Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Money - has dd got a point?

380 replies

bendmeoverbackwards · 13/01/2022 16:57

Dd is nearly 15. A few years ago she had quite a bit of money from an event plus money from relatives, birthday money etc. She used some of it to buy a laptop and a few other bits. She agreed she would save the rest and I opened a separate savings account for her where, at the time, she was earning a bit of interest.

Then interest rates dropped so I shopped around to get her a better rate. I opened a Junior Cash ISA which is paying 2.25%. However the money is locked in until she is 18.

She's now very upset that she can't access the money. She wanted some expensive trainers for Christmas, I said I would pay up to £X and she would fund the rest. However she thought she would take it out her savings and I thought it would come out of her monthly allowance from us (£50/month).

I opened the ISA partly because of the interest, and partly because I didn't want her frittering away her savings on clothes.

She says it's her money and for her to decide.

OP posts:
Ricksteinsfishwife · 14/01/2022 08:23

I agree with the others, I think it’s wrong to take a child’s Christmas and birthday money and lock it away from them. I find it quite astounding you did. That’s her present, to be able to buy the gift of her choice.

Talipesmum · 14/01/2022 08:23

Your plan sounds great, OP. Totally see what you were trying to do - but I reckon even if it was locked away till she was 18… well, 18 year olds are more than capable of frittering money away! Maybe best if she can access it now, but perhaps have a v clear visual for her of what she’s spent so far and what’s left as she goes on? Small chance it might help her learn about managing money.

Gabois · 14/01/2022 09:12

If the teenager was 12 at the time, the event may have been a Bat Mitzvah. Traditionally the girl gets cash, my two got cash to the tune of £2000 each.

Here's what we did. They each got 300-400 for spends, the rest went into a savings account. The savings aren't locked but not made available for casual dipping into.

Here's what happened... the eldest who is now 15 immediately spent hers on beats and a couple of pairs of trainers. Now she looks back and thinks some of it was wasteful but she enjoyed it at the time. Recently she wanted to upgrade her phone so she took £450 out of the savings to buy a refurb. She accepts the savings are for occasional big ticket purchases.

The youngest is still in the middle of spending her free-spend portion, it's going mainly on gaming packs.

I always thought this was acceptable and normal conduct.

Incidentally 15yo gets approx 100 per month for social life and discretionary bits e.g make up, I buy main clothes and shoes and pay for phone contract.

Hayisforhorse · 14/01/2022 12:00

YABU

I sat down with my seven year old and gave a choice of three savings accounts, with good but slightly different rates of interest and different ease of access, and then he had to take the decision as to higher interest vs. accessibility.

cherish123 · 14/01/2022 17:57

While it is her money, it's best saying invested until she is older.

ilovechocolate07 · 14/01/2022 18:00

Is £50 a month the going rate for a 15 year old? What is she expected to use this on? My 15 year old gets £15 at the mo. Will you stop it when they get a job?

threatmatrix · 14/01/2022 18:21

‘Why don’t you buy her the trainers’???
Maybe she’s trying to teach her the value off money

Isthatthebestyoucando · 14/01/2022 18:22

I think whatever you can afford is the going rate personally. I don’t spend £50 a month on random stuff and my child wouldn’t have that budget either. People talking about tampons and magazines, most people include their children’s hygiene things in their shopping. Magazines, coffees out , cinema are occasional treats for many working adults so why does a child need the budget to go to the cinema every week?

dementedpixie · 14/01/2022 18:27

@threatmatrix

‘Why don’t you buy her the trainers’??? Maybe she’s trying to teach her the value off money
By taking all her dds savings and putting then where they can't be accessed for a couple of years?

Her dd could have bought her own trainers if OP hadn't done that

elelel · 14/01/2022 18:27

@threatmatrix

‘Why don’t you buy her the trainers’??? Maybe she’s trying to teach her the value off money

This makes no sense. You can't teach a teen the value of money by removing their money and locking it away for years.

Blossomtoes · 14/01/2022 18:31

I don’t spend £50 a month on random stuff

I bet you do. Try writing it all down for a month.

Gilly12345 · 14/01/2022 18:58

Was she given Christmas money from you or family members?

Otherwise encourage her to save from her monthly allowance or lend her the money and deduct from her savings?

onaroll · 14/01/2022 18:59

From her point of view. I was given £xx for my 14th birthday from Auntie X , but Mum has decided I can’t touch it until my 18th Birthday without asking me if that was okay.
I get why you felt it was a good investment for her but felt she was disrespected by not being allowed any input on what happened to her money.

Mollymoostoo · 14/01/2022 19:03

Reading these posts, I understand why my SD feels entitled to constantly ask for expensive trainers, phones and extras as well as getting £100 a month off my DH (all of this behind my back). My children (now adults) had to work and budget and go without expensive items and yet so many children have unrealistic expectations.

AnnieSnap · 14/01/2022 19:22

@bendmeoverbackwards

I should add that before I opened the ISA, she had the savings in an account that used online banking. So with one click she could transfer money from savings to her current account to spend. She is really not good with money.
She won’t learn to be good with money if you completely control it though will she?

She is a young woman now, not a young child. I get that you don’t want her frittering all of her savings away, but you absolutely were unreasonable in locking her money away without her agreement. If you had discussed it with her, perhaps you could have reached an agreement with her to lock some of it away for the interest and have some more easily accessible. On another note, £50 was the allowance I gave to my youngest when she was 16 in 1998. It is only a small amount of money for a month, unless you fund everything else for her (bus fairs, lunches, snacks, magazines, phone, apps etc) in addition.

Pinkrose1111 · 14/01/2022 19:25

I'm sorry but I completely disagree with everyone saying it's her money Yes it's her money, but she's still only 15. No 15 year old would have any discipline when it comes to money. That's why any large sum of money that any minor would come into would go into some sort of trust or account that a trustee or a guardian would look after on their behalf until they turn 18. No 15 year old has the discipline to refuse short term frivolous wants and think long term about genuine needs like university or buying a house etc. It may be unfair, but it is what it is. She's still a minor living under your house, so your rules. And she may angry now but she'll thank you in the future. Because
first it would be trainers, then it would be something else. Then before you know it the money's all gone. And in a few years time she'll have real wold expenses like paying for university or if she wants to move out for example. You did the right thing, let her budget from her allowance to buy her trainers. It will be a good lesson to handle money. And use the money in the ISA for things she'll actually need in the future. Kids never think longterm about their future, I wish my mother stashed up all of my money I got over the years in a ISA for me when I was 18.

dementedpixie · 14/01/2022 19:27

@Pinkrose1111

I'm sorry but I completely disagree with everyone saying it's her money Yes it's her money, but she's still only 15. No 15 year old would have any discipline when it comes to money. That's why any large sum of money that any minor would come into would go into some sort of trust or account that a trustee or a guardian would look after on their behalf until they turn 18. No 15 year old has the discipline to refuse short term frivolous wants and think long term about genuine needs like university or buying a house etc. It may be unfair, but it is what it is. She's still a minor living under your house, so your rules. And she may angry now but she'll thank you in the future. Because first it would be trainers, then it would be something else. Then before you know it the money's all gone. And in a few years time she'll have real wold expenses like paying for university or if she wants to move out for example. You did the right thing, let her budget from her allowance to buy her trainers. It will be a good lesson to handle money. And use the money in the ISA for things she'll actually need in the future. Kids never think longterm about their future, I wish my mother stashed up all of my money I got over the years in a ISA for me when I was 18.
I have a 15 year old and he is not frivolous at all. He has free access to his bank account but rarely spends on anything.

She won't learn to manage her own money if she has no access to it.

elelel · 14/01/2022 19:29

No 15 year old would have any discipline when it comes to money.

Mine did. Which is why at 18 & 20 they are both sitting with healthy savings.

That's why any large sum of money that any minor would come into would go into some sort of trust or account that a trustee or a guardian would look after on their behalf until they turn 18.

Because at 18 they are all so sensible with money

dementedpixie · 14/01/2022 19:30

I also have an 18 year old that has had free access to money and she is not frivolous either

whiteroseredrose · 14/01/2022 19:36

@Pinkrose1111

I'm sorry but I completely disagree with everyone saying it's her money Yes it's her money, but she's still only 15. No 15 year old would have any discipline when it comes to money. That's why any large sum of money that any minor would come into would go into some sort of trust or account that a trustee or a guardian would look after on their behalf until they turn 18. No 15 year old has the discipline to refuse short term frivolous wants and think long term about genuine needs like university or buying a house etc. It may be unfair, but it is what it is. She's still a minor living under your house, so your rules. And she may angry now but she'll thank you in the future. Because first it would be trainers, then it would be something else. Then before you know it the money's all gone. And in a few years time she'll have real wold expenses like paying for university or if she wants to move out for example. You did the right thing, let her budget from her allowance to buy her trainers. It will be a good lesson to handle money. And use the money in the ISA for things she'll actually need in the future. Kids never think longterm about their future, I wish my mother stashed up all of my money I got over the years in a ISA for me when I was 18.
I disagree. Both of my DC have been 'managing' money that their DGPs saved for them from about that age. Switching bonds and ISAs. They have a lot now. DGPs are still adding to it and it is intact.
notacooldad · 14/01/2022 19:42

I'm sorry but I completely disagree with everyone saying it's her money Yes it's her money, but she's still only 15
It's money that was given to her in lieu of a gift. Money to treat her self to something nice if she wanted. I would be pretty pissed off if I gave my teenage niece money to get what she wanted and mum took it off her and wouldnt let her have access to it ( which she has done by locking it in an account) because she supposedly knows best.

winnieanddaisy · 14/01/2022 20:10

If I were you I would buy her the shoes , and going forward any money she receives I would split 50:50 between her ISA and her savings account ( with her permission) that we she has long term savings AND money that she can dip into .

LaDamaDeElche · 14/01/2022 20:12

How much are the trainers? Are we talking Nikes or something like Gucci? If they are Nike price, then as you've already bought them as an Xmas present, I wouldn't make her pay the difference. They're a present and that's that. If they're Gucci price, then I'd lend her the difference. As other posters have said, I think putting the money away until she's 18 was the wrong thing to do. If it was an inheritance or a very large chunk of money, then that would be sensible, but as it was money in place of presents, it should be hers to spend how she chooses.

Dontwanttolivewithmylover · 14/01/2022 20:41

I'd lend her the money but deduct £10pm from her allowance until the amount is repaid.

Blossomtoes · 14/01/2022 20:44

@Dontwanttolivewithmylover

I'd lend her the money but deduct £10pm from her allowance until the amount is repaid.
I’d give her the money and see it as a tax for being high handed.
Swipe left for the next trending thread