To think he's cheated again. Wtf do I do now

[Satinmycar]

Will try and be brief
Divorced a few years ago and met current boyfriend 3 years ago. All going great , holiday together, met each others families , introduced slowly to My DC who all love him to bits. He lives stays over probably 5 nights now out of 7 . My house , rented. He owns his own and has a tenant in one room and still has his own room there .

About 18 months in I had suspicions of cheating. Strange messages, cagey round his phone . I did some digging and I was right . He denied for ages then minimised . One night he confessed . It was sex workers loads of times . We split. Stayed friends we also have mutual friends through a shared hobby families know each other. Both upset and losing the other fully from each others lives.

Just before Christmas he asked to try again this time properly . Him staying more (last time ot was only a night or two a week) He's changed his location for work which is 15 min drive from me now. We have been looking at dates for a family holiday in the summer..kids over the moon, so happy, then I find out Saturday when he went out with friends and stayed at his house he called an escort at 2am in the morning. No texts or wattsapps (prob been deleted) but his wattsapp call log shows it. Qlso same thing in mid December one night when he was there. Same person . Same night there were searches for Craigslist viva Street and adult work.

Now what do I do. If we split again we won't be able to remain in contact or friends. It will be a total no contact. Means me losing all the mutual friends and the shared interest being very difficult awkward even impossible.

Children are robust and adaptable but they will be absolutely heartbroken.. they have little contact with rheor own dad as hes useless and they love this man. My youngest made him a key ring saying step dad at Christmas after we got back together. There's no children together (can't have them) so that's not an issue. He has his house I have mine. I feel absolutely sick can't stop shaking. Hearts pounding. When he came back home to mine yesterday he couldn't stop cuddling me , staring at me saying I am amazing and so beautiful. Guilty conscience ???

I feel sick and don't know what to do

[HollaHolla]

You just have to get rid of him. No matter how hard it is, thinking of the good times, etc. He is putting you, and your health, at risk. He has no respect for you or your kids by doing this.
It will be tough, because you can't just switch feelings off, but you know it's the right thing to do. Stay strong.

[CoronaKidd]

OP you need to ditch him (for good, he won’t change) and do some work on yourself, deep down you know you deserve better than this. At least you don’t have children with this man, you can walk away and start again. With the right man next time.

[HollaHolla]

@Redladybug96

Hi I’m a new user of mumsnet

Been married 3 years now, have a baby who is 11 months old.
I haven’t been getting along with DP for a while now, it’s usually minimum once a month we have an argument over something, don’t talk for a few days then apologise and talk it out.
However today, something happened. We had an argument over something silly (I told a very small white lie) nothing major or destructive. He said I made him sick for lying even though it was so minor. Anyway - I called him 2 faced because he had previously told me that same lie and he got extremely angry at this. He marched up to me while my baby boy was playing next to me and slapped me on my face.
I’m quite shocked still, do I just leave today? Or do I wait for an apology/response from him. He’s been out all day and I texted him to say we either sit and talk today or I leave.
What would you do?

Hello, I do think you need to start a new thread... but in brief, your husband assaulted you today, in front of your child. You could easily call the police, but I wouldn't wait for an apology or conversation. Afraid I would tell him to go, and not come back; no matter how hard that is. Take care. x

[BrummieCahoots]

You have to get rid of him and go no contact. It's the only way ... your kids will be fine .. better off without him . Get tested too . You know what to do .. you can't trust him and you never will

[CoronaKidd]

Redladybug96

I’m sorry this has happened to you. You need to start your own thread. If you click on the relationships topic then select “add thread” at the bottom you can create your own x

[AngelinaFibres]

He does drugs, according to your 2020 thread. He passes potential customers numbers on to drug dealers he knows. He visits massage parlours and sex workers. No part of that is okay .

[TracyMosby]

introduced slowly to My DC who all love him to bits
No they dont. Dont make staying with a scumbag who uses women as commodities the fault of your children. Amongst other scumbag behaviours.

The shared activity. ‘We broken up again because he continued to visit sex workers and I’m not ok with that.’ No details. No fuss. Simple. Then carry on with your activity.

[PixelatedLunchbox]

@TracyMosby

introduced slowly to My DC who all love him to bits
No they dont. Dont make staying with a scumbag who uses women as commodities the fault of your children. Amongst other scumbag behaviours.

The shared activity. ‘We broken up again because he continued to visit sex workers and I’m not ok with that.’ No details. No fuss. Simple. Then carry on with your activity.

Short and succinct. Perfect.

[User1isnotavailable]

Sex workers, yuck. Get tested.

Get rid. I wouldn't forgive using sex workers even once. Some might be trafficed, on drugs, younger etc. Vile man.

[fruitbrewhaha]

What do you mean you "introduced slowly to My DC".

The whole point of introducing slowing to your children is to take time to work out if this is a good person to be in their lives, to make sure your new boyfriend is likely to be a permanent fixture and not either put them at risk or mess them around by chopping and changing the people they have around them. You don't date someone, find out they like fucking around with prostitutes behind you back and them still all go out for pizza and have movies nights together and get him to help with school drop off. You find out he's a sleaze and then don't introduce them.

[Walkingalot]

In hurting you, he has hurt your DC. That's the bottom line.

[velvetpeach]

Oh it is you again!!! How many variations on the same theme are you going to post about this absolute loser?!

You've obviously got no intention of leaving him just like you haven't got the past two years! it's disingenuous to pretend you have any interest in getting your kids away from this shit show, and you're just wasting everyone's time here when you know what you're going to do.

So yeah, poor kids.

[velvetpeach]

Oh, and your kids do know because each and every time you split up before (at his instigation, not yours, from your many, many previous threads) you were constantly crying or in bed as you were too heartbroken to parent them.

Shocking that you not only stayed with him, and "got" him back, but you've now further enmeshed your family with him. Him cheating isn't your fault, but you allowing him to remain in your and your children's lives definitely is. Take some responsibility for your choices.

[2022success]

I just can't understand why you are asking mumsnet what you should do. This is such a clear cut situation.

Block him and live a happy life without this disgusting loser.

It sounds like you need to do some serious work on improving your self esteem

[esloquehay]

Stop defending this man.
Prioritise your children, not a coke snorting, prostitute shagging dickhead.
Work on your low self esteem, poor boundaries and co-dependency issues.

[velvetpeach]

He’s cheated multiple times :( http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4062177-He-s-cheated-multiple-times

You've had so many threads about him, with the same advice, yet you're the one still chasing to stay with him!

He. Is. Never. Going. To. Change. Neither, apparently, are you. You've already shown him he can do what the fuck he wants with zero negative consequences, he probably finds it amusing just how much you will put up with.

Your kids deserve better, even if you think you don't.

[GrazingSheep]

How old are your children?

[1FootInTheRave]

Get some self respect fgs.

This isn't someone that should be around kids.

[TheWeeDonkey]

You know what you need to do OP.

Get rid an block him

Get hecked out for STIs

Get some therapy to help you understand why you invest so much of your happiness and security into abusing and cruel men.

Start putting your children's welfare and your mental health first.

[BlueFlavour]

@velvetpeach
I think the op’s got the message love

[AnyFucker]

I think the op’s got the message love

I really don’t think she has

[BlueFlavour]

You don’t?
She has now

[TheWeeDonkey]

@BlueFlavour

Name change?

[Bassetlover]

I guess you have to decide if you want to settle into a relationship with a man who regularly uses prostitutes. He won't stop. Are you using condoms as he's also putting you at great risk of STIs.

[AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken]

It looks like Op has gone.
Ah well, I guess I’ll meet you all back here again in 12 months’ time.