Another private school thread

[nearly4o]

I guess iI am looking for endorsement of our schooling approach as I am from very worki mg class background and private school is a lot of money that could be spent paying off mortgage .

We have two DC. DC1 is nearly 7 and going into yr 3 In September. He is in an infant school now and needs to move anyway for yr 3. He had very bad glue ear which delayed him with speaking and impacted his overall progression in reception. That has been fixed now and he has had speech therapy but he is ~1 ye behind academically more or less. Sometimes we aee the other kid's work through the app and it is light-years ahead of our son. He is getting swallowed up in a class of 30. Has said multiple times when he puts his hand up to ask Qs, no one comes
To see him.

Daughter age 5 in reception. Already reading and writing. No concerns.

There is a prep school close by with class size 15. It is no selective and they have space.

The junior school achieves below average results in reading and maths.

The prep is £10k per year plus uniforms etc

I earn £70k plus shares worth between £15k-£20k per year. Husband is leaving his job in May (he has to) and is yet to secure employment but he will have a £10k a year pension.

Mortgage £1600
Plus usual bills probably £3k per month in bills -

My take home is £4K.

I feel a bit queasy about the risk given husband's job situation. But don't want to fail my child.

He does have tuition currently as well once a week.

Don't want to regret not sending him in 4 years when he is even further behind going into secondary school.

Then obvs the question of do we send our daughter as well?

Thoughts ?

I don't really understand the culture shock issue between moving from a private primary to a state secondary. Surely is happens up and down the country without issue and plenty of kids go to small rural schools and then large secondary.

The 10k pension is from May when he leaves his current job.

A one to one tutor to help him after school is a better option OP

@nearly4o

I don't really understand the culture shock issue between moving from a private primary to a state secondary. Surely is happens up and down the country without issue and plenty of kids go to small rural schools and then large secondary.

Exactly.

My very large stste grammar school had two private prep schools attached to it, and the children from both those preps just moved up into the grammar (if they got the grades) like all the other children who came from about 10-15 other primary schools ranging from rural small to large city primaries.

PearPickingPorky Grammar is completely different given selection . There is also an industry in some preps specialising in grammar prep. Most grammars are no where near representative of the populations they serve.

I had a friend who was bullied mercilessly after coming from a prep to our rather shit secondary. She stood out, her accent was different and she was a fish out of water and didn’t have friends at the school. She’d never really been exposed to children from challenging backgrounds and everything about the secondary was just a bit crap compared to what she’d been used to. Her friends from prep had all gone to very impressive schools and she was pissed off about ‘downgrading’

Which is why I say be very confident in what the state secondaries offer locally and the demographics before doing it. If you’re in an area where loads of prep kids end up at the state then crack on, if your child would be the odd one out then give it some thought.

He may well not have a diagnosable special need op, but an Educational Psychologist assessment will really help you to understand his strengths and weaknesses.

Targeted support will yield better results more quickly.

Also, not all special needs translate into behavioural difficulties - my youngest child is brilliantly behaved and fantastic socially. He is still very behind at school which is why we are trying to understand more about his needs.

I will look into the educational physiologist suggestion and see if it is a possibility. Might need to pay for a private assessment potentially.

The state secondary is in bar next town and is a very affluent town. It gets really good results, lots of extra curricular, trips , visits etc. I am
Not concerned about going from private into that school.

Good luck ! Schooling is a tough choice

Remember - you don’t have to move the younger child right now, but wait a couple of years

Does the prep have multiple entry ways ? Ours has 3 stages for intake

I also think you must check the prep and it’s style … are the parents a mixed bunch ? Is the school good at not pushing parents to commit extra payments ? Ours is also about £10k and does trips and food in that price . Many parents get hand me downs , second hand uniform

The school is lovely and nurturing and they get good care
However - pupils with complex needs are better cared for in state . In state there are govt programmes for one to one assistance and specialists who are employed by the council to cover a range of local schools. At our prep - we have to pay for extras like educational psychologists and speech therapy etc

It does sound like your boy is unhappy and a reboot would help him
Keeping him there and drowning him in tutoring won’t help if he just doesn’t enjoy going to his current school.

You may decide after a couple of years to delay your daughter and just provide her with private 6th form or senior school private - it doesn’t have to be exactly equal to feel equal. She may need a lot of gymnastics / sporting coaching if that’s her talent … and She didn’t have glue ear ! Her needs are different !

I think getting him up to speed before secondary makes sense.

If you don't do private school, I recommend tuition with a heavy emphasis on Maths.

@nearly4o Interested to know whether you have made a devision?

I would send and did send dd2 in similar iah circumstances. She attended from March year 1 until end of year 2. She arrived unable to recognise the alphabet left able to read and on line with peers in her year 3.class she arrived in.

Dd1 and dd3 never.got to go private (and we moved as well) we stretched ourselves to afford it but it was worth it. Ahe had needs her siblings didnt.

Treating your children equally does not mean treating them the same.

Who tested him for a dyslexia? Did you use a BDA approved assessor? If you are talking about a screening at school they are useful for some children as an indicator but miss plenty of children unfortunately.

I know a few of the parents already from my old work place and it is a good mix. Our GP's children go as well to the private school . Bumped into him there one time.

His teacher did the dyslexia test. I don't know if she was an approved assessor.

@Pottedpalm we have a tour booked on the 31st. I want to talk to the head teacher before we make a decision

Just a couple more thoughts:

My teen struggled a lot in primary. We couldn't afford to send her to a smaller classroom in a local private school, so we muddled along with extra support at home. If you take that route, IME just 10 minutes a day with a structured programme like Dancing Bears can make enough of a difference to bring a child along in reading (not overnight, but a noticeable improvement eventually, and in our case, it happened in a positive way without tears). Dancing Bears was recommended to me many years ago on MN when I posted under a different username.

Ten minutes a day was about the most she could handle after a long day at school. If we'd tried to hire a tutor for 30 minute sessions after school, I think she would have dug in and resisted it.

Teen is still struggling with some subjects in secondary, and we're thinking of getting the Ed Psych in. I'm not sure how much better she would have fared if we'd been able to send her to our local private schools as a junior: a lot of them have a bullying culture among the students, and the staff are known to allow it, lest they offend well-to-do parents.

My big temptation/FOMO with the private primaries is that they had a huge variety of extracurricular activities within the school communities, so she would have definitely had an easy chance to discover more hobbies and passions, and build up her confidence at school in something not academic.

@nearly4o

I know a few of the parents already from my old work place and it is a good mix. Our GP's children go as well to the private school . Bumped into him there one time.

His teacher did the dyslexia test. I don't know if she was an approved assessor.

His teacher will have done a screening test....to be honest they aren't accurate, it's highly unlikely she is a BDA assessor. A BDA assessor will cost around £550 and the assessment will take a couple of hours. At the end of the assessment you will get a detailed report.

Thats an unfair broad brush re bullying

You can happen in all sorts of schools - and I know kids many families who take their kids out of the local primary due to bullying and find a haven in the prep school

I would keep with the tutor and maybe have the tutor twice a week.

Don’t not think that private school gives better SEN support this isn’t necessarily the case as I am finding out and we are relying on the support of a tutor (even though ds private school has a reputation of giving good SEN support)

I also wouldn’t send one to a private school and one to a state school unless living in a very mc area.

And also don’t believe that class and background doesn’t matter it does it’s plays out at school their is a pretence it doesn’t it’s nonsense. The children are extremely privileged some so more than others (and a few who have full bursary). Your child will pick up on this the level of entitlement I find astonishing (as so do a few parents I know who are from a similar background to myself) it’s hard work keeping ds grounded and the pressure is harsh many children are struggling with mh issues (though money buys the support needed)

Of course their is the plus side lovely school, smaller classes, little bullying, little distraction from troubled pupils. Ds is doing fairly well and happy at school but it’s far from perfect and the expectations on children (and parents support) is very high

Finding a good tutor is so helpful (and corn entrance exam time the majority will have a tutor but for some bizarre reason this is denied by most)

@DishwashDogsDickens

Thats an unfair broad brush re bullying

You can happen in all sorts of schools - and I know kids many families who take their kids out of the local primary due to bullying and find a haven in the prep school

I was speaking more about the private schools local to me. The info about bullying culture (at more than one of them, unfortunately) has emerged over several years. You're right that not every school will have that kind of culture though, and I know one private schooling family found a much kinder school community when they moved their DC to a new private school in a different city.

I was thinking it was more something to look out for. Some of the private schooling families I know were very swayed by what kind of education and opportunities they could buy, and were shocked to learn about bullying and a "don't tell" culture later.

Don’t send one and not the other, this happened in our family. It’s so unfair.

I know people don't always read the whole thread but we will also move our DD to the private school when she goes into Yr 3. The same as DS will have done . We won't send one and not the other

@nearly4o

I know a few of the parents already from my old work place and it is a good mix. Our GP's children go as well to the private school . Bumped into him there one time.

His teacher did the dyslexia test. I don't know if she was an approved assessor.

It’s highly unlikely that his classroom teacher is a qualified assessor and I’m afraid that dyslexia assessment won’t be worth the paper it’s written on. A reputable specialist teacher won’t assess for dyslexia (as distinct from screening) until age 7 at minimum. A proper assessment would be a very worthwhile investment.

Having had poor experience with Independent schools abs DS be careful. Do they 'get it'? Will they teach all kids the same and try to make your DS fit their mould ( this happens a lot)? Are they multi sensory teachers? Do they use technology in class or would your DS be able to use technology? How Do they communicate learning needs all teachers etc. ask the right questions first. Independent is not always better so check well first... we went down the Dyslexia School route after 5 wasted years of fees. Look at CRESTED website for information

I forgot to say Independent ls also major on taking responsibility for yourself and resilience. Kids who are not resilient or take a bit longer to build resilience can get bullied.

Went to visit the school this morning. It has less than 100 students across all pre prep and prep. The teachers were friendly and the head teacher said all the right things about pastoral care.