DH set up play date with random man in park

[BFPDec21]

He obviously had a kid with him but he's took his number for the playdate. DH has never seen him and our DC does not know the child other than playing in the park today.

I can't work out if I'm being overprotective.

YABU - This is fine
YANBU - This is weird

It's also great to see dads taking some proactive part in their child's (and their own) social life!

@BFPDec21

He obviously had a kid with him but he's took his number for the playdate. DH has never seen him and our DC does not know the child other than playing in the park today.

I can't work out if I'm being overprotective.

YABU - This is fine
YANBU - This is weird

So how do you meet people to arrange play dates? Are men not allowed to do what we do all the time?

My husband did this 12/13 years ago! We have friday night games nights now and our kids have sleepovers, they're fantastic friends! How else do you make friends with people you don't know unless you make a move and get to know them, everyones a stranger until they're not!

How else do you make friends with people you don't know unless you make a move and get to know them, everyones a stranger until they're not!

Exactly.
I can't understand how anyone makes friends unless they are prepared to make arrangements to meet someone a second time, at which point they will start getting to know them better.
Though this might begin to explain one element of the regular threads on here about people not having any friends, I suppose.

That is how I met literally every one of my ‘mum’ friends before DD started school. I didn’t go to baby groups, couldn’t handle the scheduling admin and showing up on time on 4x40mins sleep!! Also found them terrifying. But met a great friend because I waited to cross the road with her and she was with someone I met once in the park. 30mins later I had my boob out in her living room (she was a lactation consultant, I was STRUGGLING with breastfeeding).

It's fine as long as both dads will be present the whole time.

Is your kid allowed to make pals at school

You sound very unfriendly and suspicious
Maybe others don’t want to approach you either

Glad your dh is more open

OP you do not sound at all unfriendly. I am a very friendly person but have never met anyone in a park

I agree with all your posts here, @Italiangreyhound

[quote BFPDec21]@Marvellousmadness DH openly admits he is the helicopter parent actually.

If you read the full thread, maybe you will understand my background in relation to making friends.[/quote]
I get your caution OP but how do you make friends?
Surely everyone is a random man/woman until you get to know them?

Also if you have anxiety it's important that you learn to rationally evaluate danger.
Why do you think your DH meeting another parent for a play date with your DC is any more risky than you doing the same with a new friend?

@Italiangreyhound

OP you do not sound at all unfriendly. I am a very friendly person but have never met anyone in a park

So where are the right places to meet people? And where are the wrong places? We have very good friends that we met 15+ years ago whilst applying for a visa at an embassy, was that wrong?

I’d missed your reply explaining that you were abused as a child OP, your reaction makes perfect sense given your history. Why wouldn’t you be suspicious. I’m sorry that happened to you. I would say that your husband has been completely reasonable but given your experiences your brain is probably on high alert so you can protect your own DC. Have you discussed this with your DH? If it helps your DH INBU either. This is a pretty typical way for mums to make friends and if my DH did this I’d be over the moon because he really struggles with ‘parent’ socialising.

I've made friends via antenatal classes, apps, activities, etc. I also have existing friends and family with children of similar ages.

To be clear, I have no anxiety over DD in relation to my past, only cautiousness which is not the same. For example, a female friend I made independently of DD was met a good few times before being introduced to DD.

I asked DH what the other dad was like and he said he wasn't that talkative/interested and has said it wasn't about him making friends, more the kids. Which is absolutely fine and get DD needs friends outside of activities and school too.

I've just not met anyone in a park before and just had found it odd that someone would. I'm obviously wrong though and happy to accept that.

Good for you

I have made friends in random situations and certainly gone to have coffee ( from the park can ) after meeting someone if they the kids hit it off together

It depends on if it is a neighbourhood park or a city centre park . If it’s a neighbourhood park we often find there are common links ( school , playgroup, neighbours ) so it’s something worth fostering

I hope you can find some way to navigate the stress you feel understandably- due to your past

I also wish people were more friendly. I have lived in friendly places and places where nobody talks to each other in the park … and the latter is horrid

Here’s to more froendLy park dates

I’ve never known anyone to make friends in the park either tbh, I really didn’t realise it was so common and I don’t know anyone whose made a friend that way, to me it’s like making friends at the bus stop or in a Supermarket, most people I know have met friends though, school college, uni work, baby clubs, their kids school etc,

Making friends at your kids school or a baby group is different as you usually see the same people so you start to get to know them, meeting someone once in a park is not the same and I honestly can’t imagine how I would swap numbers with someone I met once at the park, I just can’t see that happening and I wouldn’t ask for someone’s number I met once in a park either (not saying it’s a bad thing just can’t see that ever happening where I live) which is why I see it more as making a friends at the bus stop or supermarket rather than at school or a club as they become familiar faces, someone you see once I couldn’t imagine asking for their number without sounding like a weirdo 😂

@bfpdec21 for clarity is he thinking meeting in the Park the same time or going to this persons house?

Tbf I can see how if you're both the exception to the rule (two Dads in a place it's normally Mom's or both parents) it's prob easier to connect

Totally fine. As above, every new friend starts off as a stranger!

Guessing it’s because he’s a man rather than woman which I can understand given your history but I don’t think your DH has done anything wrong. It’s normal for women to do this with each other so I can’t see why it should be different for men. He obviously clicked with the guy and your DC got on with his so it made sense.

I would agree it might be more than a random hello in park

But if it turns out we are both randomly auditioning for the same philharmonic orchestras ( but dofferent instruments ) or if we both come from the same part of western Ireland or turns out we went to the same Uni and have friends in common

In other words - random is rarely random
The likelihood of randomly befriending someone who is a different Socio economic group / educational attainment / political leaning etc is very very low

We tend to live in echo chambers with little freedom- even if we think we are free

In other words they most likely have more in common even if you discount 2 men being in the park with their DC

I would put money on this

newname12345 of course it is not wrong to make friends any place that happens to be natural to you.

I have never made a new friend in a park. Neither has my DH, and it looks like the op feels uncomfortable with this, so that is how it is for us!

Also, making a new friend for yourself as an adult is quite different to making s play date for your child, which is set up with your child's best interests at heart.

It's ok for some of you to meet people in parks. But but the same token it is also ok not to want to do that, surely.

I have no history of abuse but am still very wary of strangers. I am more wary of men I do not know than women I do not know.

The people I made friends with when my child was tiny were part of NCT and anti natal or post natal groups. Or toddler's. Or school. Or my work place.

There is no guarantee these people were in any way great but they were not 'random' in the sense of the word. There was already a connection.

I actually think some people here are choosing not to understand OP's concerns. But 'OP: your mind is your own and you can decide what feels right.

Of your DH wants to go down the pub with this bloke, great. Of he wants to arrange a play date then you could tag along and see if the kids do get along. Etc. It's ok to be cautious. It really is.

Why is this any different to you meeting a random mum down at the park and striking up a friendship?!!

I met a random stranger in the park years ago! She's now my best friend and godmother to one of my children!