Another private school thread

[nearly4o]

I guess iI am looking for endorsement of our schooling approach as I am from very worki mg class background and private school is a lot of money that could be spent paying off mortgage .

We have two DC. DC1 is nearly 7 and going into yr 3 In September. He is in an infant school now and needs to move anyway for yr 3. He had very bad glue ear which delayed him with speaking and impacted his overall progression in reception. That has been fixed now and he has had speech therapy but he is ~1 ye behind academically more or less. Sometimes we aee the other kid's work through the app and it is light-years ahead of our son. He is getting swallowed up in a class of 30. Has said multiple times when he puts his hand up to ask Qs, no one comes
To see him.

Daughter age 5 in reception. Already reading and writing. No concerns.

There is a prep school close by with class size 15. It is no selective and they have space.

The junior school achieves below average results in reading and maths.

The prep is £10k per year plus uniforms etc

I earn £70k plus shares worth between £15k-£20k per year. Husband is leaving his job in May (he has to) and is yet to secure employment but he will have a £10k a year pension.

Mortgage £1600
Plus usual bills probably £3k per month in bills -

My take home is £4K.

I feel a bit queasy about the risk given husband's job situation. But don't want to fail my child.

He does have tuition currently as well once a week.

Don't want to regret not sending him in 4 years when he is even further behind going into secondary school.

Then obvs the question of do we send our daughter as well?

Thoughts ?

I think you should visit the private prep school as you've planned and of you like it and they think they can help your DS, do it.

DH's pension will pay the fees.

Your own salary will pay all your bills, plus food.

Then DH's job which he'll hopefully get soon can be used for all the other non-essentials.

It's only for 4 years. You're not committing to secondary school too. And just see how DD goes at her current school (maybe doing extra tuition or extracurricular activities for DD to let you feel like she's getting the appropriate opportunities too).

Am I right in thinking this means that you would go private for your son but not your daughter? I think that's got a lot of potential to cause damage for their relationship with each other and with you.

neverbeenskiing The OP says she's from a working-class background, but clearly she has done well and is not living a a typical WC life anymore. Her amd her DH have two professional jobs, and therefore her children are unlikely to be considered "working class" (whatever that even means anymore).

Good question @PearPickingPorky. What is working class these days? it used to be anyone who works for a living as opposed to living on inherited wealth, so your doctors, accountants, teachers etc are all working-class which I think was 99.9% of my dc's prep school parent body. One could also define it by blue-collar v white-collar type jobs. I never know which one they're referring to on MN.

@Shimy

Good question *@PearPickingPorky*. What is working class these days? it used to be anyone who works for a living as opposed to living on inherited wealth, so your doctors, accountants, teachers etc are all working-class which I think was 99.9% of my dc's prep school parent body. One could also define it by blue-collar v white-collar type jobs. I never know which one they're referring to on MN.

I think people just identify (themselves or others) in or out of either category as suits their particular agenda.

Load of nonsense, IMO.

I would spend your money on a really good Educational Psychologist assessment op.

My eldest son had glue ear and three sets of grommets later, he caught up really quickly.

My youngest son is really, really behind and used to get lots of mini seizures - we thought it was holding him back but he grew out of them in yr 2 and now in year 3, he is still working at pre-curriculum levels.

The EP report identified Dyslexia and re commended screening for ASD and ADD.

Find out what he needs in terms of provision first, then decide.

No way would I put myself in such a financial position for private school.

Move house to a better area with a better school?

This was my son. We did transfer him to another state school where the staff made a real effort to help him with his issues. Our son had the hearing thing and was also ADHD. He was privately assessed and we started on medication for him - only for school and homework - not in the weekends or holidays. Don't be frightened of medication if your child is ADHD as it can be a game changer.

I tutored every week night. I started out trying to introduce some structure into his handwriting - printing really as there was no point focusing on cursive for him. I used special "learn to print" pencils to try to get him to use the correct grip. His spelling was terrible - I used a book by Jeffrey Freed "Right-Brained Children in a Left-Brained World: Unlocking the Potential of Your ADD Child" which taught a way of visualising the word and learning it that way. The 10 word weekly spelling list was brought under control and was no long a 7 days slog. (I'm not related to the author of the book in any way but it was the first really practical advice that worked for me - and I read a lot of books on the subject.)

I basically found out whatever they were covering in the curriculum and revised it with him. You probably need to start with say 20 minutes and a 5 minute break. I tried to make it interesting for him - have stories or amusing mnemonics or pictures. Practical examples worked well. The second school was very co-operative with this and were willing to share the curriculum. I bought a bunch of cram books and taught from those and they did follow the curriculum. There are lots of great educational sites online which have lessons on particular topics - often very engagingly presented.

He lagged in maths badly. I started at the beginning and helped him to memorise the times tables which is very difficult for ADHD children generally. We had stories, mnemonics, special maths video games where you chased a monster round a dungeon opening doors etc with times table answers. Eventually, he had them down. By high school I was basically teaching the school maths curriculum every night plus helping with English texts, history learning. Maths isn't my strongest subject but my husband has a maths degree and revised me to teach it. We were lucky that I had a very broad education and could teach a range of subjects but I had no teaching experience whatsoever.

This took up enormous amounts of energy and time over years. My husband worked overseas a lot but when he was home did a lot of the meals and clean up so I could spend the time. He needed constant revision - encouraged to think of what he'd learned before he went off to sleep. Cue cards were a big thing and getting him to teach it back to me was a good technique. We supplemented with some professional tutoring - tutors vary a lot and you want to get somebody who can engage a young person rather than hand out long vocabulary lists. His high school teachers were actually very helpful again with the curriculum and areas to focus on except for one sour crabby one. We revised past exam papers and did practice answers. I always praised hard work rather than intelligence.

He is at university now. His marks are generally respectable. The subject is not particularly hard - not law or medicine - but there is a career path or he can use it as a springboard for something else in the area. I am not going to lie and say it was easy because it wasn't but it was worth it to give him a future. I am sorry to say that I think once a week tutoring will not be enough to make a major difference because there will not be enough consolidation or revision to make it stick.

Not all private schools are good for somebody who struggles academically. I know another ADHD boy who was sent to a private school and he was just laden with piles of homework. Homework is only valuable if it reinforces some learning - not hours of make work. On the other hand, the private school may be really helpful to your son. Can you go and look at it and talk to the teachers.

If your daughter is doing fine, there is no need to send her. You need to prioritise the child who is falling behind. I certainly didn't tutor my eldest and he is in medical school as a postgraduate.

OP we were in a similar situation and moved DD to the prep. I am so happy we did. She loves her life now, she was miserable before. She is learning so much but more importantly she is confident and happy (and super fit from all the sport!). Old school had bullying problems but at the prep any bullies are asked to leave the school pretty much instantly.

The uniform expense was annoying, but not too bad and we took that into account before we joined. There are almost no extra expenses for clubs and trips at our prep, the poster above who said this was a major issue may have been thinking about senior school I don’t know.

Talk to the marketing department. Ours offers bursaries to families who struggle with the cost and it’s possible you might be eligible for something I don’t know.

If I did it all again I’d buy a smaller house and do prep from reception.

Pa caveat to that: we fpund a fab school. They aren’t all as good and some push children too much. Shop around.

Fairly sure he doesn't have any additional special needs. My mum is a special needs teacher . He has not had any issues sitting through speech therapy, his one hour tuition etc. accept for getting upset with his maths and not wanting to go extra work at home, his is very well behaved and plays beautifully with his sister. He is just behind.

Of course you can send one and not the other if the situation warrants it. You can reconsider when your daughter reaches the transfer age and see what your financial situation is. Intervention now could mean he is able to cope in secondary rather than floundering.
You shouldn’t have to pay vast sums above and beyond the fees; that’s a myth. Use secondhand shop or facebook group for uniform, and schools are not running expensive trips these days.

@Blinkingbatshit

I’ve had 2 go through state primary and 1 through private primary. I think you’d be better off finding an after school tutor a couple of times a week and a bit more home support (in a fun way - lots of educational computer games out there etc). Private’s really only worth it for the extra curricular stuff which doesn’t seem to be your focus.

I disagree entirely. Being in a class if 16 instead of 30makes a massive difference in so many ways, and the issues will be addressed in school, rather than an exhausting round of after school tuition.

I was the child who's brother went to private and I went to state. It was unfair then and I still feel its unfair now.
I am of the opinion that its both or none, I would have loved to go to my brothers school but me and my sister were sent to the local comp.

Unless we have a drastic change in fortune then we would plan to send DD as well when she leaves infant school.

I think I would prefer to give more tuition to him in holidays and I would do some English and maths with him on weekends to catch up.

Only do it if you can afford to send both- otherwise it’s just not fair.

On one £70k salary you probably can’t afford to send both.

Honestly? Look at moving to another junior school and/or increase tuition at home to 2,3 times a week.

Most people have second hand uniform at DD's private school, it's perfectly normal, same with sports equipment.

Check, but here most lunch and after school clubs are free. There are probably about 50 + clubs per week running and only 2-3 of them are paid for (usually due to external teachers). Often the senior pupils run the clubs.

Longer holidays is something to consider though, especially at prep age when they need a holiday club rather than just hanging out with friends. Holiday clubs here are £40-£50 per day.

Do check the prep school is decent though. Just because it's private doesn't mean it's superior, though even smaller classes give an advantage. DD was at an outstanding state primary which often had new arrivals from a particular nearby prep school. The ex-prep children were far behind the state children on reading.

I think, given your DS' particular issues, that it's justifiable to privately educate your son until 11, to give him and your daughter equity.

I wouldn’t bother with private prep. I would definitely definitely go for Senior. Get him some one to one tuition to build his knowledge and confidence. My daughter went to private in year 9 - a very good girls school with no prior tutoring and they said she was one of the best candidates they had interviewed because she was completely natural. It was the best thing we did for her and she is so happy she was able to go.

We won't be able to afford secondary private it is about 16-18k a year around here and that isn't affordable for two.

There is a good secondary school though which he will probably go to.

We have used the holiday club before. It is about £25 /day. Quite reasonable and really good quality. Not worried about that tbh.

Absolutely agree that we can't afford it on just my salary . My husband needs to earn at least 40k per year

Teacher, you can definitely send one and not the other, plenty of families do without issue, different kids need different things, your daughter is more than capable of understanding that your son needs additional help due to his past hearing issue. Send now, if you think a normal class with 30 plus children is going to be able to catch him up you are very wrong and he will likely just fall further behind. Even with a tutor, you'd need a few sessions a week, that would limit the ability to do anything else, those additional hours are going to end up resented. Get him in now so he has time to catch up before secondary.

@nearly4o

Ideal scenario is that husband earns £50k abs also has his pension which will cover fees for DS.

He has interviews lined up.

I do have the money from my shares as well. I get multiple vests each each which are min 15k

I'd say send your son to private school. Think of it as another investment. Given that your husband's background is in engineering im sure he will get a job. If he had a very specialist job that's hard to get like I don't know, a theatre performer or something then maybe not but he's an engineer, he'll be fine.

Why not cut back on other things eating out, gym membership etc just for now.

You sound like a financially savvy person given that you've got a second property, thinking about retirement etc so trust that you can do this.

A good education is an investment.

I am almost in your shoes and i woukd do it. We are waiting on a special school place for DS who has language needs, i might send him to a private school who js accepting of his needs. dd Is extremely advanced already so would try state (although i could afford it for both) before seeing if she would prefer private.

Could your DH homeschool if he dkes not get a job? Realisticay he probably will so you can afford to send both,

Firstly
You don’t need to send your daughter now
No harsh moves
See how she gets on
See how he gets on

Maybe you decide later to move your daughter
Or you decide to give your girl a chance at senior or at art school

Make it clear later that they will have equity
But not the same experience if not needed

Your boy would benefit from moving school now
Tutoring is joyless
Confidence and friendship also matter

But it does depend on the school
Your primary is low level
But the prep may be a fancy place with low academic standards … it is possible !

My experience of private schools is varied
Some are more expensive and exclusive
Some are more sporty and lifestyle
Some are for hard working families of all sorts to give their kids a chance.
Ours has minimal extra costs. Parents are lawyers and doctors but many are married to secretaries or nurses or teachers Who are not rich or elite themselves
Some ethnic minority families stay in tiny flats to afford private schooling
Each family makes choices that suit them

Kids nowadays are being brought up with more awareness of the world and kindness
Class is irrelevant

Tutoring is joyless is a sweeping statement. DS2 adored his tutor and she adored him. For once in his life he got 1-2-1 attention from a teacher and lots of praise which was lacking at his primary. He thrived under her and his ability and confidence hugely increased.

I've tutored in the past and my ex pupils still bounce up to me with grins on their faces proudly telling me what grades they got or where thye are off to uni. Tutoring can be a turning point for a lot of children.