Another private school thread

[nearly4o]

I guess iI am looking for endorsement of our schooling approach as I am from very worki mg class background and private school is a lot of money that could be spent paying off mortgage .

We have two DC. DC1 is nearly 7 and going into yr 3 In September. He is in an infant school now and needs to move anyway for yr 3. He had very bad glue ear which delayed him with speaking and impacted his overall progression in reception. That has been fixed now and he has had speech therapy but he is ~1 ye behind academically more or less. Sometimes we aee the other kid's work through the app and it is light-years ahead of our son. He is getting swallowed up in a class of 30. Has said multiple times when he puts his hand up to ask Qs, no one comes
To see him.

Daughter age 5 in reception. Already reading and writing. No concerns.

There is a prep school close by with class size 15. It is no selective and they have space.

The junior school achieves below average results in reading and maths.

The prep is £10k per year plus uniforms etc

I earn £70k plus shares worth between £15k-£20k per year. Husband is leaving his job in May (he has to) and is yet to secure employment but he will have a £10k a year pension.

Mortgage £1600
Plus usual bills probably £3k per month in bills -

My take home is £4K.

I feel a bit queasy about the risk given husband's job situation. But don't want to fail my child.

He does have tuition currently as well once a week.

Don't want to regret not sending him in 4 years when he is even further behind going into secondary school.

Then obvs the question of do we send our daughter as well?

Thoughts ?

I also tutor, however I feel tutoring is for one area of weakness/difficulty. If a child is overwhelmingly behind, lacking confidence and feeling sidelined in a large class, thats a heck of a lot of intervention needed, and he still has to do the class part every day.
A class of 16 would give him a chance to grow in confidence and tackle the learning issues during the school day.
Personally, I wouldn’t hesitate to make the move,

If I told my 18 year old self that my 2 kids were at private school and I also worked in the independent school sector, i would be screaming at my teenage self for being hypocritical. But it is the best day school education possible available to them where I now live.

I'm anti private schools but tbh your son's situation is one where it may work. Just that extra attention and gaining confidence in their abilities plus more learning time. He may find it harder to settle back into state secondary school though, after being in a smaller school.

Just do it.

We were in a similar situation but with less income but a much lower mortgage. Fees were just short of £1k a month and that was roughly the same we had been paying for nursery a few years earlier. We took the risk, cut back on treats and holidays but DS caught up within 6 months and has never looked back

My brother went to private school for similar reasons. Both my parents were privately educated (scholarships both from vvery working class backgrounds) I went to the local comp which was actually very rough but OK education. I was bright so did OK but would have more As no doubt in a private school. However now in the career I want to be in doing well and actually having a broader idea of people via comp education has stood me in good stead for my role. Never thought badly of. My parents decisions it was right for each child. The impact for my brother I have no doubt was life changing. I in turn had fill rent paid at unni my brother never went. Car insurance etc his needs mean he can't drive. Its not fair but it is equatable

So nice to hear such positive experiences.

A few comments about how his sister might feel. She just knows he needs to move schools as everyone leaves the infants at yr2 and the kids have a choice of two junior schools so for her it is just another school option. But we will be planning to send her also.

I think the real difference would have been felt if we sent him full private secondary and not her but not planning on doing that

My kids have been at private school for primary and secondary. I'd discount concerns over the cost of uniform; all 3 schools have had excellent second hand uniform shops which are widely used by parents. Again, don't see trips as a big expense - not least as covid has put paid to the more adventurous trips abroad. Things like ski and classics trips are optional and only a few kids go on them, so they won't feel left out.

I also don't agree that prep schools just prepare kids for senior school entrance exams. They provide a good all round education and that's one small part of what they do. The sports provision is very good, with plenty of fixtures.

I understand your dilemma; we have excellent state schools which would have also been a good option. I think it partly depends on whether your child will take advantage of the wider stuff on offer, whether drama, music or sports to get their "money's worth".

I normally advocate state till y5 but given your DS has to move anyway I would definitely move him to the prep now. Your income is sufficient for the time being, I think your DH will need to be earning decent money by the time you have 2 in secondary school but that is a long way off. Given that the money is available and would make a huge difference to your DS it seems very sensible to me.

Just picked ds up from his tutor's house and asked how far behind he is. She didn't have time to really get into it but said 'quite far behind' . Probably very outing but her daughter is in his year at tbe same school so she has a pretty good understanding of where he should be.

She said he needs some serious intervention at school as well as at home to catch him up .

Decision made really. The sub standard junior school isn't going to provide that.

Private schools are a complete mix now of high earners and working class - literally no one cares. I would in your situation absolutely send my son then daughter to the prep school - then send to the local state school - good luck x

My son had glue ear and was behind on sounds etc but his speech and language teachers were fantastic and he was sorted by end of year 2. I wouldn’t recommend private school, I was privately educated and I have to say that money talks, the children who get the best of everything are the children of parents who give a lot of money and time to the school, my parents were both working with good jobs and didn’t have time to be up the head teachers arse every day. So I hated it, didn’t want to attend the high school I had a scholarship for because of how it was.
That’s the opinion of some of my friends who also attended private schools too, not just mine.
Your son will catch up, mine does everything in his own time, he’s far from stupid but a typical boy.

I think Private prep for your DS is the right choice in his /your circumstances. Both my children went to private prep age 4-11 and then onto state secondary (selective) with no issues, as did the majority of their prep school peers. Only 1 or 2 went to a private secondary school. The entire point of paying for primary prep was to get my kids into a selective secondary as the other secondary schools in our area all perform under England's average.

I posted earlier on this, can I just add that girls do better academically in single sex schools so consider sending him private now and your DD private for secondary.

@jeaux90
Depends on what's available locally for secondary states. Not necessarily true in our city.

@M1212 totally agree of course. It's why I said consider it. I'm lucky as I live 20 mins from Oxford where there is a really good range of private schools in the more affordable range.

It's been a massive advantage for my DD12 with her ADHD, the small class sizes and single sex environment have been perfect for her.

Would it not be better to aim for an EHCP and proper support through the school? I don’t know how likely that is in your area, but maybe something to consider?

@ParsleySageRosemary how would we get an ehcp when he doesn't have any special needs?

@nearly4o

Fairly sure he doesn't have any additional special needs. My mum is a special needs teacher . He has not had any issues sitting through speech therapy, his one hour tuition etc. accept for getting upset with his maths and not wanting to go extra work at home, his is very well behaved and plays beautifully with his sister. He is just behind.

Being bright, able to master chess, memorise pokemon, being able to concentrate and sit through speech therapy or tuition, being well behaved, do not mean that your DS doesn't have any SpLDs eg dyscalculia, dyslexia, dysgraphia.

FWIW, one of my DC could read at 3, could do GCSE level maths aged 9, and was the most well-behaved child but has a significant SpLD that means, despite having a first class degree, still has handwriting at speed not much better than your DS. It took years to get a diagnosis because being bright masked the issues. His teachers (including the school's SEN teacher) just put it down to being left handed and assumed he would catch up. TBF, it isn't easy to assess and diagnose SpLDs in young children.

Is your DM qualified in assessing SpLDs? Maybe should could assess him? I really think it is worth spending a few hundred pounds on an assessment by an educational psychologist who will be able to help come up with a plan for how to help him catch up whether he has any SpLDs or not and, if they are local, may be able to help advise on the best school for him before you spend £10k a year on a school that may or may not be the best school for him. There may be better schools for him that you don't know about.

If he is struggling with maths because he has dyscalculia rather than being behind because of the glue ear, small class size isn't going to help him catch up. It will be really damaging for his self esteem if he still can't catch up with tutoring and moving to a new school.

Does he have a SEN plan at school? If he is that far behind he should have one. He does not need a diagnosis for a SEN plan. It basically will show where his difficulties lie and what the school will do to help him progress. This is agreed between the senco, teacher and parents every term. In my experience pushy parents get the most support for their kids in the state sector (i am a pushy parent). Have you even spoken to the teacher/senco about your concerns?
I do not think a private school will be a magic wand for his situation. You must check carefully what they will do for your son. And i repeat even non selective will do some level of screening so he might not get a place.
Speak to your tutor properly and ask for clarity on how far behind he is.
Have you considered looking at different state schools? Some will have excellent provision for your son. All state schools are not made equal! (unfortunately) Good Luck

Hi, your post literally scared the life out of me for different reasons. My 3 1/2 year old starts school in September and has speech delay and is having speech therapy. We see his language as being a year behind.

We are considering private school now as we can't see how he will cope in mainstream school.

So yes I would consider it - you need to do what ever you consider will be the best for him

@ParsleySageRosemary

Would it not be better to aim for an EHCP and proper support through the school? I don’t know how likely that is in your area, but maybe something to consider?

Have you actually read the OP’s posts? There ate no special needs.

I wouldn’t OP. It’s too much of a financial commitment on your salary. Also kids generally are more expensive as they get older anyway.

Are there any other better state schools he could attend? Depending on where you live of course there may be more suitable options.

I wouldn’t even be hugely concerned about the results at the feeder junior school. Sometimes schools with lower results are actually very good at working with kids who are behind academically. What are the progress scores like? They’re the real indicators not just the over all achievement levels.

Also he is still very young. He’s had a tough start but may well just pick up on his own. You won’t be failing your son by choosing state. Just think of all the other opportunities you could give him with the money you’d be spending on private. Also you have a younger dd. Can you afford to send them both? I’d hate to choose sending one over the other. That could cause resentment down the line.

Just send him to start with. I know someone who only sends one child to private (secondary), the younger child was adamant she wanted to go to the local state school with friends, which was very close by (and an outstanding school).

He was tested for dyslexia already and he doesn't suffer from it. His tutor hasn't mentioned anything concerning either. I am just not convinced by any special needs

Personally I wouldn’t start in the private system if I couldn’t continue on and do the same for all children. The potential for massive culture shock in year 7 would be something I’d want to avoid unless you were very confident in the state secondaries locally.

From your original post I’d have said no and do a tutor instead but there was quite a lot of extra info re financials that I think swing the situation.

Is your husband’s £10k pension something he already has access to or something he’s accrued? Given you’ve got substantial equity in the second property I’d look at exploring if there are any tax efficient ways you could use pension to pay it off. You might find that you’re actually in a position to look at secondary fees if your husband does secure another role.