Do parents not pay for weddings these days??

[justasking111]

I'm thinking we're a bit behind the times in Wales because we still pay as parents for weddings, now it's money dependant, finances allowing as to how much hoopla there is.

I find it sad whenever folks on here talk of saving up for their own wedding

Am I being unreasonable to think it's the final gift to your child??

I think it is natural, as parents to want to try and help out our dc, if we can do so without scrimping and saving.
How you do that will depend on both the circumstances of the parents, and the dc.
We have got to a position where we are able to support our adult dc and their talk is of buying their first flat / house, so we have given some money to the first for that (and ringfenced some for the other dc). By doing that, we won't therefore be paying for weddings but hopefully will be able to give them something more at the time, which they can choose what to spend on. My parents hadn't been able to help me when I bought my flat, but then were able to pay for most of my wedding. It is worth noting though that I wouldn't have spent a ridiculous amount on my wedding whoever was paying for it. Some of the whole wedding industry convincing some couples that very expensive things are important to a wedding, distorts what a lot of wedding actually cost vs what they need to cost. I think couples knowing it is their own money they are making decisions about, helps clarify some decisions - but of course that is all down to personality / attitude to money.

There's no way I will accept a penny from my parents when I get married.

They raised me, put me through college and give me a very stable childhood which I knew I was very fortunate to give.

I earn now the same as what my father's final salary was went be recently retired. My parents aren't rich but aren't poor either. It's their money and if they spend it all in the coming years more power to them. They sacrificed for us when they were younger, they shouldn'tbe paying my way now.

With. the. costs of weddings nowadays it is insane to expect parents. (do you mean parents of the bride?) to pay.

Paying in the past meant also hosting the wedding, so the bride/groom didn't have a lot of input. Something most brides especially hate. The whole concept of giving the daughter away has luckily shifted.

It's nice to have help if it comes without strings. My parents paid for tiara, dress and shoes, my in-laws gave us. the money we paid for the honeymoon plus a generous.extra for spending. None of it was expected.

Haha I'm in Wales and can confirm we paid in full for our own wedding.

We went three ways - us, my parents, in laws in 2003. Felt dreadful when we divorced that they'd spent 1000s and it didn't last longer than 8 yrs (but we'd been together 15yrs before)

England, paid for our own a decade ago. But we were both older and earning. Very different to getting married in their Late teens/early twenties. Depends whether parents can afford it to I guess

My parents didn't pay for my wedding and that was 30 years ago.
We bought a flat together at 21 and received a cooker from my parents as a gift (and something comparable from the ILs) and that was the last time we took anything from either set.
I would have felt very odd going back to parents at 25 (which is when we decided to marry) expecting them to cough up. If I remember, his parents paid for our wedding night in a hotel, my parents paid for champagne. No other presents were exchanged. Mind you, we did not have a big wedding as we're both hermits and hate faff.

Having said that, I think dd will want a 'proper' wedding, one of those 'all in one' kind of events at a nice hotel. And I confer I have looked at a couple of websites to gauge an idea of what it might cost. I shall be encouraging a winter wedding, preferably on a wet Wednesday afternoon, the price is right!

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Bet you was tamping mun! So close yet so far!! We welcome anyone that makes us laugh 😅

Sorry, was meaning to quote @Sn0tnose then!

I thought this just happened in movies.

Most people pay for their own weddings and their parents give some money as a present.

If my parents offered to pay I wouldn’t accept as I see that as unfair.

We paid for our own wedding. Nothing from either side though I did think it highly amusing when MIL went on a massive rant in the middle of a restaurant to say my family were rude for not contributing anything. Lady you gave us nothing. Sit down.

My parents paid for our wedding, they wanted to. We ended up having a 'lockdown' wedding so it cost them a lot less then planed. It wasn't a massively expensive one to start.

It is kind of a bit unfair as so much money is sitting in the older generations, due to large increases in property prices!
Two words: Cash flow.

My mum told me that she paid for my three sisters' weddings five years ago but doesn't have any money for me

@WonderfulYou average uk wedding is £30k. given that the average uk property is worth £270k, the cost of a wedding is literally a 10% deposit. I would be shocked if a lot of the above average weddings did not have significant parental input. I saved for 3 years for my flat + wedding, i carefully allocated £10k away from the budget and it was actually quite tight to afford both. Of course my wedding has been significantly delayed due to covid so i have more now but owning my home has also meant I am far more interested in mortgage overpayments than weddings so even less inclined to spend money.

i think most people are like me, contrary to popular opinion. I think in a lot of cases, the happy couple come up with maybe 10k and the rest are paid for by parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents. Certainly that was the case for my SIL- grandparents, uncles, parents all paid for the £30k wedding, it was quite fancy.

We paid for DD's wedding (10 years ago, in England). It was the way you did things back in the day. When we got married (1970s) the bride's family paid for most of the wedding but for some reason the groom's family paid for the cars, church (inc choir and bells if any). It was the way things were done. None of our friends paid for their own wedding.

The father of daughters was always advised to start saving early!

Is there any subject from breastfeeding to weddings that doesn't have someone coming along to say how sad it makes them that other parents aren't doing enough for their children?
You must know full well that some parents pay, some couples pay, and some share the costs, and why that saddens you, when it affects you not at all, I can't imagine.

I have to say, until I joined forums in the runup to weddings, I didn't realise parents weren't generally paying for weddings anymore. I was among the first of my mates to marry, and also I'm jewish and grew up with it being kind of normal that when you got married, your parents paid and their mates got invited and that's what happened. I mean, not everything, I paid for my outfit and our first night in fancy hotel after wedding; ILs paid for flowers, entertainment, transport and DH suit and my folks for venue and catering (the big cost!).

It was fine as my parents are very chilled out and didn't make any demands - they even ceded more guests to ILs than themselves because they knew that almost all IL's friends were Jewish (unlike theirs) and would be offended if not invited!

Yes mine did, only a few years ago. In England.
Grooms side have a small contribution too.

NB, I think it's totally fine if parents don't pay these days. Generally people are older and better established in life, and pay for it themselves, but I happened to grow up in a culture where that's still normal. Don't know if it will be for my kids if they marry - I'd certainly want to make a significant contribution to it in the very least whoever they marry. As I've always said, I don't care if DD marries a nice Jewish boy at the Hilton Park Lane or her girlfriend in a leather bar in San Francisco (honestly, latter looking more likely these days and would be a lot more fun than the former)

I think it's a tradition where the brides father would pay for the wedding as almost a dowry but this tradition is hundreds of years old and was tradition in most countries.

I think these days the parents paying for a wedding is down to cultural traditions,financial position and personal choice.

If my children chose to get married and myself and DH can afford to we'd probably offer a lump sum towards the wedding.

I agree it's a load of boloney that Welsh parents pay and English ones don't. Me and DH paid for our own and that was 33 years ago. (1989.) As has been said, the vast VAST majority of couples will pay for themselves now. Some parents may buy the dress and pay for the flowers and the photographer (for example,) but very few will pay for it all. Most couples won't expect it.

Our DD (now 27,) met a bloke 7 years ago when she was 20, and they moved in together when she left uni. They were engaged to be married within 3 years. The plan was to get married at 25. We felt it was a bit young but her life. She didn't want a massive wedding, and planned on spending around £7K in total. Including the honeymoon. Her DP agreed.

We said, 'cool... So we'll give you say, £2.5K, you can provide £2.5K yourself, and your DP's parents can pay the other £2.5K. They were both fine with this.

All was OK until they mentioned it to HIS showy, OTT, loaddsaaamoney parents. They were quite wealthy - owned 6 properties they didn't lived in and rented out, owned a villa in Florida and one in Spain, and lived in a £800K house in Staffordshire. His dad drove a £50K car, and his mum drove one similar. We are not poor, but not massively wealthy. 7 year old car, small 2 bed semi, (rented,) £50K joint income, and no assets (just about £15-16K in savings.)

His dad went loco and said HIS son was not having a pauper's wedding He said he wants their wedding in this big fancy hotel he plays golf at, he wants to pay for their honeymoon, and wants to send them for a fortnight to New Zealand, and his mother said they will pay for OUR daughter's wedding dress, and she has her eyes on one, that cost £7,000, just for the dress!

Both his parents said they will cover the wedding reception/wedding meal, and that 100 people will be coming from their side alone, and it would be £75 a head. So maybe 10 grand just for that. (With the 20 people from our side too.)

Long story short, the whole kit and caboodle that HIS parents wanted came to about £35-40K. Our DD did not want this at all, and her DP was a bit reluctant, but said 'well if they're gonna pay... maybe we should let them.''

Our DD said ' I don't even KNOW 80 of the 100 people they're bringing along, and as they will be paying for it all, they get to invite who they want apparently.'

Anyway, a massive row kicked off, because DH said no WAY are HIS parents paying for our daughter's wedding. We will go halves and pay the amount DD and her DP had settled on. Her DP weakened and said they should let his parents take over, DD said 'maybe we should just let them.. at least WE won't have to pay anything, and neither will you and dad...' They had her sucked in.

DH and I said we would not be going if this happens, as we KNOW it's not what they want, and it's his bolshy, rich parents driving it all, thinking their money will make them get them their own way.

tl;dr they split a few months later, as DD discovered after 3 years together that her DP didn't want children - ever. DD said (a few weeks afrer they split) that it was such a relief to get away from his family really. They were far too different, it would never have worked. HIS parents really were fucking awful. She is now with a man much more suited, (been together 2 years,) and his parents are lovely.

I married nearly 30 years ago and whilst my parents could very easily paid for our wedding I never gave it a moments consideration.

I was financially independent as was my husband to be, both earning substantial salaries, it simply never arose.

Having lived away from mý parents for some years by then, the idea of them being financially involved in my choices would have been frankly bizarre.

They happily paid for my sister's wedding, which was her business.

To this day I find the idea very dated.

Each to their own.

DD is getting married soon
I have offered up to 2k towards dress/bridesmaid outfits
ExDH is contributing 5k
Grooms parents also 5k
The happy couple will pay rest themselves 8-10k
They already own a home and contents
Any financial gifts will go towards a holiday/honeymoon maybe 6/12 months after depending on COVID
Loved the cost of wedding link - I was a late 80s bride and we paid for it ourselves - think it was about 1k
My parents paid for my whole outfit probably £150 as dress was only £60 but I do like fancy shoes!

We married nearly 20 years ago and combined our parents paid half and we paid half. It wasn't designed that way though. My mum immediately gave us £500 as that was what she could afford. Three months before the wedding my dad gave us £500 then a couple of weeks before my in laws gave us £1000. If we had known they were going to be so generous we would have splashed out a little more but we didn't in time to change much.

The tradition is that the bride's parents would pay and that's why their name would appear on the invites, but this stems from the days when the bride was considered to be in the ownership of her parents until she passed into the ownership of her husband (ugh)

Any move away from the traditions dating from when women were nothing more than property is good with me. Don't even get me started on 'asking' the father for permission. Double 'ugh'

I have no issue with parents pitching in, both sets, if they can but these days most couples are independent and only want/need help because marriage seems to equal big party these days.