Another private school thread

[nearly4o]

I guess iI am looking for endorsement of our schooling approach as I am from very worki mg class background and private school is a lot of money that could be spent paying off mortgage .

We have two DC. DC1 is nearly 7 and going into yr 3 In September. He is in an infant school now and needs to move anyway for yr 3. He had very bad glue ear which delayed him with speaking and impacted his overall progression in reception. That has been fixed now and he has had speech therapy but he is ~1 ye behind academically more or less. Sometimes we aee the other kid's work through the app and it is light-years ahead of our son. He is getting swallowed up in a class of 30. Has said multiple times when he puts his hand up to ask Qs, no one comes
To see him.

Daughter age 5 in reception. Already reading and writing. No concerns.

There is a prep school close by with class size 15. It is no selective and they have space.

The junior school achieves below average results in reading and maths.

The prep is £10k per year plus uniforms etc

I earn £70k plus shares worth between £15k-£20k per year. Husband is leaving his job in May (he has to) and is yet to secure employment but he will have a £10k a year pension.

Mortgage £1600
Plus usual bills probably £3k per month in bills -

My take home is £4K.

I feel a bit queasy about the risk given husband's job situation. But don't want to fail my child.

He does have tuition currently as well once a week.

Don't want to regret not sending him in 4 years when he is even further behind going into secondary school.

Then obvs the question of do we send our daughter as well?

Thoughts ?

Husband is still employed at the moment. And he is job hunting. He is an engineer so hopeful he will find something! Even if he takes a 10k pay cut, his pension tops him back up. He currently earns £50k

We would look to send daughter when she is going into yr 3 as well. Husband thinks she would love it there. And he is probably right.

As much as I would love to think I can help him get where he needs to be, he will not do school work at home. He is so upset at how much he struggles with it that he refuses. He cries in school over his maths.

But he is smart in other ways - can play chess, Rumikub , knows all the Pokémon and dinosaurs and mastered minecraft without issue. But academically he never recovered . Plus it turns out he was stuffing to see the white board and they didn't notice until yr 2.

But agree that we need to make sure that the school will actually help him. They are non selective so no issue on getting in.

We have friends whose kids are there who are going to state school.

Going to state secondary that should say

If you’re going to pay for either prep or senior, definitely definitely definitely pay for senior. Speaking as an experienced teacher of both private and state!

Surely their will be a problem only going to private senior school as the academic gap will be too big by then if he’s already behind?

I wouldn't send him. If he needs additional support he's likely better off in state with good provision. A couple of friends have found out the hard way when they have had to pay on top of fees for additional support.

I'd get a tutor.

I’d go for it. A tutor wouldn’t be the same - he’ll be tired after a whole day of school and he might end up being resentful of having to do extra work.

Your husband will presumably get a job at some point, so even if money will be tight for a while, it won’t be forever, and you’ll never get these years back.

He does have a very good tutor but she can only do 1 he per week. I don't want to overload him with lots of different people.

The school does have an excellent holidau club which we have used as Tbey are open to all. Reasonably priced. It is quite a smal school. Only about 100 kids in total.

I think one to one tuition would actually be better for your DS to help him catch up. He is still going to be 1 of 15 in the new school.

You could apply for a place at the prep for next September anyway and see whether he would still benefit from being in a smaller class then or whether tutoring has helped him catch up to where he should be. You would also know by then whether your DH has found a job and you can afford it although you may have to pay a deposit to secure the place.

It'll be really hard on him to switch him back from prep to a state school socially and academically. I

Can you find a decent state school locally and then look to fund secondary?

I wouldn't. So many reasons - firstly you may be sailing very close to the wind financially if your husband doesn't get a new, well paid job. Secondly, prep school provision is very variable Yes, the class sizes are smaller, but that often means less TA support. In a smaller school they may not have good learning support, and as a private school they may charge you for any learning support that your son may need. I've seen many children who are behind failed by private schools. Additionally, he won't be with his peer group going up to secondary school and that could really impact his confidence again. Do you have any choice over which school he goes to for juniors? Can you talk to the prospective junior school about your concerns? If your husband ends up being at home for a while, could this be a fantastic opportunity to build on the progress he has made. Your husband could read with him, play story cubes, getting him to help with reading recipes, play games involving counting, etc. Could you invest in apps/programmes like TT Rock Stars, Atom Learning etc? It sounds like your son has done really well to get from being speech delayed and hearing impaired to only being about a year behind average. I think you should have confidence in him and yourselves as a family to continue that progress.

I wouldn't dismiss private senior for any reasons. I was earning £23k a year but put my son through private prep. It was so soexpensive and no bursaries available for prep.
However despite the financial cost it brought him up academically to a terrific level. He consequently won a senior school fee reduction and I now pay under £200 a month against the usual £13k fees. Without that initial sacrifice he would not be where he is today.
If you want to do it badly enough - on your salary you can more than manage it.

@nearly4o

Going to state secondary that should say

I think that Private Primary to State Secondary is usually a much bigger change than the other way around

@CrimbleCrumble1

Surely their will be a problem only going to private senior school as the academic gap will be too big by then if he’s already behind?

Not necessarily Both mine have done this and very bright DD was still top of all classes and average DS was still about average

Are there different state primary options which would suit him better?
Could he get more support in current school?
How much have you talked your current concerns through with school?
I went to state primary and secondary but my youngest sister went to private primary.
All her friends went on to private secondary, while she travelled to a state grammar (because my parents could never really afford the fees). She was really unhappy at secondary school, and unless your child is unhappy where they are I would work on improving things where they are.

Many children from working class backgrounds attend private schools.

@Handholding587 only 7% of children go to private schools, and most of them are not working class, so - no, this really isn't true.

It might also be worth seeing if the school will be open to offering you a discount.

I totally understand the fear of a child being swalled up in large classes. But school is not just for formal learning. Is he happy there ? Could you spend the money on tuition and other fun things that are good for him like holidays. Remember a lot of school learning is stuff like recycling songs and being a good friend etc !

I would be very concerned about money spent on a private school that gers below average results even with half the class size !

Have you looked at any other schools ?

Not really any other state schools he could go to.

The state junior has 90 per year group across 3 classes . It is huge. And whilst yes he does like his infant school and his friends - they all live in the same village so he will see them all The time at beavers, football, play dates etc.

The private school is 1.5 miles away in next village but really close.

I think biggest takeaway is to see what they will do for him to catch him up

Good star to anyone who can read this.....

Gold

Hi OP,
I think your son probably would benefit from the move and I'm on the fence about whether you do the same for your daughter - whatever you prefer.

I wanted to suggest that you review your home and bills to make the finances work.

Do you live in a hugely expensive area? Are you paying £1600 for a 3 bed flat/semi or a four bed detached? Would you be able to downsize to free up up to 1k each month? (Depends where you live and your equity).

When you say 3k of bills do you mean including the mortgage or on top of the mortgage?

What are these bills that add up to £1600/3k?

Council tax (£200?), gas & electric (£200 with bills going up), water £100 if you live in the south west maybe, another £100 for car insurance (for 2) , £100 car maintenance (for 2) £100 sundries - tv licence/ life insurance...that's £800 a month.

Are you paying £5/6/7 hundred each month for cars on HP? Expensive phones on contract £80 odd, £100 on sky. I think if you review your bills you must be able to save a packet - especially if the 3k is on top of the mortgage.

Good luck

Do his teachers say he is behind? What are they doing to address this? He has 2 more terms at his current school regardless of what you decide and remember that very many children of his age group have missed a lot of schooling due to Covid.

I actually think that writing is not too bad (it's better than my DC's was at the start of Year 2) and "writing" is about putting words together and making sentences, not really handwriting anyway.

That's partly why I asked what his teacher says. If you're reliant on "on show" work, the school may well be picking the best children to showcase.

My DD also drowned in state primary. She has ADHD and ASD and fell behind but is flourishing in her small all girls private school. Class sizes are 12 and it's exactly what she needed.

I'm a single mum by the way, I have a good career and earn good money but mortgage etc of course so it was a bit of a stretch but worth every penny.

As the prep is non selective, what is their provision like for additional needs / SEN? Have you approached them and what is their suggestion?

I think it is entirely possible to send one child to state and one privately. If your dd does fine academically, you could choose private tuition to fill the gaps from the junior school. I know a couple of families who do this, who have multiple children. They send their kids to the school best suited to them. One diverted to a nurturing private due to mental health issues, one sent to one state secondary, the other two sent to another state secondary.

I would be concerned with banking on sending your ds to state secondary. This is generally the sort of approach parents take if they are in an 11+ area and send their children to the selective school if they pass and continue with private schooling if not. Selective state secondaries are renowned for good discipline as the kids want to learn.

I don’t know what your local state secondary is like. But large schools especially have to be very strict. My dd recently changed from one such outstanding ofsted rated school to a relatively small private school because she wasn’t able to be herself and was stuck in a rut, not leading to capacity. Her school was tough, private is so lovely in comparison and your ds could potentially go from being very protected and nurtured in a private school to being treated as barely human.

It seems year 7s from my discussions with parents with children in a few schools are protected from the older kids to ease transition. However by Yr8 if not before they are fully integrated in the wider population with incidents like a kid bringing a lighter to school and using it near others endangering setting them on fire / trying to burn wood, physical fights, threats of violence, vindictive bullying, bringing knives when in a fight, the last not used on school premises but just around the corner after school. All these things were perpetrated by children in the same year group as dd in her former school within the last year (Jan yr8 to Jan yr9). One offs maybe, rather they were things reported by my dd. She also reported that in yr8 there were supply teachers brought in, who were so scared of the kids that they were shaking. Yr8 is age 11-12.

Ok these are far and few between. But they do happen and you should be aware that your ds may really struggle if returned to state. So if you do send him to state school, choose to live well within catchment of a smaller secondary. Until it was too late, we thought dd would probably get into one of the smaller states but it didn’t work out that way. And when it didn’t we didn’t realise it would be so wrong for her. Just because traditionally kids from your area get into the nice out of catchment state doesn’t mean yours will. Policies change, houses are built, parents within catchment and with a choice of 2 schools pick the one you could have sent your kid to a couple of years ago etc.

So think hard about what you’re doing. And look at your red lines. If you embark on this route, what are you prepared to give up to perpetuate it? And what happens if your dd also wants to go privately in secondary?

90 in a year is not huge for a state junior school by the way! I'd say that was a bit bigger than average. My DC went to a 120 in a year junior school and it never felt too big - and they had more opportunities than they would at a smaller school (including the ability to do small group provision for those that needed particular focus). The private school you are considering is particularly small, and that's not necessarily a bonus at junior level where the DC develop strong ideas about interests and friendships and want to find someone like minded.

What's the intake of the juniors? Remember that below average results does not mean "bad school" is the intake reflects that.