To be freaked out by affording (older) children?

[HelpMeHiveMind]

The AIBU here is a bit misplaced- obviously IBU to not have realised children cost lots. We've purposely only had 2 (although we'd love 3) as didn't feel we could provide everything we wanted for more. I also know millions of people manage - probably with lots less than us...we are quite comfortable although live in SE where it doesn't go anywhere near as far as it would elsewhere.

My question is more how do people actually do it when they become teens / young adults and start needing:

• mobile phone contracts
• cars
• University fees
• uni accommodation
• maybe even house deposits

The really big things, basically, that they're unlikely to be able to manage alone.

We've been saving into accounts for them since babies but initially only at £25 pm (all we could afford back then), now £100 pm. It still isn't going to touch the surface of what they'll need. And there are two of them with a gap, so things like remortgaging are problematic as can't cover one and not the other. We are also mortgaged to the hilt already.

So how do folks do it?

This is why buying good secondhand clothes for small children and not going mad at Christmas for babies makes sense. We saved a lot by being careful when they were too small to care what they wore. It was useful for the teenage years. On MN there are lots of posts about people spending hundreds on presents for two year-olds. Save it for your teenagers. It won't fund university living costs but it might be a hefty sum towards driving lessons or mobile phone costs.

@HelpMeHiveMind

This is a good explanation of how student finance works:

MoneySavingExpert

‘And how much was your maintenance loan worth @Isaw3ships? I find it bizarre that some posters cannot get their heads round the idea that the amount students receive varies according to parental income. If your parents couldn't afford to give you money then I guess you got the full loan, yes?‘

I was indeed lucky enough to get into significant debt ( that took many years to pay off) while still having to work 30 hours (in 2 different jobs) week, as a student. I realise that some MC parents may dread the idea of their children having to work night shifts to support themselves though higher education but if you’re looking for sympathy because some MC kids can’t rely on the bank of mum and dad to pay for what many ordinary people would consider the normal cost of adulthood I’m not sure you’re in the right place.
To me the answer to the question : how will
A be able to buy my children a car ?? Is a quite obvious - Don’t buy them a car.

I thought @HelpMeHiveMind was going to talk about how much they eat now 😅

Mobile phone was pay as you go. All three had weekend holiday jobs at 16 . University is means tested so keep saving.

Cars well stop looking for trouble, ditto house purchase

Can you remortgage and buy a flat now that can be rented out to sub uni fees and sold when deposits are needed. I’ve made 100k 7 years on buy to let which will be my kids deposit

Most of my students stay at home to reduce uni costs ( London so plenty of uni choices)

They get job to pay for ohone

• mobile phone contracts - can be cheap if you bundle with yours

• cars - that's a luxury, they can budget for it themselves

• University fees - isn't that what student loans are for?

• uni accommodation - same

• maybe even house deposits - I don't really expect to provide this unless we happen to come into a lot of money.

@Isaw3ships actually I asked you a question, did you get the full maintainance loan? Working through university is normal for wc and mc kids alike.

Those saying university has to be self-funded are missing the point spectacularly that I do not earn a lot of money only just above average and as a result of that it means that my children don’t get the full maintenance loan. Note that is a loan not a grant. It’s absolutely ludicrous.

[quote Porcupineintherough]@Isaw3ships actually I asked you a question, did you get the full maintainance loan? Working through university is normal for wc and mc kids alike.[/quote]
Loans certainly for fees

Living costs - really depends. You can't choose how much you borrow. It is decided for you depending on how much your household income is. And even if they get the full amount, a vast chunk is usually taken up by accommodation, leaving very little for food etc

Sorry wrong post quoted - that was in response to Bertie !

You could save forever and still not have enough. Suppose they do a six year degree, choose to get a flat in London, crash the car or require years in expensive therapy. The list of possible expenses is endless.

I guess you do what you can according to your income (and generosity). Plenty of people manage just fine without parental support.

Be aware that the amount of loan you can access is based on parental income. My DS could only access the basic loan which just covered rent and his fees. We had to give him about £400 pcm on top for living costs. That could get very expensive if it's more than one child.

I am 29 and have achieved all the above in recent years with not a lot of parental help. The most significant thing they did was let me live at home for less than market rate rent so I could save a house deposit.

Driving lessons age 17: had 10 lessons as a birthday gift, used Saturday job to pay for the rest. Worked extra hours in holidays to buy car which parents insured for 1st year as Christmas present (think they paid for 3rd party and I topped up to fully comp).

Uni fees- student loan, still paying it now but have a well paying job so will pay it off eventually. I’ve always paid it so don’t miss it coming out of my salary, it’s just like an extra tax.

Uni accommodation- went to Uni in London, paid for with student loan first year and part time job. Actually lived within 90mins of uni and in my second and third years I only had classes 3 days per week in term time so I commuted and paid train fare and car costs with student loan. Extras paid for with part time job. Luckily lots of my school friends never went to uni so I still had friends at home and from my job to make up for missing out on the “uni experience”. I’m introverted and wanted the degree not the experience so it worked for me.

House deposit- parents let me live at home for less than market rent when I graduated and got a full time job. Had saved enough and got big enough salary to buy a tiny 1 bed house (which I love) in a market town in the South East aged 24.

My parents attitude was that all the above was a luxury, no help from them was to be expected except as the occasional treat/present. The result was I am good with money, saved a lot and managed to achieve the same as all my friends, who’s parents shelled out for all the above whilst they had plenty of spending money. I made friends for life at the part time job I had.

It also made me realise that living in the SE/near London is expensive and I should consider that when choosing an industry/career. I deliberately went for a high paying industry with good job security and picked a partner with similar values. In our friendship circles we are the only ones with no parental help but we probably are the most sensible with money- we bought a smaller house than we could afford to be cautious, friends repeatedly remortgaged for glamorous extensions, still paid for with parental help etc. I get a lot of comfort knowing we are cautious with money.

The thing that I would have liked more support with is financial education- how does a mortgage/credit card work, how to invest money to make money etc.

I made friends for life at the part time job I had.

I’m still friendly with the people I worked with at 15 too and I’m in my mid-40s now!

We are concerned about like PP as our eldest certainly won't get money to pay for accommodation as on paper we are on a very good income. Unlike our parents though we are too young to have any windfall from property to help.as much as they did. We had our eldest when we were still in mid-late twenties, my DH didn't qualify to become an Architect until about 30 so unlike friends who built up the capital and then had babies and still do have very young children we have a teenager who we have no savings for as yet and our youngest we have more time. Ultimately, I'm not overly worried though as change of jobs, doing up house for profit will hopefully be the solution.

Gosh @HelpMeHiveMind this is the sort of middle class angst that gives MN a bad name!

Mobile phones - cheap and cheerful basic smartphones are fine -and a necessity but not a financial burden for most families unless you are obsessed with the latest technology.

University fees - gov. loan repaid via your DC’s tax - nothing to do with you or your finances

University living expenses including accommodation- gov loan (possibly) with expected parental contribution. You can go on the website now to calculate how much you will be expected to pay. If you wish to be generous, as this figure is the bare minimum, hand over the £100 per month to your DC while they are there as well. Also, pass them access to their savings and they are unlikely to need to get a job while studying. This will make them one of the most privileged students at their university.

By the way, they don’t have to go to university, modern apprenticeships are great, come with earnings, and may be more suitable.

House deposit - you are honestly deluded if you think this is standard.

Cars - your DH is being very unfair. A car comes with ongoing high costs including tax, servicing, insurance, parking fees, city congestion charges, fuel, mot. This is a terrible gift for a young person. Unless your Dc has a physical disability or you live in the extremes of rural Britain, they do not need a car.

Rather than just giving your kids money, consider giving them a good financial education.

I work full time and most of my salary at the moment is supporting my DC at Uni

We don't want them taking out loans or working term time

That is our choice ,others make different choices

I agree with above. Ultimately DH will only be 44 when/if DS goes to uni. In Architecture you are just beginning to become anything big and the best money in your 40s (well thats his experience), he is already an associate. I am a bit older but work in a field that is in fairly short supply but high demand so I do think we'll be funding them both via our salaries but that is not a huge issue as we won't be near retirement age for a long while tbh!

Neither of us had cars bought for us or lessons paid for. No help with uni costs or house deposits (my friendship group had all of this and massive financial support since)
I went to a local uni took out max loans to pay fees then had 3 jobs to survive. Had various jobs from age 14.
We were both lucky to live in our family homes while we saved to buy our first place but did both pay board
We have 4 children. Eldest is 12. We would like to help them out.
Our joint income is decent (probably not by MNs standards as well under 6 figures) but manageable mortgage and no debt
We both drive old cars bought outright. Go abroad once a year. Live in a nice house and area. Aren't into flashy goods. Spend most our money on mortgage, bills, food and clubs for the kids. No childcare now thankfully after years of it which does make a huge difference and allows us around £900 a month in savings (separate to holiday and Xmas fund)
I am also part time but plan to up my hours in next few years and husbands salary will increase too.
We do need to plough some cash into the house and need a new car soon so once this is done we will really buckle down and save

Our plan is -
Mobile phones - eldest has one already. Bought phone outright for xmas was about £250 quid. Pay £6 a month for unlimited calls and tons of data. We never have the latest phone either and pay around £10 a month sim only
Cars - we will pay for driving lessons when they are old enough. We have been saving £25 a month for each child since birth so by 18 they should have enough for a car and a years insurance (not telling them about it)

Uni - they might not go but if they do they will have to take out loans for fees and we will look at helping them out by paying accommodation costs but would expect them to work too depending on course etc

House deposits - for me this is more important than uni. We will help them with this. This is assuming nothing happens in the meantime and we are able to continue working and saving hard. Again I won't be telling them about this. Lots can happen between now and then

I would like to help them out as much as possible. It's not going to be handed to them on a plate but I appreciate how much harder things will be for them. Yes I had to pay uni fees but far less and it was easy to find a job or 3! House prices were far lower too. At the same time we will see what happens, none of them may ever move out!

If your DH is adamant about them getting cars he needs to come up with a way to pay for them.
Surely reducing the amount they need to borrow in student loans or meaning that they only need to work in the holidays rather than during term time is more important than having cars?

You don't have to provide everything like cars and future house deposits
You could downsize when first leaves home snd they have sofa to sleep on when they visit
If you have huge mortgage then re mortgage to longer term like 40 years so month by month is cheaper (or sell up for cheaper property )

Euh… are parents meant to pay for these things?
If they are old enough to buy cars and houses surely they can work!
I went to uni, bought a house and a car and my parents didnt pay for it.
I think you need to chill out a bit

They should borrow full student loan as is only paid back when they are earning

Placemarking as I can relate.

‘Gosh @HelpMeHiveMind this is the sort of middle class angst that gives MN a bad name!’

Yup! I work in Secondary
And Higher Education and the number of MC parents banging in about how ‘difficult’ it is these days for ‘ordinary’ parents like them and their kids is astounding. They genuinely believe that they and their kids are at some kind of disadvantage to not just the wealthy but also WC kids and families.
It’s absolutely crap obviously, the chances of WC kids even getting into the kind of universities their kids aspire to are incredibly low even if those WC kids are ‘lucky’ enough to get a higher loan.

You want to do your kids a favour and really help them? Get them j to some kind of part-time employment as soon as they can, and have them earn and save their own money. And yes, they can still do that alongside their GCSEs and ALevels.