To be freaked out by affording (older) children?

[HelpMeHiveMind]

The AIBU here is a bit misplaced- obviously IBU to not have realised children cost lots. We've purposely only had 2 (although we'd love 3) as didn't feel we could provide everything we wanted for more. I also know millions of people manage - probably with lots less than us...we are quite comfortable although live in SE where it doesn't go anywhere near as far as it would elsewhere.

My question is more how do people actually do it when they become teens / young adults and start needing:

• mobile phone contracts
• cars
• University fees
• uni accommodation
• maybe even house deposits

The really big things, basically, that they're unlikely to be able to manage alone.

We've been saving into accounts for them since babies but initially only at £25 pm (all we could afford back then), now £100 pm. It still isn't going to touch the surface of what they'll need. And there are two of them with a gap, so things like remortgaging are problematic as can't cover one and not the other. We are also mortgaged to the hilt already.

So how do folks do it?

I have 3 teens and am a single parent. My eldest is autistic and on universal credit unearned income. My 16 y/o has a part time job and I will encourage my 13 y/o to do the same when old enough if she's able (currently being assessed for Tourette's). If they want to go to university they will have to take out student loans as I cannot afford to bankroll them (I went to uni as a mature student and took out the max loan as that was he only way to do it). They can live at home as long as they want/need whilst saving but will still be expected to pay for board/lodgings whilst here whether they are working or not because I cannot bankroll 3 adults. That's life. You don't have to pay for everything for them. I work full time plus a side job. Still not enough. They know what's expected. They pay for their own phones/clothes/leisure activities. I ensure they have a warm safe home, food internet and lifts until they can drive (more talking about the older two here) but you cut your cloth accordingly and make expectations clear from the outset. If they want to leave home dead on 18, I'd end up hosting students or similar until I can downsize.

Manage their expectations, make them contribute, and tell them they are almost certainly going to need to work at Uni, if that’s where they’re going.

Your children work and pay for these things, or don't have them.

We hoping college near us as accommodation be huge cost. Son bought his own car we helped as insurance high at 20. Dont know how big families do it. I was temping and money is very average out there

DS got very tall very quickly so I ended up having to buy adult size clothing and shoes from around the age of 14. That was pretty costly as he mostly only wore sports clothes and sports shoes at the time. At 18 he now pays for his own clothes with his part time job.

Until he was 16 he only got cheap phones that we paid for up front and a cheap SIM only contract. He then got an iphone on a contract which I do pay for but it's only about £30 a month.

His car he paid for himself (part time job) but we paid for the insurance for his 18th birthday. That was definitely a big expense. He paid for his own lessons and also pays for his own tax, petrol etc. although I would help him out if it broke down and he needed help fixing it. It's quite an old car.

University fees and uni accommodation will be covered by our cryptocurrency investments. Should also cover house deposits eventually if we continue to invest. While I'm not necessarily advocating investing in cryptocurrency unless you know what you're doing, investing in something that will actually give you some returns on your money is better than saving it in a bank account.

My mobile phone contract is £4 per month, my teen has PAYG.

I don't know any teens whose parents pay for their car, if someone is exceptionally lucky a parent or sibling might hand me down a car when they upgrade - some do request money towards insurance for Xmas but since the question wasn't about Xmas money I guess that doesn't count.

I don't know anyone whose parents pay for their uni - there's grants, loans and bursaries for that and most have a part time job.

How on earth is a house deposit a teen issue?

These are luxuries people work for and gain through life not a silver platter parents hand you in your teens.

@user1487194234

I work full time and most of my salary at the moment is supporting my DC at Uni

We don't want them taking out loans or working term time

That is our choice ,others make different choices

www.moneysavingexpert.com/students/should-i-get-student-loan/

You need to read this.

Or let them work duty time for a year or two and go as a mature ( ie at 20/21) student.
Trust me, they’ll be far more employable and impressive afterwards. You want your kid to stand out from every other graduate? That’s the way to go - have them experience some real life first, and I don’t mean by dicking around overseas somewhere building walls in villages either. Lovely thought hat is for them, it’s not much use to employers.

Save what you can. We paid for our daughter’s driving lessons and I gave her my old car. She gave me money towards it from her part time job (£500). Insurance for her is pretty good (go girl) She gets a generous grant for university. we have encouraged her to take a degree which will lead to a good job. I hope to give her a small amount towards a house deposit and she has started saving for that now (19)

I am a CA so understand the financial side
We are in Scotland so don't pay fees

We have 3 dc, all young adults now (18, almost 20, almost 22).

They've all been told we'll pay for driving lessons and first car + insurance. Only ds (20) has taken us up on that. We find mobile phones for them all. We're also taking them all (including boyfriends/girlfriend) on holiday this summer.

Dd1 is at art school and lives with her boyfriend about 10 mins away from us. We pay her portion of their rent, so she doesn't have to work in the bar (she worked through her first 2 years but really needs to concentrate on uni work now). She claims SASS which covers her fees and some living costs. We take her shopping every few weeks and pay for her groceries.

Ds is (hopefully) starting uni in September. He's wanting to do nursing, so will get a bursary as well as his sass, which means we won't need to top up his money. He hopes to move into halls. He's working as a home carer at the moment, and saving a lot as he's living here rent free on the understanding that he saves.

Dd2 is a beauty therapy student. She lives at home and works 2 days a week in a spa. She's not planning to move out quite yet. She sometimes spends the weekend at her boyfriends house, or he comes here. We still pay her a small allowance.

We're very lucky that dh has a well paid job (he's a GP). We haven't even thought about house deposits etc. I expect them all to work and save. We may well help with houses, we have savings, but it's really their responsibility to save for what they need and want.

We put £30 p/m into savings for each child plus they’ve had a few extra payments from grandparents on birthdays etc. so they’ll have a bit to help when they’re older.

Generally though I’m hoping they’ll get a job to earn themselves some cash on top of whatever pocket money we give them.

I never had help with a car, driving lessons or student costs….. paid it all myself through work and/or borrowing. My dad simply couldn’t afford to help me at that stage.

Do, we’ll do what we can but if we can’t then we can’t. No point worrying about it.

A house deposit?? Oh wow.
The only thing from your list I received from my parents was the mobile phone - but when I was younger it was just topping up with credit as and when I needed it. Then I paid foethat myself as I began earning money as a young teenager.
I would never have expected all those luxuries from my parents. Especially not a house deposit!!!!

I would hope by the time your children have grown up that we will have moved on from this idea of individual car ownership. We have a climate emergency and the idea of individual teenagers having cars is hopefully going to look ludicrous.

They could use (shock!!) a bike or public transport…

They start working themselves. Mine were working part time at 16 and paying for their own Mobile phone contracts and saving, my daughter bought her won car and had enough saved for insurance etc. Me and her dad pay her college Fees and she lives at home with me while she goes to College (I know this is only doable if you live near to College)

They could use (shock!!) a bike or public transport… if they are in an area where such things are safe to do/exist.

In my town there are no cycle routes and the roads are in general poorly lit and maintained. We are also not blessed by much in the way of public transport. DS' bus trip to college was a 2 hour journey each way, it takes around 20minutes by car.

@Boombastic22

I would hope by the time your children have grown up that we will have moved on from this idea of individual car ownership. We have a climate emergency and the idea of individual teenagers having cars is hopefully going to look ludicrous.

They could use (shock!!) a bike or public transport…

I hope so too, though I'm not that hopeful for change on this scale in the next decade or so.

Whether or not they can use a bike or public transport depends on where you live, which is a choice that you make, not them. I think it's really shitty when people live rurally and then resent having to run their teens around all the time and don't facilitate them driving themselves as quickly as possible. If you've made decisions that make it essential for them to use a car I think you have to do as much as you can to make a car available to them.

Everyone keeps saying 'loans' for university. But they only cover fees. The Government will assume you top up living costs by £4-5,000 if you only qualify for the minimum - which will apply to many on here.

I don't know anyone IRL who pays their dc's tuition fees or has gifted them a house deposit. For me these fall under 'only on MN'.

@Francounder

Everyone keeps saying 'loans' for university. But they only cover fees. The Government will assume you top up living costs by £4-5,000 if you only qualify for the minimum - which will apply to many on here.

It is means tested. You can get a full maintenance loan of c£9k if you are a low income family.

I have two in uni in the US and it's really expensive. We will be able to pay all of their fees and costs only because we've been saving really aggressively for it since they were toddlers in a special account that accumulates tax free. My lovely MIL has also helped very generously.

DS has our old 2012 Subaru at uni. It was only worth a few thousand when we bought a new one, so we kept it for the kids instead of trading it in. He did a paid internship last year and DD works over the summer. DS has also worked as a residence assistant, which gets him free housing.

It is more expensive as they get older, but we're also making more money now than we did when they were little.

Uni is not always entirely funded by student loans. Depends on your income (but stupidly not your outgoings). DD gets minimum
loan which doesn’t even cover the rent. We pay her rent in full (£500 a month) and she lives off student loan approx £4000 a year. She has part time job to pay for petrol. She had a job from 16-18 which paid for half her car and insurance on the first year. We paid the other half of car and driving lessons. I have had to take a second job in the evenings to pay for university x

We certainly don't save 100pcm (humble brag?)

You live within your means and so do the children

For us that means second hand mobile and £3.99 a month contracts and so on...

@seekinglondonlife

I don't know anyone IRL who pays their dc's tuition fees or has gifted them a house deposit. For me these fall under 'only on MN'.

Well hello we have done it three times now @seekinglondonlife going back for first two when tuition fees were 3k accommodation £60 per week.

The latest one now in his third year we had sold business and retired so could pay once again. Tuition fees 9k rent £175 a week.

It's a lot harder this time round, yet the education is the same or worse

I never had any handouts and managed to get a house, a degree and a car 🙄

You sound overstretched on your mortgage, houses aren’t assets unless you sell them so it’s an expense rather than an income. The sensible thing is a smaller house in a not so good area and save more if you want 5o bankroll them like that.