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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If money wasn’t an issue, would you rather work or be a stay at home parent?

213 replies

twerkinGherkin · 18/01/2022 15:48

Just curious. I’m not sure if stay at home parent life is all it’s cracked up to be. My children aren’t in school yet but even when they are, I think I might prefer to work? But putting them in wrap around care is giving me guilt as it’s not necessary. Wondering if I’m crazy to consider working when I don’t need to

OP posts:
MangoBiscuit · 18/01/2022 21:29

Neither, techinically...

Ex douchebag has them Thursday and Friday, so I would work those days, but on my own projects, all day. If I got traction, I would employ someone else part time, and go fom there. So not too different from doing FTW M-F, and childcare / essentials M,T,W, and my projects Th-F. It would just be a bit faster!

DockOTheBay · 18/01/2022 21:30

I love being a SAHM to my two (4 and 1 year olds). I do some voluntary work and am self employed half a day a week so I am keeping myself busy :) far easier than my previous job as a teacher!

Glowtastic · 18/01/2022 21:33

Previously definitely sahp as hated my job despite being senior and relatively well paid. I had a month off being a sahp and the next job and it was bliss! There's a massive difference between being a stay at home with pre schoolers than when they're in school. When they're in school it's a piece of piss, you get ample time to yourself to do all those little "errands". Quite happy to do tea, activity runs and housework every night when I've had 6 hours to do household jobs and admin all day. It's when you have up fit it in around working life becomes hideously busy. I wouldn't be bored being sahp, there's plenty to fill my time.

HintofVintagePink · 18/01/2022 21:49

SAHP. Time to engage more with the children, invest more time in friendships and support charities more actively than I can now.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 18/01/2022 21:54

Work. Looking after a 10 year old with ADHD is exhausting, and DH thinks I'm doing nothing.

venusmay · 18/01/2022 21:57

Work. Training to be a teacher so I'd like to fulfil my ambition.

AutumnColours9 · 18/01/2022 21:59

PT work. 2 or 3 days

LubaLuca · 18/01/2022 22:06

My instinct says 'stop at home', but I don't have to work yet I do. I guess I'm greedy for more money than we need. I don't really like work and loved the 10 or so years I spent at home when the kids were young, but I felt obliged to work and contribute financially. I know I was a better mum when I didn't work. I need to have a good think about this 😕

slaybellsringing · 18/01/2022 22:08

I'm a sahm and now my dc are all full time, it's wonderful 🤣

I can finally figure out who I am and drink steaming hot not microwaved a gazillion times cups of tea all day long with company of my choosing or deliciously alone. It's amazing.

Comedycook · 18/01/2022 22:15

@slaybellsringing

I'm a sahm and now my dc are all full time, it's wonderful 🤣

I can finally figure out who I am and drink steaming hot not microwaved a gazillion times cups of tea all day long with company of my choosing or deliciously alone. It's amazing.

As a sahm of school age DC, I can confirm this to be true.

I'm as happy as a pig in shit

Xtraincome · 18/01/2022 22:19

Haha! SAHP of course. I stopped at 2 so I could work super part time when they're back at school. We don't want for much as a family and it's lovely doing stuff at home.

Chunkymonkey13 · 18/01/2022 22:22

SAHM if I could, loved being on mat leave and spending all my time with the kids. I would do it in a heart beat if I could.

I work PT because we need the money but I would be even happier to be a SAHM and then once at school volunteer / hobbies / clean in peace.

theworldsgonefeckingmad · 18/01/2022 22:25

In an ideal world I'd work 4-6 hours a day flexible from home so I can do school run and hear about their day as soon as they come out of school. By the time I'm home they are tired and don't want to talk about their day Sad guilt is horrible

LordoftheDanceSaidHe · 18/01/2022 22:30

SAHM but I'd feel hugely guilty sitting on my arse if DH had to work.
Ideally we'd both be off sitting on our arses.

SSCCLL · 18/01/2022 22:33

Work

slaybellsringing · 18/01/2022 22:33

@Comedycook #fistbump 🤣

Daisydolly1986 · 18/01/2022 22:35

SAHP

blameitonthecaffeine · 18/01/2022 22:38

This is my position to be honest. I was mostly a SAHP for years as I have a lot of children and my work opportunities were sporadic (dancer). I did love it but when the youngest 2 started nursery, I needed something 'more'. I wasn't bored and I was always busy but I suddenly felt like I had no identity or meaning outside 'mummy'.

So I trained as a teacher and am much happier now. Term time only and only work 3.5 days a week so it's the best of both worlds. My youngest are now 8 so I'd feel purposeless at home all day. But I know if I was unhappy or it got too much or if one of the children needed me at home I could just stop which I know is a massive privilege.

rattusrattus20 · 18/01/2022 22:39

I'm not sure there's really an ideal solution. Most very rich women seem to do little to no real work so I suppose that must be preferable to many.

The fact is that if you try to both work and 'home make' it's exhausting and you do often end up dropping a fair number of the home making balls. If you don't work you do often end up slightly losing touch with the modern world (outside of whatever bubbles you spend your time in), and slowly over time become somewhat ridiculous to people do do work.

the

Meadowland · 18/01/2022 22:48

Definitely work.
Really didn't enjoy being a SAHM. Appreciated DC much more when I had some time away and some mental stimulation.

CoastalWave · 18/01/2022 22:49

I have zero desire to work at all!!! I would mooch about the house doing stuff!

Minniem2020 · 18/01/2022 22:50

Definitely a sahp.I currently work 30 hours a week but don't have a career to speak of and this probably sounds terrible but I'm really not interested in my job anymore. Not in a lazy way as I'm really not but I only do it as I have to, not because I enjoy it or feel fulfilled by it in anyway. I have one child leaving school this year, another starting school in September and I'm pregnant with my 3rd . In an ideal world once they were all at school I'd work just in school hours and be able to take them and pick them up every day instead of having permanent guilt about them being in nursery/after school clubs for long days

Tumbleweed101 · 18/01/2022 22:52

Sahp- I'm a.single.parent so being able to have the chose would be bliss.

stevalnamechanger · 18/01/2022 22:53

I don't have kids but I'd like to stay at home yes please :D I'd keep myself busy with a cut flower garden 🤣

Blossom64265 · 18/01/2022 22:54

Money not an issue as in I have unlimited security and there is absolutely no risk from essentially retiring? Sahm. I don’t need to work for fulfillment. I would focus on my children in the early years and then gradually move to a mix, eventually filling my days with study and art like I someday plan to do in retirement.

Money not an issue as in we can afford to live on one salary? Work. Much better to have a cushion and to be in the position where either spouse is capable of being the one to support the family if something happens.