To have just drained the joint savings account?

[JointAccountBye]

Had an argument with DH this evening about money.

We have separate accounts and a joint savings account. I don't feel he contributes enough to the household, he thinks he does.

The joint savings account only I ever pay into. Literally I think he's paid about £30 into it our entire marriage.

However whenever I say we need to pay for X can you send me X for it he'll say "you've got money in the savings account" rather than just contribute himself.

It pisses me off because I guess I see the money in the savings account as mine considering I'm the only one who pays into it so using it just feels like me basically paying for everything still.

So tonight I've drained it. I've put it all in a savings account in my name only and when he says use the savings I'm going to tell him there's none left.

He'll be pissed I'm sure as we were saving up for some stuff but I'm sick of it.

People do what works for them, there isn’t a right or wrong answer. I’ve also been married for over 20 years and having some joint accounts, while keeping our separate accounts too, works for us.

Are you sure he doesn’t have his own savings account that he doesn’t tell you about?

Why not start a new joint account, and you can transfer the same amount into it as his direct debits add up to.

If he wants to continue paying the rent costing direct debits from his account that doesn't really matter.

Pay all the family bills as usual from the joint account - food etc. when the money runs out it's for both of you 50/50 to top it up.

Keep savings that you put aside in your own name. These are not family savings they are YOUR savings.

Where he his salary going ? Does he just keep it or is he spending it all on stuff he wants ?

@BraveGoldie

I'm confused.

You both earn the same roughly. And you said that when you add up all the costs, you only pay "slightly more". How much is slightly? And does this include your contributions to the savings and all the kid extras? Or before you count these?

Is it the actual amount you pay that bothers you? Or is it that it's more stressful/ less predictable because it's loads of little things rather than direct debits?

Obviously if you both earn the same each of you should be paying an equal amount. I'm not clear how far off that you are?

I thought the same. It sounds more like it's the lack of certainty and stress for OP rather than the sum as only slightly more sure means if you deduct savings you're now equal or paying less?

In any case, the better way would be to both contribute half of all bills and what you expect to need for food/child expenses into a joint account and keep any excess for your own spends. That way the joint account is used for all family expenses but you have autonomy over your own personal expenses. If any month there is an unexpected cost for the family, you each should pay half of it. If either if you doesnt have it then you owe the partner it next pay

He has debts / other things he does with his money you don't know about. Not necessarily bad things, but I guarantee it courtesy of me being in his position right now. My partner doesn’t trust me with money, and quite rightly. Consequently, she doesn’t trust me in other areas of life, also quite rightly. Leave.

@LifeInAHamsterWheel

I know it would be an absolute pain in the arse to do, but I think you really need to track your expenditure for a month or two and have a very clear record of where your money is going. Then, you can present him with actual figures, cold hard facts. There's no point having a discussion with him now, he'd take advantage of the fact that it's all a bit ambiguous. Give him nowhere to hide. Shame him with the numbers. And then leave him. In my opinion there's nothing as unattractive as stinginess.

This....

My guess he'll be unwilling to do it like hes been unwilling to address it...

My guess either buildong up substantial nest egg or secret hobby that is draining his money extravagantly.

(yes im thinking you Julian (former colleague, with your 6k bike you told hour lovely DW was 500£... 🙄)

The Daily Mirror has picked this story up, online.

What a ridiculous way to run family finances - that’s the fundamental problem here, not who is paying for what on the margin.

@2catsandhappy

The Daily Mirror has picked this story up, online.

That’s job done for the OP then. - CONGRATULATIONS 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

You definitely do not want to have a joint account that will allow an overdraft facility. I would be keeping a separate account.

Well it's not a joint savings account if only one outs in. He pays some bills you pay others great!
Joint savings for unexpected Bill's great.
Only one puts into savings account CF!

Can you see a financial adviser together and decide on a way forward including thinking about longer term savings, investments and pensions for both of you?

ZOMBIE THREAD from last January.
Hopefully OP has LTB by now.