Money - has dd got a point?

[bendmeoverbackwards]

Dd is nearly 15. A few years ago she had quite a bit of money from an event plus money from relatives, birthday money etc. She used some of it to buy a laptop and a few other bits. She agreed she would save the rest and I opened a separate savings account for her where, at the time, she was earning a bit of interest.

Then interest rates dropped so I shopped around to get her a better rate. I opened a Junior Cash ISA which is paying 2.25%. However the money is locked in until she is 18.

She's now very upset that she can't access the money. She wanted some expensive trainers for Christmas, I said I would pay up to £X and she would fund the rest. However she thought she would take it out her savings and I thought it would come out of her monthly allowance from us (£50/month).

I opened the ISA partly because of the interest, and partly because I didn't want her frittering away her savings on clothes.

She says it's her money and for her to decide.

I’m saying it is a reasonable amount if you are just buying things (at 15) you want rather than need

And I’m saying it isn’t. Age is irrelevant. We all spend money on incidentals. I’m old enough to be a 15 year old’s granny, today I spent a fiver in Superdrug and had a coffee while I was out, that would leave me with £4.50 until next Thursday. If I can’t do it, why would I expect someone else to, whether they’re 15 or 55?

@elelel yes, they can. But just to add some perspective and figures, from merely saving birthday and Christmas money as a child, so only paying in money twice a year and I wouldn't say I received huge amounts at a time, and also factoring in that once I was older probably about 17 when I went to uni I did occasionally keep some back if I really wanted something although by this time I could see it accumulating and knew that some day that would be a deposit, so from like 18 onwards I didn't save as much but didn't spend it. By 24 when I bought my flat I had over £15k. I also got an allowance of £60pm when I was young/still at school and had a current account that I operated and paid allowance into, so spent that on going out with friends and earned money doing jobs in the house and had my first part time job at 13 in the October holidays changing beds for 2 weeks in a local hotel. But if some people think their kids will be happier having got to buy £15k of plastic crap over the years then go ahead but I know what I'll be doing for my kids

@Blossomtoes

I’m saying it is a reasonable amount if you are just buying things (at 15) you want rather than need

And I’m saying it isn’t. Age is irrelevant. We all spend money on incidentals. I’m old enough to be a 15 year old’s granny, today I spent a fiver in Superdrug and had a coffee while I was out, that would leave me with £4.50 until next Thursday. If I can’t do it, why would I expect someone else to, whether they’re 15 or 55?

There is nothing wrong with putting a 15 year old in a position where they are not able to afford everything they want. That is life.

I acknowledge £50 pcm will be hard during school holidays as if you have free time you are spending. If the parent can afford it perhaps giving more during school holidays would be a good idea.

I don't get the "locked away" part of the ISA.
Generally ISAs are fixed over a certain term, but finds are still accessable, although there is usually a loss of a short term of interest. ISAs are not for huge amounts, amd interests rates are low, so pulling out some funds for your DD to spend is not going to be significant in the great scheme of things.
You may see the trainers as "frittering away" money- but do you ever spend money on hair highlights, a new handbag, a meal out- nails?
It's her money- she sounds reasonable, I think you are being too controlling.
Surely meny gifts at the "event" were given to her as gifts, for pleasure, not to be tied up in Gringotts until she was "sensible" enough it use it.
And just from experience 18 year olds are no more likely to spend cash on "sensible" stuff then 15 year olds.
She may spend the lot in Ibiza wih her friends on fags, booze and tattoos

This is what my 15 year old spends in an average month

£10 - phone
£5 - bus fares
£10 - presents (usually £5 max per person; she makes a lot)
£5 - craft stuff (she makes her own jewellery)
£5 - odd drink/snack while out
£10 - socialising e.g. going to the cinema or McDonalds
£5 - makeup or something like a top from Primark or a book

I don't think that sounds particularly OTT. Obviously if we couldn't afford it then she couldn't have it, but it's hardly living the life of luxury.

@bendmeoverbackwards

She has a point tbh since you’re expecting her to fund it with her allowance from you anyway, you may as well buy them and tell her she can’t have her allowance one month

She still wants her monthly allowance. She wanted the money for the trainers to come from her savings that she now can't access.

Well, you shouldn't have locked her money away without her knowledge or agreement.

@anonanonanon123

Again, it's not one or the other. My kids were allowed to spend their monies over the years, not particularly on plastic tat but that seems to be the mindset of savers, that plastic tat is the only available thing. 18 year old is in second year of uni, living at home and because we are now a low income family gets the max loan and bursary. Spends very little on the day to day mainly because uni has predominantly been online so has saved a lot of that money. 20 year old nailed a decent job last year after doing HND and is earning good money and able to save. You can let them spend money as kids and support and encourage them to get on in life too. I have done both and I'm just very fortunate that both kids are very financially sensible.

Blimey, is this still going on?? 😂

I’d better not say how much the trainers were!

Well I think you did the right thing OP, I honestly don’t think you’ve done anything wrong

“ She says it's her money and for her to decide”

Of course she does, she’s 14 😄

I’d be leaving the money where it is. She’ll thank you when she wants to buy a nice car

Just to add one more thing - we pay for DD’s phone and she doesn’t do much socialising (it’s usually at friend’s houses) so her £50/month is pretty much money for non essentials. She loves clothes, buys a lot and still complains she has nothing to wear 😂

You pay for them and put an IOU against part of the amount.

I always fund a need. The difference in ££ between a want and a need is funded by the fashion conscious teen.

I fund the first £45 for trainers. They fund the rest. Usually from birthday or Christmas money.

@bendmeoverbackwards

No I didn't discuss the implications of the ISA. My thinking was - she had already spent some of it - absolutely fine. She gets an allowance of £50/month from us and she will hopefully get a part time job when she's a bit older. I wanted her to have a bit of money saved for her future and earn a bit of interest in the process.

Yes, you wanted her to have a bit of money saved. You. But it's her money, so she should have at least been consulted. If I gave a member of my family money for a birthday and it was kept from them without consent I'd be pretty miffed about it.

@Isthatthebestyoucando

Does everyone or is this just you? What the other poster is saying is that her child dosent particularly need or want anything at this time. I can't see she's said she's never letting her have it until adulthood.

My post was in responce to this

So if your six year old wanted to got £150 in cash you give it straight to them in cash without it touching a bank account and let them go and buy exactly what they want?

Sure.

A child that does want something.

I was responding to another poster who said that in every eventuality they would hand the cash to a child to do with what they wish even if it was to buy duplicate presents or they didn't need anything. I've never said I wouldn't allow a 6 year old to spend it if they had something particular they had to set aside money for.

And nor does anyone think the only 2 choices are plastic or squirrelling money away (to answer someone else's point)

The poster that had saved £100 was clear that her child did particularly need anything on that occasion and so it was saved for another point in time when it might be needed.

This is not unreasonable imo.

GO ON OP tell everyone how much they are

I think YABU I’m afraid. From the age of 11, I had access to my own Abbey National account with deposit book and I managed it entirely myself.

Me too. Back in the days when those kinds of accounts accrued interest. These days leaving money sitting in a zero interest account means you end up losing money via inflation. The only way to save is with something like an ISA. Hardly any point otherwise.

@Ericaequites

Don’t buy her the trainers. Let her save for them, or pick up casual babysitting to fund them. If she wants luxuries, she can fund them herself.

She has the money though, helpful mummy just put it into an account she can't touch for years without consulting her first...

Well I think you did the right thing OP, I honestly don’t think you’ve done anything wrong Except take her money from her and not allow her to have it when she wants to buy something with it- which was the whole point in receiving money as a gift - to treat yourself.

“ She says it's her money and for her to decide”*

Of course she does, she’s 14

But she is right, The money in lieu of a present. She wants now to buy expensive trainers with them. That would have been a gift

I’d be leaving the money where it is. She’ll thank you when she wants to buy a nice car

Your getting ahead of the game there!! Insurance averaging around 2K, Driving lessons, license and a two part test that may have to be redone cost god knows how much, I've lost track. There won't be much for a nice car!!

All I see on here ( MN in general) is I don't want my child to regret them wasting money. How the hell can they learn from their mistakes and grow if they are being micro-manged to the last penny.

Surely it is better to have a few wasteful 'mistakes' ( if you think buying something you want is a mistake) and seeing what you could have done different is better than giving a load of money later and not learned how to handle it.

The child is able to make an informed decision what she wanted to do with her money. A parent may not agree with it. I know I silent willed DS1 to do more things with his money when he was a mid teenager and didn't like his choices but let him crack on. He wised up and by his late teens was on Money Box and bought stocks and shares as well has having different saving pots.

So she gets £10 per week pocket money? Probably less than that. Last time I checked, magazines the girls around that age cost more than £5 and books cost about £10. On top of this I imagine she has to buy presents and pay for social activities at the very least? £10 per week won’t go very far. Why not lend some of the money in either so she can buy the trainers. Either that or even a risk of waiting until she is 18 and splurging they’re not really frivolous things because she finally has her own money. It seems that it is very much up to you as this is the position you have put yourself and your child in as the parent.

And yes, she will be socialising at a friends house. £10 per week barely covers a trip to the pictures these days. I just hope that your friends don’t get fed up having to stay in for her and she loses out.

She already has the trainers. I paid the whole amount for them so she’s have them for Christmas knowing she would pay me back the difference between what I was prepared to pay and the actual cost of them.

Glad your bu. With our dc have transferred a chunk into isa and rest into normal savings - different bank though so dc physically has to go to the bank to draw the money.

@errnerrcallnernnernnern

I think YABU I’m afraid. From the age of 11, I had access to my own Abbey National account with deposit book and I managed it entirely myself.

You’ve been high handed with money that was given to her as a present from relatives. It’s not money you have given her.

Me too!

In fact, I had an Abbey National Account and a Post Office Savings Account and saved up my money to buy a new bike!

@GlassHalfFullView

Are you sure you can’t access the money. You normally can but you would lose the interest

No you can't. It is locked in until they are 18. It can be moved to another provider but can't be accessed other than that

@speakout

I don't get the "locked away" part of the ISA. Generally ISAs are fixed over a certain term, but finds are still accessable, although there is usually a loss of a short term of interest. ISAs are not for huge amounts, amd interests rates are low, so pulling out some funds for your DD to spend is not going to be significant in the great scheme of things. You may see the trainers as "frittering away" money- but do you ever spend money on hair highlights, a new handbag, a meal out- nails? It's her money- she sounds reasonable, I think you are being too controlling. Surely meny gifts at the "event" were given to her as gifts, for pleasure, not to be tied up in Gringotts until she was "sensible" enough it use it. And just from experience 18 year olds are no more likely to spend cash on "sensible" stuff then 15 year olds. She may spend the lot in Ibiza wih her friends on fags, booze and tattoos

Junior ISAs are not the same as the usual ISA. The money cannot be withdrawn until the age of 18.

No you can't. It is locked in until they are 18. It can be moved to another provider but can't be accessed other than that

Unless the child dies or has a terminal illness

@ComtesseDeSpair

I think it’s unreasonable to lock away birthday money without her agreement - the money was given to her so she could choose a gift for herself and to a teenager “save it” is going to mean “until I see something I want to buy.”

Money given specifically for her future, or which you’ve saved for her yes, fine.

I agree with this. She was being sensible and keeping the money to fund bigger purchases and now cannot do that.

Sorry op I think you were in the wrong here to essentially lock her money gifted to her without her permission.