Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you’re doing awake post-midnight?

999 replies

5YearsLeft · 12/01/2022 00:24

I had a day that just really banged me about, physically, emotionally, just all the ways, and now, I’m laying here awake and staring at the ceiling.

So why are you awake? Crying baby? Can’t stop thinking? Worried about something tomorrow? Pain somewhere in your body being an arsehole?

Welcome?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
22
joysmoy66 · 29/01/2022 00:57

Me and my husband have split up tonight. He's refused to leave until the morning. He's snoring on the sofa and I'm drinking coffee ready to kick him out at first light.

CityCommuter · 29/01/2022 01:00

Are you sure it's really over @joysmoy66 or was it just a bad argument? Things might be a lot better in the morning...

Original poster
5YearsLeft · 29/01/2022 01:01

Oh no @purpleme12 Now I can’t remember who’s cat was bringing them comfort but also had a sock! Well, try giving your cat a sock?!? Ha.

@ImNotDancing Yes, definitely a BIG rest day. I’m not getting up until my body insists I need the WC. My house will be empty as my OH has to go help his mother with some really important things and she FINALLY has her doctor’s appointment Monday to determine if she has Alzheimer’s or dementia and his advanced it already is. Such a mess. I hope the weekend will bring you a chance to rest?

@autienotnaughty Insomnia really is a huge bummer: I’m sorry! I hope you can something restful and comforting to do in these hours.

OP posts:
joysmoy66 · 29/01/2022 01:05

It's over. He had an 28 month affair I found out about sept 2020. I stupidly forgave him and we did online counselling. All seemed good and was sleeping together and going on dates/family days. Been a bit weird last two weeks so snooped on phone (was a rule to have open access) lo and behold he's phoned her 3 times today. When confronted he said he felt guilty and wanted to apologise to her for his shitty behaviour Confusedwe have 3 kids-2 asd so this will be devastating.

joysmoy66 · 29/01/2022 01:05

18months not 28 month

Original poster
5YearsLeft · 29/01/2022 01:05

Oh @joysmoy66 I’m so sorry to hear that. I suppose when you know, you know, and I’m sure there’s a lot that’s happened before now. But I’m sure your anger is powering you through some of it, but the sadness and hurt is still there, too. It’s an incredibly difficult think ti be facing and deal with, and I’m sorry that you have to! Amazingly, there are others on the thread in the same boat you are, so you’re definitely not alone. Good luck with tomorrow.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 29/01/2022 01:08

Ah I'm so sorry to hear about your relationship break up. These things are always incredibly hard 😞

joysmoy66 · 29/01/2022 01:08

Thank you. We've been together since I was 15. I'm now 37 and do t know anything else but I know I'm done with this. The gaslighting and lovebombing needs to end. He's a few years older and much more worldly but I need to be strong.

ImNotDancing · 29/01/2022 01:08

@5YearsLeft oh There’s nothing like an empty house when you need rest, although I am sorry about the circumstances! I will luckily be able to just chill out this weekend. All I need to do is put some laundry away!

purpleme12 · 29/01/2022 01:09

@5YearsLeft I'm intrigued about this cat with the sock now 🤣

autienotnaughty · 29/01/2022 01:10

@5YearsLeft thank you I've had anxiety on and off for few years and it always messes my sleep. It started earlier in the week with feeling anxious about our boisterous dog worrying he will always be hard work and now I'm anxious about going on holiday this year although I do want to go. We haven't been abroad for four years and it will be first time with autistic son. I know what m catastrophising but I can't seem to settle so distracting myself instead.

Original poster
5YearsLeft · 29/01/2022 01:12

@joysmoy66 HE wanted to apologize to HER?! There are three children, two with ASD, and not to mention YOU, who deserve an apology first! What an absolute prat he is. And you’re not foolish; you made a decision to try to save your marriage, you went to counseling, YOU were open and honest, and that’s all you can do. I’m really sorry about the devastation; I know there’s nothing that can make that sound like it won’t be horrible, but the minutes will become hours will become days and you’ll make a new world and new life without him, where you’re treated with the respect you deserve and you’re not lied to and you and your children are appreciated. But I get it; today, it HURTS and you can’t sleep.

OP posts:
Original poster
5YearsLeft · 29/01/2022 01:13

@purpleme12 Now I’m trying to find it on the thread! I swear, I’m not losing my mind!

OP posts:
CityCommuter · 29/01/2022 01:14

@joysmoy66 I'm so sorry, ((hugs)) and Thanks to you... he's treated you appallingly and with no respect so you're right to completely finish it now once and for all. You're under a lot of stress but you were still so forgiving of him and you gave him another chance so he can't say you didn't... you'll get through this one step at a time and will be even stronger than you are now xx

MojoMoon · 29/01/2022 01:16

Been out to dinner and pub with friends. Taxi home at 12.30

Might slightly regret it at 7am but overall seeing my friends is well worth it and is what life is about - human connection

joysmoy66 · 29/01/2022 01:20

5years-yep that's what he said. He wanted to apologise to her. Not me. Our youngest broke his little heart 18months or so ago when his dad left. He was pacing the house for hours crying, came back,had counselling,now this. I'm dreading tomorrow when he breaks the news to them. Selfish arsehole. We have been great-sleeping together and making plans. Now I find this out AGAIN.I'm not repeating this cycle anymore as hard as it is. I've not read the thread I'm afraid I was just so upset about it all and saw this thread while he's bloody SNORING!!! And just wanted to get it off my chest. Thank you for listening and understanding x

Couchpotato3 · 29/01/2022 01:21

Had physio on my shoulder today and I can move it a bit more than before. Keep having one more go to push it a bit further and making it hurt more.

I've been reading War and Peace (my project for this year is to clear my enormous pile of books that I have been accumulating and not reading for the last 25 years.) I've got less than 100 pages to go, but can't keep going any longer.

Overheated due to nice cosy nightie that I don't want to take off and Velcro cat who wants to sit on my chest.

Had a hissy fit this morning and chucked all my toys out of the pram. Still thinking about it (I put a rocket under some work colleagues, which was necessary and produced the desired result but the overall situation is still a worry).

That's me...

RobotValkyrie · 29/01/2022 01:37

Sorry for anyone here having a hard time.

Tonight I can't sleep because I enjoyed my Friday night take away a bit too much so my stomach is too full to sleep! Not complaining, it was worth it...

On another night, it would more likely be my chronic back pain flaring up, or being consumed by anxiety for my disabled son...

Original poster
5YearsLeft · 29/01/2022 01:38

@joysmoy66 You know, that also means that there’s a lot of (beautiful) life ahead of you, plenty of time to spend with your children, work on yourself, enjoy your hobbies, and be single for a bit, before dating again (IF you want to date again; I know some people don’t).

@purpleme12 It was @RicherThanYew who has the cat with the sock!!! I had to search the whole bloody thread! Ha. It’s in 1/27 at 1:50, I think.

@MojoMoon That’s a lovely reason to be awake and a very good point; even if morning does come early, I’m sure it was worth it to nurture the connection to your friends.

@Couchpotato3 Sounds like a lot of things going on at once, and of course, they’ll all float to the front of your mind at 1am. It’s the way. Congrats on trying to read War and Peace, though I recommend Crime and Punishment - shorter, faster, easier, but you still get that depressing feeling from it, ha. Your nightie or your cat also sounds like a hell of an existential dilemma. And don’t panic too much about throwing your toys out the pram - who hasn’t?!

OP posts:
gelatodipistacchio · 29/01/2022 01:41

Fretting about a spot on my lip that I have decided is undoubtedly cancerous.

Thinking about my ex's girlfriend: is he actually nice to her? What sort of person is she? Is she being nice to my daughter?

Original poster
5YearsLeft · 29/01/2022 01:44

@RobotValkyrie I’m glad it’s a full stomach keeping you up and not the “usual,” if the usual is chronic pain and anxiety for your disabled son. Those are definitely two things that are enough to eat up so the tiredness in your body and just leave you with that “tight” feeling in your chest (I’m sure you know the one I mean). I do hope some restful moments find you.

OP posts:
joysmoy66 · 29/01/2022 01:47

5 years I've had a quick look at thread,I'm too exhausted to read it all-you are the most amazing brave person. Thank you so much for your support tonight,your kind words have made me feel listened to and cared about Thanks

Booklover3 · 29/01/2022 01:48

My children take turns in not sleeping. Currently my 8 year old is still awake. No reason for it. Went to bed at 8pm. At the end of my tether with it all.

Original poster
5YearsLeft · 29/01/2022 01:53

@gelatodipistacchio Oh no! Do you have a reason to be SURE it’s cancer beyond feeling? Is there something that makes you really sure? It sounds like such a stress; and I can’t tell you whether it is or isn’t, but I really hope it’s somehow benign. As for ex’s girlfriend, that’s so incredibly tough too. I don’t blame you for worrying about whether she’s nice to your child; that’s a normal thing that anyone would worry about and I really hope it turns out not to be an issue

OP posts:
Original poster
5YearsLeft · 29/01/2022 01:58

@joysmoy66 I’m so glad; you’re in such a tough, tough situation and you need anything that can make it feel even the tiniest bit better.

@Booklover3 Oh that’s rough! Not only stents they sleeping but they’ve worked out a schedule to drive you crazy. I do hope you manage to find at least one little restful break between them

OP posts: