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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If money wasn’t an issue, would you rather work or be a stay at home parent?

213 replies

twerkinGherkin · 18/01/2022 15:48

Just curious. I’m not sure if stay at home parent life is all it’s cracked up to be. My children aren’t in school yet but even when they are, I think I might prefer to work? But putting them in wrap around care is giving me guilt as it’s not necessary. Wondering if I’m crazy to consider working when I don’t need to

OP posts:
Nosetickle · 18/01/2022 16:21

I’d like to be a SAHP until they start school and then work part time.

Ahalam · 18/01/2022 16:21

SAHP

Walktwomoons · 18/01/2022 16:21

SAHP until my children are in school, then work. Was always my plan until I realised life doesn't allow you to just stop work and pick it back up again :(

HardbackWriter · 18/01/2022 16:22

If money were no object I'd give up my job but also have a nanny, do some voluntary stuff and write a novel. So I don't know what that would make me? (Happy, obviously!)

ineedakip · 18/01/2022 16:22

Sahp dreading my lo going off to nursery when I have to return to work

Mommabear20 · 18/01/2022 16:23

Definitely a SAHM but think I'd like to do volunteer work a couple hours a few times a week once the kids were in school full time

2anddone · 18/01/2022 16:23

My dc are 16 and 13 I would be a SAHP but maybe volunteer at the local primary school a couple mornings a week....I definitely wouldn't be doing the job I am doing at the moment!!

bimbodoc · 18/01/2022 16:26

I found no difference between retirement and SAHP once the children were at school, so maybe this question should only apply before they go to school.

FindingMeno · 18/01/2022 16:27

Always wanted to be a SAHM and home school.

JaninaDuszejko · 18/01/2022 16:29

Work. Hated maternity keave. Hate WFH. I need to be mixing with people.

Nosetickle · 18/01/2022 16:29

@Walktwomoons it depends on your job, it is possible. I gave up work when my eldest was born and 7 years later when my youngest started school I went back to work on the same level earning as much part time as I used to earn working full time. It can be done.

girafferafferaffe · 18/01/2022 16:29

Work. I need it for my MH. I stayed home with dd for 18 months and I struggled with routine and having time with adults. Never got a warm cup of tea. It was just not for me. I love going to work and having adult conversations, having meaningful things to do (not that looking after your children/house isn't but it's just monotony isn't it), and hot tea that someone else has made me is basically the high life for me now!

Jenjenn · 18/01/2022 16:33

Work PT. I do 18 hr a week during school hours and earn just under 2k a month now. We would be ok without me working but my wage pays for a lot of nice extras we have and I would be a bit bored I think as SAHP.

NursieBernard · 18/01/2022 16:34

I would want to do something out of the home either work or volunteer. I wouldn't want to be defined as being a SAHM.

WafflesnBlueberries · 18/01/2022 16:36

As most people say - part time work.

With DS1 and DD there was talk of me becoming a house spouse for a bit as their nursery fees would have eaten most of my salary - but I'd have missed the social aspect of work.

user1471543683 · 18/01/2022 16:37

Definitely work although I'd probably cut down to p/time hours. I would be demented being at home all day and not having a purpose to get up for in the morning. I am actually quite anti-social but would still need some human contact 😂

MananaTomorrow · 18/01/2022 16:37

Without a doubt I’d be working.

Even more so if money want an issue so I could also have a cleaner every week.

Rainydonkey · 18/01/2022 16:40

I'd go with part time work. My reasons are I would never want to be financially dependant on any partner, I need structure to my week as I'm not disciplined or motivated enough to create that for myself, and I bloody hate housework, and would far rather pay a cleaner to do most of it for me.

Theyellowflamingo · 18/01/2022 16:41

I’m basically in that position and I stay home. Partly to accommodate our child with autism and their needs, but partly because I’m happier this way and so is DH. I gave up a well paid and interesting job that could have been very flexible- lots of people think I was nuts. But even when they were little I’ve never regretted that time with my children and now they’re at school I basically have the life of Riley. I do some volunteering, I see friends, I have time for myself and I get the boring stuff done so that we can do fun stuff on weekends not laundry and grocery shopping. We don’t have childcare stress, sick children stress, trying to fit everything into the evening stress… We’re very happy and it suits me. Plenty of people who would be miserable at home. It’s an individual choice and I don’t think you need to feel guilt either way.

Thirtytimesround · 18/01/2022 16:41

I loved being a sahm when dd was 1-6. The preschool years were bliss! Now she’s older, I’m very bored and everyone I make friends with gets a job shortly after, hanging out with other sahms at coffee shops isn’t really much of a thing once the children are school age.

Plus when dd was little, DH and I tended to share housework, but now DD is at school, all the cleaning and school runs etc are apparently my job. So have basically been demoted from best job in world - babycare - to cleaning/cooking/admin (while DH has been promoted several times over that time period and now does a lot of glam events).

I should probably go ‘get a job’ but given I’ve not worked in a decade, I’d be lucky to get 10% of DH’s salary - can’t see him taking on any school runs for that. Which means I’d be fitting job around all childcare and housework etc. What’s the point.

If I did it again I’d be sahm age 1-3 then get a part time job when dd was 3.

MananaTomorrow · 18/01/2022 16:41

[quote Nosetickle]@Walktwomoons it depends on your job, it is possible. I gave up work when my eldest was born and 7 years later when my youngest started school I went back to work on the same level earning as much part time as I used to earn working full time. It can be done.[/quote]
And that is very very far from the reality for most women.
A lot of jobs means that not working from a few years means you have missed in a lot if the technical developments etc… that you would struggle to catch up on.
Some work will see your accreditation expire if you don’t work.

And for most people, you will not be considered as employable as before (plus having some children, more likely to be seen as a liability)

So as you said SOME women might manage to pull it up. It’s rare and the fact you have managed to do so doesn’t mean all women will….

FeckingCovid · 18/01/2022 16:41

@WhyYesYABU

No, I realise I didn't explain myself properly.

We could afford for me to stay home but DH doesn't feel that would be fair for him to be the sole earner now the children are both at full time school.

I'd much rather be at home though, my MH has taken a battering recently and I'm better when I'm at home

NellieWellietheEllie · 18/01/2022 16:42

I would want to work, but shorter hours and doing something outside or creative or fun (like a tour guide for an outdoor museum while also writing a novel). I'd prefer to be a SAHP over my current job though.

Thirtytimesround · 18/01/2022 16:43

But that said… I am very glad I didn’t try to work when dd was a baby. I never ever left her crying and am so glad we had all that time together.

kitkatsky · 18/01/2022 16:43

Work part time!