AIBU to not agree with parents who still don't take Covid seriously enough

[HipsterMum]

Alright here it goes another Covid related post. My husband and I lost 3 relatives due to Covid so we take it quite seriously. We have 2 kids and at the very start of pandemic we made a decision to have them stay at home with us and not in nurseries for a good year but obviously since our oldest has started school that was no longer possible. We both however still work from home.
We do socialize with people but take all the precautions we can (vaccinated/ meet outdoors with others/ masks at all times even outside / ldfs). I do however struggle to understand how even after all this time people do not follow those simple instructions (both vaccinated and unvaccinated).

So a recent incident that changed my relationship with another mum from my sons class (we were really friendly before). Lets call her Mandy. She is not Mandy 🙂Nothing against Mandys though. Anyway... So I was told that she had tested positive for covid 8 days ago over holiday period by her ex partner who dropped off her son. He told me that they've not had much contact with her since then so were not certain if she was feeling better and was gonna do a pick up (they take it in turns). I was invited with my youngest and my son for a cup of tea at hers after school by this other mum whose son my kid is also friends with. As I mentioned earlier we really try to take any precautions we can and I only said yes assuming it was just going to be for an hour or so and just us. I also only just gotten my booster jab a day earlier so really it wouldn't have had any effect yet in terms of giving me protection. So long story short at the pick up I see Mandy from the distance not wearing a mask and just chatting away with everyone. She mentions that its been 8 days now since first symptoms and that she didn't have it too bad just like a simple cold. Anyways.. we get going and happened to all be going together in the same direction. Kids being annoying little kids start saying that they were going to each others houses ... Mandys boy has a fit saying ' I want to go to his house too right now can we, can we '. And really in a very childish way Mandy goes 'aw darling you see you weren't invited this time'. I mean needless to say her boy starts being hysterical instantly . (What parent says things like that????) My other mum friend then goes ' well you can of course come too if you want' and then asks me if I wouldn't mind of course. I hate being put in this position but I had to be honest. I said that I ' ve only just gotten my booster jab and considering that its not been full 10 days since she had tested positive I don't think it would be wise. I apologised and said not to take it personally. I felt horrible that very instance. Her kid started crying , she was giving me really awful looks, my kid kept on asking me if we were going or not, my other friend felt awkward.

Guys I am honestly not a paranoid person but we all have different situations. I would have never thought of going out for the first time ( well 8 days after) and straight to other peoples houses without a mask. I mean how can you be certain if you are not contagious still?? We are having old friends coming over from Italy for a few days and my friend is 6 months pregnant. They are isolating before and asked us to be careful too. I cannot put her at risk . And regardless we all have our situations and sometimes as a result of Covid we just can't meet up with the same amount of people that we want. Needless to say that Mandy got very offended with me. Said I made a big deal over nothing because she was probably no longer contagious. That I made her son really upset. Ignores me during pick ups and drop offs. I feel so guilty although I was just being honest.

People who receive negative LFD results on day 6 and day 7 of their self-isolation period – with tests taken 24 hours apart – will no longer have to self-isolate for the full 10 days. The first test must be taken no earlier than day 6 of the self-isolation period.

Those who leave self-isolation on or after day 7 are strongly advised to limit close contact with other people in crowded or poorly ventilated spaces, work from home and minimise contact with anyone who is at higher risk of severe illness if infected with COVID- 19

I agree with you OP. Everyone misses this point of the guidance in relation to leaving isolation on day 7. Why are the government advising people strongly to avoid close contact in poorly ventilated spaces if they are considered to be non infectious?

YABU - you sound very judgey as well as paranoid.

Guys what are you all talking about. I live in Scotland the rule has literally changed from the 6th of January and Mandy had tested positive before that. It was 10 days before the 6th of January and a PCR test. Its literally a 5 days difference

Do you all people understand what UK stands for? Why did you all assume England? If England knows best why cases are so high then.

@Hospedia

So anyone who deviates from that very precise phrasing is automatically lying? hmm

Not necessarily lying, but I don’t blame OP for wanting to keep her distance. Her wording would give me zero confidence.

Can’t understand why you aren’t concerned about the harm to your children’s mental health.

Two years of a pandemic in which people lost their shit. Honestly think you need to look at your reaction, it’s time to get on with your life.

So she tested positive before the 6th ok fair enough but even so if her 6th or 7th day was on the 6th then she could retest on lft so it makes no difference really.

@jumpbounce

People who receive negative LFD results on day 6 and day 7 of their self-isolation period – with tests taken 24 hours apart – will no longer have to self-isolate for the full 10 days. The first test must be taken no earlier than day 6 of the self-isolation period.

Those who leave self-isolation on or after day 7 are strongly advised to limit close contact with other people in crowded or poorly ventilated spaces, work from home and minimise contact with anyone who is at higher risk of severe illness if infected with COVID- 19

I agree with you OP. Everyone misses this point of the guidance in relation to leaving isolation on day 7. Why are the government advising people strongly to avoid close contact in poorly ventilated spaces if they are considered to be non infectious?

Thank you! For a second I thought I wasn't speaking English at all. Again I am not arguing that's some people would think I am over anxious. We are all different. Just I was honest to say that I wasn't quite ready to share and let my 1 year old share hummus dips with Mandy straight out of her isolation. I apologized to all parties concerned and will still say hello at the school gate. Will delete the thread tomorrow. Night night everyone

And cases are so high because people are carrying on with their lives just because alot of people caught it does not mean they are serious ill. Watch the data drop rapidly when people who test positive on lft no longer have to test on pcr tests.

YABVU but you aren't alone and this bloody virus will continue to divide us.

Drip drip drip

OP on something like covid rules which differ in scotland it's very off to not mention it until page 5 of your thread

Just I was honest to say that I wasn't quite ready to share and let my 1 year old share hummus dips with Mandy straight out of her isolation

When did it go from having coffee in the same house to sharing hummus dips? Your story is changing over and over.

This is a MN classic
OP: AIBU
Answers: Yes
OP: How dare you! Here's all my extra justifying reasons i'm not which i didn't think to put in before but are fundamental to my point

Oh, now it's coffee and hummus dips?

So you only socialise outside and wear masks, but you were happy to go inside someone else's home and... what? Drink coffee through a straw round your mask?

You and your vulnerable, pregnant friend, who lives with her 70 year old mother, are both being careful before she stays, but she's travelling from Italy and exposing herself, and subsequently you and your family, on the plane... and then again on the way home and risking taking covid back to the elderly mother? And you're going to someone else's house... doesn't sound like anyone is being careful by your exacting standards.

Come on, OP, pull the other one.

'I might have been rude' - no, you were rude.

And for goodness' sakes, drop the 'guys', it's incredibly annoying.

@HipsterMum

Just to clarify Mandy (🙃) hasn't had a PCR test since her first initial one to confirm her negative status. Most of the people I know with Covid had active symptoms for way longer that 7 days.

You aren't meant to do a pcr to confirm negative status. After the initial pcr its 10 days isolation or 2 neg lfts on day 6 +7. If she was out on day 8 then she's passed what is the contagious window as per government guidelines. Shes done nothing wrong.

Those who leave self-isolation on or after day 7 are strongly advised to limit close contact with other people in crowded or poorly ventilated spaces, work from home and minimise contact with anyone who is at higher risk of severe illness if infected with COVID- 19

I agree with you OP. Everyone misses this point of the guidance in relation to leaving isolation on day 7. Why are the government advising people strongly to avoid close contact in poorly ventilated spaces if they are considered to be non infectious?

That's the general advice that applies to everyone not just the recently positive and has nothing to do with them still being infectious.

Here is the link to current government information where you can see that this advice is for everyone. It's basically reminding people that when they come out of isolation they still need to follow the guidance despite having immunity.

www.gov.uk/guidance/covid-19-coronavirus-restrictions-what-you-can-and-cannot-do#keeping-yourself-and-others-safe

I think a lot of people on the thread have not read the new rules. This is the guidance if you end isolation before 10 days:

"If both your LFD test results are negative, it is likely that you were not infectious at the time the tests were taken. To further reduce the chance of passing COVID-19 on to others, if you end your self-isolation period before 10 full days you are strongly advised:

to limit close contact with other people outside your household, especially in crowded, enclosed or poorly ventilated spaces
to work from home if you are able to
in addition to venues where it is a legal requirement, to wear a face covering in crowded, enclosed or poorly ventilated spaces and where you are in close contact with other people
to limit contact with anyone who is at higher risk of severe illness if infected with COVID-19
to follow the guidance on how to stay safe and help prevent the spread of COVID-19
You should follow this advice until 10 full days from when your self-isolation period started."

@HipsterMum

So before the 6th of January the rules were 10 days. Now they've changed. In some countries it is still 10 days and they have way less covid cases. Masks were also allowed to be taken off not so long ago and then re introduced straightaway. I had to make some tough choices for my family same as all of us I am certain of this. Being rude to Mandy for a second is not the biggest one of them

It sounds like your actual issue here is that you don't think the rules are strict enough. You think the isolation period should be 10 days and people should wear masks on private homes. YABU to expect other people to follow your made up rules, Mandy is following the official guidance.

AIBU to not agree with parents who take covid too seriously and expect everyone else to do the same?

Firstly, Scottish cases have been at least as high/ higher than England's throughout this wave so I'm not really sure your location is as relevant except in terms of when the rules changed.

Secondly, to be honest? If that had been me in that situation (although in fairness I wouldn't have hinted about going to start with and would have told the child we were going home to do X instead to distract them) I would probably think you were a bit odd and not particularly want to socialise with you. If you want to isolate forever, entirely up to you but you need to understand that not everyone is as bothered as you are and will just crack on with living life. She's out of isolation... do you want her to wear a giant red X or something?

Mandy did nothing wrong. YABU

Mandy is following the guidance and you are being overzealous with your self imposed rules. Do as you like, but don't expect others to follow. You are coming across as very paranoid

I don't care what I come across as to Mandy. People here seem to be so much more bothered about coming across rude to anyone than actually taking precautions. Mandy doesn't wear masks at all because she believes everyone has covid in a mild form only and we all know this is not the case. I don't care if she doesn't want to be close friends with me after that. I apologized and did say I was being extra precautions for my own personal situation. It was a quick cup of tea invite and yes snacks were served too people usually take the mask off when they eat. No my children do not suffer from anxiety everyone. But they do know they have no grandparents left because of covid and they take precautions themselves .

But your not taking precautions. You start by saying you avoid situations that could give you Covid and I my met outside, but then accepted an invitation inside with a couple of mums and kids for at least an hour, who are all much more likely to be at the start of infection and give it to you than Mandy.

If I'd been there, my first thought would have been that you are very hypocritical and would consider my friendship with you.

I am not hypocritical. This mum has had covid 3 months ago . We stayed 2 metres apart and I was with a mask only took it off when eating. Here people seem to think they are the ones who know all the guidance . I just double checked them. Your isolation may end after day 7 if you have had 2 negative ltf tests in a row. Yet.... if you keep on reading it says though you are unlikely to be infectious it is highly advised for you to not have out of household contacts in non well ventilated places for 10 full days after you symptoms had started. Have you all conveniently missed this part? You can go for essential shopping etc but not inside another household. That is the problem with guidance it can be interpreted any way one wishes.

Ah, so this is another good old 'AIBU NO I AM NOT YOU'RE UNREASONABLE AND YOU SMELL AND HAVE COVID' thread.

Omg this person thought I was being rude I should go hang myself. I found it rude to go inside other peoples houses the very first day you come out of your isolation and still refuse to wear a mask.

Taking all of it aside all Mandy said was you were not invited this time. You dont know her vaccine status and it is LFT if you have 3 doses. You may not know if she is or if she did but she may well have done

It is your other friend who pushed the point as far as I can tell and asked you not Mandy

The fact is going in with

I said that I've only just gotten my booster jab and considering that its not been full 10 days since she had tested positive I don't think it would be wise.

Making it personal rather than

We are having old friends coming over from Italy for a few days and my friend is 6 months pregnant. They are isolating before and asked us to be careful too. I cannot put her at risk .

The above is a perfectly reasonable reason (although to be fair a playdate in this time is not necessarily careful either and is a risk