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Original poster

Money - has dd got a point?

380 replies

bendmeoverbackwards · 13/01/2022 16:57

Dd is nearly 15. A few years ago she had quite a bit of money from an event plus money from relatives, birthday money etc. She used some of it to buy a laptop and a few other bits. She agreed she would save the rest and I opened a separate savings account for her where, at the time, she was earning a bit of interest.

Then interest rates dropped so I shopped around to get her a better rate. I opened a Junior Cash ISA which is paying 2.25%. However the money is locked in until she is 18.

She's now very upset that she can't access the money. She wanted some expensive trainers for Christmas, I said I would pay up to £X and she would fund the rest. However she thought she would take it out her savings and I thought it would come out of her monthly allowance from us (£50/month).

I opened the ISA partly because of the interest, and partly because I didn't want her frittering away her savings on clothes.

She says it's her money and for her to decide.

OP posts:
Abraxan · 13/01/2022 18:23

She should have been part of the discussion as to where her birthday/gifted money went. If she agreed to lock it away til she was 18y, fair enough - it's too late and a consequence of her decision. If she didn't then I'd look for a compromise - could she be loaned the money and she pay it back in some way?

Whilst encouraging savings is generally a good thing, I think things like birthday money should be their choice. It's in place if a gift there and then, so they can choose when to spend it on what they want. Not for a parent to invest away from them and stop them accessing it until they see several years older.

A friend from my oast did similar with her boys. Refused to let them spend it and put it into savings they couldn't access. Many people in the end stopped giving money and would only gift items, that couldn't then be squirrelled away for years. The boys didn't grow up any better with finances as a result and, Infact, one of them blew pretty much all of it as soon as they got access after turning 18.

elelel · 13/01/2022 18:24

@HauntedPencil

No one gives a 6 year old over 100 in cash FGS. Putting it in a bank account isn't theft. I can't believe some of the things I read on here sometimes

I did.

careerswitcher · 13/01/2022 18:24

Not what you're asking but £50 a month sounds like a very generous allowance at 14!

Blossomtoes · 13/01/2022 18:24

I put it straight in the bank and there was no discussion about toys. I do this for all gifted money, even if it's £5. Is that unreasonable? Should I be allowing her to go to a toy shop and pick things?

Yes you should. It’s her money, not yours.

notacooldad · 13/01/2022 18:24

This kind of post often pops up here and I find it absolutely infuriating. Kids are given money for birthdays/Christmas, or even worse..earned it! And the parents decide to get hold of it because 'in one click the kid can spend it!'
I agree with you!
DS had money to burn from the age of 16 onwards. I spent years trying to teach the kids about budgeting. However they have to make their own mistakes. He came round eventually and by the age of 24 was able to buy a house. Now all we hear is ' who left the lights on upstairs,It's like Blackpool illuminations, you think I was made of money!!'
I think he gets that from his dad!!

Op, I know you've answered but I'm another one who thinks your DD has a point but I can see you had good intentions.

ArthurTudor · 13/01/2022 18:25

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

It's not theft as it's not a crime. I did not take her money for myself. Delaying access is not a crime.

I didn't mean theft in a criminal sense, more a moral one.

I see your point about it lieu of a gift, and no I wouldn't remove a gift. However the money gives us options and choices that we don't have with a physical gift, and it's a choice (I've made on her behalf) to delay receiving it.

But it's not your choice to make - it's not your money. She was given it as a gift and if she wants to spend it on toys, that's her decision, whether she's six or sixteen.

There's no such thing as moral theft. It's either theft or it isn't. Saving money in an account in their name (age 6!!) is not theft.

It is my choice to make what happens with that money age 6. You could equally argue it's her body so she should be able to eat what she wants...but I don't let her have McDonald's every time we drive past it. It's a parenting decision at age 6. I'm not so sure it is age 15. Which was my question. Having said that I think some replies to the OP have been harsh.

Abraxan · 13/01/2022 18:25

@bendmeoverbackwards

I should add that before I opened the ISA, she had the savings in an account that used online banking. So with one click she could transfer money from savings to her current account to spend. She is really not good with money.
But it's her money, given to her in place if a present if birthday/Christmas/confirmation/etc money. It's hers to spend even if you'd rather she saved it.
elelel · 13/01/2022 18:25

@HauntedPencil

The kid is SIX. They are a financial dependent

Being a dependent doesn't mean you should not be allowed to spend money given to you though?

LulaLulaloo · 13/01/2022 18:25

You don’t want to risk putting her off saving in future. Making her think money is inaccessible when she wants/needs it might backfire so I agree letting her get the trainers is probably the best thing to do.

HauntedPencil · 13/01/2022 18:25

Yeah taking about 15 year olds I wouldn't take their money from them at birthdays - sounds like this one had a fairly big lump at once at at that age I think they would need help to manage it - and OP already let her spend some so.

If wouldn't enter my head to be miffed if a 6 year old had some of my money gift in savings

HauntedPencil · 13/01/2022 18:26

Six year olds can't manage large sums of money - like £100. This is where a parent takes some responsibility.

The poster already said they had loads of toys and didn't need anything. What's the point in wasting it?!

Zombiemum1946 · 13/01/2022 18:27

She agreed to saving the money. You moved the account to increase the return on the money. At 15 I don't think she's able to make a sensible decision and when she's 18 she'll appreciate the lump sum. The tantrum over the trainers proves she would likely fritter it away, which she would regret when she's 18. She's getting an allowance and her current birthday Xmas money which is more than we give ours and should be ample. You're showing her fiscal responsibility, which is more important than a pair of over priced trainers that she will likely no longer wear in about 6 mth. Stand your ground on the savings and talk her through it.

Topseyt · 13/01/2022 18:27

@ArthurTudor

I haven't said that it is outrageous to save a child's birthday money in an account in their own name at all. It isn't. I'm just pointing out that there are other approaches that are also perfectly reasonable, and other people may view it differently. Spend some, save some also has currency and still teaches children some lessons.

Abraxan · 13/01/2022 18:28

@sashagabadon

You did the right thing and she’ll thank you when she’s 18 and those trainers are knackered and out of fashion anyway.
Not in my experience she won't. She may well just blow it all the moment she has her hands in it - at 18y possibly just in booze and clubbing, rather than a pair of trainers she wanted at 15.
SoTiredNeedHoliday · 13/01/2022 18:28

Save it so instead of annoying a pair of trainers at 15 she can use it clubbing at 18. @elelel the point is the DD agreed to put the money into savings and at 18 would she rather spend her money on trainers or other things? I'm assuming that the bank of mum and dad won't be providing money to go out and socialize at 18. Also at 18 she will hopefully make better choices.

Plus there is a real lack of advice given to youth about budgeting and living within your means, hence why a lot of young adults are in debt.

Hmum0fthree · 13/01/2022 18:28

Its her birthday money / gifted money and you thought it was ok to basically lock it away Hmm buy her the trainers op and apologise

Abraxan · 13/01/2022 18:29

@Darbs76

My kids savings is tied up until 18, to save them wasting it on expensive trainers etc!
Is that gift money, or money you save for them?

Fine if the latter, not fair if the former.

ArthurTudor · 13/01/2022 18:30

[quote Topseyt]@ArthurTudor

I haven't said that it is outrageous to save a child's birthday money in an account in their own name at all. It isn't. I'm just pointing out that there are other approaches that are also perfectly reasonable, and other people may view it differently. Spend some, save some also has currency and still teaches children some lessons.[/quote]
I was referring to the poster who called it theft. That implies it's outrageous to save the money.

I agree there are other approaches and i have already said it's not wrong to spend it. I'm saying in my case she has enough so I'm saving it on her behalf

StrifeOfBath · 13/01/2022 18:31

Money from an event: a laptop was surely a legit spend.

Money for birthdays: why on earth shouldn’t she spend it on trainers?

Are you sure the ££ is locked away? Usually you can take it out, but you lose the higher rate interest.

ArthurTudor · 13/01/2022 18:31

@HauntedPencil

Yeah taking about 15 year olds I wouldn't take their money from them at birthdays - sounds like this one had a fairly big lump at once at at that age I think they would need help to manage it - and OP already let her spend some so.

If wouldn't enter my head to be miffed if a 6 year old had some of my money gift in savings

No one is miffed. I think most people know she's got enough stuff. I agree if I gave money I wouldn't care it was saved rather than spent
ChicCroissant · 13/01/2022 18:32

'thoughts please' always sounds like a lazy journalist to me.

Children of all ages should have access to their gifts IMO. Are the gift-givers aware that the child doesn't get anything they are given for their birthday if money is given?

RedskyThisNight · 13/01/2022 18:32

@careerswitcher

Not what you're asking but £50 a month sounds like a very generous allowance at 14!
Depends what they have to spend it on. my DD has to pay for her phone, buses for socialising, cost of any socialising (cinema, other activities etc), presents for family and friends, the odd drink or snack while out, any clothes or bits she fancies that come into the definition of "frivolous" rather than necessary.

I would imagine that a parent of a younger child might easily end up spending this much on them for the same sort of things (minus the phone).

HauntedPencil · 13/01/2022 18:33

Spend some save some is a totally fine and sensible approach but I'd personally be giving a 6 yo £10/£20 to pick something in a toy shop and save the rest - that's not to say it's locked away until they are 18.

I just cannot be dealing with these theft/no one will give them anything/ inferring they'll use the money to get away from you at 18 comments. Hmm

Topseyt · 13/01/2022 18:33

@ArthurTudor

Ah, OK. I do agree that posters calling it theft are being extreme and ridiculous.

ArthurTudor · 13/01/2022 18:33

@HauntedPencil I also agree I wouldn't take the money to save at 15. I would encourage saving, but if they want to spend it at 15 I wouldn't say anything.

We have the same view I think