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Original poster

Money - has dd got a point?

380 replies

bendmeoverbackwards · 13/01/2022 16:57

Dd is nearly 15. A few years ago she had quite a bit of money from an event plus money from relatives, birthday money etc. She used some of it to buy a laptop and a few other bits. She agreed she would save the rest and I opened a separate savings account for her where, at the time, she was earning a bit of interest.

Then interest rates dropped so I shopped around to get her a better rate. I opened a Junior Cash ISA which is paying 2.25%. However the money is locked in until she is 18.

She's now very upset that she can't access the money. She wanted some expensive trainers for Christmas, I said I would pay up to £X and she would fund the rest. However she thought she would take it out her savings and I thought it would come out of her monthly allowance from us (£50/month).

I opened the ISA partly because of the interest, and partly because I didn't want her frittering away her savings on clothes.

She says it's her money and for her to decide.

OP posts:
HauntedPencil · 13/01/2022 19:16

@Isthatthebestyoucando

If a kid gets £150 for their birthday thats a big lego set/ great scooter/ dolls house. That's why people give kids money expecting them to choose a big ticket item rather than loads of little bits. When my child gets a party invite I usually text the mum and ask 'Is he saving for anything or would he prefer a present?', this happened this week for a weekend party and my friend told he her Son is saving for a gaming chair. My Son would stick his birthday money in his money box until there is something he wants, but I'd never expect it to be long term savings.
Does everyone or is this just you? What the other poster is saying is that her child dosent particularly need or want anything at this time. I can't see she's said she's never letting her have it until adulthood.
AllThePogs · 13/01/2022 19:16

@fuckyourpronouns

She's a child. She's disappointed that she can't spend her money but you are her parent and are acting in her best interests by investing that money. YANBU. I would have done the same.
No you have not right to decide that. 15 is a tricky age, You can easily lose the trust of your kids.
Newmumatlast · 13/01/2022 19:17

@bendmeoverbackwards

I should add that before I opened the ISA, she had the savings in an account that used online banking. So with one click she could transfer money from savings to her current account to spend. She is really not good with money.
But doing what you have isnt teaching her how to be better with money. She isnt managing it if she is prevented from touching it. She will just resent it and go mad at 18 spending it if you aren't careful. You need to teach her about budgeting and the value of money to make her better at it. Appreciate the frustration that she could've just transferred money whenever she wanted with the old set up but that would be her choice and she would learn the consequences.
fairylightsandwaxmelts · 13/01/2022 19:17

So she insists she still wants the toy she already has...by your reasoning I just let her buy it as it's "her choice". Ridiculous.

Well, yes, it is her choice.

And it's better she makes ridiculous choices aged six and buys two £20 barbies (and learns from it) than never has any uncontrolled access to her money and splashes thousands of money on crap aged 18, IMO.

ArthurTudor · 13/01/2022 19:17

@Isthatthebestyoucando

If a kid gets £150 for their birthday thats a big lego set/ great scooter/ dolls house. That's why people give kids money expecting them to choose a big ticket item rather than loads of little bits. When my child gets a party invite I usually text the mum and ask 'Is he saving for anything or would he prefer a present?', this happened this week for a weekend party and my friend told he her Son is saving for a gaming chair. My Son would stick his birthday money in his money box until there is something he wants, but I'd never expect it to be long term savings.
And that's a great approach to take too. It's just not the one I want to take at the moment.

When she's older I'm sure she will start saving for things she wants more in the short term.

Jewel52 · 13/01/2022 19:18

Just apologise, accept you should’ve discussed it with her first and buy the bloody trainers as a goodwill thing. Your heart was in the right place and she’ll, hopefully, get that. She gets an allowance every month (should I be doing this for my 14 year old ds??) so she’s doing alright

coodawoodashooda · 13/01/2022 19:19

I've just skimmed through this thread. Sorry if I missed it. How much are expensive trainers?

Chloemol · 13/01/2022 19:19

If she wants them that much and won’t save from allowance then i would give her the money but tell her she owes it to you from the isa money

ArthurTudor · 13/01/2022 19:20

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

So she insists she still wants the toy she already has...by your reasoning I just let her buy it as it's "her choice". Ridiculous.

Well, yes, it is her choice.

And it's better she makes ridiculous choices aged six and buys two £20 barbies (and learns from it) than never has any uncontrolled access to her money and splashes thousands of money on crap aged 18, IMO.

😂 I never said she would have no access to her money ever. I'm saying aged six she doesn't get to. Before aged 18 she will be allowed to shop etc. It's not all or nothing.

I'm not allowing her to buy duplicate toys. People are so outraged on the behalf of the giver than their gift has been saved. I would be more annoyed as the giver if my gift was wasted.

JugglingJanuary · 13/01/2022 19:21

@bendmeoverbackwards

I should add that before I opened the ISA, she had the savings in an account that used online banking. So with one click she could transfer money from savings to her current account to spend. She is really not good with money.
How do you know? She hasn't got any to spend?

Buying her basic trainers is surely part for the course, so they desired trainers are only the excess cost bit for Christmas - the basic part isn't a gift!!

How much money did you put into the long term ISA?

What do you expect her to find with £50pm?

HauntedPencil · 13/01/2022 19:24

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

So she insists she still wants the toy she already has...by your reasoning I just let her buy it as it's "her choice". Ridiculous.

Well, yes, it is her choice.

And it's better she makes ridiculous choices aged six and buys two £20 barbies (and learns from it) than never has any uncontrolled access to her money and splashes thousands of money on crap aged 18, IMO.

This is extremely wasteful imo.
JudgeJ · 13/01/2022 19:25

@NChgforMatrixThread

Why don’t you just buy her the trainers?
Glad she doesn't simply want a Porsche!
HauntedPencil · 13/01/2022 19:25

Teaching a 6 year old to manage money by letting them waste money and fill your house with duplicate plastic isn't what I would do.

Sometimes they have something big in mind.. there's nothing mine needs atm.

5thHelena · 13/01/2022 19:26

@careerswitcher

Not what you're asking but £50 a month sounds like a very generous allowance at 14!
Not in 2022 it isn't! Have you seen the price of everything?!
JugglingJanuary · 13/01/2022 19:26

@AllThePogs

This is why I always bought gifts for my nieces and nephews as the money was just taken and disappeared.
Yeah, same here. Or they were made to buy things their parents should have bought them anyway. My SIL spent quite a lot of my nieces money on herself, she said 'H doesn't know how much she should have anyway'. I thought it was disgusting.
ArthurTudor · 13/01/2022 19:29

My SIL spent quite a lot of my nieces money on herself, she said 'H doesn't know how much she should have anyway'. I thought it was disgusting.

I agree that's not right. Only if there's dire straits and it's that or no food on the table

ArthurTudor · 13/01/2022 19:32

I really wish people would stop saying £50 isn't much pocket money for a teenager.

It's all relative to what we have isn't it? What if the OP can't afford to give more?

It also depends what she's expected to fund out of £50. If her parents still buy all her clothes, pay for her phone etc then £50 money to spend on whatever seems fine.

5thHelena · 13/01/2022 19:32

The other joke here is that I bet a pound to a penny that many people on here spend money at least occasionally on something that others will find frivolous but gives them pleasure whether it is a high fashion top or a Charlotte Tilbury lipstick. No one goes on about them 'wasting money' or being financially irresponsible. Yet the kid here wants to buy something she fancies with her on money and she is seen as being reckless.
Absolutely spot on! Sometimes we just want to buy something nice for ourselves. And so we should..whether we're 15 or 50!

bcc89 · 13/01/2022 19:36

This is why you should ALWAYS have two savings accounts for your kids.

One for long term savings, for when they are adults.

One for bits of birthday money - where they can save up for nice trainers, theatre tickets, experiences, gaming chairs, electronics, stuff like that.

I don't care if OP's daughter is only 15, she's being given £50 a month to just spend and never gets to see any of her savings ever again.

No wonder she doesn't understand money and no wonder she is annoyed about the ISA!

Blossomtoes · 13/01/2022 19:40

I really wish people would stop saying £50 isn't much pocket money for a teenager

Well it’s not. It’s £12.50 a week. You try managing on £12.50 a week for incidentals and see how you get on. We don’t even know what she’s expected to buy out of that money.

Ericaequites · 13/01/2022 19:42

Don’t buy her the trainers. Let her save for them, or pick up casual babysitting to fund them. If she wants luxuries, she can fund them herself.

elelel · 13/01/2022 19:43

@ArthurTudor

I really wish people would stop saying £50 isn't much pocket money for a teenager.

It's all relative to what we have isn't it? What if the OP can't afford to give more?

It also depends what she's expected to fund out of £50. If her parents still buy all her clothes, pay for her phone etc then £50 money to spend on whatever seems fine.

It's not relative to OP affordability because OP isn't discussing how much to give DD. The discussion is about OPDD savings, nothing to do with her pocket money, other then she gets £50. £50 isn't a lot for a 15 year old to have each month irrespective of parental income, is what people are saying. £50 here would get a couple of trips into town, lunches and the odd bottle of juice and maybe a trip to the cinema or swimming. There isn't much left for trainers.

elelel · 13/01/2022 19:44

@Ericaequites

Don’t buy her the trainers. Let her save for them, or pick up casual babysitting to fund them. If she wants luxuries, she can fund them herself.

She HAD the money for them. She was able to find them herself. OP removed the money Hmm

ArthurTudor · 13/01/2022 19:44

@Blossomtoes

I really wish people would stop saying £50 isn't much pocket money for a teenager

Well it’s not. It’s £12.50 a week. You try managing on £12.50 a week for incidentals and see how you get on. We don’t even know what she’s expected to buy out of that money.

That's my point. It depends whether she's expected to buy clothing/phone etc with it too.
Lollypop701 · 13/01/2022 19:46

‘I wanted her to have a bit of money saved for her future and earn a bit of interest in the process.’
The main thing that jumps out is ‘I wanted’ But it wasn’t your money, it dd’s and you didn’t tell her what you were doing. This isn’t teaching her to manage money it’s teaching her that you will manage her money for her, without input. Not good Tbh.
As kids get older they want expensive things, I don’t always agree with what they spend money on but they have to learn themselves… both my kids have overspent and had to live Very frugally the month after… but they learned a lesson.
I think you should pay for trainers tbh