Do parents not pay for weddings these days??

[justasking111]

I'm thinking we're a bit behind the times in Wales because we still pay as parents for weddings, now it's money dependant, finances allowing as to how much hoopla there is.

I find it sad whenever folks on here talk of saving up for their own wedding

Am I being unreasonable to think it's the final gift to your child??

My parents didn't pay for my wedding in 2000 and I wouldn't have expected them to! Never crossed my mind and I'd be surprised if many did now. Adult children should make their own choices about how to celebrate and pay accordingly (or save their money for something else!)

My parents did give me a monetary gift a few years before. They made it clear that this was instead of paying for a wedding and there wouldn't be any more! I should also say that it was much less than the cost of an average wedding, but not negligible and obviously very kind and appreciated (and not expected!).

If you would like to gift your children some money, then it makes far more sense to do that unattached to the idea of a wedding. Your children may not want to get married at all, or if they do they may prefer a very small celebration and to put the gift towards a house deposit etc.

Most couples I know paid for their own weddings, with possibly some input from their parents if really needed. I think most couples would prefer any financial aide they may get from their parents to help towards a deposit on a house rather than a wedding.

My Uncle paid for our wedding. We never expected it and were very grateful. He told me he would help and asked me for a breakdown of what we were spending and he'd pay for some of it. When he gave me the cheque I was shocked that it covered the full amount.

We got married nearly 29 years ago. We mostly funded it ourselves. It wasn't cheap.

Both sets of parents did give us cash gifts, but we paid for the lion's share.

It won't be your last gift to your child. My parents have given us a number of gifts in the intervening years.

Couples live together prior to marriage now and the bride gets territorial over the organisation, it isn't exactly young love with the glow and excitement of a new life together. Not surprised patents say no. The chances of divorce are also high so there's that too.

Who pays generally organises - chooses venue etc. As I was 35 when I married dh and I wanted to organise ourselves to our taste (a big knees up in a barn). It wouldn’t have been at all what my parents would have chosen but they really enjoyed it. They gave us money for our honeymoon and the floral table decorations.

I have done my best for my dc all their lives, including the best education i could afford, now they are (mostly) grown up it's their turn to shell out if they want a wedding or any other hugely expensive occasion. Yabu

I'm thinking we're a bit behind the times in Wales because we still pay as parents for weddings

Give over OP. I'm in Wales and I only know of 2 people with parents who paid for their entire wedding 🙄

I think it's more the norm that parents of the bride and groom contribute to the wedding fund and the couple add the rest.

Nothing sad at all about standing on your own 2 feet and laying for the wedding you want.

My parents paid for mine in 2009 when I was 25

We got married 20 yrs ago & didn't expect or get any contribution

We paid for our own wedding - decades ago, no cash gifts from anyone.

Mine gave me some money towards my house deposit, which I was very grateful for.

The idea of spending thousands of pounds on a day makes me feel a bit queasy!

I think it partly depends on how old the couple are when they get married. DH and I were in our early 30s and had already been living together for 7 years. We paid for most of our wedding and just decided what we'd do based on what we could afford.

However, my mum paid for some specific things as her gift - she paid for the venue hire (minus the catering) and also paid for my dress and the flowers. If she hadn't, I would have bought a high street dress and probably wouldn't have bothered with as many fresh flowers so this very much felt like a proper gift and was lovely.

DH's parents were going through a bit of a squeeze financially at the time so didn't give us any money towards the wedding and that was totally fine with us. They've been very generous to us before and after the wedding both with their money and their time.

I've had a few invitations to weddings addressed "from the parents of" the bride and/or groom and it does seem a bit odd to me, especially when the people getting married are in their 20s or 30s and have been financially independent for a few years. I can imagine in some families parents paying for the wedding means parents expecting to control who gets invited, whether it's a church wedding or not, decor/menu/entertainment etc and again, that just doesn't seem appropriate when the couple getting married are already independent of their parents in other ways.

I personally find it really old fashioned now. What if one of your children wants to get married and the other doesn't? What if one gets married more than once? What if you are paying for it but they don't want the guests or style of wedding that you want- who gets to decide given the bride and groom arent financing it? What if the brides parents feel like they should pay because its tradition but the grooms parents are a lot more wealthy etc? What do you do if you're a traditionalist who thinks the brides parents pay and you have a son and a daughter and the son marries someone non traditional who expects you to share? Etc...

I think its fairer all round to say (if you have the money) that you'll give the same to each of your children towards a house deposit at a certain age. I think that's much more worthwhile than blowing it on a party

It's the norm for the bride's family to pay for all or part of her wedding dress among my friends. Some of their parents paid for a big chunk of their weddings as well, but not all.

I don’t think it’s an England/Wales thing!

I think if parents are wealthy and their adult children are struggling then most parents would want to pay. But if the couple are better off than their parents then it makes sense for them to pay for it themselves.

I’ve also seen references on here to parents feeling they have a right to dictate arrangements and guest lists if they’re footing the bill, so suspect sometimes couples may pay themselves to avoid this.

I work in weddings and - while I never ask - I usually get the impression couples are paying themselves. I've only ever had a parent pay once, and that was because she wanted my services as a surprise wedding gift.

My parents paid for my sisters wedding.

I live in Wales , my parents contributed to our wedding , and we paid some too
The same when our DC marry , we’ll definitely contribute but won’t pay for everything

@IncompleteSenten that was fascinating, thanks for posting.
My parents paid for my wedding although we had a pretty cheap one by modern standards, about 8k. I'd like to at least substantially help out for my kids when the time comes, although I've got two where my parents only had me.

We're getting married in June and my parents have made a generous contribution (just over 1/3 of the total budget) but that's largely down to them receiving an inheritance last year so having the cash to spare and wanting to help.

We wouldn't have expected it of them, but are very grateful as it's allowing us to have the day we want without having to cut corners, and without coming away from it in debt.

[quote IncompleteSenten]These days it's more common to pay for your own.

Back when it was common weddings cost only a fraction of what they do today

This is interesting.

www.weddingideasmag.com/wedding-costs-decades/amp/[/quote]
Exactly. With some weddings being in the tens of thousands, then no the parents should not pay! If you want an extravagant wedding pay for it yourself. I would think most parents make a contribution but not pay for all of it.

@CrimbleCrumble1

How does it work if a Welsh person marries someone who isn’t Welsh?

Ooh, I know this one!

The non Welsh person has to go through a series of challenges, laid down on stone tablet by Owain Glyndwr himself. They need to learn the words to Calon Lan and the National Anthem. They need to be able to make Bara Brith and Welshcakes and demonstrate that they are able to keep a welcome in the hillsides. They need to have seen the ‘phonics live at least twice and be able to pick Derek the Weather out of a line up.
If they pass all of these challenges, it goes before the Senedd who will give the parents the nod.

Sadly, I failed at the last hurdle (I got Derek the Weather confused with Max Boyce) and so we had to pay for our own wedding.

I’ve been to a few VERY posh wedding where the wealthy father of the bride paid. One was painful as it was just his old Harrodian get together.
A lot of people I know their parents will buy the dress or champagne or whatever but not pay for the whole kit and kaboodle.

I also think weddings have got more elaborate. I think until 30 odd years ago the norm was wedding in a church of registry followed by a very modest reception in a church hall/pub/hotel. Whereas now they are much more elaborate and expensive. My cousin and her partner would have been on a combined income of about £40kPA when they got married. Their wedding cost more than £40k. It’s madness.
Finding enough for a religious ceremony and a meal for 30 heads is different to a 150 head job in a stately home.

I think you're generalising pretty massively to assume that Welsh parents pay but English parents don't. I'm sure there is a range of experience in both countries (and others) but generally in my experience it has moved more towards the couple paying, maybe with a cash gift from the parents.

I personally think the reasons for this are:

• Weddings have got more expensive. I'm sure parents wouldn't mind paying a few thousand for a registry office wedding and buffet at the church hall, but not £25k for the extravaganza which constitutes a typical wedding these days.
• women now tend to live away from home before getting married, usually move in with their partner, whereas in the past they would be more likely to have gone straight from parents home to marital home.
• people don't like the idea of feeling indebted to their parents or of asking for handouts. I never would have asked my parents for money.