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AIBU?

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Original poster

To leave baby alone in the car?

356 replies

irishfarmer · 17/01/2022 11:25

Please don't slate me for this!

I am currently pregnant with DC no 1. Is it safe/ normal to leave a baby alone in a car while going into the shop? Not for long, e.g. if you have filled with car with diesel and are going into pay? Or you've stopped at the local shop to go in for milk and bread, baby is asleep and you won't be longer than 5 mins. I'm not talking about stopping off at the shopping centre and going in for an hour.

My DH said he doesn't think so. I said yes. I minded nieces/ nephews all my life and when I learnt to drive I often had to bring them places. I remember leaving them in the car, really at any age to go into the shop for 2 mins. The car was locked and this was over 10 years ago so things might have changed. In fact I remember them being left outside in cars by their own parent if they were asleep when visiting the home house. Granted I grew up in a cul-de-sac which is very quiet and have known all of those neighbours my entire life.

Honestly what is the done thing these days? If it makes a difference I live now outside a small town (approx 1,500 ppl) it is a farming/ agricultural community.

OP posts:
WindyState · 17/01/2022 12:39

If the car/ child is in sight at all times it's often safer to leave them strapped in then get them out to, say, pay for petrol or get a parking ticket. As soon as they are out of vision there is no way I'd leave a baby in a car unattended.

Undertheoldlindentree · 17/01/2022 12:40

I've never left the children in a car outside the shop/house, even ten or twenty years ago - this is child neglect imo. I've left them in the car to pay at petrol stations where car is visible from pay counter. Only because no pay at pump option in those days and signs up saying children can not be on the forecourt.

SVRT19674 · 17/01/2022 12:41

I have at petrol station, but can see the car all the time. Shopping is a definite nono.

Nosetickle · 17/01/2022 12:42

I did leave my baby in the car when going into a petrol station to pay as I felt it more dangerous to take them out and walk across the forecourt with them and I could see the car the whole time. I wouldn’t do it to pop into a shop, mainly as I wouldn’t be able to see the car and you never know how long you’re going to be, there could be a big queue or you’re struggling to find what you want.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 17/01/2022 12:42

I passed my test when DD1 was ayear old, then had DD2 8 months later, so had two under two. It was a lot safer for them in the car at the petrol station.
Accept the time I had to fill up on the motorway, I took them in then.

One baby... easy to carry. When they are older and there's more of them, they are more at risk from maneuvering cars.

I never went anywhere in the car that was popping in and out of a ship, it was car parks.

I would leave to pay for a parking ticket.

BlueBritish · 17/01/2022 12:42

Yes to leaving them when you get petrol, it’s probably safer than bringing them out. Especially if you have a toddler that fights you to go down when they are being carried. As for shopping no chance. I remember a story on the news when a grandmother had left her grandchild in the car whilst she popped into the shop but actually got hit by a car before she got to the shop and was unconscious. When she woke up later that day she told the hospital staff but was too late as was a boiling hot day and baby had died - awful.

StarsAreWishes · 17/01/2022 12:43

Attitudes have definitely changed.

I can directly see that they have changed in the last 10-15 years. Answers on here compared to a different parenting forum when my kids were young eg. the number of people saying “no way, I wouldn’t even leave them to pay for petrol, I only do pay at pump”. Well, pay at pump wasn’t a common thing 15 years ago, so instead people were saying “I leave them for 2 minutes when I pay for petrol, so I would also leave them for 2 minutes to go into another shop”

Attitudes have of course also changed in the last 50 years. When I was a baby it was the norm to leave the baby in the pram outside the shop. Mothers would have been hugely judged for either trying to bring the pram in, or taking baby out of the pram.

Barrawarra · 17/01/2022 12:46

OP I think you will get your own feel for what risks are acceptable to you as a parent. For me, I will leave sleeping and settled children for a couple of minutes to pay for petrol, or buy one item in a shop, I did it yesterday and left my 3 and 6 year old while I bought something essential, literally 3 mins. I don’t think that is outrageous, as the risks of someone choking, cars crashing into them, etc, are minuscule. Yes it could happen but if I never exposed them to the tiniest bit of risk we wouldn’t go anywhere! I’m surprised by the balance in the responses and think this represents how highly risk averse our society has become.

Judith0000 · 17/01/2022 12:46

In all the years I've been driving, I've seen one parent taking a baby in a car seat into the petrol station to pay.
It was a total faff for the parent. The door to the petrol station wasnt very wide, they were holding the car seat in front of them to avoid the displays, then baby was put on the floor while they rummaged in their pockets for their card, paid and then had to navigate back past the queue of customers.
Petrol stations are generally quite small inside.

I have never seen a car burst into flames, a car jacking, a car stolen from the forecourt, a child stolen from a car on a forecourt.
However, I accept that these things do happen and have probably happened somewhere at some point in the past, because awful and tragic things happen sometimes, but thankfully it is rare.
If I worried about every thing that could go wrong with my DC and their safety, I probably wouldnt leave the house, but that could also be dangerous. Confused

What has happened during the past 20 years to cause such angst about leaving DC while you pay for petrol? Has it become common for terrible tragedies to occur at petrol stations? Or are we more prone to worrying now?

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 17/01/2022 12:47

Only 8 years ago...
Local toy shop was over two floors, no lift. If you parked the pram by the checkout, the assistant would watch the sleeping baby while you took an older child upstairs. They'd give you a shout if they the baby started crying.

Gonnagetgoing · 17/01/2022 12:49

@bigbeatmanifesto

A few years ago a woman from my area had her car stolen with her 9 month old daughter in the back while she ran into a shop, he took the car seat out and left her at the side of the road sooo beyond scary & dangerous. Too many variables to count I wouldn't.
@bigbeatmanifesto - we had this locally where I lived too - with babies and young children.

So no, I wouldn't leave babies or young children in the car alone.

StopStartStop · 17/01/2022 12:49

OP, I did it once, on the Co-op car park in Whitworth (because she was asleep in the car seat, aged a few months) and I still feel bad about it now. She'll be 40 in June.

BoredZelda · 17/01/2022 12:50

Loving all these "even when they are older" examples. Clearly no-one else has a child who can't walk. No way was I going through the righmarole of getting the wheelchair out to take my daughter in to the petrol station for 30 seconds whilst I paid.

StopStartStop · 17/01/2022 12:50

Maybe 20 months...

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/01/2022 12:50

@Judith0000
I think in the past 20 years there has been a lot more awareness of what could go wrong, partly fuelled by the wealth of information on the internet and a great deal of safeguarding practices and laws. I remember cars with no seatbelts for example.

Derbee · 17/01/2022 12:50

Absolutely not ok. Maybe the fuel, where you can see the car, although not keen. No way going into a shop for 5 mins.

MotorwayDiva · 17/01/2022 12:51

I used to get DH to fill up car when DD was little. She's six years now and I left her in the car a few months back as torrential rain for five minutes, she was fine but would only leave her again in similar circumstances.

BoredZelda · 17/01/2022 12:51

A few years ago a woman from my area had her car stolen with her 9 month old daughter in the back while she ran into a shop, he took the car seat out and left her at the side of the road sooo beyond scary & dangerous.

How many times has this happened v how many times a baby has been left for 5 minutes in a car?

I mean, lots of things happen once in a blue moon, do you rearrange your entire life because of it?

gogohm · 17/01/2022 12:52

No it's not. I only used pay at the pump when they were tiny too. Once they are sensible enough to stay in the car plus able to unlock, take off belt etc in emergency then it's ok, around 8

guardiansofthegalaxychocs · 17/01/2022 12:53

[quote Mummyoflittledragon]@Judith0000
I think in the past 20 years there has been a lot more awareness of what could go wrong, partly fuelled by the wealth of information on the internet and a great deal of safeguarding practices and laws. I remember cars with no seatbelts for example.[/quote]
There’s also been more postnatal depression and anxiety- in my view partly because we put increasing expectations on parents. It’s okay to do things that are convenient if the risks are small, and the risks are small. It’s more risky to cross the road with your baby.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 17/01/2022 12:54

NO!

We cam out of Asda once to find a toddler (about 15 months) staggering around the car park.

I stayed with him while DH fetched security, who took him into the shop.

A couple of minutes later as we were taking the trolley to the trolley park we noticed a frantic woman crying and searching between cars. I asked if she was looking for a toddler and she said "Yes" so i told her what had happened. She'd left him for a "few minutes", and he had woken up and managed to escape his seat and get out of the car through the window she's left open (!) so he could breathe.

Please don't leave your baby.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 17/01/2022 12:55

@BoredZelda

A few years ago a woman from my area had her car stolen with her 9 month old daughter in the back while she ran into a shop, he took the car seat out and left her at the side of the road sooo beyond scary & dangerous.

How many times has this happened v how many times a baby has been left for 5 minutes in a car?

I mean, lots of things happen once in a blue moon, do you rearrange your entire life because of it?

No - but you avoid the unnecessary ones that could have horribly tragic consequences!
Staffy1 · 17/01/2022 12:55

I wouldn’t leave a baby in the car even to pay for petrol.

MrsJaxTellerPlease · 17/01/2022 12:55

Yea I would and did.

Original poster
irishfarmer · 17/01/2022 12:56

@Judith0000 I think we are more prone to worrying. Well it could be an age thing for me too, I was less worried 15yrs ago at 17yrs old then I am now in my 30s. But I think in general people are more risk adverse, when I think of things I was let do in the 90s such as walk the 1/2 mile to by friends house alone from about the age of 7. She didn't even have a house phone for my parents to check if I got there.

OP posts: