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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave baby alone in the car?

356 replies

irishfarmer · 17/01/2022 11:25

Please don't slate me for this!

I am currently pregnant with DC no 1. Is it safe/ normal to leave a baby alone in a car while going into the shop? Not for long, e.g. if you have filled with car with diesel and are going into pay? Or you've stopped at the local shop to go in for milk and bread, baby is asleep and you won't be longer than 5 mins. I'm not talking about stopping off at the shopping centre and going in for an hour.

My DH said he doesn't think so. I said yes. I minded nieces/ nephews all my life and when I learnt to drive I often had to bring them places. I remember leaving them in the car, really at any age to go into the shop for 2 mins. The car was locked and this was over 10 years ago so things might have changed. In fact I remember them being left outside in cars by their own parent if they were asleep when visiting the home house. Granted I grew up in a cul-de-sac which is very quiet and have known all of those neighbours my entire life.

Honestly what is the done thing these days? If it makes a difference I live now outside a small town (approx 1,500 ppl) it is a farming/ agricultural community.

OP posts:
pastabest · 17/01/2022 12:25

My children always fell asleep in the car when they were slightly younger and were extremely grumpy/ screaming when woken up.

I absolutely left them in the car if they were fast asleep when I went to pay for fuel (I had two under 16 months old at one point, try managing two car seats or a car seat and a toddler on your own across a busy forecourt) or if I needed to pop into the local shop for a pint of milk. I paid at the pump where available but was happy with my decision at my small local rural fuel station that they were less at risk in the car than they were being dragged screaming across the forecourt.

Perhaps its different because its a rural area and round here everyone does the same. Virtually no crime and the local shop has off road parking right outside the door and you can see the car/ are closer to the car than you would be in a forecourt shop.

I wouldn't leave them now they are older at age 4 and 5 because they are a) wide awake and b) much more likely to do something silly in the car than they are in the shop with me.

Mumtofourandnomore · 17/01/2022 12:26

I have not RTFT, but I always used to leave my children in the car when I was paying for petrol. One time, somebody tried to break into the car at the door where my then six year old was playing on my phone - no doubt to snatch it from her hands.

I had locked the car and they couldn’t get in, but she was terrified. So I’d be hesitant to leave an older child too now.

irene9 · 17/01/2022 12:26

When the baby is in your life 24/7 you'll get very used to taking them in and out of the car seat. You'll automatically add that time onto things and it'll seem second nature.

afrikat · 17/01/2022 12:26

God no, never. I wouldn't do it in a petrol station either even if I could see the car. Takes a second for someone to smash a window or worse

KatyRebecca84 · 17/01/2022 12:28

I’ve always been unsure but er on the side of caution and get my 3 year old out even at petrol stations. I do try and choose one with a pay at pump or my local one told me I can use the night pay thing so I can see him and don’t even go in the shop. I weigh it up sometimes and think if it’s a minute and I can see him then that’s ok.

LoveMae · 17/01/2022 12:28

This thread has really given me the funnies Grin

it's illegal! what if there's a fire! what if they wake up, unbuckle their seatbelt, amazingly know they can only exit via the drivers door, and walk across the forecourt! what if they get stolen!

Yes I would leave a baby in a garage.
Not a shop, but if you needed bread and milk, go to a garage!

ThePinkTeapot · 17/01/2022 12:28

@SeenYourArse

Also who are these people that carry babies into petrol stations? I’ve never seen one in my life! Plenty of parents like myself not taking their eyes off their cars but never seen a baby carried into the pay kiosk yet!
I pay at pump or go when she’s not with me.
PurBal · 17/01/2022 12:29

Also, who are all these people that don’t have their LO with them so can just “do it when they’re not with you”. DS is 6mo. He is always with me. I do have a partner but plenty of people are single parents. Am I supposed to wait to my DH to finish for the day and drive to a petrol station (I live rurally so this wouldn’t be a quick trip) when he can look after DS or he is asleep?!

Mayhemmumma · 17/01/2022 12:29

No to regular shop, yes to petrol although I'd try to do pay at the pump

LoveMae · 17/01/2022 12:29

I wouldn't leave them now they are older at age 4 and 5 because they are a) wide awake and b) much more likely to do something silly in the car than they are in the shop with me.

Agree! I think mine was about 6 or 7 when I started trusting him enough to be left again.

ticklishfingers · 17/01/2022 12:30

I've done it a couple of times at a petrol station with no pay at the pump and no queues and baby was a sleep. I parked at the first pump and just ran in to pay by contactless and ran back out but never for a shop.

RainbowBridge21 · 17/01/2022 12:30

I understand your reasoning, but I wouldn't do this. You can never predict if something is going to hold you up or other random circumstances that might happen. I wouldn't find much comfort in being able to see the car as even if I can see it, that doesn't help me much if it's being broken into, or stolen and I can see it but I can't reach it. I have been attacked and robbed at a petrol station before somewhere I thought was really quiet and safe so you just never know.

RedWingBoots · 17/01/2022 12:31

When you are paying for petrol and have to go into the shop, it's safer to leave them in the car due to the hazards on petrol forecourts. You should really use pay at the pump.

When going into a small shop take them with you. To be honest I only walk to small shops so my DD comes with me because it entertains her.

RedWingBoots · 17/01/2022 12:32

@LoveMae It isn't illegal.

What is illegal is for a child to operate a petrol pump.

Moonshine160 · 17/01/2022 12:32

The only time I leave my DS in the car is when I go to our local petrol station as I can see the forecourt the whole time. If I can see there’s a big queue in the shop then I go back a different time.

TomBradysLeftKneecap · 17/01/2022 12:34

I was in the UK recently and couldn’t believe you still had to go into the shop to pay. It’s just so slow.

Not that that was what you were asking! Grin

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/01/2022 12:35

No from a safety pov. Have occasionally done it at a petrol station, where I could see the car at all times and once when I went into the chemist as the car was directly outside the chemist window. Wide, shallow building so the till is close to the front and I could see dd at all times.

Then there’s the children’s pov. Children can wake up very quickly. It would be really distressing to wake up and be alone and scared. A couple of weeks ago I was in an outside car park in the dark. The child in the car next to mine had woken up and was crying his eyes out I got out and chatted, made faces etc until his mum came back. When she came back, I simply said ‘he was crying’. She treated me like I was a pariah, told me he was fine and she did it all the time. Stupid cow.

Grantanow · 17/01/2022 12:35

The chance of a bad thing happening is probably low but the downside consequences are huge so it's too big a risk overall and even if it were legal the press and media would have you for breakfast.

Original poster
irishfarmer · 17/01/2022 12:36

The local garage is also the local shop. They are an independant garage and def do not have pay at the pump. Our nearest pay at the pump is in the Tesco about a 45 min drive away. I'd say I will get diesel when I am out without the baby. I get tesco delivery and hardly ever need anything else mid week but if I do I will send DH.

Once DC is older I would bring them with me as they are more risk in the car, eg getting out of their seat. I don't think I have ever seen a baby in a car seat in my local garage or even being carried. Come to think of it I don't see many babies around here at all, but with a population of 1,500 we probably don't produce many babies per year!

About leaving nieces/ nephews in the car when going into the garage, I learnt to drive at 17, it is what I saw my family do and copied their behaviour. I just wondered if attitudes had changed over the last 10/15yrs.

I appreciate that there are horror stories/ possible scenarios but most of them seem very unlikely such as someone crashing into your parked car at the pump. I'd say you're more likely to be in a crash while actually driving.

OP posts:
Arethechildreninbedyet · 17/01/2022 12:36

I’ve always left mine in the car at the petrol station. It’s usually pay at the pump but on the very odd occasion it isn’t I’ve just nipped in.

They’ve both always been car sleepers and all recollection I have of them as babies toddlers they were asleep in the seats. I would lock the car and whiz in and was never longer than two minutes (I never left to shop though) not even milk.

Now they have the option and they 9/10 wait in the car. In hindsight I don’t know if I would leave them as babies. My sister always had done and it seemed normal to be but we live and we learn.

Tangled123 · 17/01/2022 12:36

I'm surprised so many people think its ok to leave a child to pay for petrol but not to pick up two items in a shop. It's either safe to leave them or it isn't. Seeing the child doesn't matter if you can't get to them quick enough to save them from choking, being stolen or in a fire anyway.

I usually get petrol from a pay at pump, or go when dad is home.

BungleandGeorge · 17/01/2022 12:38

@lechatnoir

Petrol forecourt when I could see the car at all times - yes. Local shop where you can't see once you're inside & typically take longer - no.
This.

Petrol forecourt is also sometimes slippery and lots of cars pulling out so dangerous to take them out of the car.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/01/2022 12:38

To add, I’ve only just recently started to leave dd in the car alone when I nip in the shop and she’s 13, has the autonomy to lock herself in, can be relied on to lock the car, come to me in the shop and so forth.

stingofthebutterfly · 17/01/2022 12:39

Petrol station yes, as you can see the car constantly and it's probably more dangerous for them to cross the forecourt, especially once a little older. Shopping, absolutely not, even for a minute.

lucylucyapplejuicy · 17/01/2022 12:39

At petrol station yes, anywhere else no! I would take kids with me if I just ran in for milk