To ask what you’re doing awake post-midnight?

[5YearsLeft]

I had a day that just really banged me about, physically, emotionally, just all the ways, and now, I’m laying here awake and staring at the ceiling.

So why are you awake? Crying baby? Can’t stop thinking? Worried about something tomorrow? Pain somewhere in your body being an arsehole?

Welcome?

@Laffielle congratulations!

@5YearsLeft

@Glitterblue What kind of surgery, if you want to say? I was an absolute mess when I had surgery. Asked them to take the taxi to the airport instead of the hospital! So you're definitely not alone. But just remember, and keep telling yourself, this is to make me feel better, and I AM going to feel better when it's done and be free of whatever not having the surgery was holding me back from. And these surgeons really know their stuff now, because absolutely no one wants to get sued.

Night shift

@vodkaredbullgirl The enemy of beds everywhere.

@5YearsLeft it's a total hip replacement. I have to have both done eventually. I'm so scared....!

[quote 5YearsLeft]@UnsuitableHat I definitely hear that. If I can sleep, I then awaken with a pain around 2-3am, and then... it's all just a mess. I also could do with a bit of a reprogram.

@Thomasina79 Have you asked for counseling? There are actual medications for different kind of sleep problems (falling asleep, staying asleep, having night terrors, restless sleep issues). I assume maybe explaining all the sleep problems you have, they might be able to work out a sleep plan for you? Because what you're going through sounds like it's not something that would just be solved by not drinking caffeine after 5pm or not looking at phone screens after 9pm; it's much more in-depth than that. My friend had a condition that caused I think both restless legs and sleep paralysis and I think they gave him a medication that put him into a more "dreamless" sleep, but I don't remember enough about the situation. Still, I would say the first port of call would be your GP and then a sleep specialist.

@1AngelicFruitCake Oh gosh, that's tough. So many people have the COVID aches. Have you tried wrapping an electric blanket around the parts that ache the worst? (Arms, legs, etc). It may help.

@Queenie6655 Congratulations!!! Looks like they may have started a little bit of your painkillers, haha, or you may just be so exhausted that it's affecting your typing a bit. But I'm so glad you're well-fed and comfortable. I hope everything goes well![/quote]
I need to get an electric blanket! Got loads of hot water bottles on the go. Thanks for the advice x

[quote Glitterblue]@5YearsLeft it's a total hip replacement. I have to have both done eventually. I'm so scared....![/quote]
A colleague had this done and she is so much happier now. Good luck 😊

5yearsleft

I’ve only just read your OP but you sound like such a kind and caring person. The way you write you come across as such a nice person. Have you got anything planned for tomorrow to treat yourself? You deserve it x

I'm coughing, sneezing and wheezing. I've been like it since September. The nights are terrible and I pray for dawn. If I am too ill to do anything I come here and read about women's lives. I don't have any female friends.

I’m awake because my DH has walked out in me and my 3 teenage children on New Years Eve.

I’ve had some wonderful support here on mumsnet. I think you commented on my thread 5years? I am barely sleeping.

I also need major abdominal surgery and am terrified. I put it off for years and now I’m having problems getting the NHS to do the operation despite being offered it before. I was did you have it done at St Thomas’s in London by a top plastic surgeon. I wish I’d had it done then but because I had had so much traumatic birth surgery, I couldn’t face any more at the time. I really regret that now. East Kent Hospitals Trust is a nightmare.

Glitter blue: two hip replacements is a lot of surgery but you have my thoughts and best
wishes. You’ll be much better afterwards.

My doctor has prescribed me Sertraline. I have not taken it yet. Is it good anyone know? I have never taken meds like this before. I suffer from anxiety and fear this might make it worse!

@Glitterblue I can completely understand why you're scared. I know that's not the easiest operation. Definitely not like just getting a hangnail removed! BUT. I know a few people who have had either one or both done (people who suffered from arthritis) and while it wasn't super fun, once they started to heal, they said the relief was actually immense, and with the exception of one fellow who had to have some adjustments, they were all so glad they'd had it done. Now, I won't pretend that completely erases nervousness about the operation. It's still a blooming operation! I know that. Nobody wants to go in hospital and go under and go through all that and wear those EXTREMELY SEXY hospital jumpers that make your bum hang out. But. It will so be worth it when you have complete range of mobility back, as I'm assuming if you need two hips replaced, then you've probably had to put up with a lot of pain and discomfort before now.

I wish you all the luck in the world, and I hope it really does go as well as it possibly can!!!

Saradegrey: I have no debate friends either which I really get upset about. I don’t know why how it got that way. I think my poor relationship with my mother may partly to blame. Sorry you’re unwell. Sending

@Saradegrey I'm so sorry. Are you very isolated rurally, or are you just not feeling like you're well enough to go out and make friends? Or not sure about how? I can imagine if you've been sneezing and not feeling well all the way since bloody September, hating every night, that would knock anyone's confidence. But are there any groups in your town that you think you could join? Something small to start with, like a book club type thing or something? The older you get (and I mean any older than university age), the harder it is to make friends, so you're not alone in it!

I'm awake because I'm at work until 7am. First of seven nights, and I'm knackered.

@FrolickingFannyBoots

Saradegrey: I have no debate friends either which I really get upset about. I don’t know why how it got that way. I think my poor relationship with my mother may partly to blame. Sorry you’re unwell. Sending

Thank you love. I live deep in the country, I am a carer for a relative and my DH is now ill as well. My little business died and I don't see anyone. I;m not much fun to be around so I don't blame them! Love to you and thanks for the thread. You sound like a lovely person :)

To FrolickingFannyBoots - sorry - I mean thanks for the comment, no the thread. cough cough lol

@FrolickingFannyBoots Oh. I feel for you so, so much. Maybe I did comment, but my brain is so fangled that I have trouble remembering these things. You're just going through the ringer right now, aren't you? Some total douchecanoe decides that he can just walk away from an entire family, leaving you to manage three teenage children on New Year's Eve. What a prize he is. And now you're facing abdominal surgery and it would have been easier to have had it in the past, but you couldn't face it then because of so much past birth trauma, from having this WONDERFUL man's children. I don't condone violence. I really don't, but if he was standing in front of a car I was driving, it'd be a bit hard not to give him a little nudge. Sigh. Please don't feel these regrets. You absolutely did what you could. You had birth trauma and who know what trauma you have had if you had forced yourself to go through more surgery that you didnt' think you could face. We'll never know how that could have affected your relationship with yourself or your children, but let's just assume that you've done absolutely the best you can with what you had, because you did! Yes, it's a shame that it's much more difficult now, but you'll get through it, and it'll get sorted, and while it may not be as easy, you won't have to march to the beat of anyone else's drummer. And the high and mighty Lord of the Manor left on New Year's, so... when you do have surgery, you won't have to worry about him messing about your house. You can just do whatever you need to get well. Watch what you want. Eat what you want. Read what you want.

You will be well again. I promise. Truly.

I was reading a book related to my work (also find it fun). Now I'm here avoiding tomorrow and the pressure to be productive that comes with it by being awake and, thus, stoping tomorrow from coming (I know it makes no sense but maybe it does a bit?).

I think it’s much harder to make friends once you’re older. It’s so easy to lose confidence. There are many barriers in the way psychologically and if you’re a shy reserved person you can easily become more reclusive.

There are also not many groups for women aged 40-55 ish I’ve noticed. In my area anyway there are lots of clubs for retired ladies and groups for new mums but very little for middle aged women. Not sure if that’s everywhere though.

OH @FrolickingFannyBoots Yes. I'm on sertraline, just a small dose, 50mg. It's worked for me. Doesn't get me really "high" up, just makes me less likely to be so sad that I have crying jags that I can't stop. Others I've talked to have said the same thing: it doesn't make you "super happy" on it's on. It just makes it easier to not feel quite so sad or down in the doldrums, if you've been suffering from that. It also has some mild anti-anxiety affects, but I still need a secondary medication if I'm doing something that will be super anxious, like having an MRI in an enclosed space.

[quote 5YearsLeft]@Saradegrey I'm so sorry. Are you very isolated rurally, or are you just not feeling like you're well enough to go out and make friends? Or not sure about how? I can imagine if you've been sneezing and not feeling well all the way since bloody September, hating every night, that would knock anyone's confidence. But are there any groups in your town that you think you could join? Something small to start with, like a book club type thing or something? The older you get (and I mean any older than university age), the harder it is to make friends, so you're not alone in it![/quote]
Very isolated rurally and not feeling well enough, as you say. Also we have no money as my DH's exhibition events business crashed instantly when Covid came and my little business died too - both reliant on events. I used to have so many really good friends. I just can't deal with people. I am grateful for having had a really fun life, even if it's not much fun any more. Thanks for your comment and great advice.

Thank you so so much 5 years for your lovely kind words. I’m going to screenshot that and keep it on my phone to help me cope through this very traumatic time in my life. Sending

Yes it’s a 50mg dose. Ok I’ll give it a go after your recommendation. My anxiety makes me so unwell, it’s awful.

@Saradegrey I don't want to diagnose anyone over the internet, but is it possible you're a bit depressed? I mean ANYONE would be over COVID and lockdowns and everything alone, but then facing what you've faced, losing two businesses that I'm sure you'd put so much into, must have been awful. But you said you had friends. Do you think they wouldn't be your friends because you don't have money? Have you tried reconnecting? Or can you just not handle dealing with people since everything's happened (COVID and losing businesses), and maybe you need some help for anxiety from that. I just hate seeing what sounded like a good life just fall apart when you're still young, and young enough to have friends and enjoy them. Well, except this horrible sneezing thing you've mentioned.