Covid. Away for the night sometimes which gave me the odd evening in my own which I loved. Now he is permanently at home and won’t be going anywhere til July apparently as his new office isn’t big enough anymore 😆
And he built an office in the garden during lockdown last year so doesn’t even technically work in the house anymore, except he needs constant tea and toilet breaks… and wants to know what I’m doing all the time… and is just always around 😆

DH is out of the house thankfully, he only had 3 weeks at home at the very beginning of the first lockdown. I've wfh for nearly 2 years.

I'm lucky enough to have a separate little office on the ground floor, and I spend my mornings working away, maybe the radio on, or just peace and quiet. Then around lunchtime DD will emerge (she works shifts) .... music will be blaring, she'll be crashing about in the kitchen cooking something, shouting stuff out to me randomly. I love her dearly but it's too full on. At least it's only her, her sister has gone back to uni.

@TopCatsTopHat

I imagine it's mutual. Why don't you have a chat about it and strike a deal where you each take the kids out for the day leaving the other behind. We do this occasionally and it's great. 😊 They have a fab day out together (doesn't have to be expensive, trip to the park / grandparents or whatever suits would do) you get a day to yourself. Then swap. Highly recommend.

no can do as dh has mobility issues so cant walk v far at all. Nice idea tho.

I’m the opposite! For years DH has worked long hours in the office and it’s lovely having him working from home. We still don’t see much of each other as we are working in our respective offices but even having 20 minutes for lunch together or bringing each other a cup of tea is a big improvement.

Definitely prefer it when the DC go to school though

I would hate that too OP. I love time on my own. We often watch TV in separate rooms, he plays on his games in his office and also eat separately sometimes. Are any of those things an option for you?

@Frannibananni

My dream holiday is one where everyone else just goes without me. Everyone home all the time is driving me mad, thank goodness I work outside the home.

Omg i dream of this, even a weekend alone in the house would be bliss....

It's just not about what you can do or not. It's just that feeling you have when you know no one will interrupt your thoughts or need your attention, however briefly. Surely you have enjoyed solitary time and know what that feels like?

I suppose. I mean it's not like I mind being on my own in the house. But I guess my husband just doesn't interrupt me that often when we're both relaxing. In the evenings once DC's in bed, we both either play games separately, or I'll watch telly in the living room while he paints in the dining room or whatever. The closest we get to interrupting each other is "do you want a tea?". Obviously this is assuming it's just a quiet night in and we don't have any plans.

When DC is awake then we'd both rather be all together in one room so her high energy is diluted between us! (She's 1)

Sorry, that was @TopCatsTopHat !

@BaronessBomburst

I'm still working in the office, DH is at home. I often drive 3/4 of the way home (it takes that long to warm the car up) then I just park up and sit there for half an hour. Sometimes I read MN or the news, sometimes I watch the rooks in the trees by the river, and sometimes I just sit there in silence in the dark. It's bliss.

@BaronessBomburst you are not the only one! DH and I walk the dog down a country lane and have noticed lots of cars parked up reading paper/having a coffee/listening to radio since covid hit. It’s all men though - no women so far.

I so agree with everything you say, it's really hard being together 24x7. I also don't want to have to go somewhere to be able to spend time apart, I want to spend time alone in my own house! My DH took my car to the garage today and said he'd stay out for a bit while the car was being fixed. Less than 30min later he is back home as it was too cold to do anything outside . It's really driving me nuts and I feel like this anger is just building up inside of me every day, but I don't know how to resolve this. My company has closed our offices and we are fully WFH now, so no chance of me leaving the house either.
I don't have any advise, just wanted to say you are not alone!

DP just came through and said his work are going back in from 1 February! He’s been doing two days at home, three in, and vice versa alternate weeks until Christmas, so looks like back to that. I am provisionally back to two days in from 10 February too.,

@CoalCraft I can only think you haven't been living with the same person for decades and had at least a couple of offspring inhabiting your headspace and physical space at the same time.

Much as you may love them, would die for them and generally enjoy their company, there are times when they need to be not in the house when you are.

I hear you 100% OP. The idea of them all going off for a week and leaving me here alone is my idea of heaven just now. I was even interrupted whilst typing this!!