To be freaked out by affording (older) children?

[HelpMeHiveMind]

The AIBU here is a bit misplaced- obviously IBU to not have realised children cost lots. We've purposely only had 2 (although we'd love 3) as didn't feel we could provide everything we wanted for more. I also know millions of people manage - probably with lots less than us...we are quite comfortable although live in SE where it doesn't go anywhere near as far as it would elsewhere.

My question is more how do people actually do it when they become teens / young adults and start needing:

• mobile phone contracts
• cars
• University fees
• uni accommodation
• maybe even house deposits

The really big things, basically, that they're unlikely to be able to manage alone.

We've been saving into accounts for them since babies but initially only at £25 pm (all we could afford back then), now £100 pm. It still isn't going to touch the surface of what they'll need. And there are two of them with a gap, so things like remortgaging are problematic as can't cover one and not the other. We are also mortgaged to the hilt already.

So how do folks do it?

@Francounder

Everyone keeps saying 'loans' for university. But they only cover fees. The Government will assume you top up living costs by £4-5,000 if you only qualify for the minimum - which will apply to many on here.

This isn’t strictly speaking true.

There are many bursaries for low income students, and there certainly used to be additional Monies if you had children too.

Wow, you need to reset expectations Op
My kids had money as present for driving lessons. And we’d only put them on our insurance when it was absolutely needed paying by the day. They didn’t own cars till they worked and paid for it. They don’t need cars whilst at school or uni contrary to what they might say
Phones were bought outright as presents and pay or they go. But were cheaper then and certinaly not latest model. After 3 between them we refused to buy them for them as they lost them/broke them. They had to buy themselves from saving monthly allowance
They got a monthly allowance form which they had to buy any games, hone bill, clothes from and that was modest. They were both boys so if girls I’d have paid more for “pink tax”.
I’d buy essential clothes like school uniform and undies
University fees are covered by student loan. You should not pay for that in advance as they don’t pay it back until they earn over a certain amount and may never pay the whole thing back. Far better to gift an amount annually if you can afford it after they start work and paying back the loan to offset that each year.
You’ll need to find money to make up maintenance loan, but by the time we calculated it all out and gave them a dud get it wasn’t that much more than we paid for them living at home
As for house deposit- this is not basic cost. They’re unlikely to be able to off-road to buy before they are 30 . We saved into a help to buy ISA. for each but that was after they’d left uni and we’d paid our mortgage off ourselves so had spare cash. That’s all I can afford to give toward deposit- and it certainly won’t cover they’re full deposit - but they are in grad jobs and no kids so can afford to save for themselves.
Reset your ideas of what is basic cost fgs

Everyone keeps saying 'loans' for university. But they only cover fees.

No they don't.

You get a tuition fees loan, which covers your fees (completely, however much your parents earn).

You can also apply for a separate maintenance loan. If you live away from home (outside London) this ranges from £4,442 to £9,488, depending on parents' income.

@seekinglondonlife

I don't know anyone IRL who pays their dc's tuition fees or has gifted them a house deposit. For me these fall under 'only on MN'.

Tuition fee's for University in Ireland are capped at €3k so maybe it's more common here to do that?

If you want all those things for your D.C., you’ll have to reduce your mortgage by the sound of things. Move somewhere cheaper or smaller.

£100 is only going to stretch so far, whatever the gap between your expectations and your reality. I don’t think you’re as comfortable/ well off as you need to be to afford the life you want for you and your DC.

@HelpMeHiveMind

Yes exactly this - people who keep saying about loans, I'm either hugely missing something or the amount of loan available to children from middle class families really doesn't begin to touch the sides. And as I've mentioned, I wish we could easily top up but the reality is we can't because our mortgage is insane and other bills etc pretty massive too.

Firstly if you are mortgaged to the hilt you need to be paying that down before paying for the children. 10-15% should be going into a pension - are you doing this?

The £100 isn't affordable if you can't do the mortgage and pension.

University will have to wait for them, you just can't afford it.

Ditto cars - have you looked at insurance yet? A 17 year old is in thousands for insurance...My friends 18yo son was given a lowest price of £5k, so he just hasn't learnt to drive. Other friends kids have waited until their 20's, I only know one 17 year old gifted a car and her dad is a car dealer.

Mobile phones contracts are unavoidable, but they don't need to be the most expensive.

Mine costs me £2.50 a month. I hardly use mobile data or call or messages. My DD uses her phone to listen to music on the commute to school, so she has a plan with massive amounts of data for £9 a month. (Her phone is my old one.)

It is means tested. You can get a full maintenance loan of c£9k if you are a low income family.

Yes, but as I said, if you only qualify for the minimum then parents are expected to come up with £5,000 themselves

@EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall

Oh, I did pay towards a crash course for ds1 when he turned 21 but I don't see it as something I need to pay for, my parents didn't pay for mine!

I think it depends. If the teenager lives in the countryside because of parental choice it's not very nice to deprive them of the chance to learn to drive, though their own car isn't compulsory. If you live in a city, different matter.

@Mary46

We hoping college near us as accommodation be huge cost. Son bought his own car we helped as insurance high at 20. Dont know how big families do it. I was temping and money is very average out there

Do be aware though if they live at home they will miss out hugely on uni experience, it also imho makes kids much less likely to move where the grad jobs are in long term leading to living at home for longer and relying on you to fund their living keep Investing in making up the maintenance make-up on loan to live out and away form home, is worthwhile and saves you money in the end by giving them much more independence. I have lived all over-the country, as did my brothers because we had to move where Grad job were. I set that expectation with my DC, and they have had to move away form their familiar areas to get the opportunities they needed. It is best to start off with that expectation if they and you think they are going to benefit from uni education with higher and more rewarding careers. Otherwise they can end up in dead end jobs that don’t really need degrees. In which case they’re much better training as apprentice or trade and working more locally to home town.

I have two teens. One has my hand me down iPhone and the other has a cheap android.
Both have a cheap contract with limited data- £12 per month.
In terms of cars and house deposits- they will have to manage these themselves like I did. I didn’t get a car until I had a proper job and I saved for a house deposit.
I will hopefully be able to help with uni fees, accommodation etc. but I will also expect them to work in the holidays etc. and make a contribution.

They don’t need cars whilst at school or uni contrary to what they might say

I did my A levels at 2 different schools. My main school was 5 miles away and I had a bus pass. The other was 4 miles from my main school and as I was not a full time pupil I was not eligible for a bus pass. When I had morning lessons at school
2 I had to walk there, alone, mainly along dark country lanes. It would then take me an hour to walk between the schools for my afternoon lessons. Sometimes I didn’t have an hour between lessons.

If I had been at school 1 in the morning I’d have to walk home from school 2 in the afternoon (around 5.5 miles).

I bought a block of 10 lessons and started on my 17th birthday and had passed by Xmas. I absolutely needed the car to be able to study.

@Monkeymilkshake

Euh… are parents meant to pay for these things? If they are old enough to buy cars and houses surely they can work! I went to uni, bought a house and a car and my parents didnt pay for it. I think you need to chill out a bit

Same.

Had huge student loans, and worked to fund the rent and living costs not covered by my loans.

No house deposit or car for my parents. Oh and they didn’t pay for my wedding either, but why would they? I’m an adult and can find this myself.

These posts always flabbergast me. Dint think any of my friends had everything fully funded from their parents either.

@Abra1d1

This is why buying good secondhand clothes for small children and not going mad at Christmas for babies makes sense. We saved a lot by being careful when they were too small to care what they wore. It was useful for the teenage years. On MN there are lots of posts about people spending hundreds on presents for two year-olds. Save it for your teenagers. It won't fund university living costs but it might be a hefty sum towards driving lessons or mobile phone costs.

This is a really good approach and sound advice. Well done 👍

I'm with PPs who are surprised you think you'd pay for all of this. My parents never paid for my fees, my flats or my mobile phones. I had a part-time job from high school. I worked full-time during every holiday from university. I stayed at home and attended the local university (which was RG) because I couldn't afford to pay for accommodation. I bought second-hand books and borrowed from the library.

When I graduated, I flat-shared and paid the rent from my salary. I didn't feel poor or hard-done-by. I felt independent and responsible.

For our DC, we'll pay for the mobile phone (as we already do). DH wants to pay for accommodation and a car but we'll see when the time comes because tbh I think there's a lot of value to earning your own money and learning to budget.

@WouldIBeATwat

They don’t need cars whilst at school or uni contrary to what they might say

I did my A levels at 2 different schools. My main school was 5 miles away and I had a bus pass. The other was 4 miles from my main school and as I was not a full time pupil I was not eligible for a bus pass. When I had morning lessons at school
2 I had to walk there, alone, mainly along dark country lanes. It would then take me an hour to walk between the schools for my afternoon lessons. Sometimes I didn’t have an hour between lessons.

If I had been at school 1 in the morning I’d have to walk home from school 2 in the afternoon (around 5.5 miles).

I bought a block of 10 lessons and started on my 17th birthday and had passed by Xmas. I absolutely needed the car to be able to study.

Yes, but this is not most students experience . Most go to a single school/college. And can get there by public transport If your parents were able to support your choices and fund you having a at to make that work that was great If they had been low income unfortunately you’d not have been able to do that. Sad and restrictive for you- but it is how the majority of families on restrictive income have to live.

"Dint think any of my friends had everything fully funded from their parents either."

They probably wouldn't tell you.
I didn't have help for a deposit either. That's why I'm renting in middle age.
My friend's wedding ten years ago was paid for by her parents. They had probably expected to pay for it as that's how things were when they first had children.

Teenagers only cost what you can afford. It would be lovely to be able to pay for a car and give them a deposit on a house, but in reality most people can't do these things. And actually, I think you learn the value of money better by understanding how much things cost and how long you have to work to pay for them.

I'm a single parent, I paid for mobile phone contracts for my two when they were teens. They had money towards driving lessons for their birthdays but they had to pay for the rest through their part time jobs. Neither have a car as they can get everywhere they need to walking or on the bus and they can't afford the running costs at the moment. DS1 went to uni, he had a loan for the fees and a maintenance loan for accommodation. I did give him some money towards food every month. If they wanted expensive trainers or clothes, they had them for Christmas or birthday, or paid for them themselves with money they'd earned from their part time jobs.

The biggest expense I incurred from having teenagers was the increase in my food shopping bill!

Ah I've been wondering this, dh and I have been discussing how much do we try to save for our 2 dc's futures. I am scared by the cost of uni these days, but looking into the loans last night it seems that's still the way to do it. So that aside, if you can save for your kids then what's a good amount to give them towards uni living or a house? So they're not struggling but still encouraging them to work for what they want?! Any thoughts welcome.

My older two are 11 and 12 so not adults yet but they both got a (£100ish) phone for their 11th birthday and we pay £5 a month each for a GiffGaff package which is perfectly sufficient.

You potentially will need to top up their loans at Uni, I know we will because of Dh's income, but we're saving for that. Other things like learning to drive can wait. Don't forget you'll save on food and potentially extra curricular activities when they go to Uni so that money could go directly to that child. Worst case scenario they can work, either throughout their course or on a gap year, or go to a Uni near home.

Mine are still very little (4 and 2) but my thinking is that our childcare bill is £850 per month. Obviously that won't be forever but we're now used to those payments (they were higher before DD1 started school in September.) So whenever there is any reduction in our childcare costs the plan is to divert that money elsewhere. Some to general savings, some to overpaying the mortgage and some to saving towards helping the DC with house deposits or university.

I get that teenagers are expensive but I would sincerely hope they're not still costing nearly £1k a month when they're older. And in any case I'll have increased my hours at work by then so will be hopefully earning more (am currently part time while they're little.)

My DS is adamant that he wants to to away for university and I don't blame him as that is a really important part of the experience as far as we are concerned.

And I agree with food being one of the biggest costs for teenagers. I'm always buying food and it costs a fortune. I can't belive the staggering difference in cost of this compared to the miniscule amounts they need in their younger years. My 10 year old DD is very cheap in comparison!

blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2018/11/how-much-should-you-save-for-your-kids-to-go-to-university-/

Just read this blog about how much uni will cost the parents, which is useful!

If they wanted cars they had to buy their own. If they wanted a house deposit they saved up. Phone contracts were cheap sim only. If they ran out of data they had to top it up. They got a student loan for uni. They were given a fixed amount for some living costs but they had to get a job whilst at uni. They also worked whilst still at school. That's how I did it OP. You don't need to give your children the things you listed.

If you can put away £500 per month per child from the time they're born you'll have £108,000 saved up by the time they're 18. This should be enough for Uni, a cheap car and a decent deposit. It's best to factor this expense in when planning how many children you're going to have, a lot of people seem to only think of the money they'll need to spend on raising the child, not how much they need to save on top.