New here.
Long story short - I met someone who lives in the USA. We met online been together over a year, we face time every single night for anything from 2-4 hours (7 is our record). We facetimed for 3 months and then he flew over here for 2 weeks and we fell madly in love. Then another 3 months facetime and he flew over again. Then another 3 months and I flew to the states etc...
We got engaged and I love this man. However I am posting on here because I need some unbiased advice from people who don't know me.
I am 35, I was married for 12 years but he passed away 5 years ago. I have two kids (12 and 6). I don't have any family apart from my brother (my family are toxic/abusive. My brother has severe learning difficulties and lives in supported housing with carers. I try to see him as much as I can). I worked really hard to rebuild my life. I have a career I love, friends I am extremely close to, and a house I own and love.
As much as I love DP, I don't know if moving over there is the right thing to do. Initially he was adamant he wouldn't move to the UK but now is warming to it. He rents his house in the states, has no kids, he works but his job is just a job to him, but he does have a big supportive loving family (who love me and the kids like their own!)
Time is of the essence for 2 reasons. Firstly, eldest child is in year 7 so moving much later makes it harder especially due to the differences in curriculum. Secondly, neither of us can afford the flying anymore simply due to covid tests and rising living costs. DP only gets 2 weeks annual leave (he got more last year because he changed jobs so his leave was refreshed).
I adore his family and would love to be a part of it. My kids would have grandparents doting on them and cousins to play with, extra people to love them. His family treat me so well and are really supportive of me and DP and the kids. The kids adore them. I would earn quadruple my salary over there if I worked. I'd have a lot of help with the kids (I have none atm) and I would have a good life.
However...
I own my house here outright. I love my career. I love my best friend. I worry for my brother. Since my gran died I've been visiting her best friends (because nobody else does) and I worry that they'd die while I was away (not in good health) and would miss my visits. It is a lot to give up moving away.
My kids are happy to move, they adore DP and his family.
But I don't want to make a bad decision because it's not like we can just come home... the time spent in the US would mean they lose their places in their schools (which are massively oversubscribed) and their education would be wasted (learning about US geography for example) so it's not like they could fit right back in. Getting a new job would take time...
I don't know if it's crazy to move or crazy to stay. My best friend's only concern is the cost of healthcare but this is manageable. She wants what's best for me but would obviously prefer me to stay.
Life is fast-paced here and stressful but I do love it. It's also expensive. I pay through the nose for after-school childcare because I have no family. I can't go out anywhere because I can't afford to pay a babysitter and I don't have family. So it's me and the kids 24/7. I work full time (up to 60 hours per week some weeks) and earn 21k, barely breaking even. Every single decision is on me as a solo parent. Being with DP would make life better and easier, and happier.
On the flipside, DP could work here relatively easily. I know it's a lot but the only thing he's giving up is his family, whom we could still fly over to see, but he sees them twice a month atm and speaks to them daily so they are close...
Should I expect him to move here? AIBU? or is he BU wanting me to move there?