AIBU to not agree with parents who still don't take Covid seriously enough

[HipsterMum]

Alright here it goes another Covid related post. My husband and I lost 3 relatives due to Covid so we take it quite seriously. We have 2 kids and at the very start of pandemic we made a decision to have them stay at home with us and not in nurseries for a good year but obviously since our oldest has started school that was no longer possible. We both however still work from home.
We do socialize with people but take all the precautions we can (vaccinated/ meet outdoors with others/ masks at all times even outside / ldfs). I do however struggle to understand how even after all this time people do not follow those simple instructions (both vaccinated and unvaccinated).

So a recent incident that changed my relationship with another mum from my sons class (we were really friendly before). Lets call her Mandy. She is not Mandy 🙂Nothing against Mandys though. Anyway... So I was told that she had tested positive for covid 8 days ago over holiday period by her ex partner who dropped off her son. He told me that they've not had much contact with her since then so were not certain if she was feeling better and was gonna do a pick up (they take it in turns). I was invited with my youngest and my son for a cup of tea at hers after school by this other mum whose son my kid is also friends with. As I mentioned earlier we really try to take any precautions we can and I only said yes assuming it was just going to be for an hour or so and just us. I also only just gotten my booster jab a day earlier so really it wouldn't have had any effect yet in terms of giving me protection. So long story short at the pick up I see Mandy from the distance not wearing a mask and just chatting away with everyone. She mentions that its been 8 days now since first symptoms and that she didn't have it too bad just like a simple cold. Anyways.. we get going and happened to all be going together in the same direction. Kids being annoying little kids start saying that they were going to each others houses ... Mandys boy has a fit saying ' I want to go to his house too right now can we, can we '. And really in a very childish way Mandy goes 'aw darling you see you weren't invited this time'. I mean needless to say her boy starts being hysterical instantly . (What parent says things like that????) My other mum friend then goes ' well you can of course come too if you want' and then asks me if I wouldn't mind of course. I hate being put in this position but I had to be honest. I said that I ' ve only just gotten my booster jab and considering that its not been full 10 days since she had tested positive I don't think it would be wise. I apologised and said not to take it personally. I felt horrible that very instance. Her kid started crying , she was giving me really awful looks, my kid kept on asking me if we were going or not, my other friend felt awkward.

Guys I am honestly not a paranoid person but we all have different situations. I would have never thought of going out for the first time ( well 8 days after) and straight to other peoples houses without a mask. I mean how can you be certain if you are not contagious still?? We are having old friends coming over from Italy for a few days and my friend is 6 months pregnant. They are isolating before and asked us to be careful too. I cannot put her at risk . And regardless we all have our situations and sometimes as a result of Covid we just can't meet up with the same amount of people that we want. Needless to say that Mandy got very offended with me. Said I made a big deal over nothing because she was probably no longer contagious. That I made her son really upset. Ignores me during pick ups and drop offs. I feel so guilty although I was just being honest.

I didn't judge her

You honestly need to read back through all your comments.
You've judged her on a lot of things. Not just Covid

@BlueSky8

I didn't judge her

You honestly need to read back through all your comments.
You've judged her on a lot of things. Not just Covid

Yes for making us feel guilty over her child being upset whilst she kept on making it a point to him repeatedly when he was crying 'you were not invited' . And looking at me. Bye GUYS there is no issue with any other mums. Mandy can roll her eyes over if thats what she wants to do. I've burried people I loved due to covid and to me it is still an ongoing concern. No I would not be comfortable sharing dips with someone who as they put it themselves is probably not contagious cause its day 8. End of story.

Not just due to Covid, you've talked about her parenting etc.
It is judging. You just don't want to admit it.

I think people are struggling to empathise with your risk assessment. On the one hand you’re so strict with covid that kids didn’t go to nursery and you want masks outside and you’re worried about someone at the tail end of infection. On the other you’ve accepted an indoors social meeting with no masks, no knowledge of who will actually be there or their history before your booster jab will be effective. Other Mum probably thinking that if you were that worried you wouldn’t be going for coffees inside at all?

@BungleandGeorge

I think people are struggling to empathise with your risk assessment. On the one hand you’re so strict with covid that kids didn’t go to nursery and you want masks outside and you’re worried about someone at the tail end of infection. On the other you’ve accepted an indoors social meeting with no masks, no knowledge of who will actually be there or their history before your booster jab will be effective. Other Mum probably thinking that if you were that worried you wouldn’t be going for coffees inside at all?

You mean before vaccines when people were dropping like flies no my kids were not going to nurseries. Masks outside at the pick up and drop off in our school are compulsory by our school it was not my paranoid rule.

I remain in the mask indoors and always ask if anyone in the house is experiencing any symptoms before going. Yes people do it with masks and that the risk you take when you go to a cafe too. I dont really require people to sympathise. I am over the situation mandy on the other hand is not

Why would she bother doing a pcr if she's the type of person who wouldn't do the lfts on day 6 &7 ?

I'm on day 10, apart from occasional tiredness I've had no symptoms since day 4. Even then I didn't have a temp or cough and none of my family caught it.

I don't mind wearing masks in the playground and shops but I'm not going to wear one walking down the street or in people's houses.

@HipsterMum

I remain in the mask indoors and always ask if anyone in the house is experiencing any symptoms before going. Yes people do it with masks and that the risk you take when you go to a cafe too. I dont really require people to sympathise. I am over the situation mandy on the other hand is not

Meant to say people drink coffee and eat without masks.

OP but have you taken on board the fact that this may not be about Covid but good old school politics. Existed before Covid will exist after

And if you are over the situation then you need to understand that this could last awhile with Mandy. Most schools have them

I was referring to your choice of wearing a mask ‘at all times even outdoors’ rather than any school rules. I can understand people who want to minimise risk as much as possible but I’m just trying to make the point that some of your activities are fairly risky. Going to someone’s house and mixing with them/ their family and whoever they’ve invited even if you yourself wear a mask=fairly risky. Having friends stay with you having travelled internationally to get there (presumably also not in masks 24/7) = risky

You’re obviously quite entitled to do whatever you like. But Mandy probably eye rolled because you’re happy to do other risky activities.

@BlueSky8

Not just due to Covid, you've talked about her parenting etc. It is judging. You just don't want to admit it.

All people judge other people. Mumsnet itself is an epicenter of judgement to be perfectly honest. You never judged anyone in your entire life? This was a meet up between 2 mums . Another mum is simply taking the same road home and her son overhears kids going to each others house. His mother than processed to go down on her knees and to repeatedly tell her son 'you can't come. Nobody invited you. You were invited'. Her son has a huge hysterical outburst straightaway (can't blame him ) and she then gives us a look. My friend feels uncomfortable says ' well you can come....' turns over to me and ask if its ok by me. I ask if Mandy was still contagious and she replies that's 'she probably isn't anymore cause it is her day 8' . I hesitated, apologized but explained that I just got my jab and I've not had covid before plus that I have a pregnant friend staying over in one weeks time so I am really trying to minimise any chances before she comes.

Mandy give me the look and repeats to her son that they were not invited whilst looking at me. The next day she confronts me for having upset her boy. I had no problems with mandy I still don't. I gave her and her boy some lovely presents for Christmas. I was being as polite but still honest as possible. I apologized for making it awkward but did not apologise for making her son upset. Life goes on.

All people judge other people. Mumsnet itself is an epicenter of judgement to be perfectly honest. You never judged anyone in your entire life?

But you've literally just said you weren't judging her op.

Your thread is full of drips, making up scenarios(you might of needed a heart to heart with friend) etc

You post in AIBU, your told yes and don't like it.

Jeez! How can we go on like this?! It’s awful isn’t it? Rules that are too open to interpretation. People who want to test repeatedly. Taking DC out of nursery. Worried about going out. Obsessive wearing of yucky masks. Not worried about friends from Italy. A few years ago it would be a sit com and we would all laugh! So op, do what you want and others will do the same. If you all fall out, so be it. Move on.

Life goes on

I would take your own advise on this tbh

So you think Mandys a bit lax.

I think you are absolutely nuts.

On so many levels. Inc but not limited to masks outside and believing you're not paranoid.

@BungleandGeorge

I was referring to your choice of wearing a mask ‘at all times even outdoors’ rather than any school rules. I can understand people who want to minimise risk as much as possible but I’m just trying to make the point that some of your activities are fairly risky. Going to someone’s house and mixing with them/ their family and whoever they’ve invited even if you yourself wear a mask=fairly risky. Having friends stay with you having travelled internationally to get there (presumably also not in masks 24/7) = risky

You’re obviously quite entitled to do whatever you like. But Mandy probably eye rolled because you’re happy to do other risky activities.

What risky activities. My friend from Italy has got another home in the UK , her husbands. After their trip they've been isolating for over 10 days (in fact they weve already been in the UK for 3 weeks) .They will then drive their own car to ours. Is it automatically assumed on mumsnet that you just know everything . I did know that it was Mandy's 8th day and thats she was as she put it ' probably no longer contagious' I also knew the circumstances of my best friend but why do I need to explain them to Mandy in full details?

You really are the OP that keeps on giving 😂

Is it automatically assumed on mumsnet that you just know everything

It's not assumed that we know everything but it is assumed an OP will give all relevant information in the opening post, and possibly a subsequent on if they forget something. Not still dripping new information by their 54th post.

but why do I need to explain them to Mandy in full details?

You don't need to but generally saying no to someone without reason is considered rude. And as your first post was all about feeling oh so guilty it would be a lot more polite to explain why to someone. It's just basic manners.

@goawaystormy

Is it automatically assumed on mumsnet that you just know everything

It's not assumed that we know everything but it is assumed an OP will give all relevant information in the opening post, and possibly a subsequent on if they forget something. Not still dripping new information by their 54th post.

but why do I need to explain them to Mandy in full details?

You don't need to but generally saying no to someone without reason is considered rude. And as your first post was all about feeling oh so guilty it would be a lot more polite to explain why to someone. It's just basic manners.

I did explain it to her. Why did I need to explain that meeting my best pregnant friend wouldn't be risky because her husband has another home so they are not going from Italy directly but from Stratford. Hahaha nonsense.

@Hospedia

If she's out of isolation after eight days rather than ten it means she tested negative on both day 6 and day 7 of her isolation, in which case she's no longer considered contagious so is fine to be out of isolation and no more of a risk to you than the friend that you did go for a cup of tea with (in fact Mandy is probably less of a risk now that she's immune for a while).

Did she test negative though or did she just decide to go out?

OP, you should probably read your original post over and reflect on how misleading your communication has been, given that you've required so many drip feeds clarifications throughout this thread.

For starters, let's take this ...

We are having old friends coming over from Italy for a few days

Of course readers will assume they're coming straight from Italy reading this. Why even mention Italy when they also have a residence in the U.K. and are coming straight from there?

@HipsterMum
The risks I’m highlighting are:
Socialising inside someone’s house. With an unknown number of different people who are also going in to different settings. At home is one of the most likely places for transmission
Having people stay in your own house who have travelled internationally. They isolated 10 days, incubation period for covid is up to 14 days. Even at 3 weeks they could be infectious

I don’t know why people even discuss this. Do what you want. Others do what they want. Live as a hermit if you wish. Party with 1000 others all night if you want. All this discussion is utterly tiresome.

This is pretty awful, I feel so sorry for the kids whose lives have been nothing but their parents getting into situations like this. Op was rude, kids were rightfully upset and you're essentially happy with them living as little prisoners because of your anxiety.

@PaddleBoardingMomma

This is pretty awful, I feel so sorry for the kids whose lives have been nothing but their parents getting into situations like this. Op was rude, kids were rightfully upset and you're essentially happy with them living as little prisoners because of your anxiety.

OK this is the end of this thread. Last comment has nothing to do with the actualthreadt. Who is a prisoner? What kids were crying? One boy was crying. You never heard a kid cry?? Any random child starts crying next to you or getting upset you run to them asking their parents 'how would you want me to help how awful is this situation''. Nonsense. Be sorry for kids who get abused by their parents and nobody says a word not about nonsense. Everyone made up already in real life and its no longer an issue yet mumsnet keeps on going what a rude person , what a horrible horrible situation. Bye.