Money - has dd got a point?

[bendmeoverbackwards]

Dd is nearly 15. A few years ago she had quite a bit of money from an event plus money from relatives, birthday money etc. She used some of it to buy a laptop and a few other bits. She agreed she would save the rest and I opened a separate savings account for her where, at the time, she was earning a bit of interest.

Then interest rates dropped so I shopped around to get her a better rate. I opened a Junior Cash ISA which is paying 2.25%. However the money is locked in until she is 18.

She's now very upset that she can't access the money. She wanted some expensive trainers for Christmas, I said I would pay up to £X and she would fund the rest. However she thought she would take it out her savings and I thought it would come out of her monthly allowance from us (£50/month).

I opened the ISA partly because of the interest, and partly because I didn't want her frittering away her savings on clothes.

She says it's her money and for her to decide.

I am aware a 15 year old would happily have that much and pick stuff - but at 6? Come on.

At 15, three years is a long time.

why do people bring in total irrelevancies. As if a 6 year old is the same as a 15 year old.

[quote fairylightsandwaxmelts]@ArthurTudor I don't care particularly, but you keep responding to me lol.

I still maintain what you're doing is wrong though - it's not your money to take.[/quote]
Of course in responding. You keto saying I've stolen from my child!

I'm not 'taking' the money in the sense I'm taking it for myself.

She doesn't need more toys. The money gave us a choice to save. She is not capable of making a decision that isn't wasteful with money at this age - often I toy shops she will ask to buy toys she already has!

So if your six year old wanted to got £150 in cash you give it straight to them in cash without it touching a bank account and let them go and buy exactly what they want?

Sure.

As was suggested early on, I think you should give her it if you can afford to, and then keep it when she's 18.
My ex is 34 and they still won't release his ISA to him until he buys a house, so you could be worse. Ha

Some crazy replies.

It's hard to say whether or not £50 is a lot as it depends what she's expected to do with it. If it's for going out and bus fares then it's not a lot. Nando's and a trip to the cinema would mean half of that gone.

The poster who said just buy the trainers clearly assumes that she doesn't have any and she's after a low costing pair instead of ones that can be in the 100s of pounds. Teenagers are old enough to agree to pay the "extra" on stuff that they want.

The girl can only get better at managing money if she has a chance to learn from her mistakes. "Wasting" £100 today is no worse than "wasting" £150 when she's 18. (The numbers are obviously made up)

You've been bashed about not telling her that they money was locked so I won't add to that but my kids have 2 types of savings - 1 is accessible and 1 can't be touched until older. It's up to them what proportion to allocate yo each.

The money gave us a choice to save

The money did nothing of the sort. What part of it’s not your money and not your choice are you failing to understand?

[quote ArthurTudor]@Mummyoflittledragon that's the point of my post. I'm asking do people think any child should have access no matter their age. There is no need for sarcasm.[/quote]
You said you have no intention of changing your approach and are anticipating the money will be locked away til 18. In what way is that a discussion?

Ok so I’ll bite. With dd’s money when she was younger, a cheque/ balance transfer went into the bank. Ditto cash. At some stage we put a chunk of money in her bank account to help her save, budget etc. She also is given money to go out with friends, shopping etc. Not an allowance as yet. She’s 13. As she has got older, she is more often given cash, which she is free to spend. Sometimes a bank transfer. She wants lots of stuff but often decides she doesn’t want said item if I say she will have to buy it with her money. She has a lot of branded gear and wants for nothing. If she wants more branded gear, she either buys it herself or has it as presents. For a pair of trainers like this, I would give her the choice of present or buying them herself. She has 3 pairs of over £100 Nikes already. She wants a pair of £700 shoes. I refuse to allow the fakes. She has the money but no way would she actually buy them with her money as she’s too sensible as that would give her a zero balance.

In op’s situation, if I had the money, I would assume responsibility for my mistake, buy the shoes in full without dipping into her allowance. £50 really isn’t much for a 15 yo. Idk what her dd does with the money but that amount would pay for a meal deal and bus fare once a week and cinema once a month.

@HauntedPencil

So if your six year old wanted to got £150 in cash you give it straight to them in cash without it touching a bank account and let them go and buy exactly what they want?

Sure.

Yes. That's what my parents allowed me to do.

**Really don't see what is so hard for some parents to understand

That £150 is your child's

To spend for their birthday/Christmas etc.

Not yours

So yes, you give them the money so they can choose the gifts they want with it**

Really don't see what's so hard for some parents to understand

That £150 was gifted to be used in any way I as her parent see fit. to spend or save, depending on what I as a parent to a six year old think is right for her circumstances (Ie loads of toys as it is)

Never said It was my money. I'm not keeping it for myself

So yes, spending it saving is fine

To quote you again Christ alive

I hope you see my point, we have different views. That doesn't mean I'm wrong. No need for the passive aggressive comments

Of course in responding. You keto saying I've stolen from my child!

You don't have to keep replying though...and yes, I do feel you've stolen it from her because you're not allowing her to have a gift that was given to her. It doesn't matter that she'll have access to it in 12 years time, she was given it for her sixth birthday, not to be kept until her 18th birthday.

I'm not 'taking' the money in the sense I'm taking it for myself.

But you're still withholding it from her and IMO you have absolutely no right to do that.

She doesn't need more toys. The money gave us a choice to save. She is not capable of making a decision that isn't wasteful with money at this age - often I toy shops she will ask to buy toys she already has!

Then you can say "You already have that at home, DD" - and see what she says? It doesn't matter IMO that you consider it wasteful. It's her money, she should choose.

Oh and @ArthurTudor I wouldn’t be putting £100 in a bank account for the 6 yo. That is a lot of money to give. But it’s a lot of money to take away. I’d perhaps save half and keep half for spends. Or tell her she has an allowance and can spend x amount a week if she wants stuff etc. Budgeting is far better than keeping it all back to 18.

@Mummyoflittledragon it's a discussion about the issue. It doesn't mean I have to change my view.

The description of your approach sounds very sensible to me

This is why I always bought gifts for my nieces and nephews as the money was just taken and disappeared.

When I've put things in savings and my kids ask for something 9 times out of 10 I pay for it myself so they end up getting more. Now that they are 10 they know what they have available in their little jar and we discuss what they might buy and when - certainly no way on gods earth would I hand over £150 in cash to a child of 6.

**So you were gifted the money not your child?

Odd that

Unless you think by virtue of birthing your child everything they get is yours?**

You misunderstand my point. When I say spend how I see it I mean as a gift for them or to save. Not to spend on myself.

Find Hyper Jar v good we've just all started using it.

@AllThePogs

why do people bring in total irrelevancies. As if a 6 year old is the same as a 15 year old.

Well apparently it is! That's what people are saying here

She's a child. She's disappointed that she can't spend her money but you are her parent and are acting in her best interests by investing that money. YANBU. I would have done the same.

If a kid gets £150 for their birthday thats a big lego set/ great scooter/ dolls house. That's why people give kids money expecting them to choose a big ticket item rather than loads of little bits.
When my child gets a party invite I usually text the mum and ask 'Is he saving for anything or would he prefer a present?', this happened this week for a weekend party and my friend told he her Son is saving for a gaming chair.

My Son would stick his birthday money in his money box until there is something he wants, but I'd never expect it to be long term savings.

**She doesn't need more toys. The money gave us a choice to save. She is not capable of making a decision that isn't wasteful with money at this age - often I toy shops she will ask to buy toys she already has!

Then you can say "You already have that at home, DD" - and see what she says? It doesn't matter IMO that you consider it wasteful. It's her money, she should choose.**

So she insists she still wants the toy she already has...by your reasoning I just let her buy it as it's "her choice". Ridiculous.

And no I don't have to keep responding. I will stop soon as I have work to do.