To be freaked out by affording (older) children?

[HelpMeHiveMind]

The AIBU here is a bit misplaced- obviously IBU to not have realised children cost lots. We've purposely only had 2 (although we'd love 3) as didn't feel we could provide everything we wanted for more. I also know millions of people manage - probably with lots less than us...we are quite comfortable although live in SE where it doesn't go anywhere near as far as it would elsewhere.

My question is more how do people actually do it when they become teens / young adults and start needing:

• mobile phone contracts
• cars
• University fees
• uni accommodation
• maybe even house deposits

The really big things, basically, that they're unlikely to be able to manage alone.

We've been saving into accounts for them since babies but initially only at £25 pm (all we could afford back then), now £100 pm. It still isn't going to touch the surface of what they'll need. And there are two of them with a gap, so things like remortgaging are problematic as can't cover one and not the other. We are also mortgaged to the hilt already.

So how do folks do it?

You don't have to pay for any of these things, apart from the mobile as your kids will probably have one before they can get a part time job. I got a loan for my uni fees and accommodation and worked part time and holidays. Still paying it off. We saved our own house deposit. My lovely parents don't have the money to help me out financially. If we can help ours we will, but if not, they'll have to manage.

An individual teenager is not costing us a 1000 a month but this month with clubs and clothes that are man size so VAT on them and going out with friends he has cost us about £500 and we are only halfway through the month. I have a younger DD that is a bit cheaper but music lessons etc it adds up.

£500 a month! Is that a joke figure? We would only get the minimum loan but couldn't save anywhere near that figure.

MN is so adamant that the key to your children doing brilliantly in life was to give them no financial support or help and expect total independence from their teens. If that was the case then (lack of) social mobility in this country wouldn't be the huge problem that it is...

Only echoing what PPs have said but they don't NEED it all! My Mum just couldn't afford to bankroll me and I started my first part-time job the weekend after I turned 15.

By 18 I was often working 30 hours a week around sixth form; which was fine as I was young and energetic! Who needs sleep at 18?

I paid for my own driving lessons and passed my test at 20 when I was already living independently away from home. IIRC my Grandparents kindly lent me the money for my first old banger and insurance (thankfully I live somewhere with extremely cheap insurance) and I paid them back monthly.

I bought a flat when I was 35 and inherited a sum of money from my Grandparents. I could have bought one earlier if I'd worked and saved harder in my 20s but I was having too much fun travelling and partying at that stage.

I got a mobile phone for my birthday and paid for credit from pocket money / part-time wages. Granted I was already 15 by the time they were widely available to the masses.

I didn't go to Uni but if I had it would have been with loans, a job and potentially living at home if there was a course at a nearby Uni that made that possible. If we have children I'll support whatever they want to do in that respect obviously, but I'll also make sure they're educated in the fact that for some careers Uni is not the absolute be all and end all, and that other perfectly valid options are available.

Nearly half of all first-time buyers have financial support from their parents (www.independent.co.uk/money/bank-of-mum-and-dad-supported-49-of-firsttime-buyer-purchases-in-2021-b1943376.html), so while on this thread people are aghast at the idea that anyone would think it was a good or desirable thing to give your child money towards a house deposit (and absolutely no one on MN ever admits that they had any help at all from their own parents) it is pretty clearly happening pretty often in reality.

@MorningStarling

If you can put away £500 per month per child from the time they're born you'll have £108,000 saved up by the time they're 18. This should be enough for Uni, a cheap car and a decent deposit. It's best to factor this expense in when planning how many children you're going to have, a lot of people seem to only think of the money they'll need to spend on raising the child, not how much they need to save on top.

That's half my wages. No one on minimum wage can afford to do that.

@MorningStarling

If you can put away £500 per month per child from the time they're born you'll have £108,000 saved up by the time they're 18. This should be enough for Uni, a cheap car and a decent deposit. It's best to factor this expense in when planning how many children you're going to have, a lot of people seem to only think of the money they'll need to spend on raising the child, not how much they need to save on top.

And what % of people do you think have enough space cash to be able to afford that, on top of their own savings?!

The average age of a first time buyer in the uk is 34. Their parents are 30 years clear of full time childcare costs, 20+ years free of wraparound childcare, 17 years post driving lessons and 10 years + post university top up costs. Most will have paid off their own expensive mortgages and many will be downsizing. It’s not an “expense” that the average parent of primary age children should be panicking about. There will be opportunities to put money aside for children when you have stopped other financial support if for some reason you can’t afford £500 per child per month from birth.

I agree with HardbackWriter. We both got help for everything, including deposits for first time place, education and wedding (not lavish but still about 6000) on paper we earn well but we are only just about at semidetached in good area of the south east level. My parents bought a house in London in the 70s for £17000, it was detached at age 27, we are 40 and still not there so how can we not try to help our DC who will have it worse than us in similar professions.

Things like cars and house deposits are your children’s problem, unless you are Uber wealthy and can afford these things without taking a hit yourself.
Mobile phones can be cheap. They need to get a PT job at Uni!

£500 per month per child

Some of the people on this site crack me up

@Carryonmarion

£500 per month per child

Some of the people on this site crack me up

It is absolutely ridiculous isn’t it?!?

They need pt jobs and they also don't get the latest tech. You will need to find around £5k per child per year (current) prices to top up university living costs if you earn over circa £60k household income though. Fees are paid by the government via loans, cars they buy themselves once working and with mobile phones we bought handsets (cheaper end) and had giffgaff £10 a month sims

The answer is you dont pay for everything they need.
They earn their own money and make their own way etc!

You don't need to buy half that stuff for them. I'm 40 & I've never had half of that stuff. Never owned a car & I still rent. It was a pain when our previous LL decided to sell after several years, but the running costs & responsibilities are less. Boiler, built in oven, gas fire broke down - LL fixed it. Void randomly appeared under the kitchen floor by the back door - LL fixed it. 3 windows needed replacing - LL fixed it.
I've had 2nd hand mobile phones for years, they're perfectly fine. Giffgaff phone contract, the cheapest is £6 a month although I use a higher amount.
University costs - both our parents were stony broke (when I went the fees were still much lower, DH went way back when you got a grant) but neither of us got a penny from our parents & had to work every holiday & basically lived on yellow sticker food & value range carbs.

Why are you thinking it's your responsibility to provide your children with cars and house deposits? They'll have to work for it, like everyone else.

At 16+ your children really should get a Saturday job and save money rather than continuing to anticipate that things will just be given to them. Nothing wrong with them working most days through the summer holidays either or with getting bar jobs etc at uni if they want things such as driving lessons and cars.

-sim only second hand phones/cheap contracts
-they don’t need to be bought a car?! No one I knew growing up had a car bought for them, I’m 24 so not that long ago (still haven’t had one bought for me)
-uni fees, incl. Accomodation:

1. How do you know they’ll go to uni?
2. Maintenance loans are what most people have
3. Part-time jobs while at uni are very common
4. People like my dp had to work for a year and save for uni while living at home, it wasn’t a big issue

-House deposits: just help them where you can/what you can afford. They’ll be adults so although it’s nice to help, it’s up to them too.

You’re over thinking everything. All the stuff you described is optional. Just help your adult children financially where you can but they’ll be fine, I don’t think it’s great for young adults to have everything subsidised by their parents, I’ve experienced this kind at uni.

@MorningStarling

If you can put away £500 per month per child from the time they're born you'll have £108,000 saved up by the time they're 18. This should be enough for Uni, a cheap car and a decent deposit. It's best to factor this expense in when planning how many children you're going to have, a lot of people seem to only think of the money they'll need to spend on raising the child, not how much they need to save on top.

Have you any idea how grossly offensive you’ve been?

They get weekend jobs and pay for their own luxuries items like I had to do. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I had a weekend job and midweek after school and summer jobs, 2 summer jobs one summer so about 12hr working day but I still had the help above, that's probably why I think we should help our DC beyond a SIM only phone!

Cheap phone contacts, they get a part time job and student loans. They will be independent adults, hopefully with jobs, very soon. It's nice to provide, but learning personal responsibilities in terms of finance is extremely important and needs to start young. My 18yr knows he needs to start a pension and add to the new start savings we put into when he was born. It's not as much as it could have been but for numerous reasons we had to stop paying in. I was living away from home and financially independent at his age and loved it. Achieving that independence was exciting and fun. Happiness and quality of life don't come from a bank account, and I assume that's what you want for them.

That said, we can afford to help so should, if we couldn't afford to help it would be a different story.

Honestly my mum hasn’t given me a penny. If I wanted driving lessons I pay for them myself. I got a job at 15, I had to work through uni to pay for myself. Never recieved anything, honestly they will survive.