Money - has dd got a point?

[bendmeoverbackwards]

Dd is nearly 15. A few years ago she had quite a bit of money from an event plus money from relatives, birthday money etc. She used some of it to buy a laptop and a few other bits. She agreed she would save the rest and I opened a separate savings account for her where, at the time, she was earning a bit of interest.

Then interest rates dropped so I shopped around to get her a better rate. I opened a Junior Cash ISA which is paying 2.25%. However the money is locked in until she is 18.

She's now very upset that she can't access the money. She wanted some expensive trainers for Christmas, I said I would pay up to £X and she would fund the rest. However she thought she would take it out her savings and I thought it would come out of her monthly allowance from us (£50/month).

I opened the ISA partly because of the interest, and partly because I didn't want her frittering away her savings on clothes.

She says it's her money and for her to decide.

It's not relative to OP affordability because OP isn't discussing how much to give DD. The discussion is about OPDD savings, nothing to do with her pocket money, other then she gets £50. £50 isn't a lot for a 15 year old to have each month irrespective of parental income, is what people are saying. £50 here would get a couple of trips into town, lunches and the odd bottle of juice and maybe a trip to the cinema or swimming. There isn't much left for trainers.

So I'm not allowed to respond to other points made as the OP wasn't about pocket money? I'm making a general point that blanket saying £50 isn't much isn't helpful as we don't know what she's required to buy with that £50. Eg does her mum still buy her clothes? If so £50 isn't too bad.

And it is about affordability. If you don't have it, you can't give it.

I think YABU op sorry.
I can see why you put it in the ISA but ultimately it's her money.
She's not asking you to buy the trainers, she's wanting to use her own money and unfortunately you have stopped her being able to do this.

Even if all she has to pay for from her allowance is the cost of going out, coffee with a mate, make up, possibly tampons, £12.50 a week is a stretch @ArthurTudor. Like I said, you try it, I know I get through more than that on bits and pieces.

Of course, she does not want to spend her allowance on it. That leaves her with no money to socialise. She wants to spend the money gifted to her.
If my mum had done this at 15, I don't think I would ever have really forgiven her.

@ArthurTudor

*It's not relative to OP affordability because OP isn't discussing how much to give DD. The discussion is about OPDD savings, nothing to do with her pocket money, other then she gets £50. £50 isn't a lot for a 15 year old to have each month irrespective of parental income, is what people are saying. £50 here would get a couple of trips into town, lunches and the odd bottle of juice and maybe a trip to the cinema or swimming. There isn't much left for trainers.*

So I'm not allowed to respond to other points made as the OP wasn't about pocket money? I'm making a general point that blanket saying £50 isn't much isn't helpful as we don't know what she's required to buy with that £50. Eg does her mum still buy her clothes? If so £50 isn't too bad.

And it is about affordability. If you don't have it, you can't give it.

I never said you can't or were not allowed to respond. Equally though, I can post too.

@Ericaequites

Don’t buy her the trainers. Let her save for them, or pick up casual babysitting to fund them. If she wants luxuries, she can fund them herself.

She already had the savings which her parent has locked away without her permission. Who knows if she goes babysitting that money will probably get swiped as well!!

@Blossomtoes

Even if all she has to pay for from her allowance is the cost of going out, coffee with a mate, make up, possibly tampons, £12.50 a week is a stretch *@ArthurTudor*. Like I said, you try it, I know I get through more than that on bits and pieces.

It may well be a stretch, but I find it typical of MN that people jump on with '£50 isn't much' etc with no context of affordability and how that may make a parent feel. As a child we had hardly any money. I was grateful when my mum could finally afford to give me £10 a month. This is the reality for lots of families outside of this MN bubble. I'm not saying it's the case for the OP - I'm just talking in general terms.

The tampons thing is a good point - I would hope parents fund that. But again I know it's not always the case or even financially possible. At schools I've worked at we give them away to girls for this reason. Something wider needs to be done about the cost of sanitary products

You are missing the point completely.

People are not saying £50 is not much to the parent. Because we all know everyone has different budgets. People are saying it's not much for a teen to have because it does not stretch far, and that has nothing to do with the affordability of the parents.

I recall my Mum trying this. All my gifted money, straight into an account she held the card for.
One day we had a huge argument as I wanted to buy something. She left for work, I turned the house upside down, found the card, skipped school, withdrew the lot, closed the account and bought myself the leather biker jacket I'd coveted.
With the change I went to the pub. I was 15. I controlled my own money after that.

Ericaequites

Don’t buy her the trainers. Let her save for them, or pick up casual babysitting to fund them. If she wants luxuries, she can fund them herself

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Unbelievable!!

@arthurtudor when my DD was I would have kept money aside for her, her birthday is in December so quite close to Christmas so I would say keep it in case you want something in the summer, so when we were on holiday for instance and she wanted a bag THAT looked like a snow leopard I said she could use some of her birthday money so she was pleased to spend £8 of it, did she need the bag no, did she enjoy taking it everywhere with her for next year or so absolutely even as absolutely teenager she remembers buying her first bag it is in hammock with some other soft toys she kept, my all means save the money but if she wants something say she can use a bit of it for an extra thing she would still have had lots left in savings account. Her money would have been closer to £30 not £100, I would not let a 6 year old just spend a £100 in one visit, but if she wanted a particular lego kit she could spend her money on it, DD is just now selling some of her legs she is mostly getting back what she paid for it as I kept boxes and instructions. So she will have had years of fun and still will get most of the money back to spend on cool clothes!

Yeah loads of casual babysitting around these days.,, not🙄

I would argue that the girl is good with money actually as she had the money a few years ago, bought a laptop (quite sensible) and a 'few bits' and kept the rest in an account she could access for a while, she is still only 15 now, so must have been about 12/ 13 at the time and the money is still here for them to be arguing over.

She's not bought a grands worth of chewing gum.

This must the first time she's asked for anything else from this money, otherwise she wouldn't have only just found out it is locked away, it would've come up earlier.

I see a lot of people on these types of threads on MN jump on and blast OPs and tell them "it's the kids money they should spend how they want". My mum opened me a building society account, all my birthday Xmas any gifted money got paid in there. She said when I was younger I always got enough gifts as well that I didn't need or want anything else. It just became a habit and we always went together to pay it in. I couldn't touch it without her signature till a certain age but even after that I was so scared to spend it on stuff like clothes and holidays or at uni cause I knew she would go mad. Age 24 I put it all down as a deposit on a flat. Best thing she did for me. People on MN seem to think 11, 12, 13 year olds should have human rights to fritter away their money and mums trying to help children build a future are blasted. They might be upset not having £400 McQueens that all their friends have for a few weeks but in a few years they'll thank you ☺️

@elelel

You are missing the point completely.

People are not saying £50 is not much to the parent. Because we all know everyone has different budgets. People are saying it's not much for a teen to have because it does not stretch far, and that has nothing to do with the affordability of the parents.

No I understand that, and to a point I agree. However, I still stand by my point that if you have no food, travel, clothing or phone expenses £50 to spend on "whatever" is fine. I agree it's a note challenging budget for her if she's got to say pay for her own phone bill

I'm also think though in general MN feels like a parallel universe where people think £50 in general isn't much money. I earn a fairly decent salary (maybe not by MN standards😂) and I still think £50 is a lot of money.

I also think it's good to teach kids you can't just do everything you like (eg go to the cinema yes, but cinema plus a meal out on the same day - can't afford it on £50 pcm) as money even for adults doesnt stretch to everything we want to do.

@anonanonanon123

I see a lot of people on these types of threads on MN jump on and blast OPs and tell them "it's the kids money they should spend how they want". My mum opened me a building society account, all my birthday Xmas any gifted money got paid in there. She said when I was younger I always got enough gifts as well that I didn't need or want anything else. It just became a habit and we always went together to pay it in. I couldn't touch it without her signature till a certain age but even after that I was so scared to spend it on stuff like clothes and holidays or at uni cause I knew she would go mad. Age 24 I put it all down as a deposit on a flat. Best thing she did for me. People on MN seem to think 11, 12, 13 year olds should have human rights to fritter away their money and mums trying to help children build a future are blasted. They might be upset not having £400 McQueens that all their friends have for a few weeks but in a few years they'll thank you ☺️

What a great outcome!

@Ericaequites

Don’t buy her the trainers. Let her save for them, or pick up casual babysitting to fund them. If she wants luxuries, she can fund them herself.

She's already saved up for them! It's her money. Just her mum has put it into an account she can't access for a few years.

I let dc use money for roblox and mine craft on think it's an OK way to make them wait and spend.

But much comes down to the child's own personality. One dc of mine is classic wait and delayed gratification. The other is incredibly impulsive and a spender.

For this reason I've tried to set up hurdles to their small inheritance.
I didn't want them to access it at 18 but the person insisted unfortunately thinking more about tax etc than them actually just wasting it.

They have some money in a normal nation wide account which has saving bit and they transfer that to the spending part.

Then they have a cash isa which earns zilch but is there for car, lessons etc at 18.
Then they have more in a stocks and shares isa which I'm hoping will form the basis of their capital going forward. Ie not to spend really. One dc will absolutely be sensible and understand these hurdles the other I don't thinking so unfortunately.

But at the very least I can show them.. The difference in growth between their cash isa and their stocks isa.
One grows by about 1% a year. The other by average 25%.

I earn a fairly decent salary (maybe not by MN standards😂) and I still think £50 is a lot of money.

It’s not a lot of money when it has to pay for everything you need/want for a month. I challenge you to try it for a month. I bet you couldn’t manage it.

Does everyone or is this just you? What the other poster is saying is that her child dosent particularly need or want anything at this time. I can't see she's said she's never letting her have it until adulthood.

My post was in responce to this

So if your six year old wanted to got £150 in cash you give it straight to them in cash without it touching a bank account and let them go and buy exactly what they want?

Sure.

A child that does want something.

Arthur tudor £50 is very much a lot for us as well.

I'm also drum into dc we spend what we save, we don't use cc unless we have the cash to back it up etc.

@anonanonanon123

I see a lot of people on these types of threads on MN jump on and blast OPs and tell them "it's the kids money they should spend how they want". My mum opened me a building society account, all my birthday Xmas any gifted money got paid in there. She said when I was younger I always got enough gifts as well that I didn't need or want anything else. It just became a habit and we always went together to pay it in. I couldn't touch it without her signature till a certain age but even after that I was so scared to spend it on stuff like clothes and holidays or at uni cause I knew she would go mad. Age 24 I put it all down as a deposit on a flat. Best thing she did for me. People on MN seem to think 11, 12, 13 year olds should have human rights to fritter away their money and mums trying to help children build a future are blasted. They might be upset not having £400 McQueens that all their friends have for a few weeks but in a few years they'll thank you ☺️

I let my kids spend their money from a young age. They learned a lot about the value of money and by the time they got an allowance they started to save a bit, then from part time jobs. They are 18 & 20 now and both on course to buy a house before they are 25. The 18 year old had £4k saved and the 20 year old has £5.5k - he also bought and runs his own car. It doesn't have to be one or the other. Children can spend AND save.

@Blossomtoes

I earn a fairly decent salary (maybe not by MN standards😂) and I still think £50 is a lot of money.

It’s not a lot of money when it has to pay for everything you need/want for a month. I challenge you to try it for a month. I bet you couldn’t manage it.

Are you deliberately misunderstanding me? I'm saying it is a reasonable amount if you are just buying things (at 15) you want rather than need.

Seriously, how expensive are these trainers?! I would just buy them (and I’m guessing you could also afford to if you’re giving DD £50 per month).

@anonanonanon123

I see a lot of people on these types of threads on MN jump on and blast OPs and tell them "it's the kids money they should spend how they want". My mum opened me a building society account, all my birthday Xmas any gifted money got paid in there. She said when I was younger I always got enough gifts as well that I didn't need or want anything else. It just became a habit and we always went together to pay it in. I couldn't touch it without her signature till a certain age but even after that I was so scared to spend it on stuff like clothes and holidays or at uni cause I knew she would go mad. Age 24 I put it all down as a deposit on a flat. Best thing she did for me. People on MN seem to think 11, 12, 13 year olds should have human rights to fritter away their money and mums trying to help children build a future are blasted. They might be upset not having £400 McQueens that all their friends have for a few weeks but in a few years they'll thank you ☺️

Yep mine did this for me too and we are doing the same for ours