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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this is cheeky AF

156 replies

ByeByeNye · 12/01/2022 15:48

Brother and soon-to-be SIL are having a destination wedding. Going to cost us about £1k-£1.5k for us to go (me, DH, and kids with flights, accommodation and spending money).

Really want to be at my brothers wedding as I love him dearly. I like my future SIL, so please don't get the impression that I don't by this post. However, I can't help thinking that they're completely underestimating how much it's going to cost their guests to attend their wedding, as they've put a request for money as a gift on their wedding invitations.

I genuinely think it's very cheeky and want to tell them it ain't happening 🤣

AIBU?

OP posts:
mrbreezeet1 · 13/01/2022 20:49

Tell her No!
No money!
It already cost yen's enough to go to the wedding!

NewYearNewMeFeckthatshit · 13/01/2022 20:56

[quote saraclara]**@wentworthinmate* @MrsColon* @Bertiebiscuit the invitation says that no gift is needed. The honeymoon cash is simply an option for those who are determined to give something. OP managed to avoid telling us that until she was pushed. Check out her further post.[/quote]
Rubbish.
If they weren’t such obvious cheeky fuckers they’d have said ‘no gifts please’ and left it at that.

The fact they’re stating they want it to pay towards a honeymoon (second holiday after the destination holiday) is very telling.

AnnaSW1 · 13/01/2022 21:03

@saraclara I had read it thanks. It's poor form

TolkiensFallow · 13/01/2022 21:04

OP you are being really precious about this! They said “no gifts needed but if you really want to then cash towards the honeymoon”

They’ve said no gifts!!!

I had a destination wedding and didn’t mentions gifts in the invite. Every guest asked what we wanted as a gift or offered cash and we said said we didn’t want a gift. So it’s not unreasonable to pre empt this.

Are you sure you aren’t just looking for ways to be offended because you’re salty about the cost of attending?

AnnaSW1 · 13/01/2022 21:05

Ha! I see now this is hitting close to home for @saraclara hence her comments Grin

saraclara · 13/01/2022 21:16

@AnnaSW1

Ha! I see now this is hitting close to home for *@saraclara* hence her comments Grin
My comments are based on OP's irrational response to an invitation that clearly says that no gifts are needed. Yet she made an OP that made no mention of that when asking us if we agreed that her brother and fiancee were being cheeky.

I'd have made exactly the same points whatever my DD had eventually put on her invitations.
If you look back at my posts on other threads you'll find that I often point out irrationality or the omission of salient points from OPs. It's something that I find really irritating.

Original poster
ByeByeNye · 13/01/2022 21:18

@saraclara

The fact that giving them money was mentioned puts pressure on people to give money, as they may feel that the expectation is there, as I have.

That's your interpretation. If you choose to ignore them saying that gifts are NOT needed, then that's your choice. But it doesn't make them cheeky or grabby. They may well have been persuaded, as my DD was, that some people will insist on giving something (especially if they won't be travelling to the wedding) and that it's preferable to give those people some guidance.

What part of 'gifts are not needed' do you not get? As you are a sibling who is paying a lot to take the whole family to the wedding, and you like them both (so they must be nice people) I find it highly unlikely that they want or expect you to give them any cash.

@saraclara

Why is this thread making you so angry? I don't understand your reaction, at all. You're taking this very seriously when it doesn't affect you.

OP posts:
Original poster
ByeByeNye · 13/01/2022 21:19

@AnnaSW1

Ha! I see now this is hitting close to home for *@saraclara* hence her comments Grin
I couldn't help wondering thiz myself @AnnaSW1.

It feels like she's taking this personally or something, and being very rude in the process Confused

OP posts:
DeerMyDear · 13/01/2022 21:24

I’ve been to a wedding abroad and the couple deliberately said no gifts as we’d all travelled. Felt reasonable.

Zombiemum1946 · 13/01/2022 21:24

I think your brother would be fine if you didn't give a gift. I wouldn't have been upset if my siblings hadn't given a gift. We married at home. My younger brother lived several hundred miles away and didn't come. I was sad but understood his reasons.

Gilly12345 · 13/01/2022 21:28

I don’t think they should be asking for wedding presents/money as you are paying to attend their wedding.

If they were having a UK/hotel wedding where they are paying then yes asking for money/wedding present is then ok.

SummaLuvin · 13/01/2022 21:34

I agree with @saraclara OP was intentionally misleading, initially framing the 'request' in a way to garner the responses she wanted, rather sharing the 'request' she actually got, which wasn't a 'request' at all...

quote from the OP
as they've put a request for money as a gift on their wedding invitations. I genuinely think it's very cheeky and want to tell them it ain't happening

batmanladybird · 13/01/2022 21:57

I don't think I bought either of my siblings presents 👀
I did other things in the day/
in advance instead

SE123 · 13/01/2022 22:47

is that 1k per person?

Gazelda · 13/01/2022 23:00

@SummaLuvin

I agree with *@saraclara* OP was intentionally misleading, initially framing the 'request' in a way to garner the responses she wanted, rather sharing the 'request' she actually got, which wasn't a 'request' at all...

quote from the OP
as they've put a request for money as a gift on their wedding invitations. I genuinely think it's very cheeky and want to tell them it ain't happening

Exactly.

There was no request. No pressure.

user1486131602 · 13/01/2022 23:30

Why not have whip round with other members of the family? Perhaps treat them to an upgrade or something.
Other than that I would explain I’ll happily give you a monetary gift if you are paying for our tickets?

LouBan · 13/01/2022 23:52

Though I had been living in the UK for a long time, I got married in my home country because my father wasn't well enough to travel. We invited lots of UK friends but understandably some chose not to come. For those that did we told them that they were not to give us gifts as their coming to the wedding was their gift. We understood it would have cost them quite a bit to make the journey and wouldn't feel right if they then spent more money getting us a gift. We did have a party in the UK for everyone who didn't make the trip.
In answer to your question, it is a bit cheeky to expect people to spend a lot just to get to your wedding and then expect gifts as well.

girlmom21 · 14/01/2022 05:31

@saraclara is right... sorry OP.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 14/01/2022 16:17

The fact that giving them money was mentioned puts pressure on people to give money, as they may feel that the expectation is there, as I have

When I got married, I put on my invitations that no gifts were necessary as we’d been together a decade by then and had four kids between us. We still got gifts because our guests felt obliged as we hadn’t specifically said ‘no guests at all thanks’.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 14/01/2022 16:18

@girlmom21 disagree. As per my post above.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 14/01/2022 19:34

I think what they have said is fine. Please don't feel obliged to get us a gift but if you really want to money would be better than physical gift. In your case I would find or make / kids make gorgeous card, add lovely message and the get him a small meaningful gift.

Original poster
ByeByeNye · 14/01/2022 22:46

We're now being asked to spend 100s on a hen do in England 2 months before the wedding 🙄

OP posts:
SallyGoLucky · 14/01/2022 22:52

Oh god, OP. For the sake of yourself, and the bride, just say no to going now. You will clearly give off about every aspect from here on in, so there's no point going if you'll be miserable.

Just be honest, say no thanks, and then get on with your life.

Why on earth you're surprised there's a hen do, when every person I know who has had a wedding, has had a hen do also, is beyond me.

saraclara · 14/01/2022 22:57

You will clearly give off about every aspect from here on in

Yep. You say you love your brother and like his fiancee, OP, yet you seem determined to paint them as grabby and entitled. You're clearly not planning to enjoy anything about this wedding, and will just moan all the way through the build up.

SummaLuvin · 15/01/2022 13:31

Why on earth you're surprised there's a hen do, when every person I know who has had a wedding, has had a hen do also, is beyond me.

yep, especially as she is sister of the groom not a friend, the bride has probably gone out of her way to include OP...

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