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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH set up play date with random man in park

206 replies

BFPDec21 · 16/01/2022 18:48

He obviously had a kid with him but he's took his number for the playdate. DH has never seen him and our DC does not know the child other than playing in the park today.

I can't work out if I'm being overprotective.

YABU - This is fine
YANBU - This is weird

OP posts:
MeredithGreyishblue · 16/01/2022 20:13

This is how we met a family we've been friends with now for years.

RedCandyApple · 16/01/2022 20:14

I think it's more often a case of your child plays with their child so you get chatting. I'd suspect it's more likely to happen with 2 parents on their own rather than with a group though - groups tend to be very cliquey.

*BFPDec21 what would you do if you went with people and someone was on their own? people and someone was on their own?

This is how I met my "mum" friends. They called me over, girls played. I think it's great he's done this.*

This is the comment I was referring to, I mean is the op expected to call the mum over that was on her own? I’ve never seen that happen ever and don’t think that’s the norm!

stripetop · 16/01/2022 20:15

@RedCandyApple absolutely what happened to me.

Very rural, very friendly place. We even have a very wide Facebook page now, aiming at park friends. Some of us will be in X village this day, y village next day, blah blah.

SecretKeeper1 · 16/01/2022 20:16

Might depend where you live. Totally normal to chit chat with strangers here, in playgrounds, shops, cafes etc. I have a friend who I originally met in a clothes shop changing room, zipping up each others dresses and debating options and accessories.

Men have it hard on the parenting front in terms of having day time friends to do things with. As long as your husband is present for the initial play dates I think it’s great he had found someone to spend time with Smile

RedCandyApple · 16/01/2022 20:16

I’ve spoken to other mums at the park but never swapped numbers as I said didn’t realise it was so common maybe it depends where you live

stripetop · 16/01/2022 20:16

@RedCandyApple I fully accept perhaps it's not the norm. But due to their kindness I would now never not speak to someone alone. I came from an awful place, and my new friends have been my lifeline, thank goodness they did speak to me.

RedCandyApple · 16/01/2022 20:17

[quote stripetop]@RedCandyApple absolutely what happened to me.

Very rural, very friendly place. We even have a very wide Facebook page now, aiming at park friends. Some of us will be in X village this day, y village next day, blah blah. [/quote]
I live in south London it’s definitely not normal here! I guess if you live somewhere with more of a friendly village vibe but it wouldn’t be normal where I am most mums just play on their phones and leave their kids to it even if they are playing with other children they don’t get overly involved.

Glitterspy · 16/01/2022 20:20

How else do you make new friends?

stripetop · 16/01/2022 20:20

@RedCandyApple rural Scotland. However I was married twenty years and told we wouldn't have children. Was a solicitor and travelled constantly. Knew nobody except clients and was quite frankly terrified of making friends. Went to no antenatal as never believed I would have a baby and no groups as was to scared I was to old and anxious.

JugglingJanuary · 16/01/2022 20:22

As long as he arranged it with HIM present, not you, it's fine!!

Why do you think it's weird!??

Kite22 · 16/01/2022 20:26

Reading through 4 pages of comments, I am confused how 28% of the votes are voting that this is weird. I think there are only a couple of comments that suggest there is anything weird about it. Confused

schnubbins · 16/01/2022 20:29

Thats how I made loads of friends when my kids were small.

Goldbar · 16/01/2022 20:30

It's bizarre how people's experiences differ. I also live in London and can think of at least 3 friends I know from the playground.

Goldbar · 16/01/2022 20:31

Though there are also plenty of parents (including my DH) with their noses constantly in their phones Grin.

Bluebluemoon39 · 16/01/2022 20:33

Hmm, dh did this once on holiday but with a mum! Our dd and hers were having a great time in the pool so they said "same time tomorrow?" kind of thing and agreed to meet in the pool the next day.

When dh told me I was really annoyed! Il admit that I felt a bit threatened and jealous (totally my issue, dh has never given me reason to be jealous in any way). They went off the next day (I should probably add I hate swimming baths) and I met them afterwards. The other mum was lovely and the girls were getting on like a house on fire.

That was 4 years ago and they still keep in touch (they live at opposite ends of the country).

So yeah, dads arranging playdates can be good! I'm sure your dh is good at reading whether someone is a weirdo or not!

HunkyPunk · 16/01/2022 20:35

I spent the best part of an hour last week huddled at the top of the big kids' climbing frame with another mum as our DC were egging each other on to attempt it

Why didn’t you just sit on a bench? Grin

EllieQ · 16/01/2022 20:37

YABU (assuming your DH will be at the next play date too rather than just dropping your DD off). This is what my DH did a couple of years ago - he was at the park with DD, she started playing with another girl who was also there with her dad, they started chatting and swopped numbers at the end. They’ve met up for playdates about once a month since then (apart from during lockdown).

I was pleased as I think it’s harder for men to make ‘dad friends’ and it seems that mums have more options (starting with baby groups during maternity leave).

Lifeismeh · 16/01/2022 20:38

I’m guessing the reason I can’t make any friends is because of parents like you 😂

Would you say this if it was you who made a friend and arranged a play date?

Broblem · 16/01/2022 20:39

Reading through 4 pages of comments, I am confused how 28% of the votes are voting that this is weird. I think there are only a couple of comments that suggest there is anything weird about it
Yup. Curious to hear from the 28% here.

Frazzled2207 · 16/01/2022 20:46

If my dh had done this I’d be really pleased (he is very introverted and rarely speaks to anyone he doesn’t know)

Glitterbells · 16/01/2022 20:51

Parenting young children can be so lonely.
Nice to think some people would find it weird if our dc were getting along and I was to suggest meeting up again.
Good for you if you already have friends to go to the park with.
Your Dh doesn’t, and so long as he doesn’t leave your dc with someone he doesn’t know I really don’t see the issue.

Where does overprotective even come into it? Do you think you should be allowed to vet all other children and parents your dc comes into contact with at the park?

HunterGatherer · 16/01/2022 20:52

Glad you are seeing the light OP.
Your DH sounds like a great Dad, presumably you trust his judgement regarding who he chooses as friends? After all he had the good judgement to pick you Grin

Original poster
BFPDec21 · 16/01/2022 20:55

DD does play with others but usually I'd just smile and have light chit chat. Never swapped a number though!

OP posts:
waterrat · 16/01/2022 21:13

@RedCandyApple I'm in south London and it sounds very normal to me. Obviously not every time you go to the park! But we have a very popular playground and I've been there countless hours over the years and particularly when I had little ones I would often end up chatting to other mums if the kids started playing together.

I think most parents of toddlers are usually up for a chat with a friendly grown up in my experience!

RedCandyApple · 16/01/2022 21:16

[quote waterrat]@RedCandyApple I'm in south London and it sounds very normal to me. Obviously not every time you go to the park! But we have a very popular playground and I've been there countless hours over the years and particularly when I had little ones I would often end up chatting to other mums if the kids started playing together.

I think most parents of toddlers are usually up for a chat with a friendly grown up in my experience![/quote]
I’m not disputing that it’s normal to chat to other mums, I meant groups of mums calling over other mums that are on their own? I have 4 kids and this has never ever happened to me, are you saying it happens when you go to the park on your own that groups of mums call you over to join there group?

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