If money wasn’t an issue, would you rather work or be a stay at home parent?

[twerkinGherkin]

Just curious. I’m not sure if stay at home parent life is all it’s cracked up to be. My children aren’t in school yet but even when they are, I think I might prefer to work? But putting them in wrap around care is giving me guilt as it’s not necessary. Wondering if I’m crazy to consider working when I don’t need to

I’d work very part time in a job I really enjoyed
Instead, work a lot of hours in a stressful demanding job and try and juggle it all

I will work part time and have the best of both world

@TooOldToBeAGoth

Why would anyone choose to have someone else bring up their children and look after them all day?

BINGO! That didn't take long.

Er, possibly because there's no-one else to provide for them? Did it ever cross your small mind that not every family has two parents?

Er, possibly because there's no-one else to provide for them? Did it ever cross your small mind that not every family has two parents?

But this thread is about if you didn’t need to work as money isn’t an issue in this hypothetical situation

I am a sahp now. As have one due to start school Sept and 1 start preschool next year.
Even when they're at school I'd happily still be a sahp. But we have big business plans so I won't be if they take off.

looking after children all day every day is really boring and I'm not one of those amazing SAHMs who happily spends their days doing educational activities, daily field trips and glitter craft projects.

Even now that mine are no longer toddlers and are actually mostly fun to be around, I still do not want to have looking after their every need as my full daily program. The recent occasions of homeschooling have clearly shown to all of us that it's better for everybody if they go to school and to their clubs and I go to work, we're much happier if we all see other people as well.

Clearly according to some posters here, this means my DC should never have been born.

Money isn’t an issue and I still chose/choose to work FT.
But I also have a family helper who runs the house and deals with school runs and ferrying kids to activities.

@RedCandyApple

Er, possibly because there's no-one else to provide for them? Did it ever cross your small mind that not every family has two parents?

But this thread is about if you didn’t need to work as money isn’t an issue in this hypothetical situation

Yes but that phrase is the dog-whistle for female misogynists and its a bit of a trigger for me. Sorry but anyone who comes out with that deserves everything they get.

If money wasn't an issue then it wouldn't be an either/or choice for me, I'd do what I wanted, when I wanted and pay top money for any childcare or mumcare to fill any gaps.

Come to think about it, any choices I may have had were null and void when my son's Autism affected his access to education/chilcare/society/etc and as a by-product of this circumstance, my own access to work and society too.

But if money wasn't any concern.......

SAHP. My job is mind numbingly shit.

I’m in a situation where money is not a worry and I’ve been a SAHM for 18 years.

It’s not boring at all, but I guess it would have been more boring if we had significantly less money. That’s just being honest. I’m not sure I could have been a SAHM in a very remote area either. As it is, we live in an area of London where being a SAHM is not remotely unusual, so I never felt remotely unusual. To be honest, the thought of me returning to work never really crossed our minds. DH has never mentioned it. It’s only on MN that a big drama seems to be made about being a SAHM. I know maybe a hundred women in my position and we just never discuss it.

I live my life and I’ve been able to focus in the things I love doing. DH has benefitted from my support and he would be the first to say that. He lived the fact that I want to focus in the kids above everything else. Why would we want to pay some other woman to do what I can do way better? I’ve put loads into the kids education. I’ve not had headspace taken up by work-related stress. I think it’s been better for everyone’s health.

That said, bring a SAHM is not for everyone. But when it suits your personality and money is not an issue, it’s fantastic to be honest.

I would not have been a SAHM to a man on a limited / fixed income though, or if there was not a lot of financial security.

@Svara I hear you, I found being at home mind numbingly shit 🙈...each to their own I suppose

SAHP! As long as I could afford to take the kids to activities etc, and I had financial security for myself and kids. But it is definitely a personal preference thing.

Work definitely. I worked part time for 15+ years when the children were small. Now they're grown up I work 3 part time jobs that total 55 hours a week. I took on the jobs to pay off credit card debts, but I finish paying those debts in 3 months' time, so could easily give one (or two) up. However I've realised that I love all of my jobs and don't want to give any of them (or the salary) up! I do 2 days a week on site and 3 days at home (and extra in evenings) and it works for me.

If money wasn't an issue I'd work part time

Many women are SAHMs, but have a nanny or au pair as well. This is quite common.

Personally, I never wanted any ‘help’ from a nanny etc as I’m quite mistrustful. I’d rather just do it myself, Also, a nanny is just another person to factor in / manage and I’d rather not have the headache.

But plenty of SAHMs have nannies so they can go shopping by themselves - this kind of thing. I was looked at as unusual for not having ‘help.’ Many people couldn’t believe it. Even dads would tell my husband to get an au pair as how could I possibly manage 4 DC on my own? I just didn’t want some other woman in the house. I find that more tiring than doing it myself. I have a good cleaner though. Just no additional childcare.

If money wasn't an issue as in we were properly rich, then SAHP for sure - can get help for whatever you need. But otherwise no, I prefer to work.

SAHP. I work. Honestly, working is not all cracked up to be, you dont need to be identified by your work status but it saps up so much TIME. I don't even want part time work unless it's really interesting. You can definitely find other fulfilment, learn new hobbies, volunteer, start a business etc.

When I was working part time- I always said that if I won the lottery I would be a SAHP but put them into nursery part time- best of both worlds it’s hard doing both- it’s hard being a FT working parent and it’s hard being a SAHP. It’s hard anyway you do it- mum guilt is an absolute bitch and you always feel like you should be doing more.

Work. I work shifts so still do most of the morning school runs with no need for wrap around care, and a fair amount of my days off are weekdays so I get plenty of time for myself. But work gives me a purpose and keeps my mind busy, I would be miserable at home full time.

I couldn't wait to get back to work after my maternity leave even though I loved my time off I was ready to go back

I love being a SAHP and did with DC1 too. Though I must say I did enjoy working too although I knew it was for a finite period so maybe that’s why.

I'm a SAHP and definitely work! Until they start school 😁

SAHP and I’d have as many as I possible could, Surrogates, adopt, foster, I’d fill my mega mansion with kids. I love being a mum (and I say that with a toddler who spent 20mins on the supermarket floor today screaming at the top of her lungs because she wanted the £1 that was in the trolley we were using, then this evening kicking me because I wouldn’t let her into the boys changing room at dance). I still love it. Never had so little in my life and yet I’m so content, wish I could afford more but I’m nearing 40 now and unless a lottery win comes quickly sadly no more for me 🤷‍♀️

I was lucky enough that we could afford for me to be a SAHM when my DC were small, and I loved almost every minute of it. It was the right thing for our family.

However, by the time my youngest started school I was desperate to go back, and did so part time.