Money - has dd got a point?

[bendmeoverbackwards]

Dd is nearly 15. A few years ago she had quite a bit of money from an event plus money from relatives, birthday money etc. She used some of it to buy a laptop and a few other bits. She agreed she would save the rest and I opened a separate savings account for her where, at the time, she was earning a bit of interest.

Then interest rates dropped so I shopped around to get her a better rate. I opened a Junior Cash ISA which is paying 2.25%. However the money is locked in until she is 18.

She's now very upset that she can't access the money. She wanted some expensive trainers for Christmas, I said I would pay up to £X and she would fund the rest. However she thought she would take it out her savings and I thought it would come out of her monthly allowance from us (£50/month).

I opened the ISA partly because of the interest, and partly because I didn't want her frittering away her savings on clothes.

She says it's her money and for her to decide.

There's no such thing as moral theft. It's either theft or it isn't. Saving money in an account in their name (age 6!!) is not theft.

You can morally disagree with anything you want lol. I didn't say it was a crime, but morally I feel as though it's stealing and it's wrong as it''s not your money to take away from her to begin with.

It would be different if you gave her pocket money and said "£10 is to spend, £5 to save for when you're older" as that's your money, so ultimately your choice.

It is my choice to make what happens with that money age 6. You could equally argue it's her body so she should be able to eat what she wants...but I don't let her have McDonald's every time we drive past it

They're not the same thing. Lots of fast food can cause life-long health issues. Being allowed to buy toys with your birthday money doesn't cause long-term damage to one's health ;) it's also your money buying the fast food, so of course you're free to say you don't want to spend your money on McDonald's.

I haven't rtft but if it's a Junior ISA it will indeed be locked away until she's 18. You can only withdraw sooner in the thankfully rare event that the child dies or is diagnosed as terminally ill

@ChicCroissant

'thoughts please' always sounds like a lazy journalist to me.

Children of all ages should have access to their gifts IMO. Are the gift-givers aware that the child doesn't get anything they are given for their birthday if money is given?

Yes aware. And not a journalist 😂 look at my history if you like

@WonderfulYou

£50 a month is a lot for a 15 year old. Surely she can just use this money as that’s what her allowance is for.

I wouldn’t let her spend her savings especially on things like trainers when she’ll get to 17 and wished she didn’t keep spending it so she could afford a car.

£50 a month is not a lot for a 15 year old. It's around £11.60 a week and is certainly not enough for her to buy trainers if she's trying to fund any sort of social life, eg meeting friends in cafe or going to cinema.

Fortunately she will be able to work soon so can earn her own money if she can find a job. And if she fritters it away, her choice.. That's how she'll learn.

I don't know, I can see why you did it. Your daughter was, what, 12 when she got this money and you would need to guide her on spending it (or rather not frittering it away on the stuff kids can spend it on). She will thank you when she gets to 18 and wants something like a car or festival ticket.

In the mean time I know kids who have spent £400 on trainers and been left with little else (apart from despairing parents!!)

Can you come to an agreement where she pays a smaller amount back to you out of her monthly allowance?

Sotiredneedsleep

The OPs DD did not know that her money was being put into a savings account that they couldn't access until
They were 18. Those implications were not told. The OP has already clarified that.

So no, the child did NOT agree too her money being put away for 4 years.

I got £50 p/m allowance 27 years ago. Surely mobile contract is £25 p/m minimum so that money will go nowhere (whereas mine went on cheap vodka and speed ).

@HauntedPencil

Yeah taking about 15 year olds I wouldn't take their money from them at birthdays - sounds like this one had a fairly big lump at once at at that age I think they would need help to manage it - and OP already let her spend some so.

If wouldn't enter my head to be miffed if a 6 year old had some of my money gift in savings

"already let her spend some" nope, sorry you don't "let" someone spend THEIR OWN MONEY!!

They're not the same thing. Lots of fast food can cause life-long health issues. Being allowed to buy toys with your birthday money doesn't cause long-term damage to one's health ;) it's also your money buying the fast food, so of course you're free to say you don't want to spend your money on McDonald's.

Actually you could argue being allowed to buy toys causes some damage ..I don't want her spoilt! The money gave us a choice to do something different.

It can't even morally be stealing as it is in HER account. Even I cannot access it. It's just delaying when she gets the money. There's no way that's theft, moral or real theft

Kind of depends on the price of the trainers, if more than £150 I would hold firm because even good running shoes are £120 or so, she obviously needs to learn the value of money by you controlling it. All extra money my kids got went into the account I controlled, they got £50 a month to spend as they pleased

I think a lot of responses are strange here and it does depend on the amount of money. Personally, I might have split it and locked away some and given her discretion over some.

But all of it? Even if it is thousands or tens of thousands?

Would most allow a teen to splurge thousands unwisely and then be expected to fork out for all university expenses?

the point is the DD agreed to put the money into savings and at 18 would she rather spend her money on trainers or other things? I'm assuming that the bank of mum and dad won't be providing money to go out and socialize at 18. Also at 18 she will hopefully make better choices.

I can't even work out how this relates to your post that saving it up so she has money to go clubbing at 18 is better than her buying a pair of trainers at 15 so I can't really peeping. Just for the record though, the DD didn't know she wouldn't have access to her money.

I have two friends who believe they are 'not good with money' and are very easily blocked out of discussions about family finances by their controlling arsehole partners.

It's quite normal to buy fun shit things as a kid or to run up some debt when first given access to credit, it's running out of money or paying off debt which teaches people to be careful with money I actually think that one of the best things to happen to me was racking up store card debt late teens/ early twenty's and having to plan, work overtime and sacrifice to pay it off myself. I now save a what I can and ringfence my savings carefully, have an excellent credit score and never go out looking for things to want like shopping is a leisure activity.
I'm bloody certain that my (perfectly mature in every other way) friends would not be crap with money if given the chance to budget.

My 16yr old gets £100 a month. I used to get £30 a week myself.

Also for anyone saying the OPDD is learning financial sense from this, she isn't. OP did it all on her behalf. If you want to encourage them to save and earn interest you need to include them in the shopping around part. Not just move the money yourself. Maybe OPDD would have spotted the crucial terms of the ISA that OP missed.

@ArthurTudor

I'm quite surprised by some of the responses. Yes, OP should have told her daughter the money is locked. But she isn't leaving her with no spends - she gets £50 pcm. I can see why she's annoyed but I think some of the posts are a bit ott.

Are the responses largely because she's 15 and can make reasonable decisions herself? Just reading some of the replies about how she should be able to buy what she wants with birthday/Christmas money and thinking about my own children. In particular my 6 year old recently got £100 for her birthday - I put it straight in the bank and there was no discussion about toys. I do this for all gifted money, even if it's £5. Is that unreasonable? Should I be allowing her to go to a toy shop and pick things?

Tbh I'm not going to change my approach as I think the money at 18 will be better than extra toys she doesn't need now. But I am interested in opinions.

Should children of all ages have access to birthday money or just teenagers? Thoughts please.

Lol. Come back when you have a teen. Op has massively overstepped.

It can't even morally be stealing as it is in HER account. Even I cannot access it. It's just delaying when she gets the money. There's no way that's theft, moral or real theft

It doesn't matter that you can't access it either - you've taken a gift off her and stopped her form accessing it for the next 12 years. What makes you think you have the right to do that?

@Mummyoflittledragon that's the point of my post. I'm asking do people think any child should have access no matter their age. There is no need for sarcasm.

If I discovered the money was being confiscated when I gave it to a child, I’d stop and give them vouchers or a gift card instead. Taking as little as a fiver away from a child is really shocking.

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

It can't even morally be stealing as it is in HER account. Even I cannot access it. It's just delaying when she gets the money. There's no way that's theft, moral or real theft

It doesn't matter that you can't access it either - you've taken a gift off her and stopped her form accessing it for the next 12 years. What makes you think you have the right to do that?

Because she's her parent and the kid is JUST SIX.

What gives her the right to say what the kid will be eating? What time they are getting up? That they can't spend £100 on Lol dolls in one day or whatever. What they are wearing?

You are conflating this issue with a much older teenager.

I honestly can't see the fuss over a pair of trainers. Going back 40 odd years I was proud of what brand of trainers I wore and a lot of money was spent on them. ( mum and dad paid)
In more recent years my then teenage lads wanted expensive trainers. I remembered how important things were to me as a teen. I know MNers don't normally like this but it helped to fit in and be part of group. They give me a sense of identity.

The other joke here is that I bet a pound to a penny that many people on here spend money at least occasionally on something that others will find frivolous but gives them pleasure whether it is a high fashion top or a Charlotte Tilbury lipstick. No one goes on about them 'wasting money' or being financially irresponsible. Yet the kid here wants to buy something she fancies with her on money and she is seen as being reckless.

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

It can't even morally be stealing as it is in HER account. Even I cannot access it. It's just delaying when she gets the money. There's no way that's theft, moral or real theft

It doesn't matter that you can't access it either - you've taken a gift off her and stopped her form accessing it for the next 12 years. What makes you think you have the right to do that?

I have the right as she's SIX and I'm her Mother.

I'm fine that you are happy for your kid to blow £100 on Barbie's when they already have 5. Why is it such a problem for you that I have a different approach?

@ArthurTudor I don't care particularly, but you keep responding to me lol.

I still maintain what you're doing is wrong though - it's not your money to take.

so what the 6 year old say has £150 in total for their birthday - you would hand that over in cash and say there you go fill your boots?

I don't keep £150 myself in cash. I would put it in my bank account. Why would I let a 6 year old have that much cash?

She needs access to her own money and her own bank accounts to learn how to become good with money. That’s not necessarily a natural state, especially for a teenager! I had a job from age 13, and a bank account. Didn’t earn much, probably around £40 a month but it was my money to spend as I wanted. I saved some of it for bigger purchases like a guitar, but mostly it got frittered away on clothes, cds, etc each month. But that’s what teenage income is for. Now I’m 32, and I’m very good with money, I’ve never been in debt. Having some money and being in control of it from 13 taught me to budget for things I wanted and how to plan ahead for big purchases. But if you don’t get the chance to learn, to make mistakes - to spend your money and then get buyers regret…far better to learn this young with comparatively small amounts of money than grow to be one of those adults who is learning this over large amounts or critical bills!