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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not agree with parents who still don't take Covid seriously enough

328 replies

HipsterMum · 11/01/2022 21:27

Alright here it goes another Covid related post. My husband and I lost 3 relatives due to Covid so we take it quite seriously. We have 2 kids and at the very start of pandemic we made a decision to have them stay at home with us and not in nurseries for a good year but obviously since our oldest has started school that was no longer possible. We both however still work from home.
We do socialize with people but take all the precautions we can (vaccinated/ meet outdoors with others/ masks at all times even outside / ldfs). I do however struggle to understand how even after all this time people do not follow those simple instructions (both vaccinated and unvaccinated).

So a recent incident that changed my relationship with another mum from my sons class (we were really friendly before). Lets call her Mandy. She is not Mandy 🙂Nothing against Mandys though. Anyway... So I was told that she had tested positive for covid 8 days ago over holiday period by her ex partner who dropped off her son. He told me that they've not had much contact with her since then so were not certain if she was feeling better and was gonna do a pick up (they take it in turns). I was invited with my youngest and my son for a cup of tea at hers after school by this other mum whose son my kid is also friends with. As I mentioned earlier we really try to take any precautions we can and I only said yes assuming it was just going to be for an hour or so and just us. I also only just gotten my booster jab a day earlier so really it wouldn't have had any effect yet in terms of giving me protection. So long story short at the pick up I see Mandy from the distance not wearing a mask and just chatting away with everyone. She mentions that its been 8 days now since first symptoms and that she didn't have it too bad just like a simple cold. Anyways.. we get going and happened to all be going together in the same direction. Kids being annoying little kids start saying that they were going to each others houses ... Mandys boy has a fit saying ' I want to go to his house too right now can we, can we '. And really in a very childish way Mandy goes 'aw darling you see you weren't invited this time'. I mean needless to say her boy starts being hysterical instantly . (What parent says things like that????) My other mum friend then goes ' well you can of course come too if you want' and then asks me if I wouldn't mind of course. I hate being put in this position but I had to be honest. I said that I ' ve only just gotten my booster jab and considering that its not been full 10 days since she had tested positive I don't think it would be wise. I apologised and said not to take it personally. I felt horrible that very instance. Her kid started crying , she was giving me really awful looks, my kid kept on asking me if we were going or not, my other friend felt awkward.

Guys I am honestly not a paranoid person but we all have different situations. I would have never thought of going out for the first time ( well 8 days after) and straight to other peoples houses without a mask. I mean how can you be certain if you are not contagious still?? We are having old friends coming over from Italy for a few days and my friend is 6 months pregnant. They are isolating before and asked us to be careful too. I cannot put her at risk . And regardless we all have our situations and sometimes as a result of Covid we just can't meet up with the same amount of people that we want. Needless to say that Mandy got very offended with me. Said I made a big deal over nothing because she was probably no longer contagious. That I made her son really upset. Ignores me during pick ups and drop offs. I feel so guilty although I was just being honest.

OP posts:
TheKeatingFive · 12/01/2022 09:07

I found it rude to go inside other peoples houses the very first day you come out of your isolation

If it was your house she was going into, then fine to find it rude.

But it was not-Mandys. And therefore up to her to say yes/no/worry about rudeness. She was fine with it, so not at all appropriate for you to stick your oar in telling everyone what to do.

HipsterMum · 12/01/2022 09:12

UPDATE to all. You can all be friends with Mandy and ask her over any time you want. That is entirely up to you. I just had a quick chat with the mum to whose house I was invited. I only brought it up to apologize because it was her house and therefore her right to invite. She said she felt sad that this kid was crying and Mandy kept on making it a point 'you were not invited '. Whilst she herself is in her early stages of pregnancy and wouldn't want to take chances so soon after someone has just had covid . She invited me over because she knows I keep my kids off school with illnesses and take covid precautions seriously. End of story. I had a quick chat with another lady who is immune compromised and our friends are really friendly together in class. She wears double masks and says that even a slight cold puts her straight onto antibiotics and covid would be very undesirable for her. I could have mentioned yes.... I know your situation.... on the other hand I just had a close contact with someone who's just had covid and they think its nothing and told us all to move on with our lives and above all...to not be rude!. 🙃

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Theluggage15 · 12/01/2022 09:14

Yeah, whatever.

HipsterMum · 12/01/2022 09:15

I do not worry about rudeness and telling someone no in a very polite manner (what I did). I worry about other things like child poverty, inequality, climate and other things way more. Putting potentially someone else in danger because I didn't want to come across rude to Mandy is not a choice for me.

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TheKeatingFive · 12/01/2022 09:15

This thread should be in classics for its use of excessive drip feeding and highly convenient updates 😆

TheKeatingFive · 12/01/2022 09:17

Putting potentially someone else in danger because I didn't want to come across rude to Mandy is not a choice for me.

So why post in AIBU then?

Given that you definitely don't think you did anything wrong and furthermore wouldn't care if you did?

What were you hoping to achieve?

HipsterMum · 12/01/2022 09:26

Not surprised people still do not take regulations seriously. We would have already been over Covid altogether if we were. Yes it is still a highly advisable regulation no to mix with other households indoors until 10 full days have passed. Even if out of isolation on day 7. I said hello to Mandy repeatedly it is her choice to be offended by it. I invited someone else for a playdate a few months earlier but she politely declined because this lady she had a very bad chest and is immunocompromised and doesn't really go to other households to reduce the risk of exposure. I was absolutely understanding of that, respected that and we have a lovely chat every we see each other outdoors. We all have our own reasons and more important reasons.

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ZoeTheThornyDevil · 12/01/2022 09:30

Not surprised people still do not take regulations seriously. We would have already been over Covid altogether if we were

Again: we will never be "over" COVID. Never. Everybody knows that, except you and the Chinese. Restrictions have only ever been to buy time until we had vaccines and drugs, and to stop people dying of heart attacks in hospital corridors because there were no free doctors. Once they have accomplished that, their work is done and they should, and will, rightfully be banished to the dustbin of history.

You will be living with COVID in the same way you live with colds and flu for the rest of your life. Best start getting used to it.

TheKeatingFive · 12/01/2022 09:31

Not surprised people still do not take regulations seriously. We would have already been over Covid altogether if we were.

😂 😂 😂

Seriously? You still believe that? How 2020 of you.

You might want to run that by the 20 million or so Chinese who are currently in strict lockdown, despite taking regs very seriously indeed.

HipsterMum · 12/01/2022 09:32

Again I was more than happy for Mandy to go and for myself and most sons to rearrange. I wasn't being a child about that. But I am responsible for my 2 children and a pregnant friend coming over in 1 week so if I know someone has literally just had Covid following the regulation that changed 4 days ago and saying 'I am probably no longer contagious' it was my choice not to meet up with them in a closed space with them. Sometimes being honest can be rude.

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TheKeatingFive · 12/01/2022 09:33

Again I was more than happy for Mandy to go and for myself and most sons to rearrange.

That's not how you presented it in your OP.

Admittedly, you changed your tune around drip feed 28.

HipsterMum · 12/01/2022 09:35

As a person who lived in Asia for a long time I admire how seriously they take passing the infection onto other people. Yes despite the fact that Covid started in China. Even if they start coughing or sneezing it is their custom to wear a mask out of respect to others and that was way before Covid. They still live normal lives, travel and bring a lot of money into the UK economy. Nothing to laugh about

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jennywasafriendofmrbrightside · 12/01/2022 09:39

Well that was good for a morning giggle...

Theluggage15 · 12/01/2022 09:41

Hahaha!

RocketSurgeon · 12/01/2022 09:47

Hummus???

In my part of the UK all the hipsters have moved on to Fattoush.

Shock
HipsterMum · 12/01/2022 09:49

This . I was more than happy not to take the risk and wait till my pregnant friend has come and left and then meet up with everyone including Mandy. Same way as I had to make a decision not to take my son to a birthday party just before Christmas because his vulnerable grandfather was coming over a few days later and I thought that was a reasonable thing to do.

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HipsterMum · 12/01/2022 09:50

@RocketSurgeon

Hummus???

In my part of the UK all the hipsters have moved on to Fattoush.

Shock

Hahahahahah more than anything I do appreciate a good sense of humour🙂
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AliveAndSleeping · 12/01/2022 09:51

I'm sorry you have lost 3 relatives. I think that would make me more worried as well. I don't think you were rude. You were put in a very awkward position. Actually all of you three adults were. Once that little kid started crying there was really not going to be a smooth outcome anymore. Of course your friend offered for him to join as well as she didn't want to be the one to make him cry. She asked you explicitly if it's ok with you and you said no. You answered her question. You didn't invite the other kid so I don't think you did anything rude by politely declining and apologising. I would have probably said nothing and just felt bad and worried because I hate confrontation and am a coward but I think if I'd upfront seen the wirst effects of covid (ie someone I know dying from it) I'd probably react differently.

I think Mandy was being unreasonable to make a big deal of it rather than trying to understand your health anxiety and your desire to keep your pregnant friend safe.

waterlego · 12/01/2022 09:52

Hospitals are almost as full as the first wave and admissions are still rising.

Admissions are rising in some areas and falling in others. Overall, the news from hospitals is quite positive:

‘Good news from hospitals
Instead, the biggest clue Omicron may be peaking, and arguably a more important measure of Covid, is how many cases are ending up in hospital. From this data we can see the number of admissions appears to have plateaued at just above 2,200 a day in the UK, about half last winter's peak.’

From the BBC today: www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-59958071

AliveAndSleeping · 12/01/2022 09:52

Meant to say "you didn't UNinvite the other kid you just answered her question honestly".

HipsterMum · 12/01/2022 10:04

@AliveAndSleeping

I'm sorry you have lost 3 relatives. I think that would make me more worried as well. I don't think you were rude. You were put in a very awkward position. Actually all of you three adults were. Once that little kid started crying there was really not going to be a smooth outcome anymore. Of course your friend offered for him to join as well as she didn't want to be the one to make him cry. She asked you explicitly if it's ok with you and you said no. You answered her question. You didn't invite the other kid so I don't think you did anything rude by politely declining and apologising. I would have probably said nothing and just felt bad and worried because I hate confrontation and am a coward but I think if I'd upfront seen the wirst effects of covid (ie someone I know dying from it) I'd probably react differently.

I think Mandy was being unreasonable to make a big deal of it rather than trying to understand your health anxiety and your desire to keep your pregnant friend safe.

I absolutely hate confrontation too. I still feel really bad about that but luckily I hope kids will carry on being playful with one another as this has nothing to do with them. But as an adult when asked I decided to say honestly instead of going along and being worried throughout our whole time there. I am sure that would have made everyone even more anxious and uncomfortable. It was nothing against Mandy and not personal at all!
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MarshmallowFondant · 12/01/2022 10:06

@HipsterMum

Just to clarify Mandy (🙃) hasn't had a PCR test since her first initial one to confirm her negative status. Most of the people I know with Covid had active symptoms for way longer that 7 days.
"Mandy" doesn't need to. Hmm

In fact, you're told NOT to have a PCR until several months after your covid infection as it will still pick up traces even though you're not infectious.

Seems you don't know as much as you think you do. Obviously it's your right to be anxious/cautious about Covid, but don't start giving people a hard time if they're in a different space mentally.

BlueSky8 · 12/01/2022 10:11

Not surprised people still do not take regulations seriously. We would have already been over Covid altogether if we were

Covid is here for the long run. It's not going anywhere.

It was nothing against Mandy and not personal at all!

You've done nothing but slate Mandy, dripping in about her parenting skills.

This thread has me stressed 😂

MrsMiddleMother · 12/01/2022 10:11

You definitely did the right thing. You weren't comfortable with the fact the other woman hadn't isolated for 10 days and didn't want to socialise at that time.
Much better that than feeling uncomfortable or regretting it after.
Wish more people would be honest like that

HipsterMum · 12/01/2022 10:13

I also refuse to accept what Mandy has told me . That I made her son upset. She is his mother and she could have played the situation out in a completely different way. Instead she kept on repeating to him 'well you see you were not invited, nobody invited you, so you cannot go.' And giving us grown up women looks like 'you see what you've done.' I mean next somebody doesn't invite her son a birthday party and she will be cross with them too and saying out loud 'look at these rude people, they didn't want you at their party'.

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