AIBU to think £175 is an excessive amount to pay for breakfast for 2?

[WafflesnBlueberries]

Or AIBU to think child maintenance system needs reform for shared care arrangements?

If there is exactly 50-50 shared care no party pays, but as soon there's a day a year different the non-resident party has to pay four-sevenths of what they'd pay if they never saw the kids.

My ex is suggesting I should have our 2 children for 5 nights + 2 evenings a fortnight, in term time (equal holidays)
If we did this then I'd have them 39 nights a year less than equal so would be liable to pay maintenance with a two-sevenths reduction.
Plugging this into the calculator I'm told I should pay:
£132.50 a week
or £574 a month
or £6,886 a year
which seems a smidge excessive for 39 breakfasts for 2 children, one of whom doesn't do breakfast. (£175 per breakfast)

The proposal from Cafcass was I should have them 6 nights a fortnight instead of ex's suggestion of 5 nights + 2 teatimes. That would mean the children would have 19-20 nights a year fewer with me and would increase my maintenance reduction to three-seveths. I'd then only have to pay
£106 a week
or £459 a month
or £5507 a year
which still seems a trifle much for 20 nights for 2. That's £275 a night and while they do both eat a terrifying amount for dinner it still seems…

To be fair if they're with my ex on a school morning they are sent in with packed lunches or my ex pays for school lunch, but I'm still not convinced the cost is justified.

Can anyone point me at the law where they devised these calculations? So I can trawl Hansard and see how it was discussed and how the government decided this was reasonable.

Contd.

And now the MASSIVE CLANGER in OP quote above.

'Lockdown was good from that point of view as I saw more of them).'

Oh. Oh? Oh really?

So you work outside home standard office hours then? That's not easy when responsible for children is it. Arranging to leave early certain days, come in late when have them after school run. Being on call for school. Pick ups leave work early. Even if they old enough to get home snack... (OP never said age DC) ... Clubs, sorting out uniform homework, feeding, chat about day etc..

Not all employers ok with that. OP must be lucky with job.

Hold on though!!!!

So OP is in contact with ex presumably, having children while WFH to help ex out.

Which usually OP couldn't do as... Out at work. Convenient for him. Yes over DC come!

Hnmmm. Yet ex saying can we do this because I have work hours can't change..

OP says. Not on. Don't like ex using childcare while at work....

Question then.

Given op more or less week on week off. When not lockdown. How did OP cover childcare for when he at work?

Think OP legged it. If not. Shift patterns please OP for ex. Why unhappy ex using apparently too much childcare (to cover work).

Meanwhile. You happy lockdown saw loads more kids.
Therefore meaning your job interfered with having so much time before?
And ex presumably said can you have kids extra next week because work you said fine? So... You do communicate, help ex out...?

And generally you can't see them so much because of work...
Who looks after them when you not there then? Given you have 50/50 arrangement?

I mean.

None of this adds up at all.

Didn't from the start.

Dunno if allowed to say.

Bitter man, fixated on how been done wrong. Focused on money. Wallowing in self pity. Angry that ex has better job and I'll bet is happier without OP.

Appalling unfairness means anger at women in general for being advantaged over men everywhere.

Led to. I'll make s thread on MN. Those women always think women fab men horrible. I'll cleverly disguise the sexes. Let's see how anti men they all are...

OP posts first comment. Ha! They're bamboozled!

9/10 who read OP first post.

That's obviously a bloke.

Nice one OP! You proved... Something!

Then there are utility bills + food + transport and children's clothes, presents, clubs etc

So, doesn't this answer your question about the amount of maintenance money? You're not only paying for cornflakes and rice krispies

@Quincythequince

And if this is indicative of your general approach to child-tearing/shared responsibility, I can see why you are an ‘ex’

Only surprising thing is they're not in some footings somewhere!!

If she’s earning more money than you then you shouldn’t be paying if it’s a true 50/50. So say no to the proposal. Demand more nights. Are you arranging and paying for play dates and birthday parties and school uniform and all of that? Why don’t you go back and say you’d like a monthly list of all expenses so you can split them 50/50? Surely that’s then fair?

So you can't say no, you don't want to go to court, you don't want to pay maintenance?

You need to do at least one of the three.

You sound disgruntled. They're your children so you plan around what works best for them send you parents, not the calculator. My bil hated his ex and tried 50 percent residency, to avoid paying a penny. After 6 months, he admitted that it didn't work as he worked full time. He was palming the girl off into grandparents, when he wasn't around. Those grandparents started saying no. Anyway the child soon went back to the mother, which was easier as she worked part time. Bil saw her Friday till Saturdays which was more sustainable long term. The money you pay, covers heating, food, trips, childcare if they're away and clothes including uniforms.

We share 50/50, so a week on a week off, no monies are exchanged between either party.
Both families pay for their own expenses. I don't have a childcare bill, she does. All other expenses are kept in house.
She did try at one point to insist on me paying the dinner monies, even though she receives the child benefit.
So we cover a child each.

I think the way access is granted/managed by both the law and the other party is obscene. Caveats being abusive parents.

I really don’t understand your mindset. You say you get paid a lot but you obviously begrudge this money. It seems as though you’re downplaying what it has to pay for- the principle is that the parent with more contact has more outgoings across the board (house, bills, transport, clothes etc). You need to try and understand this, sort out your obvious resentment of your ex and enjoy the time you do have with your kids or you will make them and yourself unhappy. If you genuinely can’t afford it seek a reassessment, otherwise you need to move on.

So who is paying for and arranging childcare, lunch, evening meals, school uniforms, school trips, haircuts, presents for parties attended, shoes, trainers, music lessons, other activities, arranging play dates, fancy dress days at school, charity days at school, take an egg box to school for art class….? Who does the school phone to pick up a child when ill? Who does medical appointments, dentist, consultants appointments?

@Sowhatifiam

So who is paying for and arranging childcare, lunch, evening meals, school uniforms, school trips, haircuts, presents for parties attended, shoes, trainers, music lessons, other activities, arranging play dates, fancy dress days at school, charity days at school, take an egg box to school for art class….? Who does the school phone to pick up a child when ill? Who does medical appointments, dentist, consultants appointments?

Consultant appointments, egg boxes?

and while they do both eat a terrifying amount for dinner it still seems...
Op you sound just like my own dad, thank god we have cut contact. He calculated the cost of everything to do with us even though he was relatively well off then. Listen to yourself, even begrudging their healthy appetites.

There's a story in the bible where two women insist a baby is theirs. Solomon says we'll cut the baby in half. Woman 1 says that's fair, the second screams, no, let the other woman have the baby. The second woman gets to keep the baby.

Op, you don't give a shit about your kids really, their welfare and happiness. You just think this is all a battle you want to win in the war against your ex.

My dad gave my mum such a hard time my whole childhood because we were reluctant to see him so she was "poisoning us against him". She never did, he did that all by himself.

We did 50/50, no maintenance deals, just tried to divvy up expenses as fairly as possible when they arose no drama

Consultant appointments, egg boxes?

I guess that answers the question of who does these things

And OP looks like you've had a name change fail. It might be easier to change back so your posts are highlighted. It makes the thread easier to follow/people can filter to only read your posts.

@Momicrone

We did 50/50, no maintenance deals, just tried to divvy up expenses as fairly as possible when they arose no drama

Which is fine when you can do it, my ex explained to a judge whilst asking for 50-50 that if he wasn’t available on a Monday afternoon Rent will have to do it …. the judge explained back to him that no that was not how this worked.

Fight for 50/50 lad at work had this EX only wanted minimal adjustment so CM kicked in very similar to your situation.

She did try at one point to insist on me paying the dinner monies, even though she receives the child benefit.

You said she sends them to school with a packed lunch, so why should she be paying for school dinners? Child benefit isn’t to cover the cost of lunch - it’s to cover what the child needs.

You sound a little peculiar OP
I feel for your ex

I'm really disappointed. I thought this would be a thread about an amazing breakfast somewhere, golden eggs or something.

But it's just another dickhead who doesn't want to support his kids financially.

@Jellycatspyjamas

She did try at one point to insist on me paying the dinner monies, even though she receives the child benefit.

You said she sends them to school with a packed lunch, so why should she be paying for school dinners? Child benefit isn’t to cover the cost of lunch - it’s to cover what the child needs.

A packed lunch, where does it say packed lunch in my post?

The point is one parent receives a government contribution to help with the expense the other doesn't.

To be fair if they're with my ex on a school morning they are sent in with packed lunches or my ex pays for school lunch, but I'm still not convinced the cost is justified.

Right here.

Of course you should only be expected to pay for breakfast when your children visit and nothing more. How outrageous to suggest that you should help support your children in any other way. Poor poor man, it’s just so unfair!

OP you are coming across as a tight arsed wozerk.
If you are both in good jobs and have your own homes you are doing ok. Ten year old car? So, get it serviced it should last at least 15 with todays technology. Your anger will rub off on your children. Let it go. If you need more money, get a better job, ask for promotion. We have a limited time before our children grow up. Dont be the McDonald's dad.

You selfish, selfish person.

They are your children. You did not stop becoming responsible for the cost of raising your own children when you divorced your ex.

Nice attitude. Children can’t be reduced to a set of numbers but it costs me a LOT more than the figures you mention to bring up my two. I’m not divorced but just saying, bringing up children does cost money and the parents should be the ones to pay considering they were the ones to bring them into the world.