Page 14 | To have just drained the joint savings account?

Cameleongirl · 19/01/2022 21:27

@D0lphine DH and I keep some money separate, because we like to invest it in different ways - DH is a far bigger risk taker than me so I'd be freaked out by some of his investment decisions, tbh. It's better I don't know!

I0NA · 19/01/2022 21:48

@JenniferAlisonPhilippaSue

I think you ought to repurpose the existing joint account. Add up all your family outgoings eg. £1k per month. Both pay £600 into joint account by standing order. Everything for the household and your child then comes out of that account. Bills, groceries, childcare etc.

This.

He'll be pissed I'm sure as we were saving up for some stuff but I'm sick of it

What you mean is YOU were saving up for some stuff . And you still are , the money hasn’t vanished. Once you both agree what you are going to buy , you can take your half out of your savings account and he can find his half from wherever.

champagnetruffleshuffle · 19/01/2022 22:17

"..the mortgage is £450 so not some staggering amount he then pays a phone contract and the internet.

I pay for everything else. Council tax, gas and electric, water, house insurance, pet insurance, boiler insurance, car finance, all of the shopping, everything for our son bar half the nursery fees, absolutely anything else we need money for in the month comes from me."

Wait, what?! This is ridiculous. Your food bill alone is likely close to that mortgage amount, without everything else. You are probably spending at least twice what he is. While he rinses his money on what he feels like!

Wondering if the running of the house - cooking, cleaning, washing - is skewed against you too...?

Mollymoostoo · 19/01/2022 22:52

@JointAccountBye

If anything comes up in the month it's me. Because like I say he just pays his direct debits and that's him done. Whereas I have to make sure we have money for whatever the month brings. He doesn't think about it.

Mine is the same and yet e ery month he says he pays an amount of money into the house like we owe him something. I pay for everything for our DD but he gives me a set amount that hasn't changed in over 4 years despite him having several pay rises. He earns 3 times what I do. Guess whose name the savings are in

Bambooshampoo · 19/01/2022 23:25

Bloody good for you!!

Bushgirl · 20/01/2022 01:13

I find these posts amusing. Why, if you're happily married do you need his and hers accounts? My DH and I pool all our money into a joint account. We have savings but they are for kids and so that we have money when we retire. If either of us want to buy something for ourselves we just buy it. If it's a major item like a car or house maintenance we discuss it . It takes trust and a willingness to share. As long as you have that it works. Why do you need to have yours and his? (unless you're thinking of splitting up and you want to stash some away first.)

TheGrinchsDog · 20/01/2022 04:12

@Bushgirl

I find these posts amusing. Why, if you're happily married do you need his and hers accounts? My DH and I pool all our money into a joint account. We have savings but they are for kids and so that we have money when we retire. If either of us want to buy something for ourselves we just buy it. If it's a major item like a car or house maintenance we discuss it . It takes trust and a willingness to share. As long as you have that it works. Why do you need to have yours and his? (unless you're thinking of splitting up and you want to stash some away first.)

I find posts like yours unamusing.

You've not RTFT have you? OP wants to share her husband doesn't and is actively preventing it while spending all his cash and letting her carry all the bills except the mortgage - which is a calculated manoeuvre on his part that will hurt OP if when they split up.

TheEverOptimist · 20/01/2022 06:47

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Rumplestrumpet · 20/01/2022 08:04

You do realise your way isn't the only way to live, right? It's fine for couples to arrange their finances in anyway as long as it's fair. DH and I prefer to have a joint account and our own accounts. It's particularly important where the two people don't agree on exactly how to spend their money. It doesn't all have to be pooled - but it does have to be equitable. The OP's situation is not.

Rumplestrumpet · 20/01/2022 08:05

Previous post was a reply to @Bushgirl

thirdfiddle · 20/01/2022 08:05

Bushgirl, happily married and wanting some privacy and independence are not mutually exclusive. Sometimes I want to make big spends that I don't have to consult DH about. Whether that's an extravagant gift for DH or something for my hobby. Or even small spends, I don't want to be worrying whether I spend more than my fair share on clothes/going out.

Chocomelon · 20/01/2022 08:12

He sounds a bit like my DH

I earn more but instead of working out a fair way to split things, we split the mortgage and household bills equally but then I pay for all food, all home improvements, all household purchases (from sofa to cushions to kitchen stuff) and everything our children need.

I pay into a savings account. DH has never paid into it. He has commented that I decide now "our" savings are used. I only really use them to pay for things for the house (if I need to) so not sure how he can complain.

RubyKitty · 20/01/2022 08:15

If you won’t have a joint account then assuming you know how much his 3 direct debits total you pay the bills up to that amount at the start of the month. Then you tell him that everything from that point onwards to the end if the month has to be split 50/50. Help him get a new pin (simply a quick phone call/online) then he can have access to his money.

BillMasen · 20/01/2022 08:26

This thread is full of people making up their own numbers then claiming the partner is abusive, hiding money or just generally taking the piss. Op has given no figures and has only said they pay “slightly” more.

Let me make up some figures (based on what the op has actually said!)

Partner pays mortgage and some bills. Say 550
Op pays bills, food, joint savings. Slightly more, say 600

Our of her 600 say 1000 is joint savings. She said this was included!

The savings are part of her share! Ok both should pay the same but she can’t just decide they are hers

Made up numbers I know but lots are ignoring what the op is actually saying and making things up so they can assume the partner is wrong

Whattochoosenow · 20/01/2022 08:26

I think you need to completely change what you do.
You should have a joint account that you both pay a set amount into to cover bills only plus whatever you’ve agreed to save (everything else remains in your own accounts for personal spending) . All direct debits come off this and each month a standing order transfers to a joint savings account.
If he won’t agree to this or something similar I’d be questioning why.

BillMasen · 20/01/2022 08:29

*I meant 100 could be joint savings. Bloody phone!

InaccurateDream · 20/01/2022 08:32

You must be spending minimum twice as much as him if the mortgage is that low. Food is expensive. I’d work out what you both spend and spell it out to him. He should care if he’s a decent person. Or just do as you have but you will still be spending more I’m sure.

We didn’t have joint account when we first got married as had old student debts and accounts. We split bills in a similar way to you and my DH is laidback and thought it was all fine. Once I spelled out how unequal it was he was horrified. We now have a joint account, wages go in there, everything comes out of there, and we both take out the exact same money to our own accounts to spend on personal/random things. He can save or spend it and it doesn’t affect me.

frazzledasarock · 20/01/2022 08:36

You need to sit down work out all your household outgoings and then tell your H that he needs to transfer x% of his salary to the joint account each month, you both transfer all DD's to the joint account.

It really doesn't take long to change DD's. Most of our bills are managed online ,you go in and change the bank details on your DD instructions, I did it with the TV license and water bills.

If he refuses, I'd seriously revaluate your marriage.

In the meantime, stop paying for anything for him. pay out exactly the amount he does in his DD's on bills and then stop and point blank refuse, you have no money.

He sounds awful

frazzledasarock · 20/01/2022 08:41

@BillMasen

This thread is full of people making up their own numbers then claiming the partner is abusive, hiding money or just generally taking the piss. Op has given no figures and has only said they pay “slightly” more.

Let me make up some figures (based on what the op has actually said!)

Partner pays mortgage and some bills. Say 550
Op pays bills, food, joint savings. Slightly more, say 600

Our of her 600 say 1000 is joint savings. She said this was included!

The savings are part of her share! Ok both should pay the same but she can’t just decide they are hers

Made up numbers I know but lots are ignoring what the op is actually saying and making things up so they can assume the partner is wrong

So why is the H refusing to contribute half towards the £50 OP is over paying then? and expecting OP to absorb it? Over a year OP is then paying £600 more than her H etc. Why is she having to shoulder the extra £50 when they both earn the same?

The savings are definitely hers bar £30, so clearly they should go on her and not on the joint thing they both want to buy.

SparkleTwinkle101 · 20/01/2022 09:25

I find these posts really weird. When we got married DH and I literally decided that any money earned was 'ours' rather than his or mine and we tuck along nicely. We both still have separate accounts as well as a joint account but we just pay as and when it's not scheduled. My parents did the same

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 20/01/2022 09:51

And that helps the OP how exactly?
She'd love to do that but HE WON'T!!!

BookishKitten · 20/01/2022 09:56

I find more women complaining of this in my circle of relations.
Riding food costs, energy bills, and fuel have meant that arrangements that in the past may have been fair because the amounts involved in paying for different things were equal are no longer equal !
My better half and I split every bill down the middle. At the start of the month we each pay into a dedicated account where direct debits like mortgage, nursery, energy and internet/subscriptions come out of. Then any additional bills we each pay we note down in a magnetic board on the fridge (typically food shopping, clothes for our child and any added extras) and then over the weekend we to the sums for each, divide down the middle and whoever has spent less has to pay the difference to the other person. So if I’ve spent £60 and my husband has paid £40, then he will pay me £20.
We do not include there things like personal items, eg I would buy a perfume for me and ask my husband to pay for it! But I will note down presents for family members or family treats like meals out.
The one thing we do not share bills on is my travel costs which are significantly more than my husband’s because our salary difference is precisely that amount.
Any leftover money stays in each person’s account. My husband has a current account but I have a savings account. It works for us and doing the household accounting once a week means that no one is out of pocket and we can keep an eye on costs and outgoing bills.
This has worked for us and there’s no grudges.

You have a shit deal and I think you need to have a sit down with your husband. Keep it factual and objective, point out the monetary difference and the fact that you’re outgoings are significantly higher - do not bring emotions into the discussion.

BillMasen · 20/01/2022 10:03

“ The savings are definitely hers bar £30, so clearly they should go on her and not on the joint thing they both want to buy.”

The savings are joint, they’re paid for out of her (broadly) fair contribution to joint expenses. Would you say the house is his as he pays the mortgage, or the food is hers because she pays for it?

It’s all joint!

thirdfiddle · 20/01/2022 10:03

I don't believe the "slightly more". I think if OP adds up the groceries and incidentals as well as all the rest of the DDs she will find it's more like a "lot more". Food, nappies, Council tax, car costs, energy bills, water bills, insurance - so many regular things even without all the gifts and one-offs going on OP's account.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 20/01/2022 10:25

YANBU. And your OH needs a serious kick up the arse. He's not even adulting if he doesn't know his PINs. You have two children, not one.