AIBU to not agree with parents who still don't take Covid seriously enough

[HipsterMum]

Alright here it goes another Covid related post. My husband and I lost 3 relatives due to Covid so we take it quite seriously. We have 2 kids and at the very start of pandemic we made a decision to have them stay at home with us and not in nurseries for a good year but obviously since our oldest has started school that was no longer possible. We both however still work from home.
We do socialize with people but take all the precautions we can (vaccinated/ meet outdoors with others/ masks at all times even outside / ldfs). I do however struggle to understand how even after all this time people do not follow those simple instructions (both vaccinated and unvaccinated).

So a recent incident that changed my relationship with another mum from my sons class (we were really friendly before). Lets call her Mandy. She is not Mandy 🙂Nothing against Mandys though. Anyway... So I was told that she had tested positive for covid 8 days ago over holiday period by her ex partner who dropped off her son. He told me that they've not had much contact with her since then so were not certain if she was feeling better and was gonna do a pick up (they take it in turns). I was invited with my youngest and my son for a cup of tea at hers after school by this other mum whose son my kid is also friends with. As I mentioned earlier we really try to take any precautions we can and I only said yes assuming it was just going to be for an hour or so and just us. I also only just gotten my booster jab a day earlier so really it wouldn't have had any effect yet in terms of giving me protection. So long story short at the pick up I see Mandy from the distance not wearing a mask and just chatting away with everyone. She mentions that its been 8 days now since first symptoms and that she didn't have it too bad just like a simple cold. Anyways.. we get going and happened to all be going together in the same direction. Kids being annoying little kids start saying that they were going to each others houses ... Mandys boy has a fit saying ' I want to go to his house too right now can we, can we '. And really in a very childish way Mandy goes 'aw darling you see you weren't invited this time'. I mean needless to say her boy starts being hysterical instantly . (What parent says things like that????) My other mum friend then goes ' well you can of course come too if you want' and then asks me if I wouldn't mind of course. I hate being put in this position but I had to be honest. I said that I ' ve only just gotten my booster jab and considering that its not been full 10 days since she had tested positive I don't think it would be wise. I apologised and said not to take it personally. I felt horrible that very instance. Her kid started crying , she was giving me really awful looks, my kid kept on asking me if we were going or not, my other friend felt awkward.

Guys I am honestly not a paranoid person but we all have different situations. I would have never thought of going out for the first time ( well 8 days after) and straight to other peoples houses without a mask. I mean how can you be certain if you are not contagious still?? We are having old friends coming over from Italy for a few days and my friend is 6 months pregnant. They are isolating before and asked us to be careful too. I cannot put her at risk . And regardless we all have our situations and sometimes as a result of Covid we just can't meet up with the same amount of people that we want. Needless to say that Mandy got very offended with me. Said I made a big deal over nothing because she was probably no longer contagious. That I made her son really upset. Ignores me during pick ups and drop offs. I feel so guilty although I was just being honest.

I did not dictate anything.

According to your own OP, in response to not-Mandy confirming the invite, you said 'I don't think that would be wise'.

That's a bit different to the version of the story you're presenting now.

sirfredfredgeorge

Just to clarify Mandy (🙃) hasn't had a PCR test since her first initial one to confirm her negative status

Which is irrelevant, you need to acquaint yourself with the actual rules, and not your own theories of what they should be, especially as a PCR test after a week will do nothing to confirm someone's negative status.

No, it’s not irrelevant hmm

You’re supposed to take a LTF on the 6th day and 7th day following positive test to see if you are now negative.

How do you know she hasn't? The OP is insinuating that "Mandy" needs another PCR which she doesnt

Omg mumsnet is weird. You guys it wasn't a birthday party I ruined with my obsessive compulsive behaviour. I might have been rude yes fair enough but I offered to leave and to meet up another time after my vulnerable pregnant friend (who also lives with a 70 year old mother) leaves. Wouldn't have taken any offense and would still say hello to everyone at the gate

I haven't read the whole thread but you have no idea what 'mandy' or anyone else has been through this year. Equally you do lateral flows to get out of isolation not PCRs.

Sorry for your lose but many others have suffered in different ways - through mental health, through lack of face-to-face medical appointments, by medical staff not listening and taking patients seriously. 'Mandy' could very well be taking her health seriously but unsurprisingly her medical history is not for you too to see, know or speculate over.

Did you offer though? Because there was no mention of that in your OP just that you told Mandy it wasn't personal, one lod was crying, your kid was asking if you were going yet, and Not-Mandy felt really awkward.

So before the 6th of January the rules were 10 days. Now they've changed. In some countries it is still 10 days and they have way less covid cases. Masks were also allowed to be taken off not so long ago and then re introduced straightaway. I had to make some tough choices for my family same as all of us I am certain of this. Being rude to Mandy for a second is not the biggest one of them

@HipsterMum

So before the 6th of January the rules were 10 days. Now they've changed. In some countries it is still 10 days and they have way less covid cases. Masks were also allowed to be taken off not so long ago and then re introduced straightaway. I had to make some tough choices for my family same as all of us I am certain of this. Being rude to Mandy for a second is not the biggest one of them

Your whole thread is about bloody Mandy 😂

^I do not understand why this has turned into discussion about rules and regulations. I thought we were still in the pandemic???^

I can see it’s not possible to have a rationale discussion with you about this. You have a different level of risk which suits your family - fine - but suggesting someone else isn’t taking it seriously when they’re following the rules but just not meeting your expectations is ridiculous. Of course it’s about rules and guidelines, how else do you benchmark “serious enough”.

but I offered to leave and to meet up another time after my vulnerable pregnant friend (who also lives with a 70 year old mother) leaves.

You'd think you would have mentioned that in your OP.

The rules changed based on the increased knowledge of omicron.

This is just another "AIBU" "Yes" "I'm NBU, how dare you" thread.

@TheKeatingFive

but I offered to leave and to meet up another time after my vulnerable pregnant friend (who also lives with a 70 year old mother) leaves.

You'd think you would have mentioned that in your OP.

She did, they are travelling from Italy

Mandy doesn't believe in Covid and she doesn't believe it makes people severely ill. Thats fair enough. I do and I didn't want to take any chance during that particular time for my friend. Someone is making assumptions about mental health. Yes losing your loved ones and not being able to say goodbye due to counties shutting down has zero impact on one's mental. There is nothing to feel ashamed off for simply saying that you are going to meet someone vulnerable and you are trying to reduce any risks possible for this person.

I do not understand why this has turned into discussion about rules and regulations. I thought we were still in the pandemic???

Because your thread title is literally 'AIBU to not agree with parents who still don't take Covid seriously enough' - so people are having a discussion about what is 'serious enough' and the vast majority agree that 'taking it serious enough' is following current rules. Not the strange super rules you've imposed on yourself and your family. We've been in a pandemic for 2 years now, the difference between now and 2 years ago is knowledge, we know now that 14 days isolation isn't neccessary, we didn't at the start so were rightly cautious, but as discoveries are made rules get adjusted accordingly.

Every nurse and doctor told me that. For example we should still wear masks inside even if we are jabbed, have just had covid, unvaccinated, etc.

So you think you should wear masks all the time inside no matter what, but then were also happy to go for coffee at this womans house? Which is it OP? Your story isn't matching up

There are lots of different situations and I know many people who felt rough for much longer than even 14 days that we were asked to quarantine for initially.

You can feel rough for months after any virus, ever heard of post viral fatigue? God, even T&T will tell you to leave isolation if you still have a cough because it can hang around for a long time. The point is about being no longer contagious.

Frankly OP you sound incredibly judgemental. You've judged that other people aren't following covid rules as well as you. You've judged that the rules aren't good enough so come up with your own and are trying to pass them off as actual rules. You've judged that other people aren't taking covid serious enough.

I do however struggle to understand how even after all this time people do not follow those simple instructions (both vaccinated and unvaccinated).

^ here you've judged that other people aren't following instructions to only meet outside/with masks etc despite these not being actual instructions

You've judged Mandy's parenting, what's wrong with explaining to a child that they can't go somewhere becuase they're not invited? It's a good lesson to learn that we can't be invited to everything. Your whole post and massive drip feeds to defend yourself all stink of contempt for mandy and a holier than thou attitude.

You've judged her for going out when she's allowed, saying you never would, despite it actually being allowed!

And now you're judging her for avoiding you. I'd avoid someone who was overzealous with rules, with no sense of perspective too.

You say you were 'just honest' but you were still rude, you should feel guilty. If you're not comfortable with a situation you take yourself out of it.

You're making stuff up now OP. How can Mandy not believe in a virus she's had? She makes her own risk assessments. You make yours. Many on this thread would question your RA just as you question Mandy's.

She did, they are travelling from Italy

I meant the bit about offering to leave.

Sorry but you sound very paranoid. The situation has changed substantially. We will all catch COVID eventually, and it could be anywhere. Yes it was maybe an odd situation and arrange she didn't mention whether she had negative LFTs - I'd have straight up asked her to confirm that.

@Doyoumind

Sure is.

So before the 6th of January the rules were 10 days. Now they've changed.

You are literally making shit up! The rules changed from a blanket 10 days to 10 days or 7 providing you negative lft on day 6 and 7.

Honestly if you're gonna make a covid rules thread atleast get your rules right

*on the 22nd december

The rules changed from a blanket 10 days to 10 days or 7 providing you negative lft on day 6 and 7 on December 22nd, not bloody january 6th

Are you going to live like this forever?

On a serious note tho are you really going to carry on living like this forever?
Covid isn't going anywhere.

@ZoeTheThornyDevil

When do you plan to stop your elaborate precautions? COVID is never, ever going away. And there's no longer really anything to wait for. We have vaccines, we have drug treatments and antibody therapies. Hospitals becoming overwhelmed with an omicron wave seems prettt clearly not to have happened. There is nothing else to stall for. If you plan to see people who don't live with you, or live with people who do, you're going to get exposed.

This 100%

The rules changed on 22/12. You do not need a negative PCR to leave isolation. If you’re going to complain about other people breaking the rules, you should probably be familiar with what they actually are.

YANBU OP. I get that people might have to go out to work or do essential things after 7 days isolation because they don't have a choice (assuming they have tested positive twice on lateral flow). But the advice is still to wear a mask, avoid close contact etc at that point. If I was in that position, I might do things I 'have' to do (with a mask on - eg go to work if I had to), but no way would I be socialising 8 days after a positive test. I would be worried about passing it on still, it's not long ago that isolation period was strictly 10 days and we all know that lateral flow tests aren't entirely reliable. Plus, you don't even know if Mandy had done the lateral flows. I get that not everyone is worried about catching covid for themselves, but people need to be more conscious about not passing it on to others who may not fare as well. Mandy doesn't sound very nice tbh.

You seem to just want to lecture people. Banging on still about the rules, (which is very 2020) and you don’t even know what they are!