DM can't cope financially without me, WWYD?

[ChildcareHelpGrateful]

Situation: I’m a single parent with no help from ExH in the week. My mum helps with childcare and I do pay her a small amount for this (less than after school club but enough to cover her fuel and food for DD as she does live too far from DDs school to pick her up on foot).

Recently my manager asked me to work half an hour extra every day apart from 1 (the night DD has an after school activity, mum currently takes her to this and I pick DD up after it). I discussed it with mum but she wasn’t happy to have DD for another 45 minutes per day. So I booked ASC for 4 days and asked mum to carry on with the night DD has her activity.

I’ve obviously reduced my mums pay to reflect this so she now only gets a 5th of what I gave her before.

She’s just told me that she can’t manage without that money, at all but can’t take DD for those 45 minutes.

Mum works in the day, usually 6 days a week and I know gets no UC. I get a UC topup and once I start my new hours will be better off financially as UC will pay me back 85% of my childcare and I will be slightly better off from working the extra 2 hours a week. So even though childcare will cost me more than it does now I’ll get most of what I pay now back.

If I take that money away from her she’ll have to up her hours and work more but has said she’ll still cover the activity night as she helps my sibling and sibling in law with their DC at weekends.

So WWYD? I don’t want to set a precedence and help her out but also feel bad.

Yeah, your Mum can have a 3 bed house - if she pays private rental prices, rather than trying to take a home intended for a family from the social housing stock. Entitled much?! Luckily she will never get it from the HA.

I have no idea why PP are suggesting OP should subsidise her mum living in a 2-bed home whilst OP and her daughter squeeze into a 1-bed flat. If it was the other way around then just possibly I might feel guilt about not helping my mum out a bit but this way round? Never.

@notthemum

Wow, was just trying to correct you for the benefit of others, not trying to offend you, but you did not read what I said, which was that the grandparent being registered and taking care of the child OUTSIDE the CHILD's home means the parent can get it reimbursed. My mum is 100% a childminder as she works in HER own home and takes care of 4 other children, she is NOT a nanny, as she has other customers and would lose out on money if she took my child for free (because of the limitations on child spaces as I am sure you are aware)

I may work for UC but I also claim it, I am no different from my customers and I do the best I can for them.

Random idea - could you move in with your mother and share a 3 bed? Or is that not something that would work?

I think your DM sounds quite selfish (and possibly manipulative).
Why doesn’t she ask her daughter that can actually afford it I wonder.

Your dm sounds manipulative. As a pp said, on NMW, her take home pay would be nearly £1300 a month. If paying rent and utilities on a 3 bed house is taking too large a chunk of that, she needs to downsize. It's ridiculous for someone who lives alone to feel entitled to a 3 bed house.

Well she'll have to do what everyone does in tight times, downsize, cut back, review spending, switch to cheaper brands, give up a hobby, sell unwanted stuff etc - oh and check she can't get any UC or other help

Not your problem

You’re a single parent. You cannot be expected to financially support your mother as well as yourself and child. She’s a grown-up with a full-time job, she’ll have to figure out herself how to make her finances work. Just like you do.