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Original poster

Another private school thread

166 replies

nearly4o · 14/01/2022 12:49

I guess iI am looking for endorsement of our schooling approach as I am from very worki mg class background and private school is a lot of money that could be spent paying off mortgage .

We have two DC. DC1 is nearly 7 and going into yr 3 In September. He is in an infant school now and needs to move anyway for yr 3. He had very bad glue ear which delayed him with speaking and impacted his overall progression in reception. That has been fixed now and he has had speech therapy but he is ~1 ye behind academically more or less. Sometimes we aee the other kid's work through the app and it is light-years ahead of our son. He is getting swallowed up in a class of 30. Has said multiple times when he puts his hand up to ask Qs, no one comes
To see him.

Daughter age 5 in reception. Already reading and writing. No concerns.

There is a prep school close by with class size 15. It is no selective and they have space.

The junior school achieves below average results in reading and maths.

The prep is £10k per year plus uniforms etc

I earn £70k plus shares worth between £15k-£20k per year. Husband is leaving his job in May (he has to) and is yet to secure employment but he will have a £10k a year pension.

Mortgage £1600
Plus usual bills probably £3k per month in bills -

My take home is £4K.

I feel a bit queasy about the risk given husband's job situation. But don't want to fail my child.

He does have tuition currently as well once a week.

Don't want to regret not sending him in 4 years when he is even further behind going into secondary school.

Then obvs the question of do we send our daughter as well?

Thoughts ?

OP posts:
gobbledygoook · 14/01/2022 12:54

This is quite tough, but ultimately I wouldn't send him OP. Private school is so much more than fees, it's uniforms, sports kits, extra curricular activities, after school clubs, trips etc etc. I went to one - the "fees" similar to the ones you've quoted, I know my parents spent double that at least per year to kit me out and let me do all of the opportunities I could.

If you take home about 4K pm - it's almost 25% of your annual income (more if you send DC2). Could you not spend more on out of school tuition / learning aids / 1:1 therapy etc to bring your DC up to speed?

Original poster
nearly4o · 14/01/2022 13:01

@gobbledygoook
It would only be for prep. We will send to state senior school. It isn't a super expensive school. But I will check the cost of uniform and clubs.

Husband currently takes home £3.2k per month as well but that will end in May. Hopefully he will find a job between now and then!

OP posts:
Original poster
nearly4o · 14/01/2022 13:03

Sorry for all typos as well. On my phone!

OP posts:
Handholding587 · 14/01/2022 13:06

The fact that you are working class has no bearing on your situation. Many children from working class backgrounds attend private schools. But, I wouldn't send one child to a private school and not the other. If both go, it would be a financial stretch.

If I were you I would look at the current school's curriculum in detail. For some schools this will be on their website, and if not, you could ask the school which maths and English topics your child will be covering shortly. Then you can either work with him in those topics, or ask a tutor. This way, he will be more confident when he does the work at school.

There are lots of online exercises, you could try Twinkl for some. Or books from either eBay or Amazon.

These are some options to try before considering private education.

OhMrDarcy · 14/01/2022 13:06

I think prep school is affordable for you. Check with the bursar what sort of spending on clubs/trips they expect.

Our school had one Y6 trip at £500 but other outward bound trips at £250 a go were optional and most kids went once in year 5 or 6. Clubs should have a charge of maybe £4 a session for things like ballet/judo etc. Wraparound care should be minimal, uniforms maybe a one off cost of £500-600 incl sports kit and then as needed to replace and/or sell via the second hand shop. You'd have to buy school shoes etc anyway, presumably?

Most schools have a real mix of parents, some flush with funds, others not so much.

Dragongirl10 · 14/01/2022 13:08

If you are at any point wanting to pull your Ds up to his normal academic level this would be the time to do it, before senior school.
Your dd does not have the same disadvantage so there is no point sending her to a prep to make a 'fair' point.

if it were me l would really look at affordability, trips are optional, ours have never done a school trip at their independent schools due to cost and it hasn't been an issue. Most have second hand uniform shops, majority of our uniforms have been second hand. No one cares.
There should be many included extra curricular clubs and activities to stick to.
Yes in an ideal world it would be lovely to allow unlimited clubs and extra activities but what is most important is that your Ds makes up lost academic time as that is the main factor for his future.
Work out what the cost till Senior school would be, and really look at your outgoings, will you DH be expecting to work and what is his likely income?

Lastly and perhaps most importantly, go and ask the hard questions of the Prep, how many hours of English and Maths weekly, how much individual support is there exactly, how much one on one for your son? What additional support....you would be sending him for a specific reason and want to be confident they can deliver...
If you are not convinced they are going to achieve the result you want put your money into weekend and school holiday tutoring

MatildaTheCat · 14/01/2022 13:08

You could buy a lot of good quality one to one tuition for a lot less.

Having said that I’d be tempted IF I was very sure that DH would be earning. Can he do other work while he job hunts?

We sent one of our DC to an independent school and I’ve got zero regrets. All DC are different and need dif things.

RocketAndAFuckingMelon · 14/01/2022 13:12

I would. Not just for the academic results but for his confidence if he's being 'swallowed up' in a big group. And it sounds like he would do Y3 - 4 private while his sister is in Y1 - 2, so there would only be two years (him Y5 - 6, her Y3 - 4) when you were doing it for both of them?

I wouldn't do it for one but not the other though, if the junior school has poor results, even if she seems to be doing okay.

Mumsafan · 14/01/2022 13:12

I would say go with a private tutor to get him up to speed. Especially if you're only planning on him being there for a few years.

RedskyThisNight · 14/01/2022 13:12

You need to be very careful that the private school will give you what you want. Smaller class sizes does not necessarily mean more attention. Is the private school set up to cater for a full ability range or will it expect your child to fit a particular "mould"?

Have you done a full comparison with whatever junior school he would otherwise move on to?

Handholding587 · 14/01/2022 13:14

It would only be for prep. We will send to state senior school
Private schools' main function is to prepare the children for independent secondary schools. So much of the work will be focussed on that. Don't you think your child would feel left out when he knows that all, or most of his friends will go on to private secondaries, and he won't?

Easternfells · 14/01/2022 13:14

I would send him, it’s only for 4 years and I don’t think it’s unfair on his sister. I have found private school fees to be inclusive of everything (including food), apart from individual music lessons. Uniform costs a bit more, but there shouldn’t be any nasty surprises on top of the fees.

FoggySpecs · 14/01/2022 13:15

I would go for intense one to one tutoring and support him yourself so that he can make up for lost ground. Even in smaller classes children can get overlooked. Maybe you could do 30 minutes extra a day something fun like read aloud to him then he reads aloud to you, in my experience that works wonders. Move your finger under the words as you read. Then get the tutor to do stuff that is on the curriculum. Also build learning opportunities into everyday things ie arranging peas on the plate can help with maths etc.

LakeShoreD · 14/01/2022 13:16

Tough one, I’d personally say no don’t do it. Financially it’s really really tight. Uniform costs are insane, I’ve honestly still spent thousands. You really can’t send one sibling but not the other so you’d need to budget for 2. Would you need wraparound care if your DH went back to work? Private schools have much longer holiday and you usually find there’s nothing running outside of the state school holidays. Also, is there an assessment for 7+ entry? Would you expect him to meet their standard if he’s that behind? If it were me, especially as private secondary isn’t on the cards, I’d find a good tutor to help him catch up and if you think it would help, continue the speech therapy privately.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 14/01/2022 13:16

If you do this for your DS I think you have to for your DD as well. 20k a year sounds a lot to find.

Claireshh · 14/01/2022 13:22

I did it. My son also had glue ear and trouble writing. He was absolutely disappearing. We moved him around the same age. Best thing we have ever done. The progress he has made is astonishing. We live in a grammar school area so he has been prepping for 11+ entry exams and got a great score. This wouldn’t have happened if we had kept him in his previous school.

Liverbird77 · 14/01/2022 13:23

I would do it without a shadow of a doubt.

We are choosing to send ours to private prep because the local primary schools, despite being Ofsted outstanding, are simply not up to scratch.
Also, I don't want them going to a faith school, and two out of the three have religious characters.

It's a personal decision.
Don't feel you have to keep up with other people. We have no intention of joining the annual ski trip, for example, because we are simply not interested!

EmmaGrundyForPM · 14/01/2022 13:24

I don't understand why people think it would be unfair to send your son and not your daughter. As a child, I was sent to a private school because my sister needed (in my parents view) a smaller more nurturing school and they felt they couldn't send one and not the other.

The local state school which I would have attended had much better results than the private school, plus if I had gone there I would have had local friends whereas the private school had girls from all over.

You are choosing the schools that best meet your children's needs. Why would you move your dd, who is clearly doing well, to a school with poorer academic outcomes?

thewhatsit · 14/01/2022 13:24

@OhMrDarcy

I think prep school is affordable for you. Check with the bursar what sort of spending on clubs/trips they expect.

Our school had one Y6 trip at £500 but other outward bound trips at £250 a go were optional and most kids went once in year 5 or 6. Clubs should have a charge of maybe £4 a session for things like ballet/judo etc. Wraparound care should be minimal, uniforms maybe a one off cost of £500-600 incl sports kit and then as needed to replace and/or sell via the second hand shop. You'd have to buy school shoes etc anyway, presumably?

Most schools have a real mix of parents, some flush with funds, others not so much.

Agree with this.

And I think the school uniform thing is over done. Pretty much everyone at our Prep school uses the second hand uniform sale in some way. It’s miles cheaper and easier.

I pay for clubs but nothing is mandatory and I’d be putting my DC in lots of clubs at a state school too.

Hoppinggreen · 14/01/2022 13:27

I would do it in your shoes.
Your DH won’t have a job from May so I think you need to base it just on your salary and it’s pretty tight on that and you WOULD need to send your daughter as well.
Please don’t feel you are “failing” your son at all though

Hoppinggreen · 14/01/2022 13:27

Sorry I meant WOULDNT!!!

AngelinaFibres · 14/01/2022 13:29

@nearly4o

I guess iI am looking for endorsement of our schooling approach as I am from very worki mg class background and private school is a lot of money that could be spent paying off mortgage .

We have two DC. DC1 is nearly 7 and going into yr 3 In September. He is in an infant school now and needs to move anyway for yr 3. He had very bad glue ear which delayed him with speaking and impacted his overall progression in reception. That has been fixed now and he has had speech therapy but he is ~1 ye behind academically more or less. Sometimes we aee the other kid's work through the app and it is light-years ahead of our son. He is getting swallowed up in a class of 30. Has said multiple times when he puts his hand up to ask Qs, no one comes
To see him.

Daughter age 5 in reception. Already reading and writing. No concerns.

There is a prep school close by with class size 15. It is no selective and they have space.

The junior school achieves below average results in reading and maths.

The prep is £10k per year plus uniforms etc

I earn £70k plus shares worth between £15k-£20k per year. Husband is leaving his job in May (he has to) and is yet to secure employment but he will have a £10k a year pension.

Mortgage £1600
Plus usual bills probably £3k per month in bills -

My take home is £4K.

I feel a bit queasy about the risk given husband's job situation. But don't want to fail my child.

He does have tuition currently as well once a week.

Don't want to regret not sending him in 4 years when he is even further behind going into secondary school.

Then obvs the question of do we send our daughter as well?

Thoughts ?

You cannot send one and not the other. Far better to stay in the state system and pay for a tutor as he gets older. You can also do the work the speech therapist does with him between sessions. If your husband is between jobs he can spend lots of time with his son, talking and reading and stimulating his speech and language. Once you are in the private system it is very hard to leave it. Sixth form fees are generally eye watering as are all the extras you will feel pressured to pay for.
hivemindneeded · 14/01/2022 13:29

My thoughts on private schools are:

If you can afford them for all your children and they are the best schools locally, academically and pastorally (equally important) then don't hesitate to consider them. Your child gets one chance at an education.

If money is a bit tight, private secondary schools are way more beneficial than private primaries and juniors. A bright, well-cared for child can get into any top private school from state primary with a little tutoring to familiarise them with the exams.

What matters most of all is that your child has the right education for them, whatever it is - state, private, grammar, home-schooled, boarding, day - doesn't matter, so long as they thrive and can learn in that environment.

lastqueenofscotland · 14/01/2022 13:29

I wouldn’t. I think on a single income it’s far too tight with your existing outgoings.
You could spend half that and get a really really outstanding tutor

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 14/01/2022 13:34

I think those figures would be ok for one child but very tight for both. I really, really would not send your DS and not your DD. So I’d wait until/if your DH gets another similarly paying job. Even if he does though I would only go for it if you like the school very much indeed.