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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not agree with parents who still don't take Covid seriously enough

328 replies

HipsterMum · 11/01/2022 21:27

Alright here it goes another Covid related post. My husband and I lost 3 relatives due to Covid so we take it quite seriously. We have 2 kids and at the very start of pandemic we made a decision to have them stay at home with us and not in nurseries for a good year but obviously since our oldest has started school that was no longer possible. We both however still work from home.
We do socialize with people but take all the precautions we can (vaccinated/ meet outdoors with others/ masks at all times even outside / ldfs). I do however struggle to understand how even after all this time people do not follow those simple instructions (both vaccinated and unvaccinated).

So a recent incident that changed my relationship with another mum from my sons class (we were really friendly before). Lets call her Mandy. She is not Mandy 🙂Nothing against Mandys though. Anyway... So I was told that she had tested positive for covid 8 days ago over holiday period by her ex partner who dropped off her son. He told me that they've not had much contact with her since then so were not certain if she was feeling better and was gonna do a pick up (they take it in turns). I was invited with my youngest and my son for a cup of tea at hers after school by this other mum whose son my kid is also friends with. As I mentioned earlier we really try to take any precautions we can and I only said yes assuming it was just going to be for an hour or so and just us. I also only just gotten my booster jab a day earlier so really it wouldn't have had any effect yet in terms of giving me protection. So long story short at the pick up I see Mandy from the distance not wearing a mask and just chatting away with everyone. She mentions that its been 8 days now since first symptoms and that she didn't have it too bad just like a simple cold. Anyways.. we get going and happened to all be going together in the same direction. Kids being annoying little kids start saying that they were going to each others houses ... Mandys boy has a fit saying ' I want to go to his house too right now can we, can we '. And really in a very childish way Mandy goes 'aw darling you see you weren't invited this time'. I mean needless to say her boy starts being hysterical instantly . (What parent says things like that????) My other mum friend then goes ' well you can of course come too if you want' and then asks me if I wouldn't mind of course. I hate being put in this position but I had to be honest. I said that I ' ve only just gotten my booster jab and considering that its not been full 10 days since she had tested positive I don't think it would be wise. I apologised and said not to take it personally. I felt horrible that very instance. Her kid started crying , she was giving me really awful looks, my kid kept on asking me if we were going or not, my other friend felt awkward.

Guys I am honestly not a paranoid person but we all have different situations. I would have never thought of going out for the first time ( well 8 days after) and straight to other peoples houses without a mask. I mean how can you be certain if you are not contagious still?? We are having old friends coming over from Italy for a few days and my friend is 6 months pregnant. They are isolating before and asked us to be careful too. I cannot put her at risk . And regardless we all have our situations and sometimes as a result of Covid we just can't meet up with the same amount of people that we want. Needless to say that Mandy got very offended with me. Said I made a big deal over nothing because she was probably no longer contagious. That I made her son really upset. Ignores me during pick ups and drop offs. I feel so guilty although I was just being honest.

OP posts:
FawnFrenchieMum · 11/01/2022 22:00

Given the children have spent all day together in school I don’t think there was much point in saying no (and I’m quite cautious as I’m immunosuppressed).

Also if your friend is flying from Italy. The plane and airport are probably far more likely to cause issues then a school mum that your already mixing with via your children.

HipsterMum · 11/01/2022 22:01

I do understand I might have come across rude. I did apologise for that straightaway and offered to rearrange with the mum who invited me. I accepted the tea invite on the grounds that it was going to be just 2 kids so brought my little one along. As a human being even if I were rude I still have a right to say no to the invitation that might make me a little more anxious. I wouldnt have met with anyone nor would I have come to anyone's house straight after covid, without a mask to someone else's house. I cant be sure if someone there is extremely vulnerable or is reliant on one income and doesn't have a paid sick leave

OP posts:
phishy · 11/01/2022 22:01

@Hospedia

You’re supposed to take a LTF on the 6th day and 7th day following positive test to see if you are now negative.

And there is no proof that Mandy did not do so.

If she had taken the LFTs she wouldn’t have said ‘I’m probably no longer contagious’.
Hospedia · 11/01/2022 22:02

If she had taken the LFTs she wouldn’t have said ‘I’m probably no longer contagious’.

Would she have? I didn't realise there was a specific way in which one should speak that proves whether or not they've taken an LFT.

ayyeeeright · 11/01/2022 22:02

Guys I am honestly not a paranoid person

Hmmmmmm Grin

BlueSky8 · 11/01/2022 22:04

As a human being even if I were rude I still have a right to say no to the invitation that might make me a little more anxious

Of course you do, but for yourself. Not to say no to someone else coming.

Hospedia · 11/01/2022 22:04

And, as I posted earlier, Test and Tace tell you that so long as you have a negative LFT on day 6 and day 7 you are "probably no longer contagious"/"unlikely to still be contagious".

Someone should inform them of their phrasing error.

DeepaBeesKit · 11/01/2022 22:04

If she's out of isolation after eight days rather than ten it means she tested negative on both day 6 and day 7 of her isolation, in which case she's no longer considered contagious so is fine to be out of isolation and no more of a risk to you than the friend that you did go for a cup of tea with.

This. Once you are out of isolation you are out of it.

shakeitoffshakeacocktail · 11/01/2022 22:04

@HipsterMum if they were all in school together what's the difference between that and a play at someone's house if your worried about Mandy was her son not positive when she was?

DeepaBeesKit · 11/01/2022 22:05

I wouldnt have met with anyone nor would I have come to anyone's house straight after covid, without a mask to someone else's house.

I went straight out after I finished isolating and met friends. No mask. They were all perfectly happy for me to do so.

Bakewelltart987 · 11/01/2022 22:06

I think you need to refresh yourself with the rules. Did you even ask her if she had tested negative? If your that paranoid I would also keep your dc of school never go shopping again and absolutely no meeting any1.

DeepaBeesKit · 11/01/2022 22:07

Most of the people I know with Covid had active symptoms for way longer that 7 days.
Yep the cough can linger for weeks. Mine did. Doesnt mean I was infectious or contagious or shedding virus capable of replicating though, which is why isolation is only required for 10 days unless you've had very severe Covid requiring hospiralisation.

JeSuis · 11/01/2022 22:08

@HipsterMum

I do understand I might have come across rude. I did apologise for that straightaway and offered to rearrange with the mum who invited me. I accepted the tea invite on the grounds that it was going to be just 2 kids so brought my little one along. As a human being even if I were rude I still have a right to say no to the invitation that might make me a little more anxious. I wouldnt have met with anyone nor would I have come to anyone's house straight after covid, without a mask to someone else's house. I cant be sure if someone there is extremely vulnerable or is reliant on one income and doesn't have a paid sick leave
Did anyone say you didn't have the right to make that choice though? You made your choice and exercised your right to make it. Now the other mums may think you are a bit rude.

You get to make your choices (your right). They get to make their judgements about your behaviour (their right).

I'll be honest and say that I don't know what I'd think if a mum I knew irl did this...especially really upsetting a small child. Not your finest hour I'm guessing. But then I'm not overly concerned about covid (I can't sit at home as my job is fairly close contact with the public and I also have children at school). And I think you've made your boundaries really clear now, so they won't make the same mistake again!

HipsterMum · 11/01/2022 22:15

I am not this paranoid not to send my child to school or not to go shopping. We've had another chat with Mandy before this whole thing where she did tell me that covid was really nothing more than a cold and that she didn't take it very seriously and that to her all these masks being worn around was simply strange. I however politely disagreed because of the relatives I lost and because in general I believe it is a good practice to wear a mask even with a bad flu in future. We do that in our family. I did not judge her, I did not tell her I didn't agree with her. I just offered to arrange if that would work best and that it was nothing to do with her and more because of me wanting to take an extra precaution for the 7 days after my booster.

OP posts:
Munchkinpumpkin · 11/01/2022 22:18

Sorry. I think you was really mean

HipsterMum · 11/01/2022 22:20

Guys I didn't upset this child. The boy is a lovely one but quite emotional. I didn't say he couldn't come. His mother in a way used him to make us all feel really bad. I mean there were times my boy wasn't invited to some meet ups and others he was and he was dead upset too but that what he got parents for to cheer him up and just switch his attention onto something else instead of telling him repeatedly 'well you weren't invited' in front of other parents and kids. Maybe I wanted to have a heart to heart chat with this particular mum about something we have in common and I wasn't ready to share it with someone else and so I came along for tea. Mandy and this other mum are not this close if it makes any difference.

OP posts:
shouldistop · 11/01/2022 22:21

There's a whole section of Mumsnet for this shit

ZoeTheThornyDevil · 11/01/2022 22:24

When do you plan to stop your elaborate precautions? COVID is never, ever going away. And there's no longer really anything to wait for. We have vaccines, we have drug treatments and antibody therapies. Hospitals becoming overwhelmed with an omicron wave seems prettt clearly not to have happened. There is nothing else to stall for. If you plan to see people who don't live with you, or live with people who do, you're going to get exposed.

BlueSky8 · 11/01/2022 22:24

Maybe I wanted to have a heart to heart chat with this particular mum about something we have in common and I wasn't ready to share it with someone else and so I came along for tea. Mandy and this other mum are not this close if it makes any difference.

No offence but saying you maybe want to have a heart to heart is crap. You would have mentioned in op if this was true.
You didn't want Mandy going to friends house too as she's previously had Covid. That's the top and bottom of it.
Doesn't matter who is close to close. The children know each other and they know each other well enough to be invited to said. house.

Aimeehedge · 11/01/2022 22:26

I think Mandy was unreasonable even without the Covid factored in. She may have still been contagious as could her son and she doesn’t sound the most trustworthy to do the test honestly. I can’t abide people inviting them self or their children around my house at the best of times anyway. Especially in a snide way like that. It’s just cheeky.

HipsterMum · 11/01/2022 22:26

Again just to clarify I was more than happy to re arrange the meeting and would not have made anyone upset or guilty for that. Plans change all the time. I didn't want to be rude but I also didn't want to put myself in the situation where I didnt feel comfortable.

OP posts:
Hospedia · 11/01/2022 22:27

I didn't say he couldn't come

The other mum said that of course he and his mum could come, you then said you weren't comfortable with it so yeah, you did more or less say that he couldn't come. The whole "maybe I wanted to have a heart to heart" thing is a red herring, you said it was because of your own (overzealous, imo) interpretation of covid rules.

roarfeckingroarr · 11/01/2022 22:29

I think you're being very extreme but that's your call

Changemaname1 · 11/01/2022 22:29

I’m not sure about these “instructions” we are meant to be following

Also Your friend coming from Italy is probably more of a risk than you not wearing your mask outside assuming they will be going to the airport etc anyway …

However in this instance I don’t think you were unreasonable , “Mandy” should have declined so as not to put you on the spot .

I got out of isolation on day 8 with negative tests but gave it an extra few days before I arranged something with friends ( and another negative lft) just to be on the safe side and while that isn’t the “ rules “ I judged it as the safer option

Hospedia · 11/01/2022 22:30

You didn't want Mandy going to friends house too as she's previously had Covid. That's the top and bottom of it.

Exactly this, you were wary if her because she's had covid even though current isolation rules say she is very unlikely to now be contagious and is allowed out of isolation. No offence OP but you do sound overly anxious and it does sound like this anxiety has made you treat this other woman like a bit of a pariah.

I can’t abide people inviting them self or their children around my house at the best of times anyway.

It wasn't rhe OP's house, it was the other friend's house (Not-Mandy) and she extended the invitation so presumably was happy to do so.