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Original poster

He was right- I feel like I'm drowning under it all

173 replies

OilyHomer · 19/01/2022 08:08

I fled a DV relationship nearly three years ago. He and his family told me I wouldn't last the week. I've lasted longer than a week, but I now feel like I'm drowning. My DCs are in therapy for trauma, because of what they went through and saw. I'm on edge all the time because everything is a trigger either for me or for one of the DC

I feel sorry for my DC, and guilty. I've dragged them from a life they knew, to a life in which they're young carers, too skint to get them the furniture they need, and everything is chaotic

I'm sorry. I just needed to get it out

OP posts:
Motnight · 19/01/2022 17:48

Op you are stronger than you think.

And your art rocks!

DoubleYouOhEmAyEn · 19/01/2022 17:56

OP you are doing brilliantly. Keep going, you've done the hardest part by leaving the awful situation you were in. You're right, they weren't real friends if their advice was to stop annoying him. The future is bright. You've done the very best thing for your DC , they will understand that when they're older. In the meantime just keep reassuring yourself that they are so much better off out of that shit.

RandomMess · 19/01/2022 17:57

Well done!

See you have done a lot today. Most importantly shifted your mind set.

Original poster
OilyHomer · 19/01/2022 18:02

@RandomMess

Well done!

See you have done a lot today. Most importantly shifted your mind set.

I feel EXHAUSTED! But I also feel accomplished!

If I happen to wake up on a Bad Pain Day tomorrow, my plan b is to finish my lists. I can do that while lying down, so tomorrow will be productive no matter what!

OP posts:
Original poster
OilyHomer · 19/01/2022 18:03

Thank you guys for lifting my mood today. Would anyone mind if I kept posting, for more buttkicking?

OP posts:
Unescorted · 19/01/2022 18:04

Don't do yourself down - some really renown artists are visually impaired. They use the difference in "seeing" things to their advantage & it creates their style. Georgia O'Keeffe, Renoir, Bacon.

A real cost saver is getting a pencil extender for when they are down to stubs.

Good luck - you deserve it.

crazyjinglist · 19/01/2022 18:06

Nothing helpful to add, but good god you are a very, very brave woman! Flowers Sorry for all you've gone through and massively well done for getting away.

RandomMess · 19/01/2022 18:10

You could even have 2 lists on the go

Physically more challenging days

Low energy days (checking out cheapest place to shop for the week, insurance quotes, sourcing xyz that sort of thing)

Original poster
OilyHomer · 19/01/2022 18:15

@RandomMess

You could even have 2 lists on the go

Physically more challenging days

Low energy days (checking out cheapest place to shop for the week, insurance quotes, sourcing xyz that sort of thing)

This is sort of what I meant, but you put it so much more eloquently than me. The only time I make sense when I open my mouth, is if it's in the key of D Minor 🤣
OP posts:
Original poster
OilyHomer · 19/01/2022 18:18

So, OMA (On My Ass) days:

Meal plan
Make a list of exactly what I need in my store cupboard, so I can get rid of random, out of date packets 🙄

Shop around for furniture!

OP posts:
pointythings · 19/01/2022 18:31

So you've left an abusive relationship, saved your kids and achieved sobriety?

I am in awe of you.

Original poster
OilyHomer · 19/01/2022 18:33

@pointythings

So you've left an abusive relationship, saved your kids and achieved sobriety?

I am in awe of you.

I was an absolute cunt when I was drunk. I functioned- barely, but I wasted a LOT of time. I'd been into booze/drugs since I was 12, so I was weird to suddenly be sober and un-numb!
OP posts:
Original poster
OilyHomer · 19/01/2022 18:34

@Unescorted

Don't do yourself down - some really renown artists are visually impaired. They use the difference in "seeing" things to their advantage & it creates their style. Georgia O'Keeffe, Renoir, Bacon.

A real cost saver is getting a pencil extender for when they are down to stubs.

Good luck - you deserve it.

Ha- very this!

I end up with paint on my nose a lot! 🤣

OP posts:
Throckmorton · 19/01/2022 18:38

That art is flipping ace!! Get thee onto Etsy!!

Original poster
OilyHomer · 19/01/2022 18:42

@Throckmorton

That art is flipping ace!! Get thee onto Etsy!!
I've taken a few commissions- mainly for my drawings- but I found it took the pleasure out of it for me, iyswim? Art, music and crochet are my "downtime"
OP posts:
Lillylikely · 19/01/2022 18:43

@OilyHomer

I think I may have just found a charity which provides furniture! Feel like I've been given a massive kick up the butt now! I'll call then as soon as DS2 has left for school

Fuck this shit. Today is the day I start to get shit done

That's brilliant. I was just about to suggest a reuse centre might be able to help. One near me specifically helps people in your situation. You've been so strong so far, I'm really proud of you! Keep putting one foot in front of another, you'll get there eventually. Try for small goals every week, sometimes looking at everything at once is too overwhelming x
Original poster
OilyHomer · 19/01/2022 18:51

I'm absolutely made up! Drawers for the kids, a bed for me that doesn't collapse every day, and, after checking out their Facebook page, a sideboard for my art shit!

There's a corner, alcove thingy in my lounge that thr kids call "mommy's corner', because it has my keyboard in it, and random paintings on the wall. It'll fit perfectly there!

DT was one of those people who'd start building furniture, then jack it in. There was so much half built furniture, and so much clutter, in our old house. I feel better in myself when everything is tidy and in its place (well, most of the time- I found a sharpie in the freezer the other day! Who the fuck even does that?)

OP posts:
Original poster
OilyHomer · 19/01/2022 18:53

BTW, there's another furniture outlet called Heartlands, which isn't the one I've used. It's up north someplace I think. The one I've used is in the SW. I've also got a few more places I can PM to people if anyone is in the SW and needs help. I've been a little busy!

OP posts:
Original poster
OilyHomer · 19/01/2022 18:54

I feel that every tiny step is a big "fuck you", to DT, to my birth family-to everyone who ever told me I'd never amount to anything.

OP posts:
crazyjinglist · 19/01/2022 18:55

You're awesome, OP. Oh and I just saw that you're a crocheter. We'd love to have you on the Knit, Crochet and Natter threads (if you've got time between all your excellent life-improving efforts!).

Original poster
OilyHomer · 19/01/2022 18:58

@crazyjinglist

You're awesome, OP. Oh and I just saw that you're a crocheter. We'd love to have you on the Knit, Crochet and Natter threads (if you've got time between all your excellent life-improving efforts!).
I was on there SO often in my "old life". I used to bang on about what a treasure DT was then, too 🙄
OP posts:
Whatonearth07957 · 19/01/2022 19:00

It's worth talking to the school and starting a dialogue so they know the situation and don't allow DC to be picked up by anyone not authorised by you. Consider talking to SS and police to get lines drawn in the sand.

SmellyOldOwls · 19/01/2022 19:02

The Buttle Trust can help with furniture!

toppkatz · 19/01/2022 19:03

Flowers Flowers Flowers

You really deserve these, what you've achieved is awesome.

Throckmorton · 19/01/2022 19:03

You are fab OP! And I totally get what you mean about art being downtime

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