AIBU to not agree with parents who still don't take Covid seriously enough

[HipsterMum]

Alright here it goes another Covid related post. My husband and I lost 3 relatives due to Covid so we take it quite seriously. We have 2 kids and at the very start of pandemic we made a decision to have them stay at home with us and not in nurseries for a good year but obviously since our oldest has started school that was no longer possible. We both however still work from home.
We do socialize with people but take all the precautions we can (vaccinated/ meet outdoors with others/ masks at all times even outside / ldfs). I do however struggle to understand how even after all this time people do not follow those simple instructions (both vaccinated and unvaccinated).

So a recent incident that changed my relationship with another mum from my sons class (we were really friendly before). Lets call her Mandy. She is not Mandy 🙂Nothing against Mandys though. Anyway... So I was told that she had tested positive for covid 8 days ago over holiday period by her ex partner who dropped off her son. He told me that they've not had much contact with her since then so were not certain if she was feeling better and was gonna do a pick up (they take it in turns). I was invited with my youngest and my son for a cup of tea at hers after school by this other mum whose son my kid is also friends with. As I mentioned earlier we really try to take any precautions we can and I only said yes assuming it was just going to be for an hour or so and just us. I also only just gotten my booster jab a day earlier so really it wouldn't have had any effect yet in terms of giving me protection. So long story short at the pick up I see Mandy from the distance not wearing a mask and just chatting away with everyone. She mentions that its been 8 days now since first symptoms and that she didn't have it too bad just like a simple cold. Anyways.. we get going and happened to all be going together in the same direction. Kids being annoying little kids start saying that they were going to each others houses ... Mandys boy has a fit saying ' I want to go to his house too right now can we, can we '. And really in a very childish way Mandy goes 'aw darling you see you weren't invited this time'. I mean needless to say her boy starts being hysterical instantly . (What parent says things like that????) My other mum friend then goes ' well you can of course come too if you want' and then asks me if I wouldn't mind of course. I hate being put in this position but I had to be honest. I said that I ' ve only just gotten my booster jab and considering that its not been full 10 days since she had tested positive I don't think it would be wise. I apologised and said not to take it personally. I felt horrible that very instance. Her kid started crying , she was giving me really awful looks, my kid kept on asking me if we were going or not, my other friend felt awkward.

Guys I am honestly not a paranoid person but we all have different situations. I would have never thought of going out for the first time ( well 8 days after) and straight to other peoples houses without a mask. I mean how can you be certain if you are not contagious still?? We are having old friends coming over from Italy for a few days and my friend is 6 months pregnant. They are isolating before and asked us to be careful too. I cannot put her at risk . And regardless we all have our situations and sometimes as a result of Covid we just can't meet up with the same amount of people that we want. Needless to say that Mandy got very offended with me. Said I made a big deal over nothing because she was probably no longer contagious. That I made her son really upset. Ignores me during pick ups and drop offs. I feel so guilty although I was just being honest.

Hospitals becoming overwhelmed with an omicron wave seems prettt clearly not to have happened

Hospitals are almost as full as the first wave and admissions are still rising. They are at breaking point according to every nurse and doctor I know and many others speaking out. Many trusts have declared critical incidents. Many more have cancelled all other care. Stop believing the Tory lie that it isn’t overwhelmed. There’s no moral high ground in lapping up a cover up.

I didn't mention we were even very good friends with Mandy guys . We were just friendly with her during drop offs and pick ups. There was another occasion she mentioned her boy vomiting the night before school and she still sent him on because he was fine in the morning. I am honestly not against her and lovely little one but I just take those things a bit more seriously. Again another mum could have suggested to re arrange because she wouldn't want to upset anyone.

• It wasn't rhe OP's house, it was the other friend's house (Not-Mandy) and she extended the invitation so presumably was happy to do so.

Ah i misunderstood that bit sorry. Still cheeky the way Mandy invited herself with snide passive aggressive comments. Fair enough the other mum was ok with it but I’d still think “Mandy” was rude.

Total over reaction from you. Life must continue.

You do sound ott

She doesn't have to do the full 10 days if lft negative

My friend tested negative on day 5 and 6 and she was quite rough with it.
She did wait till day 8 though to be sure Purley because of how rough she was.

OP I agree you have every right to bow out of the activity as you didn't feel comfortable. However your OP title "AIBU to not agree with parents who still don't take Covid seriously enough" sounds super judgmental. I understand your personal situation with close deaths, but there are vaccines now and Omicron is more like a cold, thankfully. We are all doing our best to manage almost 2 years of this stressful, constantly changing situation. Who made you the judge of who is and isn't taking COVID seriously enough? You sound like you're taking precautions beyond all the rules, that's your choice. Doesn't mean those following the rules but not going above and beyond don't take it seriously...

So are you going to stop living your life forever? Will your kids never beable to have playdates with more than 1 child? Guess birthday parties are never going to happen either. Covid is going no where soon poor kids not being able to be kids because there mum has a fear of catching a mild to most people virus.

@Hospedia

If she had taken the LFTs she wouldn’t have said ‘I’m probably no longer contagious’.

Would she have? I didn't realise there was a specific way in which one should speak that proves whether or not they've taken an LFT.

Yes, you say ‘I took LFTs on 6th and 7th day and both were negative.’

It’s not hard 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don’t think Mandy is now avoiding you because you were rude, I don’t think you were “rude” as such, as you say you were in your rights to say your opinion and you were polite and apologised.

I do think Mandy is now avoiding you because she thinks you’re a bit bonkers regarding your views on Covid and she has probably rightly surmised that you aren’t going to get along as friends!

@Aimeehedge

Hospitals becoming overwhelmed with an omicron wave seems prettt clearly not to have happened

Hospitals are almost as full as the first wave and admissions are still rising. They are at breaking point according to every nurse and doctor I know and many others speaking out. Many trusts have declared critical incidents. Many more have cancelled all other care. Stop believing the Tory lie that it isn’t overwhelmed. There’s no moral high ground in lapping up a cover up.

Hospitals are always at breaking point in winter strange enough it's normally with the flu tho which has disappeared and been taken over by covid.

YABU

Not because of the invitation scenario but you are projecting because of your personal experience with COVID. As everyone else has said, negative LFTs on days 6+ mean you don’t have to isolate further. Assuming she did that she followed the rules exactly so I’m struggling to see the issue of her not taking it seriously? If you really are uncomfortable with that risk that’s your business but the example provided is following the rules.

There was another occasion she mentioned her boy vomiting the night before school and she still sent him on because he was fine in the morning

I think nearly every response you've added an extra in of what Mandy has previously done.
It doesn't make the situation any better or worse as these cases are irrelevant to what your upset about.

Covid isn't going anywhere. This is the new normal way of life. We all have to deal with it.
Some do better than others but I do think you need to rethink about the whole situation because we can't hide from it forever.

I agree that you're overly anxious and not being rational. The children are mixing freely in school. I'm sorry for your losses but I'm guessing that was at a point in the pandemic prior to the protection we now have from the vaccines. Covid isn't going away and you or someone in your family may very well get it in the coming months and the chances that it will all be fine are huge.

I do not understand why this has turned into discussion about rules and regulations. I thought we were still in the pandemic??? Every nurse and doctor told me that. For example we should still wear masks inside even if we are jabbed, have just had covid, unvaccinated, etc. There are lots of different situations and I know many people who felt rough for much longer than even 14 days that we were asked to quarantine for initially. I also know people who give their children calpol and send them to school with fever . We all have our ways and we chose precautions with my family circle. I wear my mask in other peoples houses too and yes it might seem weird for some but not for others. I had to be clear because of having already invited a pregnant vulnerable friend for a stay and for not being fully protected by the vaccine yet

@JeSuis

You don't have to agree with anyone! So you're not being U to have your own views on covid. I think everyone does to a point. However, I do think you were a little rude. You can't uninvite someone from someone else's house.

But then it was up to the host to speak up and say ‘actually, I don’t mind if Mandy comes’.

Then OP could have bowed out and left them to it.

I’m guessing the host was grateful for OP’s forthrightness.

Guys some of you are definitely not invited over to my place at any stage hahaha

Who made you the arbiter of what constitutes taking covid 'seriously enough'?

People have different views. You and Mandy don't agree on this, which is fine, but your thread title is judgemental.

You had the right to bow out of the activity, but not to dictate who another woman invites to her house. Surely you can see that that's a rude thing to do?

Haha I don't think I'd be on your invite list
Honestly I don't have the headspace for all of that! There are far more worrying things than going on in the world. I think the lethal driving of some people on the M5 today concerned me much more than Covid ever will!

You don't carry on being infectious forever even if you suffer effects of the illness. I think that's where you're misunderstanding the risk. Isolation periods have changed based on greater knowledge of the virus. When it was 14 days it was a cautious approach as there hadn't been enough time to study and understand the risk.

So you send your dc to school with children who have a fever but were given calpol? Did you ask if them children had been tested before going in.

Yes, you say ‘I took LFTs on 6th and 7th day and both were negative.’ It’s not hard

So anyone who deviates from that very precise phrasing is automatically lying?

For example we should still wear masks inside even if we are jabbed, have just had covid, unvaccinated, etc.

But it was nothing to do with wearing masks indoors, it was about you not being comfortable being in the same house/room as Mandy and her kid despite the host inviting her.

I know many people who felt rough for much longer than even 14 days

Symptoms can last longer than the isolation period, the cough can linger on for weeks (the same is true of any cough) however it is highly unlikely for someone to still be contagious after seven days if they are testing negative on a day 6 and 7 LFT and no longer have a fever. A quick Google will give you a wealth of scientific evidence for this.

When it was 14 days it was a cautious approach as there hadn't been enough time to study and understand the risk.

And Omicron appears to have a much shorter incubation and shedding/contagious window so I wouldn't be surprised if the isolation period reduces further to reflect this. There is a research ongoing in this.

A group of family members had omicron and they were all testing negative by day 5, although they were in isolation until day 7.

I did not dictate anything. I offered to re arrange for me and my son without making it a big deal. I apologized to everyone but I think this is ridiculously childish not to even say hello at the drop off now. Gosh kids will have so many parties where they get invites and when the don't and every time to think only if something would seem rude. I articulated my personal concern in the most obvious way possible. I straight away offered for the boy to come in a few weeks to our place (after the visit we expect) and that it had nothing to do with them just me. I am indeed a horrible person . Thank you for those who get concerns over my kids. They are not suffering from anxiety. But yes they didn't have birthday parties because it would have been weird to have them during the covid peaks .

Did "Mandy" say she did a LFT and tested negative? If not she is being selfish actually, as she really doesn't know if she is still contagious. Yes op might seem ott but she did say 3 relatives have died. One of mine who was only 41and had mild asthma died so it can happen albeit probably rare for someone that young (they also weren't vaccinated though) Op was also concerned a pregnant friend was staying with her. So op I don't think you were wrong to say and you are not bonkers, I think if you get loved ones die it's a bit of a different experience. Although it is fairly mild for most. I do think things will get more and more relaxed as we understand more and learn to live with it, as I know we can't live like this forever and really don't want to.