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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Young woman murdered running, what sort of world is this?!?

373 replies

irishfarmer · 13/01/2022 14:15

A young woman was murdered yesterday in Tullamore, Ireland while out for a run at 4pm. It is not a dangerous area, she was on a popular route along the canal, in day light! These things just do not happen here. I am in total shock. It was a random, unprovoked attack. It's just so awful, 23 years old her whole life ahead of her. She was a teacher so had probably just finished work for the day and wanted to de-stress.

AIBU to think this poor girl should have been able to go for a run on a lovely winter afternoon safely? I know I am not BU just don't know where else to post. I am truly shocked and horrified.

OP posts:
Pucarbuile · 13/01/2022 19:07

RIP Ashling, my condolences to all who loved you. Flowers

Waterford Whispers News (a satirical website) nails it -
waterfordwhispersnews.com/2022/01/13/men-asked-to-take-day-off-from-the-hot-takes-on-womens-safety/

SantaHat · 13/01/2022 19:07

Same with my DP, when I said I wasn’t going to run through the local woodland in my own he was confused

I had a similar conversation with my DH only last night before I heard this news. I went for an early evening run and I had a small incident which turned out to be nothing but momentarily I was cautious and potentially fearful about something I suspect a man would not have even noticed. I resent feeling that I can only go running along roads with lots of people and lights (and I don’t actually like running in the daylight as I’ve had some many comments and abuse in the past so I don’t like to stand out). Do men ever think about this shit? I don’t like this world much right now.

Poor Ashling, it’s just so awful.

DramaAlpaca · 13/01/2022 19:12

This case has been on my mind all day. It has shaken me to my core.

I live not far from where it happened. This sort of thing just doesn't happen around here, it's a quiet rural area. It's always felt so safe. Then this disgusting excuse for a man murders a woman in broad daylight. How fucking dare he? I am so fucking angry and upset that this has happened.

RIP Ashling.

Cleebope2 · 13/01/2022 19:14

Horrific crime. Hope they have got the bastard already and it’s the right guy. It is reminding me if Michaela McAreavey too.. a lovely young Irish teacher murdered on honeymoon. And a similar murder happened in Spain recently too with a young teacher out running after school. What the hell would motivate this- he must be psychotic.

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 13/01/2022 19:14

[quote Pucarbuile]RIP Ashling, my condolences to all who loved you. Flowers

Waterford Whispers News (a satirical website) nails it -
waterfordwhispersnews.com/2022/01/13/men-asked-to-take-day-off-from-the-hot-takes-on-womens-safety/[/quote]
“You may think what the women in your life need to hear now is how helpful krav maga can be, or ‘how actually statistically speaking’ but maybe just shut the fuck up for 24 hours,” confirmed one expert.
Perfect. (Except change that '24 hours' to 'forever'.)

Mufasa1118 · 13/01/2022 19:15

Earrings and lipstick

You said
"stop!

As of this would even be possible! And not able to be breached. Of course a man could attack a woman before she got to her 'women only' space, take her swipe & in he goes.

There would be sufficient guards at every tube to stop a man ever getting on.

And you'd be comfortable with a scenario where women were guarded from violent men in our segregated spaces, rather than sort out the violent men

Margaret Atwood territory as a PP suggested.
"."

I think that subways/tubes are a particular area of danger as people are pressed right on top of each other. Giving men a lot of excuse to group and touch women.

And of course women only transport would work.
Female only public transport, already exists in other countries.

And another point, isn't is a bit sad that when we are on a thread talking about women's safety, that women on here are turning on each other and being dismissive of each other's ideas?
Shouldn't we be listening to ideas, saying well that's one idea for safety , here's another idea.

Not just:your idea is rubbish.

If women can't support each other in any way regarding safety, how will we ever get anywhere?

What is your idea to improve safety for women?

MarshmallowSwede · 13/01/2022 19:21

I don’t need a “not all men” disclaimer!

It is absolutely disgusting that whenever a woman is abused, or raped or murdered then someone swoops in with their cape on the not all men us to death!

I’m sick of it. If men got other men together and helped to stop violence against women, then maybe we wouldn’t even need to have to talk about a woman being murdered.

You know what’s offensive? More offensive than saying men and not quantifying it with “some” men? That people have the unmitigated gall, the audacity to act like women don’t have a right to say men. Yes men. You’re all part of it. A woman being murdered in the prime of her life is offensive! Being taken away from her family .. that’s offensive!

You might not be out raping and murdering, but you laugh at rape jokes, you watch porn, you whistle at women and harass women in the street, or you spend time with men that do this.. you live in a system that tells you that your feelings and right to not be bunched in with the animals who do these disgusting things overrides women’s rights to not be harassed and exploited, raped and murdered.

Fuck. Your. Feelings.

Go not all men down at the pub or with your male friends. I’m sick of women being told to “be nice”. Don’t lump them all in together. Why not.. so the precious fee fees of men don’t get hurt? Meanwhile how many women have been murdered be a man in the past hour?

What has quantifying gotten us. What has that gotten us? Raped and murdered. Exploited and harassed. And no change.. so this empty “some” men means nothing to women when we are disproportionately murdered by your hands.

I’m not going to say “some” men. Obviously not all men rape and murder. But I don’t owe men that courtesy.. not when a woman has lost her life.

It’s absolutely offensive that people have the audacity to even come here to chastise me! How dare you! I don’t even know this woman, but I’m sick of hearing about women being murdered for doing the most mundane things.

But you’re offended because I didn’t say “some”. If you don’t get your own act together… seriously. This is exactly why men do what they do to women.

This is what entitlement looks like! A woman murdered in broad daylight while minding her business.. but not saying “some men” is more offensive.

More offensive than a woman being murdered? Honestly.. I’m not entertaining such foolishness.

I said what I said. Men… you all need to get your act together! I don’t give a damned about “good men”. You too! I’m married to a good man and I told him he is part of the problem too.

That’s what’s wrong with you. You think because you’re not a rapist or murderer you’re “good”. The bare bones minimum of being a decent human being?

The bar is set so unbelievably low for men that you even think you should be congratulated for being one of the “good” ones. Hell.. if all it takes to be a good person is not rape and murder then that’s a pretty low bar. But then again.. it’s ok for men to be mediocre and do the bare minimum and we are all supposed to clap, and give awards.

Give me a break. All these “good men” yet Domestic violence is sky high, rapes happening with little convictions, women murdered daily.. like I said. All men need to get their act together. Even the good ones.. because your rape crazy and murder crazy fellow men make you all look terrible. And the cause is not helped when instead of understanding why women are angry you choose to “not all men” us. I’m definitely not the one for this. I will not entertain this. If it doesn’t apply to you then move on.

I said what I said.. all men. Go complain to your male friends about it and perhaps come back to us with some solutions.

Women have plenty of solutions that we have tried to implement to not be murdered.. so I want to know what the men are coming up with besides MRA nonsense and mansplaining to us how to “just use common sense” so we aren’t raped and murdered.

I’ll wait.

EarringsandLipstick · 13/01/2022 19:21

What is your idea to improve safety for women?

Deal with male violence against women substantively, via legislation, policing with necessary enforcement measures. Resource properly support lines & refuges for women in fear of men.

I do not have to support sexist & demeaning ideas that you propose merely because you are a woman.

Your idea to segregate women to protect them from violent males, who will continue to enjoy their freedoms is insane and deeply insulting on this thread, a day after the death of Ashling. Implicit in your suggestion is that if a women only running track had existed in Tullamore, Ashling could have used that and been safe (not that it would have been possible) & not gone to a location of her choice and run freely, and safely.

I'm not letting that bullshit go unchecked.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/01/2022 19:22

What is your idea to improve safety for women?

Why, given that women are not routinely murdering or attaching other women, should women be tasked with fixing this??

Hagpie · 13/01/2022 19:23

No they meant men.

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 13/01/2022 19:25

@Mufasa1118 please give it a rest. I'm all for female-only spaces - but currently we barely have any female-only spaces, even where women are extremely vulnerable, undressed, ill, mentally incapacitated, imprisoned etc - because men can just say they are women and they are allowed in.

MarshmallowSwede · 13/01/2022 19:25

I would love to hear all the men on here give us some realistic solutions to make violence.

Women we are always going to try to find a way to be safe.. but apparently we just aren’t doing it right!

So since the men know better, and clearly don’t think male violence against women is a big deal.. I would love to know what ideas men have.

I’ve asked my husband the same thing. I want solutions. Because this “not all
Men” foolishness isn’t one.

Mufasa1118 · 13/01/2022 19:28

Bernadette

Jesus christ. We are not tasked.

We are on a thread talking about women's safety and sharing ideas about it.

Mufasa1118 · 13/01/2022 19:32

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LavenderAskew · 13/01/2022 19:35

I shouldn't have looked at twitter.

Sickening - both of them

Young woman murdered running, what sort of world is this?!?
Bitbloweyoutthere · 13/01/2022 19:39

@Mufasa1118

Male violence definitely needs to be addressed too.

The first thing: is they should have education programmes for young boys and teenagers, teaching them to respect women.

The trouble is, often young boys and teenagers already have no respect for women. I've taught for a long time and some boys see women, especially female teachers, as beneath contempt. I've often wondered how they go on to treat girlfriends.
Mufasa1118 · 13/01/2022 19:40

Earrings and lipstick

"I'm not letting that bullshit go unchecked".

LoL what a hero. I think it's me who's checking your bullshit actually

Usernamenotavailabletryanother · 13/01/2022 19:50

Men who don’t rape and murder know that they’re not going to rape or murder anyone as they walk down the street.

We don’t.

All men.

FoodieToo · 13/01/2022 20:02

@sadnessoverwhelming

This is very local to me. I know that path so well. I know people who know her dad, boyfriend and sister. I know someone who worked with her. They described her as sunshine in human form. I didn't sleep last night thinking about her. Her last thoughts. Did she see him? Did she sense the danger? Did he catch her from behind? Did she plead for her life? My heart is absolutely aching for her boyfriend, her family, friends, colleagues, her little students but most of all for her. For Ashling, for the agony of her last moments and the life she won't get to live now. Because of a man. Another man. It doesn't matter that it's not all men. It matters that when a woman dies so brutally it is ALWAYS men.

RIP beautiful Ashling. Codladh Sàmh.

Well said .

I'm a teacher in Dublin and she could have been any of the lovely, young girls who teach in my school. I also was awake half the night thinking of her .

A family destroyed . Unthinkable . Out for a run , after school, in the daylight. Words can't describe what I hope is the outcome for the perpetrator of this horror!!

Mufasa1118 · 13/01/2022 20:05

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mjf981 · 13/01/2022 20:13

Awful. Poor woman.
I also feel sorry for you students. How do you explain this to a group of 5 year olds? Sad

shouldistop · 13/01/2022 20:13

It's awful. My step dad was telling me about this earlier Sad
Poor, poor woman. She had her whole life ahead of her.

TheKeatingFive · 13/01/2022 20:15

I also feel sorry for you students. How do you explain this to a group of 5 year olds?

I know. 😥

I have a child in first class myself and I honestly cannot understand how they'll explain this to them.

33goingon64 · 13/01/2022 20:18

Surely the most telling part of the story is:

Gardaí said the suspect is well-known to them and has been suspected of being involved in previous violent incidents.

So. He was known to be violent but... what... he's not been convicted? And now this happens? Hmm...