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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this a dodgy massage?!

358 replies

Dodgyornotdodgy · 14/01/2022 13:23

I swear I am NOT a troll - MNHQ can confirm I am a long time poster who has NC. I would particularly like the opinions of masseuses/masseurs but anyone really.

I get massages all the time and this has never happened before.

Masseur (so male - not a problem, have masseurs fairly often too. Not sexist and not assuming all men are pervs).

During the leg portion of my massage he crossed my leg over and massaged the bottom of my thigh. The bottom of my thigh was over my vulva. It was extremely arousing, obviously. I didn’t really know what to say - he did it on both sides.

I guess my AIBU is - AIBU to think this was deliberate and he knows what he is doing?! Or am I just quite sex starved and bizarre?

I realise people will come on being like why didn’t you say anything but 1) I wasn’t really sure if he was doing anything on purpose ajd 2) to be honest it was pleasant!

If you've found this page in your search of the massage oils that have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best massage oils useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

OP posts:
Original poster
Dodgyornotdodgy · 14/01/2022 14:32

I can’t really send DH to see if he does the same thing - we don’t have time with the holiday plan. I will explain to DH later and see his thoughts but I feel a bit awkward about it.

OP posts:
TakeMeToKernow · 14/01/2022 14:32

Oh my! As an owner of generous thighs, I think I understand what has occurred.

But have I ever been massaged like it? No. But I strongly suspect that if your thighs are like mine, they are not particularly arousing… Soz.

Original poster
Dodgyornotdodgy · 14/01/2022 14:33

The cltoris / vulva is not on the underside of your thigh! It’s really nowhere near it

If you cross your thighs over it is

OP posts:
Original poster
Dodgyornotdodgy · 14/01/2022 14:35

@TakeMeToKernow

I’m a size 8 with quite small thighs but for sure the undersides are flabby so there’s some mobility in the skin for the purpose used here! Not that I think I’m arousing for the man, more that I just wonder if this is something he does intentionally for a sense of power. Or if it’s totally unintentional in which case maybe he needs an anonymous note?

OP posts:
Santaisstilleatingmincepies · 14/01/2022 14:35

Not sure if telling dh is wise... He may either go thump him or accuse you of enjoying fun with another man.

TakeMeToKernow · 14/01/2022 14:36

Ever see those ASMR back crack videos? They led me down a rabbit hole, till I was watching the world massage championships in Ukraine or something! And there’s some really different techniques. Try YouTubing massage championships (if just for the oddly relaxing ASMR properties)

PurpleDaisies · 14/01/2022 14:36

more that I just wonder if this is something he does intentionally for a sense of power.

It sounds like you felt like something was off about this man. Have I got that right?

Original poster
Dodgyornotdodgy · 14/01/2022 14:36

@Santaisstilleatingmincepies

The thing is it did make me wonder if this constitutes cheating. I would be pretty annoyed if DH were having so much fun during a massage.

OP posts:
DobbyTheHouseElk · 14/01/2022 14:37

Now you say it’s not in the UK. Ok, yes it probably is normal. I had a massage in Turkey which was odd at times. But my colleague went to Turkey a year or so after me, different hotel etc. same experience.

TakeMeToKernow · 14/01/2022 14:37

Sorry Dodgy, no offence meant Blush I hope it was just innocent!

KO81 · 14/01/2022 14:37

I had a weird massage once from a male masseuse, only he straight up grazed my vulva each time he massaged my thighs from the back. It was hideous. Worse as it was part of a couple’s massage on holiday and I was inches from my H. I felt assaulted. I was assaulted. I complained after. I genuinely felt frozen during it. Sorry that’s against the ha-ha tone of this thread.

iklboo · 14/01/2022 14:38

If I'm reading it right, the masseuse didn't touch OP's vulva or clitoris, but the positioning of her thigh meant his movements made her thigh rub against them?

Desmondo2021 · 14/01/2022 14:38

I'm confused why you would wear paper knickers for a massage?

wizzywig · 14/01/2022 14:38

So who is this Brian from Hull?

saleorbouy · 14/01/2022 14:39

You should send that diagram into the Editor of More magazine for the position of the fortnight! Not sure what you'd call the position though!

DobbyTheHouseElk · 14/01/2022 14:39

@iklboo

If I'm reading it right, the masseuse didn't touch OP's vulva or clitoris, but the positioning of her thigh meant his movements made her thigh rub against them?
Yes.
PurpleDaisies · 14/01/2022 14:39

@Desmondo2021

I'm confused why you would wear paper knickers for a massage?
Because that’s often the instruction when you go for a full body massage with oil.
Original poster
Dodgyornotdodgy · 14/01/2022 14:40

@KO81

I’m sorry to hear of your experience

@iklboo

Correct

@Desmondo2021

I don’t understand why so many people are commenting on this - I’ve been offered paper knickers plenty of times at massages and prefer them. I think it’s perfectly normal?!

OP posts:
IDontHaveThePelvisForAFuton · 14/01/2022 14:41

I'm confused. Who is Brian and who cooked a steak?

PurpleDaisies · 14/01/2022 14:41

@iklboo

If I'm reading it right, the masseuse didn't touch OP's vulva or clitoris, but the positioning of her thigh meant his movements made her thigh rub against them?
Yes, and she is questioning if the masseur might have done that on purpose.

Unfortunately, hardly any posters have actually taken that seriously and have taken this potential unwanted sexual touching as an opportunity for making jokes.

Original poster
Dodgyornotdodgy · 14/01/2022 14:42

@DobbyTheHouseElk

I have had a very bizarre and uncomfortable experience with an overzealous Thai masseuse with 0 boundaries. That made me upset and I would never go back.

this is different because I don’t know what the intent was and also because it was enjoyable to me.

OP posts:
HemanOrSheRa · 14/01/2022 14:43

I know what you mean OP. Years ago I watched a documentary about people's sex lives. There was an Australian male 'escort' who was very popular. They interviewed some of his clients. He was very ordinary looking but did something similar to what you describe as part of 'the service'! He'd be middle aged or so now. Was the masseuse an older Australian man?!

givememarmite · 14/01/2022 14:44

@Dodgyornotdodgy

Are you based in Hull and was the masseuse named Brian perchance?

You need to supply additional information of your own and potentially a diagram given the specific nature of this question!

Everyone who is asking if they can visit, he is in mainland Europe.

I was going to ask if you were maybe not in the UK (specifically Western Europe) as in my experience of massage in Germany this is quite common. Did you book a full body massage? This is generally when they will massage pretty much all of your body. A shoulder, back and leg massage on the other hand would go down your back to just below the top of your knickers and up your legs to almost the top of your thighs.

I found it quite unnerving the first time it happened to me (although I will say I didn't feel aroused by it) but when I asked my friends about it they all assured me it was normal here. I don't book fully body massages any more.

I hope you feel ok, if it was in a hotel you could maybe speak to someone at reception or the concierge about it? Ask if they have any guidelines you could read?

Original poster
Dodgyornotdodgy · 14/01/2022 14:44

@HemanOrSheRa

He was not Australian but he was older

I just find it hard to believe that from the motion/angle he didn’t know what he was doing

But then I do agree with the poster about men not really understanding arousing women very well in general

OP posts:
purpleboy · 14/01/2022 14:44

Op this thread has made me laugh, (the diagrams really) but on reflection I'm with @PurpleDaisies. It seems rather inappropriate to laugh at a potential sexual assault.
I get the position you mean as DH massages me a lot and that's the area he concentrates on with my legs in the same position as your diagram before we have sex.
I think regardless of if it was intentional or not (we can't possibly know) you should report it to someone, you won't be the only one who is uncomfortable and he needs to be told if he is massaging inappropriately, so that no one else has to go through it.