Young woman murdered running, what sort of world is this?!?

[irishfarmer]

A young woman was murdered yesterday in Tullamore, Ireland while out for a run at 4pm. It is not a dangerous area, she was on a popular route along the canal, in day light! These things just do not happen here. I am in total shock. It was a random, unprovoked attack. It's just so awful, 23 years old her whole life ahead of her. She was a teacher so had probably just finished work for the day and wanted to de-stress.

AIBU to think this poor girl should have been able to go for a run on a lovely winter afternoon safely? I know I am not BU just don't know where else to post. I am truly shocked and horrified.

Was just listening to this on the radio. Complete tragedy but I don't think you can get caught up in the idea of places being safe/unsafe etc.

I imagine she had run there previously and felt safe, I've walked in busy areas and today alone in the forest, these random attacks are statistically few and far between. Try not to curtail your activities to stay safe too much, even the women who do everything 'right' are still victims.

@MorningStarling

Whilst cases like this are shocking, we must try to remember that statistically we're much more likely to be murdered at home. We shouldn't be afraid of going outside for exercise or whatever reason - we're safer jogging down a dark alley that we are at home with our family.

It's not just fear of murder though. There's plenty of other smaller ways to be intimidated and/or assaulted that stop me from walking or running certain routes.

It’s awful. My sister lives there and is always out waking on the canal. It could’ve been her just as easily. It’s a really popular walking spot into the town.

Unfortunately not all men is trending in Ireland alongside her name. I would wonder about the type of man who believes people horrified over this girls death is the exact right time to start commenting on threads saying not all men 🙄🙄

Unfortunately it’s infiltrated this thread too I see. Well done @Elodeastar we couldn’t possibly have attention on the poor woman who was murdered for more than one page of the thread. Have to make it all about the poor mens feelings.

Shows all the things they tell women to do are useless - walk in a well lit area, don’t walk late at night etc. if a man wants to kill you he will kill you.

No, not all men.

But far, far too many.

It's horrific OP. I regularly walk in the woods behind my house but I hesitated this morning after reading about poor Aisling. It's very isolated where I am and if I came across a predator I would have no hope. My DH on the other hand happily rambles through the forest without a care in the world.

He rang me today after hearing the news and told me to "be careful" like what the fuck are we supposed to do? What he actually meant was "don't go" as he has tried to dissuade me for years but why should women be prisoners locked up inside?

I can't imagine the sorrow of her poor family today

Rest in Peace Ashling. What a beautiful person ❤

I live in a similar town its just shocking and chilling to think she came home from school and went for a run in a well know walking route and this happened in day light.

YANBU. She had everything to look forward I am sure she desperately wanted to live. Why do men feel they can just destroy another human being. It also sends a message that tells every other woman to be afraid going about their normal life. Because the truth is, it could happen to anyone, anytime. Has anyone noticed she looks somewhat like the Primary teacher killed in Kidbrooke? Again in a random senseless attack. Strange coincidence

I saw some 20 something girls on tv saying they think it's happening more now. I think they just don't realise it's always happened. I'm in my 40s now but I've been flashed at twice as a young girl when out minding my own business. Its all interrelated. Saying namalt is being part of the problem. So what that namalt. It's irrelevant because it's always a man. So we don't know which men are like that. All men need to be as outraged as we are and show intolerance to the men who are like that. I had a conversation with my ten year old boys today about it and how they will have to make sure to always stand up for girls. Locker room humour, it all adds up to this.

Sending love to Aisling's family and her pupils. It's horrific.

The path was even named after another woman who went missing there in 1996.

[quote headunderthewater]@Elodeastar
”I wonder if you meant to write 'some men' though, and not just 'men'.”

Yes, let’s focus on poor mens feelings.
Until misogyny end, it’s all men.
Because we can never know which one of them it’s going to be.
If this is hurtful to men, then they know how they can stop it.[/quote]
This

Unfortunately not all men is trending in Ireland alongside her name.

Are you serious? Vile. Unless it's the "not all men...are doing enough to stop this" commentary that's doing the rounds? I hope so.

Sadly I'm not shocked

I'm angry, tearful, full of rage, frustrated and horrified that things like this keep happening.
But I'm past being shocked.😢

I wonder if you meant to write 'some men' though, and not just 'men'

Men as a collective species are a great threat to the safety of women and girls.

Men - as a group.

@Cocomarine

RIP Ashling.

@Elodeastar my experience is that actually it is “all men” who don’t understand why we feel afraid. Sure, my husband (as an example) might nod his head when I say, “no, I’m not running my usual route tonight because it’ll be twilight by the end and it might not be safe” (in our lovely quiet low crime village). But honestly, he thinks I’m just being sensibly cautious, but more than needed. He has no idea of the fear. Not really. You can throw all the stats you like at me about young men and knife crime too… but fact is I don’t know a single man who would change his run route in my village at twilight. Men might nod and believe we feel afraid - but they (all the menz) have not idea how that fear feels, and how frustrated and angry and powerless those frequent small adjustments make me. For my husband, it’s just a sensible change of route, no biggie. For me - it encapsulates that some men hate me because I am a woman. That’s crushing.

Thank you for sharing this. I agree that some/many/most men have no idea how/why many women do feel afraid at times they don't, and I can relate to that too. I still don't think that means 'men feel they have the right to take a woman's life', more that 'some men' feel they can do what they like where women are concerned, and a lot of other men just cannot comprehend how hard it can be to be a woman just going about her normal business. They don't second guess a running route, they don't wonder if it's OK to go alone to the shop after dusk, they don't question if their clothes are too something or other. There are problems are societal level, but that isn't the same as the statement that was made on the previous post. OK, I have tried to explain what I mean, no doubt some folk still won't like it, but it is an important conversation. Again, RIP to the young woman who lost her life, and others who have suffered in similar ways.

He rang me today after hearing the news and told me to "be careful"

Tell him he would be better placed ringing round all the men he knows telling them not to rape or murder. And then all those men doing the same phonecalls out.

@DoTheyKnowItsLemonJuice

It wasn't a reprimand, actually, it was a genuine question?

No, it wasn’t. You didn’t “genuinely” wonder if the person you quoted actually intended to write “some men” but somehow forgot, and accidentally wrote “men” multiple times

You were making a point and correcting her in a passive-aggressive, “gentle” way. It was highly inappropriate here. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

You are entitled to that view, I don't agree with you, but have no wish to argue with your personally. I am genuinely confused why so many think the blanket term helps anything, it doesn't.

@Yebbie

No, not all men.

But far, far too many.

Agreed, sadly.

Tell him he would be better placed ringing round all the men he knows telling them not to rape or murder. And then all those men doing the same phonecalls out.

You're right and he has heard similar from me many many times. He does get it but I think he's resigned to the fact that men are rotten and nothings going to change that. He is already freaking out about our two young DDs growing up and falling prey. I imagine we will have many arguments about it as they grow up as his solution will be to keep them locked away as much as possible... I despair to be honest.

Poor lady I bet her class loved her and she had so much to live for.
At this rate every woman is going to have to walk around with pepper spray at all times.. If that even would've helped her.

I read this this morning. RIP Aishling, a young teacher robbed of her life running along "Fiona's Way" and this run was named after another young woman who was also robbed of her life by a man.

Right now I have zero sympathy for some men /no men / all men.

Not enough men stand up for us. Some men / all men tolerate sexism, objectification, misogyny, locker room talk, sitting on the fence when the men they know are free with their fists, not going straight to the police if somebody they spiked a stranger's drink.. men, poor men. They need to feel outraged on our behalves and not sensitive about being lumped in to "all men".

my experience is that actually it is “all men” who don’t understand why we feel afraid.

Sorry I don’t agree with this. Surely I’m not the only one with a husband who will walk our babysitter home at night, or who used to come and meet me at the bus stop at night (and now that we have kids insists I get a taxi from the station).

The blanket term helps because it puts the responsibility back onto men to change the interactions they have with other men.

Not to forward porn. Not to laugh at inappropriate jokes. Not to go to lap dancing clubs or hire strippers for stag nights. Not to tolerate men who visit prostitutes. Not to watch porn. To delete male friends who forward inappropriate things from WhatsApp groups. To think about how they approach women in clubs and react when their mates get knocked back. Not to wolf whistle. Not to tell girls to smile. Not to tolerate a colleague with the nickname 'the Rapist'. Not to ask if it was dark. Not to suggest self defence lessons or pepper spray.

Namalt, but all men can help with what is acceptable in male interactions.

I feel there should be a stage of emergency imposed with restrictions on ALL MEN for however long it takes for children, girls and women to be safe.

MvF violence is the pandemic that has never been addressed in any meaningful way.

And to any posters breathless to counter with not all men or oh it's so rare, save your fat fingers or post elsewhere.

@MorningStarling

Whilst cases like this are shocking, we must try to remember that statistically we're much more likely to be murdered at home. We shouldn't be afraid of going outside for exercise or whatever reason - we're safer jogging down a dark alley that we are at home with our family.

I agree that we shouldn't (have to) be afraid, but if we weren't I am sure more of us would be assaulted. If we walked home drunk at 2am instead of taking a taxi, if we walked through that dark park at 9pm after our yoga class or if we took the shortest way to work early in the morning instead of the well-lit longer one. We can't just decide not to be afraid, that option has been taken away from us.

I wonder if you meant to write 'some men' though, and not just 'men'.

FFS will there ever be a time when women can be outraged by the violence men perpetrate against them without having to pander to the feelings of men. Please GTF with that bullshit.

If you are not a violent, murderous arsehole then we are not talking about you, therefore NAMALT is redundant unless of course men can't accept that the murder of young woman is not about them.

@Fidgetty unfortunately not joking. Very disappointing that so many men think now when women are upset and afraid is the time to push their not all men agenda.