To think age 21 is not a 'young mum'?

[546321yeah]

I fell pregnant with my daughter at 20, had her at 21. I am now referred to by a lot of people as a 'young mum'. I don't feel like 21 to have a child is young at all and 10 years on, I've gotten on with my life very well, just the same as I would have without having my child.

AIBU to think a young mum is someone about 15, 16, 17? Anything above that is normal age to have children?

@HacerSonarSusPasos judging from the way you write, you’re still well under 25 then?

@chainoverreaction not many no, but it happens.

Peaches Geldof & Petra Ecclestone being just 2 incredibly wealthy women who had children before they were 25.

@AllThingsServeTheBeam, it may not be unusual in your particular area or social group but it remains that 21 is young to have your first baby as far as the national average in England & Wales goes (av age for first baby 29y in 2020. 10yr ago when your baby was born it was 27y). It’s not a judgement, it’s just a fact. Anything significantly below that number is younger than average (aka ‘young’), anything significantly above older than average (aka ‘old’).

Figures are from ONS, here www.ons.gov.uk/file?uri=%2fpeoplepopulationandcommunity%2fbirthsdeathsandmarriages%2flivebirths%2fdatasets%2fbirthsbyparentscharacteristics%2f2020/finalparentscharacteristics2020workbook.xlsx

I think anything below 30 is young really.

[quote BalladOfBarryAndFreda]**@AllThingsServeTheBeam, it may not be unusual in your particular area or social group but it remains that 21 is young to have your first baby as far as the national average in England & Wales goes (av age for first baby 29y in 2020. 10yr ago when your baby was born it was 27y). It’s not a judgement, it’s just a fact. Anything significantly below that number is younger than average (aka ‘young’), anything significantly above older than average (aka ‘old’).

Figures are from ONS, here www.ons.gov.uk/file?uri=%2fpeoplepopulationandcommunity%2fbirthsdeathsandmarriages%2flivebirths%2fdatasets%2fbirthsbyparentscharacteristics%2f2020/finalparentscharacteristics2020workbook.xlsx[/quote]
I'm not saying it isn't young. I am just saying when I had my DS1 I was not alone amongst my peers and at the school gates I am not out of place.

Have you read any of my posts? How could having my DC not be seen as positive? If I'd have left it I wouldn't have had any at all. You sound horribly judgmental. I am amazed at the lack of understanding on these threads. Not everyone is like you. I am certainly not deprived either ffs. Just from a working class background.

@AllThingsServeTheBeam

Have you read any of my posts? How could having my DC not be seen as positive? If I'd have left it I wouldn't have had any at all. You sound horribly judgmental. I am amazed at the lack of understanding on these threads. Not everyone is like you. I am certainly not deprived either ffs. Just from a working class background.

That last post was to @chainovereaction

21 is young yes but certainly doesn't mean your life is over!

My goodness, how many women who have kids in their 30s/40s end up giving up their careers because it's too much to juggle.. then end up working part time/school hours and/or relying on their dps wages to make ends meet. Or they have children and their priorities change so much or they burn out and don't feel the same about the career they've built for the past decade so end up changing course to take on a lesser paid, more vocational role..

Travel is a massive thing on my to do list in my 40s. I won't have to think about taking kids or doing anything around school holidays! A massive plus for me!

I couldn't bare the thought of my DDs having children so young, and would definitely judge my own parenting if they thought it was a good choice like some on this thread

@chainoverreaction

Nobody said positive. It's just an age. Being older isn't necessarily positive either. Round of applause for you for being so sensible 👏👏

It is young

Very young

I'm 32 and accidentally referred to myself to the DR as a young mum. But I meant new mum. Was so embarrassing

@chainoverreaction it CAN be positive. For some women. Not necessarily for all.

Not everyone's life is the same. Who are you to tell me and others that our experiences weren't positive when you have no idea of our lives?

Of course 21 is a young mum! That doesn't mean you can't be a good mum when you're 21 (although, as your brain isn't fully developed until your mid 20's and people that young are less likely to have the financial resources that make raising kids easier, I think it's harder to be a good mum at that age). I had my kids in my late 20's and I definitely felt like a young mum. Most of my friends with kids the same age are older than me.

@chainoverreaction having my daughter, just like my sons, was definitely positive. I adore her.

There are many older mothers at her private school who have to go without holidays to send their DC there, who have huge mortgages they can just about afford and who have old bangers as they can’t afford anything better.
Meanwhile my daughter will have 4/5 holidays this year. I don’t regret having her at 22 for a moment.
No, I wouldn’t change it for the world.

As another poster alluded to, it's most likely due to needing to validate their choices over being necessarily true

Why do you care? Should we also call other groups irresponsible. Poor parents, less educated parents, non-white parents - their kids are more likely to have poor outcomes, eh? Equal disappointment there - why stop at age?

There's a lot of justification for waiting so long the perfect age, financially stable, holidays and travelling complete when it is not the best circumstances either for a DC.

When you have them you want to give them the best however the risks of becoming ill are higher, when they're adults and need help with childcare or physical supporting it is harder, it isn't always about being financially stable when they're DC, the relationship is for life not 18 years.

I think anything below 30 is young really.
🤣 35 to 45 is considered a geriatric pregnancy.
It's a small window.

It's interesting when people say about being older means being able to provide better for their kids. Kids need food, warmth, shelter and attention. Not sure what it is people think they need more of initially to make them better parents?

I've often found children who want for nothing (I don't mean their basic needs) and have everything on a plate growing up are the ones who face the biggest disappointments as they grow up and face the big bad world and are quite often lazy and/or entitled.

I've had good/bad parenting moments but I like to think mine are turning out good, one in an outstanding secondary school and the other in grammar school, even if I was a young mum.

I never had the luxury of going to uni because it just wasn't even on the table. I do like that my kids have seen me build my career and study (through work) to gain achievements and qualifications. It shows them whatever hand you're dealt with, you can make something of yourself at any stage.

Life isn't all big houses, perfect marriages and holidays twice a year for the majority so why wait to have kids in order to keep up this facade?