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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not agree with parents who still don't take Covid seriously enough

328 replies

HipsterMum · 11/01/2022 21:27

Alright here it goes another Covid related post. My husband and I lost 3 relatives due to Covid so we take it quite seriously. We have 2 kids and at the very start of pandemic we made a decision to have them stay at home with us and not in nurseries for a good year but obviously since our oldest has started school that was no longer possible. We both however still work from home.
We do socialize with people but take all the precautions we can (vaccinated/ meet outdoors with others/ masks at all times even outside / ldfs). I do however struggle to understand how even after all this time people do not follow those simple instructions (both vaccinated and unvaccinated).

So a recent incident that changed my relationship with another mum from my sons class (we were really friendly before). Lets call her Mandy. She is not Mandy 🙂Nothing against Mandys though. Anyway... So I was told that she had tested positive for covid 8 days ago over holiday period by her ex partner who dropped off her son. He told me that they've not had much contact with her since then so were not certain if she was feeling better and was gonna do a pick up (they take it in turns). I was invited with my youngest and my son for a cup of tea at hers after school by this other mum whose son my kid is also friends with. As I mentioned earlier we really try to take any precautions we can and I only said yes assuming it was just going to be for an hour or so and just us. I also only just gotten my booster jab a day earlier so really it wouldn't have had any effect yet in terms of giving me protection. So long story short at the pick up I see Mandy from the distance not wearing a mask and just chatting away with everyone. She mentions that its been 8 days now since first symptoms and that she didn't have it too bad just like a simple cold. Anyways.. we get going and happened to all be going together in the same direction. Kids being annoying little kids start saying that they were going to each others houses ... Mandys boy has a fit saying ' I want to go to his house too right now can we, can we '. And really in a very childish way Mandy goes 'aw darling you see you weren't invited this time'. I mean needless to say her boy starts being hysterical instantly . (What parent says things like that????) My other mum friend then goes ' well you can of course come too if you want' and then asks me if I wouldn't mind of course. I hate being put in this position but I had to be honest. I said that I ' ve only just gotten my booster jab and considering that its not been full 10 days since she had tested positive I don't think it would be wise. I apologised and said not to take it personally. I felt horrible that very instance. Her kid started crying , she was giving me really awful looks, my kid kept on asking me if we were going or not, my other friend felt awkward.

Guys I am honestly not a paranoid person but we all have different situations. I would have never thought of going out for the first time ( well 8 days after) and straight to other peoples houses without a mask. I mean how can you be certain if you are not contagious still?? We are having old friends coming over from Italy for a few days and my friend is 6 months pregnant. They are isolating before and asked us to be careful too. I cannot put her at risk . And regardless we all have our situations and sometimes as a result of Covid we just can't meet up with the same amount of people that we want. Needless to say that Mandy got very offended with me. Said I made a big deal over nothing because she was probably no longer contagious. That I made her son really upset. Ignores me during pick ups and drop offs. I feel so guilty although I was just being honest.

OP posts:
Lilifer · 13/01/2022 12:52

@TheKeatingFive

I'm amused how you keep referring to your "pregnant vulnerable friend" yet said p v friend is not so vulnerable that she can't travel over to uk from Italy with all the attendant risks that travel brings with it

Yes me too.

Pregnant friend was exposed to hundreds of people in the airport / plane, whose covid status was entirely unknown, yet Mandy was deemed the biggest risk to her.

That's before we even get into what 'coming over from Italy' means to the OP. 😵‍💫

Too true 😅

This thread has been very tedious 🙈

HipsterMum · 13/01/2022 12:54

@TheKeatingFive

I'm amused how you keep referring to your "pregnant vulnerable friend" yet said p v friend is not so vulnerable that she can't travel over to uk from Italy with all the attendant risks that travel brings with it

Yes me too.

Pregnant friend was exposed to hundreds of people in the airport / plane, whose covid status was entirely unknown, yet Mandy was deemed the biggest risk to her.

That's before we even get into what 'coming over from Italy' means to the OP. 😵‍💫

I've already explained a million times that my friends husband is British and has got a home here and that they've already spent over 3 weeks in the UK which is more than any period of isolation. Nobody these days travels and then goes to visit people straightaway. There are required PCR tests they have to take and to report results. Maybe my 'Vulnerable friend' has got important reasons to actually travel at this precise moment of her life?? Like to attend funeral or you think travelling always means just to go on holiday? They will be taking a car to come to our house directly. What this had got to do with Mandy nor any of you I have no idea. Bloody hell.
OP posts:
HipsterMum · 13/01/2022 12:59

Some of you here are actually quite ignorant and perhaps do not understand how seriously people take international travel these days and actually do it only when it is absolutely necessary. They might have a job that requires them to travel at least once a year/ students who pay thousands of pounds to this country. They have to be tested before leaving the country , sometimes randomly at the airport and then to do pcrs upon arrival and declare results. Mandy didn't bother to take an lfd at home so yes personally I didn't want to take my chance with Mandy in this particular instance. This thread has gotten tiresome.

OP posts:
TheKeatingFive · 13/01/2022 13:02

I've already explained a million times that my friends husband is British and has got a home here and that they've already spent over 3 weeks in the UK

I know you've already explained. At great length. Update 34 or thereabouts, yes 🤪

It's just that 'coming over from Italy' would generally be understood as coming straight. So we're back to your chronic inability to express yourself clearly.

And are we to take 'she was coming over for a funeral' as the very latest in the long long line of your drip feeds?

TheKeatingFive · 13/01/2022 13:03

This thread has gotten tiresome.

😂

TheKeatingFive · 13/01/2022 13:03

I thought you were off anyway?

Quartz2208 · 13/01/2022 13:22

Some of you here are actually quite ignorant and perhaps do not understand how seriously people take international travel these days and actually do it only when it is absolutely necessary.

The amount of tourists I saw at Heathrow over Christmas and the way bookings are going for International Travel at the moment OP I have to say I think it is you who doesnt quite get how people have moved on in 2022. And the two full planes of tourists that I was on.

Loads of people travel and visit straight away - mainly because most dont have a home in which they can isolate beforehand. Including friends whose parents visited from SA the minute the red list was lifted!

Given in England as from Monday it is 5 days I suspect everything is going to move on far quicker.

I think OP you live in a very comfortable bubble that Covid has made even more bubble like

HipsterMum · 13/01/2022 13:34

@Quartz2208

Some of you here are actually quite ignorant and perhaps do not understand how seriously people take international travel these days and actually do it only when it is absolutely necessary.

The amount of tourists I saw at Heathrow over Christmas and the way bookings are going for International Travel at the moment OP I have to say I think it is you who doesnt quite get how people have moved on in 2022. And the two full planes of tourists that I was on.

Loads of people travel and visit straight away - mainly because most dont have a home in which they can isolate beforehand. Including friends whose parents visited from SA the minute the red list was lifted!

Given in England as from Monday it is 5 days I suspect everything is going to move on far quicker.

I think OP you live in a very comfortable bubble that Covid has made even more bubble like

I do not live in a bubble. Most countries still require you to present PCR results and will not put you on a plane without them. You are often again required to repeat them upon arrival. I moved countries myself during Covid because I had to and that is the nature of my work. Taking Covid seriously after losing 3 relatives and not being ashamed to stay inside in a mask or to take extra precautions is hardly living in a bubble. Again assumptions about me that arise out of nowhere. I do not live in any bubble as I've lived in 5 countries in the past 8 years. I was called here a hermit and assumptions were made about me and my sad children who stay at home there whole life and don't go to playdates simply because of me wearing my mask indoors and outdoors.
OP posts:
TheKeatingFive · 13/01/2022 13:40

Well my friends got on a plane back from France, knowing that her nephew who they'd just spent Christmas with was positive.

They had a negative test before flying (though I thought it was a LF, might be wrong) and then all four of them tested positive the following day.

So if you think the testing process around flying is effective and low risk, then I think you're deluded.

Quartz2208 · 13/01/2022 13:48

I never said that countries dont require testing (and it can be both PCR or antigen) or that some need you to repeat them. What I said was that it doesnt stop international tourist travel - which is why travel testing companies is quite the booming business. Tourism is going full steam ahead now with testing.

Neither was the living in a bubble comment to do with your Covid restrictions. More that consistently across this thread you seem unwilling or unable to see things from your perspective. Make massive assumptions as to what others (myself included) are saying and are only able to see it from one singular perspective.

Living in a bubble it doesn't matter how many countries you have lived in what it means is is used to describe someone who doesn't listen to people with different ideas seems a little sheltered in that you seem to think everyone can easily live like you and assumes that everyone else has the same way of thinking and that it is the right and only way.

Anyway I have tried to give you advice but you clearly dont want it

HipsterMum · 13/01/2022 13:51

@TheKeatingFive

Well my friends got on a plane back from France, knowing that her nephew who they'd just spent Christmas with was positive.

They had a negative test before flying (though I thought it was a LF, might be wrong) and then all four of them tested positive the following day.

So if you think the testing process around flying is effective and low risk, then I think you're deluded.

Which is absolutely possible in life yes. Where have I ever said taking a plane was low risk?? You were the one who kept on bringing up my friend and telling me that she was high risk and she shouldn't have been flying when it wasn't even relevant to me and Mandy ( bloody hell should have come now with a different name or simply and letter) etc.
In the particular situation with my friend she's already been in the country for over 3 weeks where they stayed in their house to make sure they did not develop any symptoms before they meet with other people. Yes they take covid seriously too. I completely understand that everyone has got different circumstances, I myself have to travel for work frequently. I live with my family we travel together we isolate together upon every arrival. Some countries still require you to stay in isolation for 10 days. In Hong Kong they made us wear a bracelet that automatically beeped if you leave your house until 10 full days have passed since you arrival. The cases were never even this high in there. All people have got different circumstances but someone can still be allowed to say no to anyone at any given situation
OP posts:
TheKeatingFive · 13/01/2022 13:57

You seem to have a lot of faith in the testing process as you've mentioned it lots

For example ...

There are required PCR tests they have to take and to report results.

Most countries still require you to present PCR results and will not put you on a plane without them. You are often again required to repeat them upon arrival.

Yet honestly, my friends probably infected most of that plane. Yet you're more worried about Mandy whose isolation was up? 🤯

Some countries still require you to stay in isolation for 10 days. In Hong Kong they made us wear a bracelet that automatically beeped if you leave your house

Pretty confident that doesn't apply to arrivals from Italy to U.K.

And even so, it wouldn't stop your friend from being infected on the plane.

HipsterMum · 13/01/2022 13:57

@Quartz2208

I never said that countries dont require testing (and it can be both PCR or antigen) or that some need you to repeat them. What I said was that it doesnt stop international tourist travel - which is why travel testing companies is quite the booming business. Tourism is going full steam ahead now with testing.

Neither was the living in a bubble comment to do with your Covid restrictions. More that consistently across this thread you seem unwilling or unable to see things from your perspective. Make massive assumptions as to what others (myself included) are saying and are only able to see it from one singular perspective.

Living in a bubble it doesn't matter how many countries you have lived in what it means is is used to describe someone who doesn't listen to people with different ideas seems a little sheltered in that you seem to think everyone can easily live like you and assumes that everyone else has the same way of thinking and that it is the right and only way.

Anyway I have tried to give you advice but you clearly dont want it

People who don't listen to other people and their ideas do not live in different countries. I am absolutely fine with people having their ideas but to say 'covid is just a mild illness because thats the way it was for me and anyway stop living like a hermet' is hardly a good idea to listen to because it did put a lot of people in trouble already. I have no issue with people having their own opinion on absolutely anything but I will simply stick to my precautions especially since Mandy was the only person to get offended by them .
OP posts:
HipsterMum · 13/01/2022 14:03

@TheKeatingFive

You seem to have a lot of faith in the testing process as you've mentioned it lots

For example ...

There are required PCR tests they have to take and to report results.

Most countries still require you to present PCR results and will not put you on a plane without them. You are often again required to repeat them upon arrival.

Yet honestly, my friends probably infected most of that plane. Yet you're more worried about Mandy whose isolation was up? 🤯

Some countries still require you to stay in isolation for 10 days. In Hong Kong they made us wear a bracelet that automatically beeped if you leave your house

Pretty confident that doesn't apply to arrivals from Italy to U.K.

And even so, it wouldn't stop your friend from being infected on the plane.

OK this is just like talking to myself. My friend going on a plane and possibly getting infected is her risk! Luckily she wasn't infected because she already spent 3 weeks in so called 'isolation" with the same family members she travelled with. I am trying to minimise risks for her now because she will be staying in my house and I feel like although I cannot guarantee it 100 percent of course, it is a responsible thing for me to do. If I knew for sure that I have had a recent contact in the closed space, having shared food with someone who was potentially still infectious I wouldn't have invited my friend to stay in my house.
OP posts:
goawaystormy · 13/01/2022 14:05

Some of you here are actually quite ignorant and perhaps do not understand how seriously people take international travel these days and actually do it only when it is absolutely necessary.

Who had 'ignorant' on their covid bingo card. OP just because you posted here wanting people to agree with you and they didn't doesn't automatically mean everyone else is wrong.

Mandy didn't bother to take an lfd at home

You have absolutely no idea of this! You accuse others on this thread of making assumptions but here you are.

I do not live in a bubble

Of course you do! Being able to work from home for nearly 2 years now and not send kids to nursery for a 'good year' is living in a bubble.

I moved countries myself during Covid because I had to and that is the nature of my work.

I'm sorry I thought you wfh throughout Covid (and if you can wfh you wouldn't need to move for work Hmm)? I smell bullshit

In Hong Kong they made us wear a bracelet that automatically beeped if you leave your house until 10 full days have passed since you arrival.

I'm sorry I thought you wfh and took minimal risks throughout the pandemic? Travelling to Hong Kong is hardly that! You can't keep your story straight for the life of you.

Quartz2208 · 13/01/2022 14:28

@HipsterMum no one has said on this thread that covid is just a mild illness you seem to be reading into things that simply arent there

Alliswells · 13/01/2022 14:41

Can't believe this back and forth is still going on!

GabriellaMontez · 13/01/2022 14:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

HipsterMum · 13/01/2022 14:53

@goawaystormy

Some of you here are actually quite ignorant and perhaps do not understand how seriously people take international travel these days and actually do it only when it is absolutely necessary.

Who had 'ignorant' on their covid bingo card. OP just because you posted here wanting people to agree with you and they didn't doesn't automatically mean everyone else is wrong.

Mandy didn't bother to take an lfd at home

You have absolutely no idea of this! You accuse others on this thread of making assumptions but here you are.

I do not live in a bubble

Of course you do! Being able to work from home for nearly 2 years now and not send kids to nursery for a 'good year' is living in a bubble.

I moved countries myself during Covid because I had to and that is the nature of my work.

I'm sorry I thought you wfh throughout Covid (and if you can wfh you wouldn't need to move for work Hmm)? I smell bullshit

In Hong Kong they made us wear a bracelet that automatically beeped if you leave your house until 10 full days have passed since you arrival.

I'm sorry I thought you wfh and took minimal risks throughout the pandemic? Travelling to Hong Kong is hardly that! You can't keep your story straight for the life of you.

Are you actually not aware how people sometimes still have to move for work? My contract in one country had come to an end during pandemic and I had moved elsewhere where I got offered a job straightaway to feed my kids knowing how hard finding another job in pandemic will be. Both companies have eventually moved to working from home only (like thousands of companies all over the world) but still require you to relocate as to pay taxes locally, have a local national insurance/banking system.
OP posts:
HipsterMum · 13/01/2022 14:57

I can't keep my story straight because according to mumsnet if I haven't managed to put all the details in my initial post that would automatically have answered all the possible future question I am therefore an liar. As I didn't know qnd it was my first post I assumed you are meant to sum up the situation not to provide a gynecological examination of it /your life and even the lives of your vulnerable friends. Haha my fault. Next time I will write a 3 page long opening post.

OP posts:
Lilifer · 13/01/2022 14:59

[quote Quartz2208]@HipsterMum no one has said on this thread that covid is just a mild illness you seem to be reading into things that simply arent there[/quote]

Op sees Mandy in all of us! 😅 multipleMandy syndrome 🤯

HipsterMum · 13/01/2022 15:00

Last shocking revelation and I will leave all you ladies to yourselves. I am actually a...... HipsterDad and Mandy is my evil mother in law I just didn't want have over my house! I mean who would have thought !

OP posts:
Lilifer · 13/01/2022 15:00

"Next time I will write a 3 page long opening post."

Dear god there's gonna be a next time??!!😱😅

BlueSky8 · 13/01/2022 15:20

@Lilifer

"Next time I will write a 3 page long opening post."

Dear god there's gonna be a next time??!!😱😅

😂

Can't wait to hear what Mandy gets up to next

GabriellaMontez · 13/01/2022 16:40

Tbh not at all surprised to hear you're a man. Looking forward to "next time "...